When did your sex drive plummet?

[Anonymous]

So what I found is that our sex drives are largely fueled by our relationship; a bad relationship = low sex drive and visa versa.

This, for me too. My drive declined some after kids, but it didn't really plummet off the cliff until my marriage declined and I got sick of my husband. Once I accepted that we were done and I disconnected completely, slept in a different bedroom, my drive came roaring back. I was in my mid 40s. I was reading sexy literature, taking care of myself, and thinking about sex all the time. The several few years after divorce my drive was like when I was 18. It eventually died down again after a couple of years in a bad relationship and has come roaring back, in my mid 50s (and post menopause), now that I'm in a new, great relationship. So, yes, bad relationships for me are a libido killer and being with the right person lights my fire back up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is freaking me out. I’m on a business trip and wife just sent me a video. So scared like is next year the year it stops? Or is dcum full of losers and weirdos? I hope the latter but I am scared

Guessing that people who have complaints are more likely to post. If, for example, you're in your 40s and kids and other responsibilities mean less time and energy, but things are still going pretty well, that's kinda a boring story. But it's true.

It's a mom's and dads board so it's going to skew towards parents of young kids and the truth is most women especially lose their sex drive in this window if they are married for a while. The PPs who say they have a great libido are second marriages and divorced. Duh. Everyone has a high libido early in s relationship

I am a PP that is divorced with a high libido. I’m a single parent with minimal engagement from my ex husband and child’s father. My workload has tripled. I’ve been in long term relationships where the monotony has set in. Just because after 12 years I’m no longer crawling into bed with the same spouse and avoiding his various forms of rejection, doesn’t mean there aren’t different battles to face in terms of energy and capacity for giving anything to anyone, including yourself. It is all a practice run until something works. I wouldn’t be so dismissive of my category of women. I’ve been on both sides as many have for sure.

[Anonymous]

Mid 50's and things are wonderful. When kids were little, it wasn't so wonderful - I in particular was exhausted and spent each day when kids were young. Women take on so much of child rearing and frankly running the household. It's stressful, exhausting and not inspiring. I notice many of these posts indicate "just had first/second/any child"....this is the most exhausting time. If you can both make it though without tearing things up due to mutual built up resentment during those tough years, there is hope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Early 50s with menopause plus going on an SSRI for depression.

SSRIs will generally kill libido and destroy your sex life; warn your spouse / partner before going on SSRIs.

Doctors do a terrible job of educating patients of this nearly universal side effect of SSRIs.

It helps men by taking longer to ejaculate.

[Anonymous]

Man 52yo and I could go every day / twice on sunday. Wife lost her sex drive around age 35, but we have compromised and settled upon a 2 per week regular schedule which works for both of us.

[Anonymous]

When I found out my husband was a lying cheater.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man 52yo and I could go every day / twice on sunday. Wife lost her sex drive around age 35, but we have compromised and settled upon a 2 per week regular schedule which works for both of us.

Your wife is so lucky. Would love to be with someone who has high sex drive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man 52yo and I could go every day / twice on sunday. Wife lost her sex drive around age 35, but we have compromised and settled upon a 2 per week regular schedule which works for both of us.

Your wife is so lucky. Would love to be with someone who has high sex drive.

Ha! She might not always feel so lucky, given our continued natural mismatch.
Hopefully your husband is also a good loving partner and able to strike a sustainable compromise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old were you?
Why ?

We both had dips related to cancer treatments. He’s mostly recovered his mojo, but then I was diagnosed. I am now in medical menopause I suppose, but I actually feel regularly horny though I lack the energy to do much about it and any sort of rhythmic motion causes me nausea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Early 50s with menopause plus going on an SSRI for depression.

SSRIs will generally kill libido and destroy your sex life; warn your spouse / partner before going on SSRIs.

Doctors do a terrible job of educating patients of this nearly universal side effect of SSRIs.

It helps men by taking longer to ejaculate.

Not necessarily what a DW wants. Sometimes we want a quickie. And then there’s just too much thrusting and rubbing sometimes. 20 min of penetration is really hard on the pelvic area. Not all women want to give a 15-20 min BJ either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Early 50s with menopause plus going on an SSRI for depression.

SSRIs will generally kill libido and destroy your sex life; warn your spouse / partner before going on SSRIs.

Doctors do a terrible job of educating patients of this nearly universal side effect of SSRIs.

It helps men by taking longer to ejaculate.

Not necessarily what a DW wants. Sometimes we want a quickie. And then there’s just too much thrusting and rubbing sometimes. 20 min of penetration is really hard on the pelvic area. Not all women want to give a 15-20 min BJ either.

I don't think I've ever given one that took longer than 5 minutes. However it definitely takes me longer to get off when they go down on me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old were you?
Why ?

When my spouse became emotionally and verbally abusive plus a total selfish slob and work addict. Age 36.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Early 50s with menopause plus going on an SSRI for depression.

SSRIs will generally kill libido and destroy your sex life; warn your spouse / partner before going on SSRIs.

Doctors do a terrible job of educating patients of this nearly universal side effect of SSRIs.

It helps men by taking longer to ejaculate.

Not necessarily what a DW wants. Sometimes we want a quickie. And then there’s just too much thrusting and rubbing sometimes. 20 min of penetration is really hard on the pelvic area. Not all women want to give a 15-20 min BJ either.

I don't think I've ever given one that took longer than 5 minutes. However it definitely takes me longer to get off when they go down on me.

It can take a lot longer than 5 min when the guy is on a SSRI.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FWIW...

I am a 56yo male and started dating a 58yo woman about 5 months ago. She had been divorced for many years and had survive cancer and a double mastectomy. Prior to meeting her, I had come out of a difficult marriage and a horrible divorce, and hadn't dated in years and had given up hope of a good sex life which caused my drive to plummet. I felt I was finally ready to date and we luckily crossed paths. Here is what I want to add to this thread...

I am completely in love with her and she with me. We both agree that the sex we are having is the best of our lives, and we are doing it a lot. Our sex drive(s) are what we both felt during our much younger years, but when combined with knowing ourselves, our bodies, and not being afraid to ask for what we want and try things, it's incredible. It feels normal, natural, hot, loving, and easy - and a regular topic of conversation. I never imagined that I would be having sex like this at this age.

And this is all despite the fact that our bodies are far from perfect. We often talk about, accept, and even embrace our imperfections. For instance, I make an effort to give her pleasure where her breasts once were because I want her to reconnect with those feelings.

So what I found is that our sex drives are largely fueled by our relationship; a bad relationship = low sex drive and visa versa.

Lastly, I will say that even though my marriage was in the crapper, I believe that it could have been saved and our sex life could have come back. She wasn't willing to go to counseling and put in the work so it unfortunately went to all out war. But I'm glad it did because the hell I went through was worth the heaven I'm living now.

I wish you all good luck in revitalizing, or continuing, this incredibly important part of your relationship... and life!

This is really incredible. I wonder if there’s something you can do within an existing relationship to make your partner feel desired again. Is it the way you pay attention to them? Talk?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Early 50s with menopause plus going on an SSRI for depression.

SSRIs will generally kill libido and destroy your sex life; warn your spouse / partner before going on SSRIs.

Doctors do a terrible job of educating patients of this nearly universal side effect of SSRIs.

It doesn’t happen to everyone. Been on one for decades... still have a strong drive (I’m a woman).

But in fairness to doctors, they have to treat the more serious problem...

Doctor and I would agree the sexual side effects are the rule rather than the exception. Even when libido persists there is almost always difficulty reaching orgasm. I always warn and check on this with patients as they usually think it is just them.