Coming to terms with your teen being unmotivated and unimpressive?

[Anonymous]

Hi OP, I am wondering why your post starts with “assuming no health issues” when, in fact, your kid has a known health issue. I think it might be helpful for you to read up on the many varied effects of ADHD so you will have a better idea of what to expect. Boys in general, boys with ADHD particularly, are often years behind their peers in terms of getting themselves together to be productive, motivated, ready to get on with it. Don’t give up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP, I am wondering why your post starts with “assuming no health issues” when, in fact, your kid has a known health issue. I think it might be helpful for you to read up on the many varied effects of ADHD so you will have a better idea of what to expect. Boys in general, boys with ADHD particularly, are often years behind their peers in terms of getting themselves together to be productive, motivated, ready to get on with it. Don’t give up.

The OPs kid doesn't have ADHD (that she knows anyway), another poster brought up her kid with ADHD and the two are getting confused in the discussion after that.

[Anonymous]

I think the op has come to accept their kid will be average..see the post heading. Most kids just turn out average. It is a major ego shock to some parents who were fantasizing otherwise. As for having to deal with a drug addicted lazy kid (PP post)or a good student who got into Stanford..would obviously pick Stanford kid every time. Shows the kid was disciplined and worked hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the op has come to accept their kid will be average..see the post heading. Most kids just turn out average. It is a major ego shock to some parents who were fantasizing otherwise. As for having to deal with a drug addicted lazy kid (PP post)or a good student who got into Stanford..would obviously pick Stanford kid every time. Shows the kid was disciplined and worked hard.

Glad to hear that. Carry on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe he’s just average? That’s OK, you know. Is he happy? Does he have friends?

+1. My teen DS plays more videogames than I'd like but I've learned that it's how he and his friends like to socialize. He's not at all competitive, doesn't like to join school teams/ clubs, but does well in class and, most importantly, he's kind and has good friends. He won't go to a college that DCUM finds impressive but I'm confident he'll find his way in life and be happy.

On DCUM a child is “average” because they “only” got a 1300 on the SAT or got a couple more Bs than As or only made district titles rather than state!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the op has come to accept their kid will be average..see the post heading. Most kids just turn out average. It is a major ego shock to some parents who were fantasizing otherwise. As for having to deal with a drug addicted lazy kid (PP post)or a good student who got into Stanford..would obviously pick Stanford kid every time. Shows the kid was disciplined and worked hard.

LOL you don’t think potheads go to Stanford?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think he sounds like a great kid, and you sound like you need some therapy around your own depression and expectations. I say that with all the love in the world. You’re thinking such critical, mean thoughts about him, and probably about yourself. You both deserve support!

Great? How does such a teen ever earn a living? My cousin was like this in his teens — he’s now an affable 37 year old... college dropout who has never had a real job and lives off his parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe he’s just average? That’s OK, you know. Is he happy? Does he have friends?

+1. My teen DS plays more videogames than I'd like but I've learned that it's how he and his friends like to socialize. He's not at all competitive, doesn't like to join school teams/ clubs, but does well in class and, most importantly, he's kind and has good friends. He won't go to a college that DCUM finds impressive but I'm confident he'll find his way in life and be happy.

On DCUM a child is “average” because they “only” got a 1300 on the SAT or got a couple more Bs than As or only made district titles rather than state!

Grades are no longer a measure of success. ACT/SAT scores and college readiness rates are sliding, yet 50% of all 12th graders in the US have an A average GPA. Teens are several grade levels behind while maintaining As and Bs.

Do not look at your painfully unmotivated lazy child and pretend everything is ok because they have decent grades — EVERYONE has decent grades now. Nearly half the kids who begin college fail or drop out because they’re so many grade levels behind and have no discipline and no study skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP, I am wondering why your post starts with “assuming no health issues” when, in fact, your kid has a known health issue. I think it might be helpful for you to read up on the many varied effects of ADHD so you will have a better idea of what to expect. Boys in general, boys with ADHD particularly, are often years behind their peers in terms of getting themselves together to be productive, motivated, ready to get on with it. Don’t give up.

Seems half the boys in private school have an Adderall script for ADHD. ADHD is not on par with say Down’s syndrome or dyslexia or a cancer diagnosis.

[Anonymous]

Just reading your post you seem like the biggest problem. You really sound awful. If I was your child I would hide in the basement and play video games and watch sports all day.

You sound like you won't be happy no matter what he does so why try.

I would do individual counseling to find out why you are so harsh and unloving/unlovable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe he’s just average? That’s OK, you know. Is he happy? Does he have friends?

+1. My teen DS plays more videogames than I'd like but I've learned that it's how he and his friends like to socialize. He's not at all competitive, doesn't like to join school teams/ clubs, but does well in class and, most importantly, he's kind and has good friends. He won't go to a college that DCUM finds impressive but I'm confident he'll find his way in life and be happy.

On DCUM a child is “average” because they “only” got a 1300 on the SAT or got a couple more Bs than As or only made district titles rather than state!

Grades are no longer a measure of success. ACT/SAT scores and college readiness rates are sliding, yet 50% of all 12th graders in the US have an A average GPA. Teens are several grade levels behind while maintaining As and Bs.

Do not look at your painfully unmotivated lazy child and pretend everything is ok because they have decent grades — EVERYONE has decent grades now. Nearly half the kids who begin college fail or drop out because they’re so many grade levels behind and have no discipline and no study skills.

NO EVERYONE does not have decent grades. I hate that DCUM perpetuates this lie. Plenty of kids in MCPS still struggle, and are "unimpressive". It's a very tough area to be average.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe he’s just average? That’s OK, you know. Is he happy? Does he have friends?

+1. My teen DS plays more videogames than I'd like but I've learned that it's how he and his friends like to socialize. He's not at all competitive, doesn't like to join school teams/ clubs, but does well in class and, most importantly, he's kind and has good friends. He won't go to a college that DCUM finds impressive but I'm confident he'll find his way in life and be happy.

On DCUM a child is “average” because they “only” got a 1300 on the SAT or got a couple more Bs than As or only made district titles rather than state!

Grades are no longer a measure of success. ACT/SAT scores and college readiness rates are sliding, yet 50% of all 12th graders in the US have an A average GPA. Teens are several grade levels behind while maintaining As and Bs.

Do not look at your painfully unmotivated lazy child and pretend everything is ok because they have decent grades — EVERYONE has decent grades now. Nearly half the kids who begin college fail or drop out because they’re so many grade levels behind and have no discipline and no study skills.

The sky is falling! But really, only about 15-20% of test takers get above ~1250 on the SAT and on DCUM that’s “average.” You need to take statistics again. If a kid drops out of college they aren’t meant to go to college and it’s sad but it’s not a reflection of their character as a person. There are other options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think he sounds like a great kid, and you sound like you need some therapy around your own depression and expectations. I say that with all the love in the world. You’re thinking such critical, mean thoughts about him, and probably about yourself. You both deserve support!

Great? How does such a teen ever earn a living? My cousin was like this in his teens — he’s now an affable 37 year old... college dropout who has never had a real job and lives off his parents.

An undeveloped teen getting bad grades does not mean they will never earn a living! I feel so sorry for your kids. I know tons of people who matured and went to directionals, cc, or trade schools and make living, support a family, and are happy. You don’t have to live in Manhattan or Bethesda to enjoy your life. What. The. Hell. —Ivy grad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why assuming no issues? My teen has severe ADHD and associated learning disabilities. His schooling is decent, but not impressive, and left to himself, he'd be playing video games all day, because ADHD and addictive personalities go hand in hand. He needs A LOT of supervision, and will need a lot of supervision in college as well. Despite what idiots say on DCUM about letting their kids fail at a certain age, my son is part of a population that needs an extra decade in order to be a responsible, productive, adult. I know, because my husband and myself were like this too, and we are grateful our parents steered us in the right direction for longer than average.

You might want to double check whether yours has ADHD.

This. I had undiagnosed ADHD and wasn't diagnosed until after my son was. It took me 9 years to graduate from college (which included one year of dropping out completely followed by several years of part-time attendance). I went on to law school and got my JD but failed the bar. I have a job now that I really like, where I make a difference. I am married with kids and a dog. I have decent savings but not as well off financially as someone who did the traditional path to success. However, I am a productive member of society and generally happy. That's all I want for my kid, but also realize it will likely take him longer than what we deem as "normal."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think he sounds like a great kid, and you sound like you need some therapy around your own depression and expectations. I say that with all the love in the world. You’re thinking such critical, mean thoughts about him, and probably about yourself. You both deserve support!

Great? How does such a teen ever earn a living? My cousin was like this in his teens — he’s now an affable 37 year old... college dropout who has never had a real job and lives off his parents.

“History is filled with the sound of silken slippers going downstairs and wooden shoes coming up.” He’ll be able to earn a living, just not have the same UMC existence as his parents