Work 65+hour weeks + young baby

[Anonymous]

I make $75K and I have plenty of choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a baby and I'm now wondering what food research I need to be doing. I just buy baby food at the store. Did I miss something?

I mean, you can research as much as you want. I did not use jarred food or pouches but if I did I would check about chemicals in packaging and preservatives. By law there are some ingredients they don’t need to divulge.

More generally, it’s stuff like how much sodium, which nutrients, when and how to introduce new flavors to expand their palate, different textures for their mouth muscles, use bits of food so they can self-feed and develop pincer grasp. Like everything in parenting there is stuff to learn if you want to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a baby and I'm now wondering what food research I need to be doing. I just buy baby food at the store. Did I miss something?

This is totally fine, but you don’t even have to do that— just mash up what the rest of the family is eating. Look up baby led weaning.

Mash up pizza and wings?

I've heard you have to chew them up carefully and then spit them into the baby's mouth.

Supposed to go easy on salt the first year due to kidney development.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a baby and I'm now wondering what food research I need to be doing. I just buy baby food at the store. Did I miss something?

I mean, you can research as much as you want. I did not use jarred food or pouches but if I did I would check about chemicals in packaging and preservatives. By law there are some ingredients they don’t need to divulge.

More generally, it’s stuff like how much sodium, which nutrients, when and how to introduce new flavors to expand their palate, different textures for their mouth muscles, use bits of food so they can self-feed and develop pincer grasp. Like everything in parenting there is stuff to learn if you want to.

Nah. I survived on rice cereal, jarred baby food, and Cheerios.

[Anonymous]

Your work hours are insane.

I spent 6:30 a.m. to 9:30 a.m. every morning with my baby. Worked 10 to 6:30; DH and my father were home with baby. When I got home by 7, I was there to feed baby a bottle and do the nighttine routine with him.

Your baby needs his mommy, not someone bringing in 400 grand.

[Anonymous]

OP, you asked a few times how much time two parents working full time with a baby in daycare actually see their kid.

From 16 weeks (when baby went to daycare) until 8 months, I spent about 3 hours per day with my awake child.
From 8 months until 13 months, my mom lived with us and took care of baby, so I saw baby constantly.
At 13 months we had another care situation change, and baby started to stay up later, so from then until 2ish I spent 4 hours per day with my awake child.

I have also spent pretty much the entire weekend with my child since birth, minus a few hours for exercise, going out with friends, kids nap time, etc.

[Anonymous]

We both work (less than you). I spend 2.5 hours in the morning with my kids and 1.5 at night. I exercise (30 min) at lunch and my weekend is 24/7 with the kids. So, I guess, 4 hours a day? And I still feel guilty sometimes because it does not seem like a lot when compared with my brother and other close friends... during Covid DH both work from home and try to go for a run everyday together. We then spend 2 hours+ together after the kids got to sleep (we mostly watch tv/talk). We make 275/300 per year. We have three kids and we are a little tight because of private school... otherwise we would be rich.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would put a time frame on working like this. At most I would do this until the little guy is two.

Agreed. The thing is, when I had a commute, I wasn't seeing my baby much more than this, they sleep so much at that age. But as they start staying up later and need more parent time, then what? Stick to the two hours per day or work even later into the night to keep up the 65 hrs work? OP says that WAH right now, but what happens if/when they need to return to the office?

With that kind of salary, there's no reason you can't bank a huge chunk of that over the next year or two and fulfill your goal of fully funded college. Then dial back and actually be a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: I also need to pay for this child's opportunities and college. Zero family wealth on my both mine and husband's side.

Zero family wealth for us either, but I still don’t need to work 65 hrs a week to have money to support a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you asked a few times how much time two parents working full time with a baby in daycare actually see their kid.

From 16 weeks (when baby went to daycare) until 8 months, I spent about 3 hours per day with my awake child.
From 8 months until 13 months, my mom lived with us and took care of baby, so I saw baby constantly.
At 13 months we had another care situation change, and baby started to stay up later, so from then until 2ish I spent 4 hours per day with my awake child.

I have also spent pretty much the entire weekend with my child since birth, minus a few hours for exercise, going out with friends, kids nap time, etc.

DH and I flexed our schedules, so I would go in early and he would go in late. So baby/toddler would be with a parent from around 6:30am-9:30am, and from around 5:30pm-bedtime (around 7:30 - 8:30 - our DS was never a long sleeper). So that's around 5 hrs/day. To be honest it always, always seemed like too little for me, and in retrospect I wish I took the whole first year off of work. At the same same, as long as babies are in good hands, they don't generally notice who is taking care of them. But it's really, really hard to spend less time than you want with your baby, and to balance work and childcare.

DS is now older (8) and it's actually much more important that he have quality and quantity time than when he was a baby. He's more independent of course, but I can't imagine a schedule where I only saw him 2 hrs/day. What seems ideal to me is working 35 hrs/week so I could get home by 5 every day to handle homework, dinner, etc, and be relatively unstressed so I can spend quality time with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would put a time frame on working like this. At most I would do this until the little guy is two.

Agreed. The thing is, when I had a commute, I wasn't seeing my baby much more than this, they sleep so much at that age. But as they start staying up later and need more parent time, then what? Stick to the two hours per day or work even later into the night to keep up the 65 hrs work? OP says that WAH right now, but what happens if/when they need to return to the office?

With that kind of salary, there's no reason you can't bank a huge chunk of that over the next year or two and fulfill your goal of fully funded college. Then dial back and actually be a parent.

They can save for in-state SUNY. That would be around $500/month, which should be doable for 2 FT working parents working normal 40 hr/week professional white collar jobs -- assuming they are both paid biweekly, it's just $125 per paycheck per person.

[Anonymous]

OP, my read is that you have extreme anxiety about providing for your child and doing everything "right" and that as a result you are misplacing your focus.

Perhaps you should set up a meeting with a financial planner and maybe even a therapist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a baby and I'm now wondering what food research I need to be doing. I just buy baby food at the store. Did I miss something?

This is totally fine, but you don’t even have to do that— just mash up what the rest of the family is eating. Look up baby led weaning.

Mash up pizza and wings?

I've heard you have to chew them up carefully and then spit them into the baby's mouth.

Supposed to go easy on salt the first year due to kidney development.

If making pizza and wings at home then ok to blend it and yes go easy on salt /sugar/ oil but not store bought food which has lot of preservatives and chemicals. For that better to stick with baby food.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Wow. Reading through this I think our values and views on parenting must be so existentially opposed I wouldn’t even know where to begin with “advice”. My fundamentals are very different than yours.

Also I think you are being unfair. I hang out with the baby 7-8 am in the morning and 6-7 pm when he goes to bed. I then go back to work and work until 11 pm.

Ok. This has to be a troll. No one would be ok spending two hours a day with their child.

And no time with DH.

Indeed, no time with DH

I spend much more time on the weekend obviously.

The baby is 9 months old. He wakes up at 7 and goes to bed at 7.

If he went to daycare how much more time would parents who work less than me spend?

Not much, OP. Ignore the nasty people slamming you for not spending enough time with your kid.

[Anonymous]

I don't get why the comments are so pissy. There are many careers that do require this type of schedule and I wonder if the comments would be the same if it were the dad working long days.

Anyway, OP, I would work on trusting your DH when he says he doesn't resent the current balance. Make sure you are recognizing his contributions. I would also try really hard to make sure you both have at least a couple of hours of downtime on the weekend, e.g., you take the baby Saturday morning and he has the morning to himself and he does Sunday morning. You do need a little time for yourself or you're going to crack.