Coming to terms with your teen being unmotivated and unimpressive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP’s kid is the same as 99% of teenage boys now and in 2000 and in 1980. He’s probably not going to be a deadbeat. Damn y’all are pessimists!

Speak for yourself. My son is far from a brilliant student but he also is not addicted to TV and video games. He has hobbies, passions and goals. He loves to work out, play golf, fly fish, and read. He also volunteers with the church. Couch potato kids who submerge themselves in video games and TV are going to have long-term issues with academic capacity, motivation, discipline and soft skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP’s kid is the same as 99% of teenage boys now and in 2000 and in 1980. He’s probably not going to be a deadbeat. Damn y’all are pessimists!

not really. Tons of boys have been and are very involved in school, sports, extra curricular and do well in school

[Anonymous]

Mom, dad and son should all read JD Vance's memoir and encourage him to enlist in the military at graduation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe he’s just average? That’s OK, you know. Is he happy? Does he have friends?

+1. My teen DS plays more videogames than I'd like but I've learned that it's how he and his friends like to socialize. He's not at all competitive, doesn't like to join school teams/ clubs, but does well in class and, most importantly, he's kind and has good friends. He won't go to a college that DCUM finds impressive but I'm confident he'll find his way in life and be happy.

On DCUM a child is “average” because they “only” got a 1300 on the SAT or got a couple more Bs than As or only made district titles rather than state!

Grades are no longer a measure of success. ACT/SAT scores and college readiness rates are sliding, yet 50% of all 12th graders in the US have an A average GPA. Teens are several grade levels behind while maintaining As and Bs.

Do not look at your painfully unmotivated lazy child and pretend everything is ok because they have decent grades — EVERYONE has decent grades now. Nearly half the kids who begin college fail or drop out because they’re so many grade levels behind and have no discipline and no study skills.

NO EVERYONE does not have decent grades. I hate that DCUM perpetuates this lie. Plenty of kids in MCPS still struggle, and are "unimpressive". It's a very tough area to be average.

In 2019 my niece graduated from a half-decent public school district with a 3.33 GPA. Her parents bragged she was an As and Bs student who never had to study. She then decided to take classes at the local two-year community college, which required placement tests. She tested into remedial courses that were on par with 7th grade level material.

Grades are meaningless – especially non-honors and non-AP courses. And really, AP grades mean nothing if the kid can't earn at least a 3 on the AP Exam. Many kids take AP courses, get inflated grades, then totally skip or bomb the exams.

My adult DD’s friend got top grades but didn’t take her AP exams and got a 1350 M+V on the SAT. She is a second year med student.

Agreed.


My youngest took every AP course he could, why because coursework ended a month before non AP courses. He never studied for the exams. Sometimes he got credit sometimes not. He could have cared less. Always got A's & B's without really applying himself. Played games with MCPS testing, would fail on purpose to take test or quiz over for no penality (great policy MCPS, NO).Went away to college Engineering again could have cared less about his grades or even the level of college he was at. It was a B tier engineering program. Graduated with a not great GPA again could not care less. His career, better than his siblings that went off to Ivies, who cared about grades, etc....

Difference is he's my most motivated by working. It took us a long time as parents to parent him differently than his siblings. For me more than my DH, it was so hard to let go. But, once we did he showed us his best. All we can ask as parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP’s kid is the same as 99% of teenage boys now and in 2000 and in 1980. He’s probably not going to be a deadbeat. Damn y’all are pessimists!

Rationalization is a classic defense mechanism. "All boys are like this!" No, all boys are not like this. And no, it doesn't all magically work out in the end. There are over 10 million working prime age American men — 1 in 6 — who are unemployed and living in their childhood home.

https://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2016/06/the-missing-men/488858/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe he’s just average? That’s OK, you know. Is he happy? Does he have friends?

+1. My teen DS plays more videogames than I'd like but I've learned that it's how he and his friends like to socialize. He's not at all competitive, doesn't like to join school teams/ clubs, but does well in class and, most importantly, he's kind and has good friends. He won't go to a college that DCUM finds impressive but I'm confident he'll find his way in life and be happy.

On DCUM a child is “average” because they “only” got a 1300 on the SAT or got a couple more Bs than As or only made district titles rather than state!

Grades are no longer a measure of success. ACT/SAT scores and college readiness rates are sliding, yet 50% of all 12th graders in the US have an A average GPA. Teens are several grade levels behind while maintaining As and Bs.

Do not look at your painfully unmotivated lazy child and pretend everything is ok because they have decent grades — EVERYONE has decent grades now. Nearly half the kids who begin college fail or drop out because they’re so many grade levels behind and have no discipline and no study skills.

NO EVERYONE does not have decent grades. I hate that DCUM perpetuates this lie. Plenty of kids in MCPS still struggle, and are "unimpressive". It's a very tough area to be average.

In 2019 my niece graduated from a half-decent public school district with a 3.33 GPA. Her parents bragged she was an As and Bs student who never had to study. She then decided to take classes at the local two-year community college, which required placement tests. She tested into remedial courses that were on par with 7th grade level material.

Grades are meaningless – especially non-honors and non-AP courses. And really, AP grades mean nothing if the kid can't earn at least a 3 on the AP Exam. Many kids take AP courses, get inflated grades, then totally skip or bomb the exams.

My adult DD’s friend got top grades but didn’t take her AP exams and got a 1350 M+V on the SAT. She is a second year med student.

Agreed.


My youngest took every AP course he could, why because coursework ended a month before non AP courses. He never studied for the exams. Sometimes he got credit sometimes not. He could have cared less. Always got A's & B's without really applying himself. Played games with MCPS testing, would fail on purpose to take test or quiz over for no penality (great policy MCPS, NO).Went away to college Engineering again could have cared less about his grades or even the level of college he was at. It was a B tier engineering program. Graduated with a not great GPA again could not care less. His career, better than his siblings that went off to Ivies, who cared about grades, etc....

Difference is he's my most motivated by working. It took us a long time as parents to parent him differently than his siblings. For me more than my DH, it was so hard to let go. But, once we did he showed us his best. All we can ask as parents.

there is a difference between apathy and being really good at figuring out the rules and gaming them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Agreed.

My youngest took every AP course he could, why because coursework ended a month before non AP courses. He never studied for the exams. Sometimes he got credit sometimes not. He could have cared less. Always got A's & B's without really applying himself. Played games with MCPS testing, would fail on purpose to take test or quiz over for no penalty (great policy MCPS, NO). Went away to college [to study] Engineering again could have cared less about his grades or even the level of college he was at. It was a B tier engineering program. Graduated with a not great GPA again could not care less. His career, better than his siblings that went off to Ivies, who cared about grades, etc....

Difference is he's my most motivated by working. It took us a long time as parents to parent him differently than his siblings. For me more than my DH, it was so hard to let go. But, once we did he showed us his best. All we can ask as parents.

Oy vey. Lady, are you serious? Your son earned an engineering degree, one of the toughest programs at any university, and you think he's comparable to a dull and apathetic teenage couch potato? Kids don't magically become prepared for engineering. You're exaggerating how bad things were. Dull kids don't take "every" AP course at one of the top public school districts in the United States and they don't "sometimes" get AP credit. They aren't in AP courses period, let alone randomly scoring 3s 4s 5s on official exams.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP’s kid is the same as 99% of teenage boys now and in 2000 and in 1980. He’s probably not going to be a deadbeat. Damn y’all are pessimists!

Rationalization is a classic defense mechanism. "All boys are like this!" No, all boys are not like this. And no, it doesn't all magically work out in the end. There are over 10 million working prime age American men — 1 in 6 — who are unemployed and living in their childhood home.

https://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2016/06/the-missing-men/488858/

All of you need to learn about unconditional love. That seems to be missing on here! I told my kids I’d love them even if they never took an AP class. I told them I’d pay for any college within the budget. All 3 are happy, self-supporting, balanced adults.

Life is a marathon, not a sprint.

[Anonymous]

Wow. We're in a pandemic, a global crisis of historic proportions, and you're worried about your child being unmotivated? Even most adults are feeling this way right now to varying degrees. It is a highly stressful time. Give your teen a break. They are stressed out enough right now without mom piling on to tell them they're worthless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mom, dad and son should all read JD Vance's memoir and encourage him to enlist in the military at graduation.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP’s kid is the same as 99% of teenage boys now and in 2000 and in 1980. He’s probably not going to be a deadbeat. Damn y’all are pessimists!

not really. Tons of boys have been and are very involved in school, sports, extra curricular and do well in school

OP said her child does a sport and extracurriculars and does decent in school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP’s kid is the same as 99% of teenage boys now and in 2000 and in 1980. He’s probably not going to be a deadbeat. Damn y’all are pessimists!

Rationalization is a classic defense mechanism. "All boys are like this!" No, all boys are not like this. And no, it doesn't all magically work out in the end. There are over 10 million working prime age American men — 1 in 6 — who are unemployed and living in their childhood home.

https://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2016/06/the-missing-men/488858/

All of you need to learn about unconditional love. That seems to be missing on here! I told my kids I’d love them even if they never took an AP class. I told them I’d pay for any college within the budget. All 3 are happy, self-supporting, balanced adults.

Life is a marathon, not a sprint.

+1000 Even "dull, unmotivated" kids deserve to be adored by their moms. Good god, what is wrong with you people? Did you have children to satisfy YOUR needs to look good? Shame on you for using your children's lives to satisfy your own insecurities and make YOU feel like you have some value in the world. Work on yourself and love your kids for who they are.

Believe me, OP, it will take years of therapy for your DS to come to terms with what a crappy parent you were to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Believe me, OP, it will take years of therapy for your DS to come to terms with what a crappy parent you were to him.

he better figure out how to get a good job- therapy isn't cheap

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Believe me, OP, it will take years of therapy for your DS to come to terms with what a crappy parent you were to him.

he better figure out how to get a good job- therapy isn't cheap

It is with insurance

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Believe me, OP, it will take years of therapy for your DS to come to terms with what a crappy parent you were to him.

he better figure out how to get a good job- therapy isn't cheap

It is with insurance

If you have a job that provides it at a cost you can afford- the fall from the DCUM level of privilege most be hard on kids