Now that we know it wasn’t almost heaven :(

[Anonymous]

OP, do you simply just not want your stepson to marry this woman (or anyone)?

Because that's a very real possibility if you meddle in their premarital counseling in this way. You will very likely drive this woman away when she sees what kind of step-MIL she'll be getting in this marraige. And maybe that's what you actually want. Be honest with yourself.

Her unaddressed trauma (if in fact there is any) is no business of yours. The only way it will become your business is if she reaches out to you for support in dealing with it.

[Anonymous]

Your son’s wife-to-be’s biggest problem is that she is going to have a meddlesome, barely coherent, hysterical mother-in-law. I do feel sorry for her for this. You are the kind of woman who wrecks her son’s marriage and you are bizarre.

[Anonymous]

What a fool believes.

[Anonymous]

Black woman with white DH here. I find OP's concerns valid. I would not, however, think of discussing them with anyone except my spouse, unless my son asked me for advice about this specifically. You are rightly worried, but as powerless as Cassandra trying to warn the Trojans. The only right thing to do is keep your fears to yourself. Perhaps the young lady will, influenced by the experience of loving and living with a person lucky enough to grow up in a loving and open family, be able to deal with the trauma in a healthy way. Like Jesse Jackson always said, you have to "Keep hope alive!"

[Anonymous]

What is the problem? This girl was bullied in high school. She graduated early. So, what now? Is there supposed to be some kind of big reveal? Why would you do anything? Your stepson can say Larla told me that you graduated early bc of bullying. Do you want to talk about it?

[Anonymous]

Why should this girl open up to you? I also tell my MIL that life is fine. I’ve never once told her about my past- sexual assault. My husband doesn’t even know the extent. Not his business. I would be pissed if he told his mom and then she was judging me for not telling HER about it. Get out of their relationship.

[Anonymous]

Uh, you're not adopting her, right? Right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is the problem? This girl was bullied in high school. She graduated early. So, what now? Is there supposed to be some kind of big reveal? Why would you do anything? Your stepson can say Larla told me that you graduated early bc of bullying. Do you want to talk about it?

This. The fiancé sounds impressive and that she has found a way to move on and not get bogged down by what happened many years ago. OP’s obsession with this is really weird.

[Anonymous]

I posted earlier advising the OP to stop meddling, but I want to change my answer:

I hope she DOES confront the young woman. That way, the son's fiancee can see how crazy and bizarre her new MIL will be, so can then make a fully informed decision about whether she wants to join this family. MILs like this can make life hellish.

[Anonymous]

Holy $hit, it always freaks me out when I meet people like OP who will straight up wade into someone else’s private trauma and instead of immediately thinking “wow, this is none of my business but let me know it I can help in any way” will instead start idly speculating like it’s an episode of Grey’s Anatomy.

OP, I say this with love: get a hobby, read a book. Stream all 6000 seasons of Grey’s! You are being gross and I wish there was a way to telepathically warn your stepson’s fiancée to be very careful around you moving forward. Probably she already knows. I wish her the best and I wish you figure out why you are like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why should this girl open up to you? I also tell my MIL that life is fine. I’ve never once told her about my past- sexual assault. My husband doesn’t even know the extent. Not his business. I would be pissed if he told his mom and then she was judging me for not telling HER about it. Get out of their relationship.

This is off-topic but I feel the exact same about my sexual assault. I have discussed it with a therapist and in a survivor’s group. It happened well before I met my husband. I have friends who think it’s weird I don’t tell DH but I just can’t see what the point would be. It’s nice having the central relationship in my life not prominently feature this crappy thing that happened a long time ago.

Hmm, maybe this is on topic after all.

I was so busy being mad at OP I forgot to be mad at the cousin who disclosed all this stuff about the fiancée without her permission. Gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is the problem? This girl was bullied in high school. She graduated early. So, what now? Is there supposed to be some kind of big reveal? Why would you do anything? Your stepson can say Larla told me that you graduated early bc of bullying. Do you want to talk about it?

Reparations! Go back to that town in WV and raise hell! BLM!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not trying to be overbearing, but now there’s the elephant in the room of knowing that they had she horrific experiences for 17 years and she pretends that it was this idyll except a couple people who were jealous that her mom was a nurse and their mom was on welfare or worked in a grocery store. Knowing that isn’t at all what her childhood is really like, we’re all questioning her ability to be honest about things that bother her. Is this her regular coping mechanism or a one-off? She’s told Stepson so many stories about the moves and being a new kid, and never mentioned that they moved for their safety! That is huge.

Or maybe she knows you're racist and doesn't feel comfortable sharing her history with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not trying to be overbearing, but now there’s the elephant in the room of knowing that they had she horrific experiences for 17 years and she pretends that it was this idyll except a couple people who were jealous that her mom was a nurse and their mom was on welfare or worked in a grocery store. Knowing that isn’t at all what her childhood is really like, we’re all questioning her ability to be honest about things that bother her. Is this her regular coping mechanism or a one-off? She’s told Stepson so many stories about the moves and being a new kid, and never mentioned that they moved for their safety! That is huge.

Or maybe she knows you're racist and doesn't feel comfortable sharing her history with you.

Reading comprehension fail:

My stepson is marrying a lovely young woman. We are AA/mixed AA.

[Anonymous]

I can't even understand the post. The only thing obvious to me is that all of that drivel has nothing to do with OP.