When did your sex drive plummet?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dropped with a newborn but plummeted after menopause

I am the exact opposite: Drive has soared after menopause.

Evidence of how this is completely individual and therefore unpredictable (with exceptions, like use of SSRIs or other meds affecting libido). So anyone reading this thread should not read too much into it as some sort of survey applicable to them personally....

Statistically some trends are more likely than others (kids & menopause will usually be correlated with a drop in libido rather than the reverse), but yes, individual cases can and do vary.

PP who is post-menopausal, how is the natural lubrication situation? 50, still wet, and very worried about losing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FWIW...

I am a 56yo male and started dating a 58yo woman about 5 months ago. She had been divorced for many years and had survive cancer and a double mastectomy. Prior to meeting her, I had come out of a difficult marriage and a horrible divorce, and hadn't dated in years and had given up hope of a good sex life which caused my drive to plummet. I felt I was finally ready to date and we luckily crossed paths. Here is what I want to add to this thread...

I am completely in love with her and she with me. We both agree that the sex we are having is the best of our lives, and we are doing it a lot. Our sex drive(s) are what we both felt during our much younger years, but when combined with knowing ourselves, our bodies, and not being afraid to ask for what we want and try things, it's incredible. It feels normal, natural, hot, loving, and easy - and a regular topic of conversation. I never imagined that I would be having sex like this at this age.

And this is all despite the fact that our bodies are far from perfect. We often talk about, accept, and even embrace our imperfections. For instance, I make an effort to give her pleasure where her breasts once were because I want her to reconnect with those feelings.

So what I found is that our sex drives are largely fueled by our relationship; a bad relationship = low sex drive and visa versa.

Lastly, I will say that even though my marriage was in the crapper, I believe that it could have been saved and our sex life could have come back. She wasn't willing to go to counseling and put in the work so it unfortunately went to all out war. But I'm glad it did because the hell I went through was worth the heaven I'm living now.

I wish you all good luck in revitalizing, or continuing, this incredibly important part of your relationship... and life!

This is really incredible. I wonder if there’s something you can do within an existing relationship to make your partner feel desired again. Is it the way you pay attention to them? Talk?

Is it the novelty and intrigue, or is it things you can do like be more attentive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FWIW...

I am a 56yo male and started dating a 58yo woman about 5 months ago. She had been divorced for many years and had survive cancer and a double mastectomy. Prior to meeting her, I had come out of a difficult marriage and a horrible divorce, and hadn't dated in years and had given up hope of a good sex life which caused my drive to plummet. I felt I was finally ready to date and we luckily crossed paths. Here is what I want to add to this thread...

I am completely in love with her and she with me. We both agree that the sex we are having is the best of our lives, and we are doing it a lot. Our sex drive(s) are what we both felt during our much younger years, but when combined with knowing ourselves, our bodies, and not being afraid to ask for what we want and try things, it's incredible. It feels normal, natural, hot, loving, and easy - and a regular topic of conversation. I never imagined that I would be having sex like this at this age.

And this is all despite the fact that our bodies are far from perfect. We often talk about, accept, and even embrace our imperfections. For instance, I make an effort to give her pleasure where her breasts once were because I want her to reconnect with those feelings.

So what I found is that our sex drives are largely fueled by our relationship; a bad relationship = low sex drive and visa versa.

Lastly, I will say that even though my marriage was in the crapper, I believe that it could have been saved and our sex life could have come back. She wasn't willing to go to counseling and put in the work so it unfortunately went to all out war. But I'm glad it did because the hell I went through was worth the heaven I'm living now.

I wish you all good luck in revitalizing, or continuing, this incredibly important part of your relationship... and life!

This is really incredible. I wonder if there’s something you can do within an existing relationship to make your partner feel desired again. Is it the way you pay attention to them? Talk?

As a 50 yo divorced woman this is giving me hope. My sex drive depends entirely on the quality of the relationship and can totally see having sex like this for decades if I could only find the right person.

[Anonymous]

My sex drive has never really come back after having kids 14 years ago. I go through the motions with DH because I love him, but even now we are down to 1x a month or less. I would have sex never if up to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Early 50s with menopause plus going on an SSRI for depression.

SSRIs will generally kill libido and destroy your sex life; warn your spouse / partner before going on SSRIs.

Doctors do a terrible job of educating patients of this nearly universal side effect of SSRIs.

Gee, what’s more important; that I treated my suicidal ideation and one attempt, or that my partner gets his 13,034 visit to my lady cave?
-NP

[Anonymous]

All I have to say ladies is, f*ck your husbands or prepare for the possibility that someone else will. Married men can be very persistent and some women can be very naive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is freaking me out. I’m on a business trip and wife just sent me a video. So scared like is next year the year it stops? Or is dcum full of losers and weirdos? I hope the latter but I am scared

Assuming you have kids, you should be fine. For many couples, the fun, sexy times goes away when the kids come but if your wife is still being flirty now you have a good chance to keep a good marital sex life going. Just don't be complacent about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is freaking me out. I’m on a business trip and wife just sent me a video. So scared like is next year the year it stops? Or is dcum full of losers and weirdos? I hope the latter but I am scared

Assuming you have kids, you should be fine. For many couples, the fun, sexy times goes away when the kids come but if your wife is still being flirty now you have a good chance to keep a good marital sex life going. Just don't be complacent about it.

DCUM is full of largely white, UMC, unhappy women in boring relationships who view lack of desire as normal and think their husbands should be celibate because they don’t want sex. Sieve enough time here yiu will find that there is a strain of Puritanism here that outdoes Jonathan Edwards. It’s sad, really, to read so many here who are not fully loving and embracing themselves as full human beings and enjoying the gifts if the body, heart and spirit God has gifted to us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is freaking me out. I’m on a business trip and wife just sent me a video. So scared like is next year the year it stops? Or is dcum full of losers and weirdos? I hope the latter but I am scared

Remember self-selection bias. People with problems are louder.

-happy (in every sense) married mom of toddler

[Anonymous]

46-47 (female, currently 52). I got some life threatening illnesses that sapped me of all energy. That got rid of it pretty well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is freaking me out. I’m on a business trip and wife just sent me a video. So scared like is next year the year it stops? Or is dcum full of losers and weirdos? I hope the latter but I am scared

Assuming you have kids, you should be fine. For many couples, the fun, sexy times goes away when the kids come but if your wife is still being flirty now you have a good chance to keep a good marital sex life going. Just don't be complacent about it.

DCUM is full of largely white, UMC, unhappy women in boring relationships who view lack of desire as normal and think their husbands should be celibate because they don’t want sex. Sieve enough time here yiu will find that there is a strain of Puritanism here that outdoes Jonathan Edwards. It’s sad, really, to read so many here who are not fully loving and embracing themselves as full human beings and enjoying the gifts if the body, heart and spirit God has gifted to us.

It's obviously true that the people that post here are generally ones with issues. But realistically, by age 50, many couples in their first marriage are sexless or having sex rarely, and usually to placate a man. It's just how most women are wired. Monogamy and monotony are brutal for the female sex drive.

[Anonymous]

I'll let you know when it does.

-58-year-old male

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my ex husband became a selfish, fat, drunk.

45 and horny as hell- I’ve had amazing sex since my divorce (with myself and others )

Same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Early 50s with menopause plus going on an SSRI for depression.

SSRIs will generally kill libido and destroy your sex life; warn your spouse / partner before going on SSRIs.

Doctors do a terrible job of educating patients of this nearly universal side effect of SSRIs.

When my husband went on antidepressants his sex drive plummeted. He didn't think about sex at all. It also made it very difficult for him to finish. Good times

Sorry to hear that. Hugs, pp.

The “difficulty finishing” part hits home, since a couple of women I dated in the past were taking SSRIs and were unable to finish during; they even struggled, but usually could eventually finish with “electronic assistance” afterwards (which was fine). It seems to be a very common side effect.

It is a very common side effect of being a woman- with or without SSRIs. If vibrators were completely normalized as an expected part of intimacy(I realize they are for some couples ), an easy orgasm each time might increase a woman’s willingness to engage despite a lowered libido

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is freaking me out. I’m on a business trip and wife just sent me a video. So scared like is next year the year it stops? Or is dcum full of losers and weirdos? I hope the latter but I am scared

Assuming you have kids, you should be fine. For many couples, the fun, sexy times goes away when the kids come but if your wife is still being flirty now you have a good chance to keep a good marital sex life going. Just don't be complacent about it.

DCUM is full of largely white, UMC, unhappy women in boring relationships who view lack of desire as normal and think their husbands should be celibate because they don’t want sex. Sieve enough time here yiu will find that there is a strain of Puritanism here that outdoes Jonathan Edwards. It’s sad, really, to read so many here who are not fully loving and embracing themselves as full human beings and enjoying the gifts if the body, heart and spirit God has gifted to us.

Sorry to break it to the PP, but if they are still having hot sex after 15-20 years of marriage, they are very much in the minority. https://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/what-to-know-how-often-married-couples-have-sex