Work 65+hour weeks + young baby

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think there is a ton of hypocrisy in this thread as of this was a dad, you would not be getting all this flak.

And honestly, babies are boring. 2 hours plus time on the weekend is fine. It will be harder once they are 3 years and up and have more activities and opinions. Plus, they are more fun then. So, I think you may have to revisit this in a few years.

For now, I’m not sure why you don’t just believe your husband when he says he is fine. That said, I would figure out what else I could outsource, sooner rather than later. You are at an income level where you should be able to do this so weekends can be having fun with kid and husband. And figure out your husband’s love language and focus on that.

I’m a mom that is an executive at a major corporation. I have times when I work a ton (like 80 hours a week) and times when I am not so busy. If your job is one where you can flex around to be at the school play, then you will be just fine at 65 hours. I’ve got older elementary kids and while they would complain about how much I work, they would also say we are super close. They also get huge benefits from the income I earn.

Most families with a parent who works these hours, the other parent is usually a stay at home. My friend is a CMO at a company you woukd easily recognize. She works and travels a lot and her DH is stay at home. At least when she is not traveling, she can work from home.

I just don’t see how both parents can work 50-60 hours, especially out of the house, and make it work. You child would grow up barely seeing the parents during the most formative early years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there is a ton of hypocrisy in this thread as of this was a dad, you would not be getting all this flak.

And honestly, babies are boring. 2 hours plus time on the weekend is fine. It will be harder once they are 3 years and up and have more activities and opinions. Plus, they are more fun then. So, I think you may have to revisit this in a few years.

For now, I’m not sure why you don’t just believe your husband when he says he is fine. That said, I would figure out what else I could outsource, sooner rather than later. You are at an income level where you should be able to do this so weekends can be having fun with kid and husband. And figure out your husband’s love language and focus on that.

I’m a mom that is an executive at a major corporation. I have times when I work a ton (like 80 hours a week) and times when I am not so busy. If your job is one where you can flex around to be at the school play, then you will be just fine at 65 hours. I’ve got older elementary kids and while they would complain about how much I work, they would also say we are super close. They also get huge benefits from the income I earn.

Most families with a parent who works these hours, the other parent is usually a stay at home. My friend is a CMO at a company you woukd easily recognize. She works and travels a lot and her DH is stay at home. At least when she is not traveling, she can work from home.

I just don’t see how both parents can work 50-60 hours, especially out of the house, and make it work. You child would grow up barely seeing the parents during the most formative early years.

Correction 50-65 plus

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there is a ton of hypocrisy in this thread as of this was a dad, you would not be getting all this flak.

And honestly, babies are boring. 2 hours plus time on the weekend is fine. It will be harder once they are 3 years and up and have more activities and opinions. Plus, they are more fun then. So, I think you may have to revisit this in a few years.

For now, I’m not sure why you don’t just believe your husband when he says he is fine. That said, I would figure out what else I could outsource, sooner rather than later. You are at an income level where you should be able to do this so weekends can be having fun with kid and husband. And figure out your husband’s love language and focus on that.

I’m a mom that is an executive at a major corporation. I have times when I work a ton (like 80 hours a week) and times when I am not so busy. If your job is one where you can flex around to be at the school play, then you will be just fine at 65 hours. I’ve got older elementary kids and while they would complain about how much I work, they would also say we are super close. They also get huge benefits from the income I earn.

Most families with a parent who works these hours, the other parent is usually a stay at home. My friend is a CMO at a company you woukd easily recognize. She works and travels a lot and her DH is stay at home. At least when she is not traveling, she can work from home.

I just don’t see how both parents can work 50-60 hours, especially out of the house, and make it work. You child would grow up barely seeing the parents during the most formative early years.

Correction 50-65 plus

50 is a piece of cake as long as you have flexibility. Tons of people log back on after kid bedtime for a couple of hours or work a bit early in the AM or on weekends. I go dark 5:30-9:00 pm and am back online later and don’t miss out on time w kids. 60 is a stretch- you basically give up any free time. If your hours all have to be consecutive or you don’t have flexibility then yes I agree it would be almost impossible with both parents doing this.

[Anonymous]

The only thing I find ridiculous is the fact that my household income is $75,000 a year and we have a weekly house cleaner, we paid her for the first several weeks of the pandemic, and then we took a break now all the adults are vaccinated and we have her back our lives are so much better, holy shit 0P hire a house cleaner? You make more than four times what I make

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only thing I find ridiculous is the fact that my household income is $75,000 a year and we have a weekly house cleaner, we paid her for the first several weeks of the pandemic, and then we took a break now all the adults are vaccinated and we have her back our lives are so much better, holy shit 0P hire a house cleaner? You make more than four times what I make

OP would rather whine and argue with strangers on forums than implement any real solutions, it seems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH has the heavy work load at the moment, trying to make partner at his firm next year. I don’t resent his working hours (if anything I feel bad for him) and I am supportive because he wants this. The difference is he still prioritizes our family so we have equal facetime. Here’s what he does/we do:

6 - 8 am - I’m up and getting kids ready for the day. I wake my DH up at 7 and he comes down and takes oldest to in person school and then unloads the dishwasher
8 - 4 or 5 - we have childcare. I am the default parent for things like appointments and research and organizing our lives and I do this during work hours (thankful for the flexibility). We both try and squeeze 30 minutes of workouts in a few days a week.
4-5 - one or both of us plays with the kids depending on work schedule.
5-6 dinner and bath. He does bath and I clean the kitchen during it.
6-7 bedtime - we each put one kid to bed, alternating nights. When we had one we will alternated but the non bedtime parent cleaned the kitchen and packed lunch etc for the next day.
From 7–8 we might putter around the house, catch up, have a glass of wine, make sure house is picked up.
8-12 or 1, my husband works. I watch tv or read then go to bed. I’ll work if I need to.

On weekends, my husband works after bedtime most nights, starting at 9ish and ending at 12. We work out during naps and we take turns sleeping in till 9. If he wants to work during his sleep in time he can but he usually sleeps. This gets him to 65+ a week depending on the late nights and I don’t resent him. He’s present and engaged and really effing tired. We do takeout 3x a week, cleaners come twice a month, and he does all the laundry while he’s working. We work at home together so I don’t feel like I miss him, did you say you wfh?

Really I think you need to figure out whether you are working around your work hours or working around your family’s needs. Before the pandemic my DH worked around work. I hated it and was mad a lot. At home it’s been amazing, you can’t ignore what your partner is doing when you are working and you see your kids more. He’s very much worked his schedule around the kids now even though it sucks for his work. He isn’t going to put work above kids on a Saturday, he will just stay up later.

It seems like you have a nice system — I’m just surprised/impressed that your DH manages to free himself from work between 4-6pm!

- Former big law associate who left so I could have that kind of time with my kids, married to a big law partner who can rarely leave his desk before 6pm

Thanks! It’s better for me than it is for him but we got into a groove. It never would have worked without covid and wfh, and west coast based so he doesn’t have clients who are still in the middle of their day at dinner. He was never home before 6 in the before-times (and traveled a few days every other week) and it was a constant struggle. He’d often tell me he “couldn’t” be home but I think this past year has reframed things for him and taught him to practice saying no, or delaying the work an hour or two. The pandemic has sucked for many reasons and for many people but I am so grateful we’ve all been stuck at home. In the beginning he had to help because we didn’t have childcare and I was going to snap with my job and the kids. Not big-law... but a big consulting firm.

[Anonymous]

I dont know how yall accept that this is our work culture. If the job cant be done in 40 hours then you need another person on it. Theres not an amount in the world that would make my entire life be work 1st and everything else around it. Man or Woman. If thats the only place you find value then you are seriously lacking.

[Anonymous]

Hey OP,
I bet no one would be bashing a working dad if he said his wife works 50 hours and is the primary parental caregiver.
I think you are doing great with a challenging job, and doing tasks that aren’t necessarily time fixed like researching. Get a cleaner and any other paid help before you think you need it.

[Anonymous]

What "milestones" and "food" are you researching for a young baby? Parts of the OP first post are a bit odd.

[Anonymous]

It's kind of amazing how everyone on DCUM claims to be an ultra high earner but they also can't imaaaaagine a job that has long hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a baby and I'm now wondering what food research I need to be doing. I just buy baby food at the store. Did I miss something?

This is totally fine, but you don’t even have to do that— just mash up what the rest of the family is eating. Look up baby led weaning.

Mash up pizza and wings?

I've heard you have to chew them up carefully and then spit them into the baby's mouth.

Stupidity is forever! Ever hear of a blender or good processor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's kind of amazing how everyone on DCUM claims to be an ultra high earner but they also can't imaaaaagine a job that has long hours.

At some point, though, you’re not in a high paying job... you’re in two well-paying jobs. Think about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dont know how yall accept that this is our work culture. If the job cant be done in 40 hours then you need another person on it. Theres not an amount in the world that would make my entire life be work 1st and everything else around it. Man or Woman. If thats the only place you find value then you are seriously lacking.

That’s great. People are different. If you can’t understand that, I don’t know what to tell you. And there’s a world of difference between working 45-50 hours a week and wanting to climb the corporate ladder while still having a family life, than someone working 80 hours a week and not doing anything else. Do you think executives only work 40 hours a week?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dont know how yall accept that this is our work culture. If the job cant be done in 40 hours then you need another person on it. Theres not an amount in the world that would make my entire life be work 1st and everything else around it. Man or Woman. If thats the only place you find value then you are seriously lacking.

So...a surgeon who hits 40 hours in the middle of a surgery should just say, "well, I'm done here"? The fact that you can't conceive of ANY job that would require more than 40 hours a week shows how limited your world view is. Shockingly limited, actually. I find your narrowmindedness to be more surprising than the OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dont know how yall accept that this is our work culture. If the job cant be done in 40 hours then you need another person on it. Theres not an amount in the world that would make my entire life be work 1st and everything else around it. Man or Woman. If thats the only place you find value then you are seriously lacking.

So...a surgeon who hits 40 hours in the middle of a surgery should just say, "well, I'm done here"? The fact that you can't conceive of ANY job that would require more than 40 hours a week shows how limited your world view is. Shockingly limited, actually. I find your narrowmindedness to be more surprising than the OP.

DP, but - I assume surgeries are scheduled? And there is a general idea of how long a surgery should take? So, yes, don’t schedule so many surgeries that the surgeon would be likely to go over 40 hours per week... sometimes a surgery will take longer than the expected time, plus the fudge factor, but that should be the exception.

It doesn’t seem that complicated, actually.