Coming to terms with your teen being unmotivated and unimpressive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don't get this. Really. It seems that nobody is willing to accept that most people are average- there have to be lots of average people in order for above average or superior performers to be distinguishable from everyone else. But yet we all expect our kids to be stars in their sports, activities, appearances -- all of it. No wonder we are raising an entire generation of depressed, anxious, stressed teens. Who they are just isn't enough for anyone. Some react with self harm, some push themselves to unreasonable limits, and some just spend a whole lot of time wondering who they "really are" because it's apparently supposed to be someone else. What are we doing here?

This.

I get so hung up in the phrase “unimpressive.” To whom? I think often these parents are just upset that their kids aren’t doing something they can brag to neighbors and family-members about. OP wants to be able to say “Junior just made varsity and his SAT score is through the roof!” That’s it. If she was focused on her kids well being and development, she wouldn’t care if he was impressive. She’d be focused on stuff like his mood, his sociability, and his communication abilities. She’d focus on her relationship with him, taking an interest in his interests instead of complaining on the internet about it.

People need to parent the kids they have and stop wishing for some sitcom stereotype.

At what age do you recommend admitting you have an average or even below average kid and stop trying to coach them up? Or do you not believe coaching up even works?

What’s wrong with being average?

[Anonymous]

Being average doesn’t cut it anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being average doesn’t cut it anymore.

Yes, it does. Above average people are labeled “weird”.

[Anonymous]

There is a girl in my daughters school who has been made to become "the best" in a sport. Think dance moms but worse. The child has been pushed and dragged from the time she was small to practice every day for hours. She is made to miss many of the "average " things in life that a girl her age should have experience with and her personality is hard to swallow because of the missed opportunities to develop normally. She is also anxious. Another child has been made to be "the best" in academics and also has tremendous anxiety and is not allowed to do some of the normal things that kids do.

You would not want either of these children to be your own. If you believe that a little extra hard work leads to being #1 you are mistaken. Talent takes a back seat to the hours upon hours of work it takes to be the best. It is a sad price to pay for something that really, let's face it, impresses no one for more than a few minutes and makes the kid miserable.