Work 65+hour weeks + young baby

[Anonymous]

Well OP, obviously you don't really want advice. So what you're doing is fine. You and your DH definitely won't burn out and have marriage issues!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s your HHI and what would it be at 45 hours per week. If you are really working 65 hours per week that’s not going to work long term. You need a long term plan. Is your plan really work work work and then die? Life is meant to be lived a little. Your kid can go to your state school and still be a doctor or lawyer, k?

OP: we’re at 400 right now. We are both in our late 30s and until recently we were at 250. my husband also would want us to move to a bigger place (I don’t) and he likes taking nicer vacations than I do. He would not want to downshift.

Your HHI is 400k a year and you can't cut back, save for one child's college and your retirement? Sounds like you need to downsize on your mortgage or spending habits somewhere . . .

We can absolutely. I meant if I went down.

You're saying you can't cut down from HHI of 400K and adequately save for four years of college for one child and your retirement. We are missing a lot from this financial picture.

I think you know you should want to spend more time with your family but don't want to. Just own it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: if you are the breadwinner, and your husband has to do more around the house and for childcare, did they come to resent you - though the income you make also benefits him and the HH?

I am the breadwinner by 30k. HHI of ~235k. We are still split pretty evenly on house and child care. Child is in daycare and we have a monthly cleaner there we just restarted after a year off. We both typically work 40-45 hours a week with occasional 45-50 hour weeks for either one of us. My job is inflexible in that I do a lot of crisis management, his is inflexible in that it’s in healthcare.

IMO, a cleaner isn’t going to help. You are married to your job. I’d resent the quality and style of life you chose if I were him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s your HHI and what would it be at 45 hours per week. If you are really working 65 hours per week that’s not going to work long term. You need a long term plan. Is your plan really work work work and then die? Life is meant to be lived a little. Your kid can go to your state school and still be a doctor or lawyer, k?

OP: we’re at 400 right now. We are both in our late 30s and until recently we were at 250. my husband also would want us to move to a bigger place (I don’t) and he likes taking nicer vacations than I do. He would not want to downshift.

Your HHI is 400k a year and you can't cut back, save for one child's college and your retirement? Sounds like you need to downsize on your mortgage or spending habits somewhere . . .

We can absolutely. I meant if I went down.

You're saying you can't cut down from HHI of 400K and adequately save for four years of college for one child and your retirement. We are missing a lot from this financial picture.

I think you know you should want to spend more time with your family but don't want to. Just own it.

We are both in our late 30s. Earlier in my career, I was making 40k per year for a long time and paid for full-time professional master's with a loan. Our mortgage plus taxes is 5k for a two bedroom. Plus nanny/daycare 3K you get to 8k per month, just housing and childcare.The 400k is contingent on my working those hours. If not, we would be at 300k.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand the question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: as I mention, I do spend time with the baby. I basically don't do anything else for me - no TV, no movies, no exercise, maybe 15 mins of internet browsing per day.

Why can't you exercise with the baby? Put them in a stroller and go for a walk. Do yoga while they crawl around you? Stuff like that. My kids used to climb all over me when they were babies and I was doing yoga with them in the room.

She’s working 65 hours per week. If this is not an exaggeration, doubt she has a lot of time to prioritize yoga with an infant. I don’t know op, with your workload, I’d get hire a live in housekeeper / nanny.

[Anonymous]

Your child will have wanted your attention more than pre-paid college tuition when they are grown.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s your HHI and what would it be at 45 hours per week. If you are really working 65 hours per week that’s not going to work long term. You need a long term plan. Is your plan really work work work and then die? Life is meant to be lived a little. Your kid can go to your state school and still be a doctor or lawyer, k?

OP: we’re at 400 right now. We are both in our late 30s and until recently we were at 250. my husband also would want us to move to a bigger place (I don’t) and he likes taking nicer vacations than I do. He would not want to downshift.

Your HHI is 400k a year and you can't cut back, save for one child's college and your retirement? Sounds like you need to downsize on your mortgage or spending habits somewhere . . .

We can absolutely. I meant if I went down.

You're saying you can't cut down from HHI of 400K and adequately save for four years of college for one child and your retirement. We are missing a lot from this financial picture.

I think you know you should want to spend more time with your family but don't want to. Just own it.

We are both in our late 30s. Earlier in my career, I was making 40k per year for a long time and paid for full-time professional master's with a loan. Our mortgage plus taxes is 5k for a two bedroom. Plus nanny/daycare 3K you get to 8k per month, just housing and childcare.The 400k is contingent on my working those hours. If not, we would be at 300k.

I live in a three bedroom with a 2,100 mortgage including escrow on a 20 year loan in the DMV. Maybe you can downsize and thrive on $300k/year?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s your HHI and what would it be at 45 hours per week. If you are really working 65 hours per week that’s not going to work long term. You need a long term plan. Is your plan really work work work and then die? Life is meant to be lived a little. Your kid can go to your state school and still be a doctor or lawyer, k?

OP: we’re at 400 right now. We are both in our late 30s and until recently we were at 250. my husband also would want us to move to a bigger place (I don’t) and he likes taking nicer vacations than I do. He would not want to downshift.

Your HHI is 400k a year and you can't cut back, save for one child's college and your retirement? Sounds like you need to downsize on your mortgage or spending habits somewhere . . .

We can absolutely. I meant if I went down.

You're saying you can't cut down from HHI of 400K and adequately save for four years of college for one child and your retirement. We are missing a lot from this financial picture.

I think you know you should want to spend more time with your family but don't want to. Just own it.

We are both in our late 30s. Earlier in my career, I was making 40k per year for a long time and paid for full-time professional master's with a loan. Our mortgage plus taxes is 5k for a two bedroom. Plus nanny/daycare 3K you get to 8k per month, just housing and childcare.The 400k is contingent on my working those hours. If not, we would be at 300k.

We live close to Manhattan.

I live in a three bedroom with a 2,100 mortgage including escrow on a 20 year loan in the DMV. Maybe you can downsize and thrive on $300k/year?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s your HHI and what would it be at 45 hours per week. If you are really working 65 hours per week that’s not going to work long term. You need a long term plan. Is your plan really work work work and then die? Life is meant to be lived a little. Your kid can go to your state school and still be a doctor or lawyer, k?

OP: we’re at 400 right now. We are both in our late 30s and until recently we were at 250. my husband also would want us to move to a bigger place (I don’t) and he likes taking nicer vacations than I do. He would not want to downshift.

Your HHI is 400k a year and you can't cut back, save for one child's college and your retirement? Sounds like you need to downsize on your mortgage or spending habits somewhere . . .

We can absolutely. I meant if I went down.

You're saying you can't cut down from HHI of 400K and adequately save for four years of college for one child and your retirement. We are missing a lot from this financial picture.

I think you know you should want to spend more time with your family but don't want to. Just own it.

We are both in our late 30s. Earlier in my career, I was making 40k per year for a long time and paid for full-time professional master's with a loan. Our mortgage plus taxes is 5k for a two bedroom. Plus nanny/daycare 3K you get to 8k per month, just housing and childcare.The 400k is contingent on my working those hours. If not, we would be at 300k.

We live close to Manhattan.

I live in a three bedroom with a 2,100 mortgage including escrow on a 20 year loan in the DMV. Maybe you can downsize and thrive on $300k/year?

We are right outside of Manhattan. So the cost of housing is terrible. Our apartment is 1200 square feet.

[Anonymous]

OP here - here's my schedule to avoid comments that I ignore my child:

M-Thurs - work 6-7,8-6,8-10 -- 13 hours.

Fri - I finish work at 5 to spend more time with baby. Login again for a couple of hours

Weekends - work 7-10 am and 7-10 pm both days. In between I spend time with baby.

That adds up to 65 hours but still spend a good chunk of time with baby, yes, not like a parent with a PT job, but still like most other parents work 45 hours per week.

[Anonymous]

OP, I’ll try to answer your question. Assuming you aren’t interested in making a change, I think you have to take Dh at his word and make it clear that you are. Put the onus on him to speak up if that changes.

[Anonymous]

This sounds like a miserable life. I don't think any parent of any gender should work 65 hrs/week, particularly if you don't make enough money to hire sufficient childcare. I'm having a hard time understanding what kind of job requires you to work that much but doesn't allow you to afford additional childcare?

[Anonymous]

OP, it sounds like you're doing exactly what you want: securing a financial future for your child. That's a choice and it sounds like you're acting on it. But I think it's at the expense of time with DH, time with your baby, and time for your own life. If you want more time with your child, then you need to give up some work time. If you want to share more of the household chores with your husband, then give up some work time. Want to have a little more in your day than 15 minutes of internet browsing, then give up some work time. You can't expect to work 65 hours a week and have a family life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s your HHI and what would it be at 45 hours per week. If you are really working 65 hours per week that’s not going to work long term. You need a long term plan. Is your plan really work work work and then die? Life is meant to be lived a little. Your kid can go to your state school and still be a doctor or lawyer, k?

OP: we’re at 400 right now. We are both in our late 30s and until recently we were at 250. my husband also would want us to move to a bigger place (I don’t) and he likes taking nicer vacations than I do. He would not want to downshift.

Your HHI is 400k a year and you can't cut back, save for one child's college and your retirement? Sounds like you need to downsize on your mortgage or spending habits somewhere . . .

We can absolutely. I meant if I went down.

You're saying you can't cut down from HHI of 400K and adequately save for four years of college for one child and your retirement. We are missing a lot from this financial picture.

I think you know you should want to spend more time with your family but don't want to. Just own it.

We are both in our late 30s. Earlier in my career, I was making 40k per year for a long time and paid for full-time professional master's with a loan. Our mortgage plus taxes is 5k for a two bedroom. Plus nanny/daycare 3K you get to 8k per month, just housing and childcare.The 400k is contingent on my working those hours. If not, we would be at 300k.

We live close to Manhattan.

I live in a three bedroom with a 2,100 mortgage including escrow on a 20 year loan in the DMV. Maybe you can downsize and thrive on $300k/year?

We are right outside of Manhattan. So the cost of housing is terrible. Our apartment is 1200 square feet.

That housing expense is ridiculous and you can definitely find something much cheaper. I live in Westchester and don't know anyone paying that much.