When did your high schoolers become sexually active?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD #1 was 18 (college freshman). DS is 27 and still a virgin (asexual). DD #2 is 25 and still a virgin (social anxiety).

I think I have a kid who's going to be like this. 17 and absolutely no interaction with girls whatsoever. However, I don't think he's gay either.

What did that look like for you? What's his life like now?

Honestly, for me it’s been sad, only because I had to get past the idea that he’ll never have kids. However, he’s not aromantic. He had one 2-year long relationship with someone, only they weren’t sexually active. I’m always having to remind myself that it only matters that he’s happy. And his life, right now, is rewarding to him. He has a well-paid job, he lives in a nice apartment, he has regular online chats with old friends from high school and college, and he has a few local friends. His need for companionship is low, since he’s an introvert in addition to being asexual.

Even if he wasn’t asexual, maybe he wouldn’t have kids anyway! Not everyone wants them!

[Anonymous]

DS: 17
DD: 19
DD: 15

We’re pretty open and both my DW and I had sex at young ages (14&15) and just wanted our kids to be prepared. We discussed safe sex, avoiding STI’s and pregnancy, consent, emotions etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS: 17
DD: 19
DD: 15

We’re pretty open and both my DW and I had sex at young ages (14&15) and just wanted our kids to be prepared. We discussed safe sex, avoiding STI’s and pregnancy, consent, emotions etc.

14???

[Anonymous]

New poster here: mine at 14 as well. Biology is what it is

I appreciate the chance to be honest here. I can’t IRL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s funny that so many of you think you know.

I think it's sad that you've created an environment with your child where they can't talk to you about sex honestly.

NP here. My husband and I created an open environment with our kids about sex and all that goes with sex (pregnancy, disease, emotional readiness). They knew that we thought sex in high school can be tricky and definitely not idea, but that we understood circumstances. We even discussed birth control, if they became sexually active or were seriously considering it. We talk and listen to our kids about a variety of topics that are not always comfortable, but we want the door open so we can guide them the best we can.

That being said, our 16 year old daughter had sex with her bf. Despite our discussions and education regarding birth control, etc, our daughter did not come to us. We had expected her to come to us when and if sex occurred (or ideally just before) so that we could get her birth control (hopefully, in addition to condoms). Well, we found out about her being sexually active from her best friend. Seems our daughter and her bf had sex and in the weeks after, they became nervous about pregnancy. Ugh. Our daughter shared none of this, with us, but did tell her best girlfriend, who in turn, got concerned and told us.

The good news is that pregnancy did not occur. The bad news, is that our daughter did not tell us that she was active, despite being very reasonable parents. When we asked her why she did not tell us, so that we could get her an IUD or BCP, her answer was:

"He (the boyfriend) told me not to tell anyone, especially you guys, because he was afraid that his parents would find out and punish him"

Basically, our 16 year old, had the lack of maturity to know that her own welfare , and that of a possible baby, did not take priority over the chance of her boyfriend getting punished. Her bf was obviously too immature to see how insane his thinking was.... T

So, it is not always the case that kids will tell their parents, despite having an open, reasonable environment. I also never told my own parents, who were fairly open. The reason why I never told my parents was because I knew that they did not think sex in HS was idea.

It's more complicated that having an open environment where parents are approachable and reasonable.

This is absolutely right. I had a similar experience with my DD. I suspected she was on the brink of having sex with a BF and had had lots of conversations about safe sex etc. She denied it, but I eventually confirmed when I read a text between she and a girlfriend. She also asked to be on BC to stop "painful cramps" that conveniently became a real nuisance around the same time. We got the BC started as requested, and while I don't know why she wouldn't tell me. . . she didn't. She may have been concerned I would tell BF's mom or she maybe just didn't want to discuss with her mom.

Argh. The best laid plans. I suspect some version of this in my life. Glad all healthy and well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And this is why my kids attend single sex schools . i only have to worry about weekends.


I suppose there's also teachers but at least their girlfriends aren't there to hanky panky in the bathroom during recess.

Because no lesbian or bisexual ever attended a single sex school. Smart thinking!

This is funny. Thanks DCUM!

[Anonymous]

My 22 yr old DD is a virgin. Mainly, she hasn't found anyone yet. She is very social and she dates a lot. She is not lesbian, lqbtq, a sexual, anxious or prude (we are open about it and accepting).

She is fine in waiting for someone she like And since she is quite good-looking, it is not that she lacks attention. The men she finds good looking are not intelligent and the intelligent men are not good looking.

Since it is also pandemic she is just concentrating on her education and becoming financially independent.

[Anonymous]

DD went in the pill at 15 for period issues. Her father and I agreed it would also be a good idea should she choose to have sex. Other than that, I know nothing nor want to, unless she ends up pregnant and wants input.

[Anonymous]

Anyone else buy their daughter a vibrator instead? So far it seems to have worked. She's not sexually active at 16.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else buy their daughter a vibrator instead? So far it seems to have worked. She's not sexually active at 16.

You are naive if you think sex for a 16 year old girl is about pleasure. Your new age parenting is not what is working. She simply isn't ready or hasn't had the opportunity. Also it's super creepy to buy that for your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:New poster here: mine at 14 as well. Biology is what it is

I appreciate the chance to be honest here. I can’t IRL

I mean I believe its too young, but its not SO far outside the norm. ANd honestly its not anyone's business IRL about your kids sexual experiences. Its not the parent's story to tell or share.

Mostly I always think people who claim they had "great sex" in HS are a little bit revising history. One of the reasons I hope most girls wait a little bit is because the younger you are, the far more likely that your male partner is not going to know how to keep switching things up to bring a girl to finish and younger girls are less likely to be confident enough to be able to tell them exactly what to do. 14 year olds aren't sitting around with their friends at brunch talking about sexual health and female empowerment and pleasure and all that, but hopefully by senior year or going into college they will. It sucks for girls to deal with 4-5 YEARS of sexual experience that is "meh" at best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else buy their daughter a vibrator instead? So far it seems to have worked. She's not sexually active at 16.

You are naive if you think sex for a 16 year old girl is about pleasure. Your new age parenting is not what is working. She simply isn't ready or hasn't had the opportunity. Also it's super creepy to buy that for your daughter.

I would die if I got that from my mom, if I am being honest- and she was very open about communicating that we could go to her whenever. BUT I also remember going and getting them with my freshman college friends after one of our friends told us we "had to" because she got one from her "cool aunt" and when we did all get them I think we were all wishing we had a cool aunt who got us one a bit earlier. LOL that story just makes me laugh when I think about it. This is before amazon and what not, these kids have it so easy now! This was not new age, it was 1999. AIM was the hot new age technology for reference.

We SHOULD be telling 16 year old women that it is about them. Not "about you too" as some kind of aside but their sexual experiences are about them, their comfort level, their enjoyment, etc- not being a selfish partner but being realistic, they are going to need to be more self focused because that's reality. Their sexual experiences should NOT be about the other person.