Work 65+hour weeks + young baby

[Anonymous]

OP, are you happy with your life? Are you really just worried about your husband? If you are happy, I would say hire more help for your husband. If you are unhappy, it is time to change your life.

What would happen if you cut back your hours at your current job?

How in demand are your skills? Can you easily find another job maybe with lower pay and fewer hours?

Have you considered moving to an area with a lower cost of living? Can your husband find a new job?

[Anonymous]

Op, everyone is shit-Ing on you because they don’t live in nyc and have no idea how much it costs to live here. 400k really doesn’t go as far as people think here. I empathize. I don’t work 65 hour weeks but DH regularly works 70 plus hour weeks and I’m at 45hrs. This is just the reality of what two working professional families do in Manhattan. You situation may seem crazy by DC standards but it’s not uncommon in nyc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, everyone is shit-Ing on you because they don’t live in nyc and have no idea how much it costs to live here. 400k really doesn’t go as far as people think here. I empathize. I don’t work 65 hour weeks but DH regularly works 70 plus hour weeks and I’m at 45hrs. This is just the reality of what two working professional families do in Manhattan. You situation may seem crazy by DC standards but it’s not uncommon in nyc.

I was unaware that people are forced to live in Manhattan.

Listen, if money is your priority have at it, the kids are certainly well provided for and will most likely be fine, but don’t lie to yourself that working so much isn’t a choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, everyone is shit-Ing on you because they don’t live in nyc and have no idea how much it costs to live here. 400k really doesn’t go as far as people think here. I empathize. I don’t work 65 hour weeks but DH regularly works 70 plus hour weeks and I’m at 45hrs. This is just the reality of what two working professional families do in Manhattan. You situation may seem crazy by DC standards but it’s not uncommon in nyc.

I was unaware that people are forced to live in Manhattan.

Listen, if money is your priority have at it, the kids are certainly well provided for and will most likely be fine, but don’t lie to yourself that working so much isn’t a choice.

Lots of jobs are based only in Manhattan. Commuting from burbs or an outer borough takes time away too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: if you are the breadwinner, and your husband has to do more around the house and for childcare, did they come to resent you - though the income you make also benefits him and the HH?

I'll bite, but this is a very different question from your original. I am the primary breadwinner and I work slightly longer hours and harder than my DH, but still work 40-45 hours a week and have a very flexible employer (which is needed b/c I have a child in preschool and one doing distance learning 3 days a week). Yes, DH does more around the house than I do (cooks, does dishes, cleans, does home maintenance more than I do), but I do call the "mom stuff" (everything for school, doctor's appointments, buying clothes, lessons, books and toys, etc.) and the buying for the home (like I just bought us a new couch and a bed for our preschooler). I definitely think DH wishes I did more of the cooking and cleaning (and I've stepped up with cooking since I've been working from home), but he probably also wishes he made as much money as I do, which is 3x as much as he does. We both are mature enough to understand that life isn't fair, you play the hand your dealt, etc....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re doing great mama, keep up the good work!

LOL!

[Anonymous]

You need to hire a housekeeper or someone to come in for an hour or two a day to help clean and meal prep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: I also need to pay for this child's opportunities and college. Zero family wealth on my both mine and husband's side.

You are building the wealth now. You have ca 20-25 years until the child needs money. You will be millionaires several times over considering how much you both work.

[Anonymous]

I used to work 60-70 hours when I had my first baby. I did not work from home and I often got home after baby was sleeping. I eventually switched to a 9-5 job. When I had my second child, we moved for DH’s job from nyc to dc. I am now a SAHM of 3. DH earns a seven figure income so we do not need my income.

If you are the breadwinner, I think it is ok for your DH to be the default parent. I was extremely career oriented before I had kids. I am often resentful that DH was able to advance his career while I kept cutting back. DH did not pressure me to do it but I wanted to spend more time with my children. I often wonder if I would have been happier being a breadwinner and having a husband who took care of the household duties.

Op, I would not waste time wondering if your DH is resentful. If you work more and earn more, it is only natural that your DH picks up more of the household and childcare duties. My DH works 50-70 hours per week and he is a very hands on father. I am with the kids all day everyday but my children get plenty of quality time with their dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, everyone is shit-Ing on you because they don’t live in nyc and have no idea how much it costs to live here. 400k really doesn’t go as far as people think here. I empathize. I don’t work 65 hour weeks but DH regularly works 70 plus hour weeks and I’m at 45hrs. This is just the reality of what two working professional families do in Manhattan. You situation may seem crazy by DC standards but it’s not uncommon in nyc.

400k is pretty low in Manhattan. Op’s hours are not crazy for nyc at all.

I personally wouldn’t think it is worth it to work that much for a poor standard of living. We have friends who recently moved to dc from ny with similar incomes and they say they barely made ends meet in nyc. They rented an apt, paid for a full time nanny, paying off grad school loans made them feel very poor in nyc. Now kids are in school in Va, live in a single family house with yard and spending lots of quality time with kids. They make less but feel much richer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dont know how yall accept that this is our work culture. If the job cant be done in 40 hours then you need another person on it. Theres not an amount in the world that would make my entire life be work 1st and everything else around it. Man or Woman. If thats the only place you find value then you are seriously lacking.

So...a surgeon who hits 40 hours in the middle of a surgery should just say, "well, I'm done here"? The fact that you can't conceive of ANY job that would require more than 40 hours a week shows how limited your world view is. Shockingly limited, actually. I find your narrowmindedness to be more surprising than the OP.

DP, but - I assume surgeries are scheduled? And there is a general idea of how long a surgery should take? So, yes, don’t schedule so many surgeries that the surgeon would be likely to go over 40 hours per week... sometimes a surgery will take longer than the expected time, plus the fudge factor, but that should be the exception.

It doesn’t seem that complicated, actually.

For a plastics surgeon, maybe. I have a ton of friends who are surgeons in a hospital and they are always dealing with emergent, unplanned surgeries. You are aware that accidents happen like, a lot, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dont know how yall accept that this is our work culture. If the job cant be done in 40 hours then you need another person on it. Theres not an amount in the world that would make my entire life be work 1st and everything else around it. Man or Woman. If thats the only place you find value then you are seriously lacking.

So...a surgeon who hits 40 hours in the middle of a surgery should just say, "well, I'm done here"? The fact that you can't conceive of ANY job that would require more than 40 hours a week shows how limited your world view is. Shockingly limited, actually. I find your narrowmindedness to be more surprising than the OP.

DP, but - I assume surgeries are scheduled? And there is a general idea of how long a surgery should take? So, yes, don’t schedule so many surgeries that the surgeon would be likely to go over 40 hours per week... sometimes a surgery will take longer than the expected time, plus the fudge factor, but that should be the exception.

It doesn’t seem that complicated, actually.

For a plastics surgeon, maybe. I have a ton of friends who are surgeons in a hospital and they are always dealing with emergent, unplanned surgeries. You are aware that accidents happen like, a lot, right?

Hence the need for MORE surgeons (i.e. the “another person” in the original post), NOT for each surgeon to do the work of 2+ people... 🙄

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dont know how yall accept that this is our work culture. If the job cant be done in 40 hours then you need another person on it. Theres not an amount in the world that would make my entire life be work 1st and everything else around it. Man or Woman. If thats the only place you find value then you are seriously lacking.

So...a surgeon who hits 40 hours in the middle of a surgery should just say, "well, I'm done here"? The fact that you can't conceive of ANY job that would require more than 40 hours a week shows how limited your world view is. Shockingly limited, actually. I find your narrowmindedness to be more surprising than the OP.

DP, but - I assume surgeries are scheduled? And there is a general idea of how long a surgery should take? So, yes, don’t schedule so many surgeries that the surgeon would be likely to go over 40 hours per week... sometimes a surgery will take longer than the expected time, plus the fudge factor, but that should be the exception.

It doesn’t seem that complicated, actually.

For a plastics surgeon, maybe. I have a ton of friends who are surgeons in a hospital and they are always dealing with emergent, unplanned surgeries. You are aware that accidents happen like, a lot, right?

Hence the need for MORE surgeons (i.e. the “another person” in the original post), NOT for each surgeon to do the work of 2+ people... 🙄

Um...are you aware of how difficult it is to become a surgeon? They don’t exactly grow on trees. And we’re not just talking 40 hours of OR time - they still have to do paperwork and prep for surgery. And if you think you can appropriately train to become a surgeon in 40 hours a week or less, you are dead wrong. So either you lower thresholds a lot and have lower average quality, or you basically tell people sorry, you’re SOL, supply is infinitely greater than demand. I bet you’re also pretty damn glad that Moderna, Pfizer and j&j scientists were working around the clock last year.

Maybe your field and your lifestyle choice is different than others and that is fine, but don’t twist yourself into knots trying to convince everyone they’re boring or worthless if they have professional ambition

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dont know how yall accept that this is our work culture. If the job cant be done in 40 hours then you need another person on it. Theres not an amount in the world that would make my entire life be work 1st and everything else around it. Man or Woman. If thats the only place you find value then you are seriously lacking.

So...a surgeon who hits 40 hours in the middle of a surgery should just say, "well, I'm done here"? The fact that you can't conceive of ANY job that would require more than 40 hours a week shows how limited your world view is. Shockingly limited, actually. I find your narrowmindedness to be more surprising than the OP.

DP, but - I assume surgeries are scheduled? And there is a general idea of how long a surgery should take? So, yes, don’t schedule so many surgeries that the surgeon would be likely to go over 40 hours per week... sometimes a surgery will take longer than the expected time, plus the fudge factor, but that should be the exception.

It doesn’t seem that complicated, actually.

For a plastics surgeon, maybe. I have a ton of friends who are surgeons in a hospital and they are always dealing with emergent, unplanned surgeries. You are aware that accidents happen like, a lot, right?

Hence the need for MORE surgeons (i.e. the “another person” in the original post), NOT for each surgeon to do the work of 2+ people... 🙄

Um...are you aware of how difficult it is to become a surgeon? They don’t exactly grow on trees. And we’re not just talking 40 hours of OR time - they still have to do paperwork and prep for surgery. And if you think you can appropriately train to become a surgeon in 40 hours a week or less, you are dead wrong. So either you lower thresholds a lot and have lower average quality, or you basically tell people sorry, you’re SOL, supply is infinitely greater than demand. I bet you’re also pretty damn glad that Moderna, Pfizer and j&j scientists were working around the clock last year.

Maybe your field and your lifestyle choice is different than others and that is fine, but don’t twist yourself into knots trying to convince everyone they’re boring or worthless if they have professional ambition

FFS I’m sure it’s difficult to become a surgeon. I’m also sure we could (as a society) also incentive MANY more perfectly capable people to become surgeons. I’m sure their workload could EASILY be lessened with a greater supply of colleagues - but then their compensation might be lessened as well which I imagine is one of the real problems...

Developing a vaccine to combat a deadly pandemic is a great time to be working around the clock - TEMPORARILY. I certainly hope those same scientists aren’t going to continue to work around the clock to develop the next Viagra or treatment for restless legs syndrome.

Finally, I am not trying to convince anyone that they are boring or worthless? Merely that OP and basically everyone else in highly paid jobs with grueling hours have a CHOICE in the matter (including surgeons!!). And no one is forcing you to reproduce either- I realize this is an unpopular opinion, but not everyone needs to have kids, and if your priority in life is your job (no judgment) maybe you should think twice about whether or not you really even WANT children...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dont know how yall accept that this is our work culture. If the job cant be done in 40 hours then you need another person on it. Theres not an amount in the world that would make my entire life be work 1st and everything else around it. Man or Woman. If thats the only place you find value then you are seriously lacking.

So...a surgeon who hits 40 hours in the middle of a surgery should just say, "well, I'm done here"? The fact that you can't conceive of ANY job that would require more than 40 hours a week shows how limited your world view is. Shockingly limited, actually. I find your narrowmindedness to be more surprising than the OP.

DP, but - I assume surgeries are scheduled? And there is a general idea of how long a surgery should take? So, yes, don’t schedule so many surgeries that the surgeon would be likely to go over 40 hours per week... sometimes a surgery will take longer than the expected time, plus the fudge factor, but that should be the exception.

It doesn’t seem that complicated, actually.

For a plastics surgeon, maybe. I have a ton of friends who are surgeons in a hospital and they are always dealing with emergent, unplanned surgeries. You are aware that accidents happen like, a lot, right?

Hence the need for MORE surgeons (i.e. the “another person” in the original post), NOT for each surgeon to do the work of 2+ people... 🙄

Um...are you aware of how difficult it is to become a surgeon? They don’t exactly grow on trees. And we’re not just talking 40 hours of OR time - they still have to do paperwork and prep for surgery. And if you think you can appropriately train to become a surgeon in 40 hours a week or less, you are dead wrong. So either you lower thresholds a lot and have lower average quality, or you basically tell people sorry, you’re SOL, supply is infinitely greater than demand. I bet you’re also pretty damn glad that Moderna, Pfizer and j&j scientists were working around the clock last year.

Maybe your field and your lifestyle choice is different than others and that is fine, but don’t twist yourself into knots trying to convince everyone they’re boring or worthless if they have professional ambition

FFS I’m sure it’s difficult to become a surgeon. I’m also sure we could (as a society) also incentive MANY more perfectly capable people to become surgeons. I’m sure their workload could EASILY be lessened with a greater supply of colleagues - but then their compensation might be lessened as well which I imagine is one of the real problems...

Developing a vaccine to combat a deadly pandemic is a great time to be working around the clock - TEMPORARILY. I certainly hope those same scientists aren’t going to continue to work around the clock to develop the next Viagra or treatment for restless legs syndrome.

Finally, I am not trying to convince anyone that they are boring or worthless? Merely that OP and basically everyone else in highly paid jobs with grueling hours have a CHOICE in the matter (including surgeons!!). And no one is forcing you to reproduce either- I realize this is an unpopular opinion, but not everyone needs to have kids, and if your priority in life is your job (no judgment) maybe you should think twice about whether or not you really even WANT children...

But who says working more than 40 hours a week means your job is your priority? Smh. Ridiculous.