Now that we know it wasn’t almost heaven :(

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Black woman with white DH here. I find OP's concerns valid. I would not, however, think of discussing them with anyone except my spouse, unless my son asked me for advice about this specifically. You are rightly worried, but as powerless as Cassandra trying to warn the Trojans. The only right thing to do is keep your fears to yourself. Perhaps the young lady will, influenced by the experience of loving and living with a person lucky enough to grow up in a loving and open family, be able to deal with the trauma in a healthy way. Like Jesse Jackson always said, you have to "Keep hope alive!"

No, OP isn't Cassandra. OP is Fa Hai, the misguided, prejudiced monk who thinks a woman (Bai Su Zhen) is a demon because she's a benevolent snake in human form. Bai Su Zhen is, clearly, the fiancée who has done such a great job in overcoming hardship and who, given a supportive DH, could be an amazing partner. The fiancee may have some baggage but that doesn't mean she's a Trojan Horse.

https://ed.ted.com/lessons/the-chinese-myth-of-the-white-snake-and-the-meddling-monk-shunan-teng

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Black woman with white DH here. I find OP's concerns valid. I would not, however, think of discussing them with anyone except my spouse, unless my son asked me for advice about this specifically. You are rightly worried, but as powerless as Cassandra trying to warn the Trojans. The only right thing to do is keep your fears to yourself. Perhaps the young lady will, influenced by the experience of loving and living with a person lucky enough to grow up in a loving and open family, be able to deal with the trauma in a healthy way. Like Jesse Jackson always said, you have to "Keep hope alive!"

No, OP isn't Cassandra. OP is Fa Hai, the misguided, prejudiced monk who thinks a woman (Bai Su Zhen) is a demon because she's a benevolent snake in human form. Bai Su Zhen is, clearly, the fiancée who has done such a great job in overcoming hardship and who, given a supportive DH, could be an amazing partner. The fiancee may have some baggage but that doesn't mean she's a Trojan Horse.

https://ed.ted.com/lessons/the-chinese-myth-of-the-white-snake-and-the-meddling-monk-shunan-teng

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why should this girl open up to you? I also tell my MIL that life is fine. I’ve never once told her about my past- sexual assault. My husband doesn’t even know the extent. Not his business. I would be pissed if he told his mom and then she was judging me for not telling HER about it. Get out of their relationship.

This is off-topic but I feel the exact same about my sexual assault. I have discussed it with a therapist and in a survivor’s group. It happened well before I met my husband. I have friends who think it’s weird I don’t tell DH but I just can’t see what the point would be. It’s nice having the central relationship in my life not prominently feature this crappy thing that happened a long time ago.

Hmm, maybe this is on topic after all.

I was so busy being mad at OP I forgot to be mad at the cousin who disclosed all this stuff about the fiancée without her permission. Gross.

+1 Same here
I had an incident of sexual assault in my teens. I genuinely did not realize how much it impacted me until well into my thirties and after having a kid. At which time I started to process it in therapy. Even then, I did not go to therapy for this incident. I went for a health issue. Of course as is often the case with trauma and past stuff this incident came up in therapy in a sideways manner.

Trauma/a difficult past is hard stuff to process. The individuals privacy must be honored not just because that is their right, but also because that is the nature of processing. It is not any other persons right to intrude and dictate what should be brought up unless the individual is specifically asking you for input.

The OP is way overstepping and also too assured of her own perspective. Please step back into your lane OP. This would be an ignorant mistake to make to butt in. You know what you know now and maybe you should consider being forthcoming about it. You could tell her straight up that you came by this information and didn’t want to hide from her that you had heard this. Because that would create a new secret in itself. But to make meaning of it, to allow this to mean that you cannot trust her or that she is withholding from you is too much. That is your own defense mechanism and fear. You have NO IDEA why she has not shared such info with you, including the fact that she might not even agree with that narrative. It is never your place to MAKE MEANING of someone else’s life.

[Anonymous]

I have to say that when it comes to bullying women, women are the worst! OP is a bully like we have never seen before on dcum, and we have seen a lot!
She is holding against her future Step Daughter in Law (let that sink in) that she choose to be positive in life and overcome in some way hardships that they experienced!
She is holding against this young woman that she finished school early! Let that sink in!
She is holding against this woman that she was poor! And that she is mixed! Very rich if OP is a woman of color herself!
She is also holding it against this woman that she is not confiding in HER! The future evil step MIL!
Do you want her heart of the platter? Will nothing else suffice?

[Anonymous]

"It is never your place to MAKE MEANING out of someone else's life."

+++++++.

BUTT OUT.