Now that we know it wasn’t almost heaven :(

[Anonymous]

My stepson is marrying a lovely young woman. We are AA/mixed AA. His fiancée is mixed AA raised by her White mom in various WV (mostly), Ohio, and Western PA small towns. Mom had a decent pink-collar profession and I’ve gotten the sense that while money was tight, there was not poverty despite the one income. And SDTB has often talked about the economic gulf between her family and that of classmates as the main source of mistreatment in the community growing up. However, stepson recently told DH and I that his fiancée’s BFF told him that there was almost constant very overt racism towards the family in HS and that’s why his fiancée was allowed to graduate a year early. We’ve always wondered about that as she graduated and then took a gap year without anything to show for it or a health issue. Stepson asked her mom and Mom confirmed that the atmosphere in HS was so bad that the counselors allowed her to double up on some classes so she could finish in three years. She also said that at least two of their moves were to escape threats of violence from racist neighbors or schoolmate’s parents. Mom feels her daughter wants to pretend everything was jealousy over the family’s slightly better economic status and she’s nervous to contradict that narrative. Stepson is unsure how to proceed and so are we. I think he should bring it up in their premarital counseling sessions, but DH thinks there’s likely a fragility there best untested.

[Anonymous]

Omg butt out! I can hear your lumbering oversteps from here.

[Anonymous]

This is none of your business at all. Your som can ask for advice (probably a mistake, but he can). You cannot be involved otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg butt out! I can hear your lumbering oversteps from here.

Lol! +1. This is such a weird post. And even weirder title.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My stepson is marrying a lovely young woman. We are AA/mixed AA. His fiancée is mixed AA raised by her White mom in various WV (mostly), Ohio, and Western PA small towns. Mom had a decent pink-collar profession and I’ve gotten the sense that while money was tight, there was not poverty despite the one income. And SDTB has often talked about the economic gulf between her family and that of classmates as the main source of mistreatment in the community growing up. However, stepson recently told DH and I that his fiancée’s BFF told him that there was almost constant very overt racism towards the family in HS and that’s why his fiancée was allowed to graduate a year early. We’ve always wondered about that as she graduated and then took a gap year without anything to show for it or a health issue. Stepson asked her mom and Mom confirmed that the atmosphere in HS was so bad that the counselors allowed her to double up on some classes so she could finish in three years. She also said that at least two of their moves were to escape threats of violence from racist neighbors or schoolmate’s parents. Mom feels her daughter wants to pretend everything was jealousy over the family’s slightly better economic status and she’s nervous to contradict that narrative. Stepson is unsure how to proceed and so are we. I think he should bring it up in their premarital counseling sessions, but DH thinks there’s likely a fragility there best untested.

Oh my god....you are going to be skewered, OP. This is so not your place. You don't know how to proceed? How on earth is there anything for you to do or say on this i issue (from high school, by the way). This poor woman. Does she realize how everyone is talking about her, including her own mom, apparently? I wish she were the one posting; she's the one who needs the advice.

[Anonymous]

Their impending marriage is absolutely none of your business, OP. Not even a little bit.

[Anonymous]

She has to navigate this on her own at her own time. This is extremely common for mixed kids.

Stay out of it.

[Anonymous]

This is NOT something you need to do anything about, so proceed by not talking about it with her (or others).

Sorry she isn't indulging your poverty porn wishes.

[Anonymous]

They will likely revisit her feelings about high school in making education decisions for their own kids down the road. I was bullied in school and all of that surfaced in the years my kids were in school in all sorts of ways. We were poor and I was bullied for my clothes and I wanted to protect my kids by overspending on name brand stuff, etc. That's the point that we had that conversation in my family. It comes up again and again -- in issues like whether you trust your kids' teachers and view them as mostly benevolent or not; how you feel about joining PTA or volunteering in the classroom,who you choose as mom friends, etc. May also come up when they buy a house and choose a neighborhood, etc.

[Anonymous]

So she experienced something terrible and wants to move on without having to discuss it and your solution is to have her discuss it ad nauseam? I feel sorry for your soon to be daughter in law

[Anonymous]

What is the purpose of you butting into this?

[Anonymous]

She hasn’t spoken about this with her fiancé? He went behind her back and asked her mother? Am I reading this correctly? Does not seem like the best way to start off a life together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My stepson is marrying a lovely young woman. We are AA/mixed AA. His fiancée is mixed AA raised by her White mom in various WV (mostly), Ohio, and Western PA small towns. Mom had a decent pink-collar profession and I’ve gotten the sense that while money was tight, there was not poverty despite the one income. And SDTB has often talked about the economic gulf between her family and that of classmates as the main source of mistreatment in the community growing up. However, stepson recently told DH and I that his fiancée’s BFF told him that there was almost constant very overt racism towards the family in HS and that’s why his fiancée was allowed to graduate a year early. We’ve always wondered about that as she graduated and then took a gap year without anything to show for it or a health issue. Stepson asked her mom and Mom confirmed that the atmosphere in HS was so bad that the counselors allowed her to double up on some classes so she could finish in three years. She also said that at least two of their moves were to escape threats of violence from racist neighbors or schoolmate’s parents. Mom feels her daughter wants to pretend everything was jealousy over the family’s slightly better economic status and she’s nervous to contradict that narrative. Stepson is unsure how to proceed and so are we. I think he should bring it up in their premarital counseling sessions, but DH thinks there’s likely a fragility there best untested.

I highlighted the portions of your OP that show the complete lack of boundaries and overstepping and minding/meddling in someone else's life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My stepson is marrying a lovely young woman. We are AA/mixed AA. His fiancée is mixed AA raised by her White mom in various WV (mostly), Ohio, and Western PA small towns. Mom had a decent pink-collar profession and I’ve gotten the sense that while money was tight, there was not poverty despite the one income. And SDTB has often talked about the economic gulf between her family and that of classmates as the main source of mistreatment in the community growing up. However, stepson recently told DH and I that his fiancée’s BFF told him that there was almost constant very overt racism towards the family in HS and that’s why his fiancée was allowed to graduate a year early. We’ve always wondered about that as she graduated and then took a gap year without anything to show for it or a health issue. Stepson asked her mom and Mom confirmed that the atmosphere in HS was so bad that the counselors allowed her to double up on some classes so she could finish in three years. She also said that at least two of their moves were to escape threats of violence from racist neighbors or schoolmate’s parents. Mom feels her daughter wants to pretend everything was jealousy over the family’s slightly better economic status and she’s nervous to contradict that narrative. Stepson is unsure how to proceed and so are we. I think he should bring it up in their premarital counseling sessions, but DH thinks there’s likely a fragility there best untested.

You are a hot mess. Why are you posting everyone's race? WTH. Talking to everyone about her? This poor woman, I bet she has no idea of what's coming towards her in this nightmare of an IL situation.

Butt out of her life and find something else to fixate on. Good Lord.

[Anonymous]

WTH does your weird subject title mean?


Also, you're nuts.