Coming to terms with your teen being unmotivated and unimpressive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think he sounds like a great kid, and you sound like you need some therapy around your own depression and expectations. I say that with all the love in the world. You’re thinking such critical, mean thoughts about him, and probably about yourself. You both deserve support!

Great? How does such a teen ever earn a living? My cousin was like this in his teens — he’s now an affable 37 year old... college dropout who has never had a real job and lives off his parents.

I know a ton of kids like this... so what do they do now 30 years later...

Builds houses retired at 50
paints cars make $100k/year
computer programmer, $100K/year
drives a taxi, $70K/year
Project Manager, IT, $140K/year
fixes cars, $80K/year
Works for a window replacement company, $80K/year
make/hangs signs (like signs by tomorrow), $80K/year
teacher, $90K/year
landscaping/removes trees, has 3 crews, $150K/year
builds furniture, $100K/year
replaces floors and cabinets in apartments $500K/year

I could go on forever, you need to get out of your bubble.

I appreciate your point, but it's unrealistic to think that most average kids will make so much above the average median income. The solution to OP's dilemma is not to assume that somehow her kid will magically end up making a ton of money. Of course that happens, but it shouldn't be the expected trajectory. And that's ok.

It is not unrealistic that OP's kids will make average or above average salary. He is a teen and he likes video game and sports. That is actually normal and OP sounds horrible . It's not magic, he isn't doing anything wrong. He is on the right path, it's just not the path OP imagined.

Average is much closer to 50k than the 100k plus examples

It's pretty unrealistic that OP's child who likes video games and sports is making $50K/year for the rest of his life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think he sounds like a great kid, and you sound like you need some therapy around your own depression and expectations. I say that with all the love in the world. You’re thinking such critical, mean thoughts about him, and probably about yourself. You both deserve support!

Great? How does such a teen ever earn a living? My cousin was like this in his teens — he’s now an affable 37 year old... college dropout who has never had a real job and lives off his parents.

I know a ton of kids like this... so what do they do now 30 years later...

Builds houses retired at 50
paints cars make $100k/year
computer programmer, $100K/year
drives a taxi, $70K/year
Project Manager, IT, $140K/year
fixes cars, $80K/year
Works for a window replacement company, $80K/year
make/hangs signs (like signs by tomorrow), $80K/year
teacher, $90K/year
landscaping/removes trees, has 3 crews, $150K/year
builds furniture, $100K/year
replaces floors and cabinets in apartments $500K/year

I could go on forever, you need to get out of your bubble.

DP. Out of curiosity, how do you know the salaries?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think he sounds like a great kid, and you sound like you need some therapy around your own depression and expectations. I say that with all the love in the world. You’re thinking such critical, mean thoughts about him, and probably about yourself. You both deserve support!

Great? How does such a teen ever earn a living? My cousin was like this in his teens — he’s now an affable 37 year old... college dropout who has never had a real job and lives off his parents.

I know a ton of kids like this... so what do they do now 30 years later...

Builds houses retired at 50
paints cars make $100k/year
computer programmer, $100K/year
drives a taxi, $70K/year
Project Manager, IT, $140K/year
fixes cars, $80K/year
Works for a window replacement company, $80K/year
make/hangs signs (like signs by tomorrow), $80K/year
teacher, $90K/year
landscaping/removes trees, has 3 crews, $150K/year
builds furniture, $100K/year
replaces floors and cabinets in apartments $500K/year

I could go on forever, you need to get out of your bubble.

DP. Out of curiosity, how do you know the salaries?

Those salaries are not realistic. Taxi drivers don't make 70k, they have been undercut by uber.
Window replacement and sign hangers don't make 80k, they make 40-50k.
There are plenty of men hanging out in their parents' basements not making anything and playing video games. The guys I know who make 100K in blue collar jobs weren't that good of students in high school but most of them were really good athletes and were used to working hard. Several excelled in auto shop or woodshop and some had relatives who were in the trades and got them Union apprenticeships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think he sounds like a great kid, and you sound like you need some therapy around your own depression and expectations. I say that with all the love in the world. You’re thinking such critical, mean thoughts about him, and probably about yourself. You both deserve support!

Great? How does such a teen ever earn a living? My cousin was like this in his teens — he’s now an affable 37 year old... college dropout who has never had a real job and lives off his parents.

I know a ton of kids like this... so what do they do now 30 years later...

Builds houses retired at 50
paints cars make $100k/year
computer programmer, $100K/year
drives a taxi, $70K/year
Project Manager, IT, $140K/year
fixes cars, $80K/year
Works for a window replacement company, $80K/year
make/hangs signs (like signs by tomorrow), $80K/year
teacher, $90K/year
landscaping/removes trees, has 3 crews, $150K/year
builds furniture, $100K/year
replaces floors and cabinets in apartments $500K/year

I could go on forever, you need to get out of your bubble.

I appreciate your point, but it's unrealistic to think that most average kids will make so much above the average median income. The solution to OP's dilemma is not to assume that somehow her kid will magically end up making a ton of money. Of course that happens, but it shouldn't be the expected trajectory. And that's ok.

It is not unrealistic that OP's kids will make average or above average salary. He is a teen and he likes video game and sports. That is actually normal and OP sounds horrible . It's not magic, he isn't doing anything wrong. He is on the right path, it's just not the path OP imagined.

Average is much closer to 50k than the 100k plus examples

It's pretty unrealistic that OP's child who likes video games and sports is making $50K/year for the rest of his life.

Of course, I’m sure he’ll be GM of the nats pulling in millions one day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think he sounds like a great kid, and you sound like you need some therapy around your own depression and expectations. I say that with all the love in the world. You’re thinking such critical, mean thoughts about him, and probably about yourself. You both deserve support!

Great? How does such a teen ever earn a living? My cousin was like this in his teens — he’s now an affable 37 year old... college dropout who has never had a real job and lives off his parents.

I know a ton of kids like this... so what do they do now 30 years later...

Builds houses retired at 50
paints cars make $100k/year
computer programmer, $100K/year
drives a taxi, $70K/year
Project Manager, IT, $140K/year
fixes cars, $80K/year
Works for a window replacement company, $80K/year
make/hangs signs (like signs by tomorrow), $80K/year
teacher, $90K/year
landscaping/removes trees, has 3 crews, $150K/year
builds furniture, $100K/year
replaces floors and cabinets in apartments $500K/year

I could go on forever, you need to get out of your bubble.

"I could go on forever." You posted outliers with made up salaries and likely baby boomers at that who are not applicable to a generation Z teenager growing up in 2020. Go sit in on a local court for one day and see all the young men like OPs trapped in the legal system and ducking child support because they're terminally unemployed deadbeats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Following along, and I feel the same OP. I don’t want to hijack your thread, but you are not alone.

plus 2

[Anonymous]

So far, the only thing I know about OP's kid is that he likes to play video games, enjoys watching sports, and is a mediocre athlete.

Based on her hysteria, you'd think the kid was a budding serial killer.

OP, I think this is a you problem. You may want to re-examine your priorities, and stop trying to live through your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe he’s just average? That’s OK, you know. Is he happy? Does he have friends?

+1. My teen DS plays more videogames than I'd like but I've learned that it's how he and his friends like to socialize. He's not at all competitive, doesn't like to join school teams/ clubs, but does well in class and, most importantly, he's kind and has good friends. He won't go to a college that DCUM finds impressive but I'm confident he'll find his way in life and be happy.

On DCUM a child is “average” because they “only” got a 1300 on the SAT or got a couple more Bs than As or only made district titles rather than state!

Grades are no longer a measure of success. ACT/SAT scores and college readiness rates are sliding, yet 50% of all 12th graders in the US have an A average GPA. Teens are several grade levels behind while maintaining As and Bs.

Do not look at your painfully unmotivated lazy child and pretend everything is ok because they have decent grades — EVERYONE has decent grades now. Nearly half the kids who begin college fail or drop out because they’re so many grade levels behind and have no discipline and no study skills.

NO EVERYONE does not have decent grades. I hate that DCUM perpetuates this lie. Plenty of kids in MCPS still struggle, and are "unimpressive". It's a very tough area to be average.

In 2019 my niece graduated from a half-decent public school district with a 3.33 GPA. Her parents bragged she was an As and Bs student who never had to study. She then decided to take classes at the local two-year community college, which required placement tests. She tested into remedial courses that were on par with 7th grade level material.

Grades are meaningless – especially non-honors and non-AP courses. And really, AP grades mean nothing if the kid can't earn at least a 3 on the AP Exam. Many kids take AP courses, get inflated grades, then totally skip or bomb the exams.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe he’s just average? That’s OK, you know. Is he happy? Does he have friends?

+1. My teen DS plays more videogames than I'd like but I've learned that it's how he and his friends like to socialize. He's not at all competitive, doesn't like to join school teams/ clubs, but does well in class and, most importantly, he's kind and has good friends. He won't go to a college that DCUM finds impressive but I'm confident he'll find his way in life and be happy.

Literally anyone can get into college. Just take out pell grants, loans, or parents pay. But about half drop or fail out before earning a degree -- young men are the most susceptible to dropping and failing out. This is a widely publicized issue.

[Anonymous]

OP’s kid is the same as 99% of teenage boys now and in 2000 and in 1980. He’s probably not going to be a deadbeat. Damn y’all are pessimists!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think he sounds like a great kid, and you sound like you need some therapy around your own depression and expectations. I say that with all the love in the world. You’re thinking such critical, mean thoughts about him, and probably about yourself. You both deserve support!

Great? How does such a teen ever earn a living? My cousin was like this in his teens — he’s now an affable 37 year old... college dropout who has never had a real job and lives off his parents.

I know a ton of kids like this... so what do they do now 30 years later...

Builds houses retired at 50
paints cars make $100k/year
computer programmer, $100K/year
drives a taxi, $70K/year
Project Manager, IT, $140K/year
fixes cars, $80K/year
Works for a window replacement company, $80K/year
make/hangs signs (like signs by tomorrow), $80K/year
teacher, $90K/year
landscaping/removes trees, has 3 crews, $150K/year
builds furniture, $100K/year
replaces floors and cabinets in apartments $500K/year

I could go on forever, you need to get out of your bubble.

"I could go on forever." You posted outliers with made up salaries and likely baby boomers at that who are not applicable to a generation Z teenager growing up in 2020. Go sit in on a local court for one day and see all the young men like OPs trapped in the legal system and ducking child support because they're terminally unemployed deadbeats.

😂😂😂 Please tell me exactly what about OP’s post makes you think that. I’m sure your children are brilliant little angels who will go on to be millionaires and never experience conflicts!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe he’s just average? That’s OK, you know. Is he happy? Does he have friends?

+1. My teen DS plays more videogames than I'd like but I've learned that it's how he and his friends like to socialize. He's not at all competitive, doesn't like to join school teams/ clubs, but does well in class and, most importantly, he's kind and has good friends. He won't go to a college that DCUM finds impressive but I'm confident he'll find his way in life and be happy.

On DCUM a child is “average” because they “only” got a 1300 on the SAT or got a couple more Bs than As or only made district titles rather than state!

Grades are no longer a measure of success. ACT/SAT scores and college readiness rates are sliding, yet 50% of all 12th graders in the US have an A average GPA. Teens are several grade levels behind while maintaining As and Bs.

Do not look at your painfully unmotivated lazy child and pretend everything is ok because they have decent grades — EVERYONE has decent grades now. Nearly half the kids who begin college fail or drop out because they’re so many grade levels behind and have no discipline and no study skills.

NO EVERYONE does not have decent grades. I hate that DCUM perpetuates this lie. Plenty of kids in MCPS still struggle, and are "unimpressive". It's a very tough area to be average.

In 2019 my niece graduated from a half-decent public school district with a 3.33 GPA. Her parents bragged she was an As and Bs student who never had to study. She then decided to take classes at the local two-year community college, which required placement tests. She tested into remedial courses that were on par with 7th grade level material.

Grades are meaningless – especially non-honors and non-AP courses. And really, AP grades mean nothing if the kid can't earn at least a 3 on the AP Exam. Many kids take AP courses, get inflated grades, then totally skip or bomb the exams.

My adult DD’s friend got top grades but didn’t take her AP exams and got a 1350 M+V on the SAT. She is a second year med student.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Life is not a straight line. And productivity isn’t the only measure of a person’s worth. You need to chill waaaay TF out.

This is correct. Especially productivity in a teen they change so much between 13-15 then 16 -18 -19- twenty somethings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Life is not a straight line. And productivity isn’t the only measure of a person’s worth. You need to chill waaaay TF out.

This is correct. Especially productivity in a teen they change so much between 13-15 then 16 -18 -19- twenty somethings.

Wishing for a late bloomer is a cope and magical thinking. No different than wishing you win the lottery.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the posters who said life is not a stright line, and it's okay to be average.

OP whose big dream is it? Yours or his? If it's yours you need to step all the way back.

If it's his, he might need some encouragment to get n track, but realize his path to achieving that dream may not be 4 years of full time college right after high school.