Third Child or Advanced Degree?

[Anonymous]

Advanced degree! You already have the two kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We don’t have separate finances but I like to be realistic that anything can happen and I will be the sole provider. I do not want to quit my job ( I did go PT for 1 year with each kid) because anything can happen and I want to be able to contribute financially. My husband is not comfortable with a SAHM and wants me to work.

Do you really want to go to school or is it your husband pushing you to go? He won’t let you be a SAHM? He sounds like a jerk. He makes more than enough to allow you to stay home. I wouldn’t quit my job because I can see divorce in your future.

She needs to make her own money. Of course he doesn't want her to be dependent on him.

Ok. But she really isn’t contributing much to their finances. She makes $80k/yr. He makes enough that everything she makes is taxed at 35%. Plus state and local taxes and social security. So she brings home maybe $45k/yr. And then she pays for childcare while she is working. Let’s say she only has her nanny part time and pays $20/hr for 25 hours/wk. That’s $500/wk x 52 weeks/yr = $26k/yr. So after taxes and childcare, she brings home roughly $1500/month. Meanwhile he brings home roughly $20-25k/month.

I just don’t see how it’s really even worth it for her to work. Particularly if she doesn’t like her job.

[Anonymous]

I would go for the third child and do the advanced degree full time and not part time.

DH is a surgeon and many of the NPs stay home after having multiple kids. He has lost 2 in the past 5 years. We also know PAs and NPs who married doctors who stopped working as soon as they had children.

Juggling three kids is a lot of work. I thought the younger years were tough. Then there are sports, after school activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We don’t have separate finances but I like to be realistic that anything can happen and I will be the sole provider. I do not want to quit my job ( I did go PT for 1 year with each kid) because anything can happen and I want to be able to contribute financially. My husband is not comfortable with a SAHM and wants me to work.

Do you really want to go to school or is it your husband pushing you to go? He won’t let you be a SAHM? He sounds like a jerk. He makes more than enough to allow you to stay home. I wouldn’t quit my job because I can see divorce in your future.

She needs to make her own money. Of course he doesn't want her to be dependent on him.

Ok. But she really isn’t contributing much to their finances. She makes $80k/yr. He makes enough that everything she makes is taxed at 35%. Plus state and local taxes and social security. So she brings home maybe $45k/yr. And then she pays for childcare while she is working. Let’s say she only has her nanny part time and pays $20/hr for 25 hours/wk. That’s $500/wk x 52 weeks/yr = $26k/yr. So after taxes and childcare, she brings home roughly $1500/month. Meanwhile he brings home roughly $20-25k/month.

I just don’t see how it’s really even worth it for her to work. Particularly if she doesn’t like her job.

NP. This thread is odd. I make $30k/yr and DH makes $120k/yr. Is this a point of contention for couples ?!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We don’t have separate finances but I like to be realistic that anything can happen and I will be the sole provider. I do not want to quit my job ( I did go PT for 1 year with each kid) because anything can happen and I want to be able to contribute financially. My husband is not comfortable with a SAHM and wants me to work.

Do you really want to go to school or is it your husband pushing you to go? He won’t let you be a SAHM? He sounds like a jerk. He makes more than enough to allow you to stay home. I wouldn’t quit my job because I can see divorce in your future.

She needs to make her own money. Of course he doesn't want her to be dependent on him.

Ok. But she really isn’t contributing much to their finances. She makes $80k/yr. He makes enough that everything she makes is taxed at 35%. Plus state and local taxes and social security. So she brings home maybe $45k/yr. And then she pays for childcare while she is working. Let’s say she only has her nanny part time and pays $20/hr for 25 hours/wk. That’s $500/wk x 52 weeks/yr = $26k/yr. So after taxes and childcare, she brings home roughly $1500/month. Meanwhile he brings home roughly $20-25k/month.

I just don’t see how it’s really even worth it for her to work. Particularly if she doesn’t like her job.

Once she has the degree, maybe she will like the new job better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We don’t have separate finances but I like to be realistic that anything can happen and I will be the sole provider. I do not want to quit my job ( I did go PT for 1 year with each kid) because anything can happen and I want to be able to contribute financially. My husband is not comfortable with a SAHM and wants me to work.

Do you really want to go to school or is it your husband pushing you to go? He won’t let you be a SAHM? He sounds like a jerk. He makes more than enough to allow you to stay home. I wouldn’t quit my job because I can see divorce in your future.

She needs to make her own money. Of course he doesn't want her to be dependent on him.

Ok. But she really isn’t contributing much to their finances. She makes $80k/yr. He makes enough that everything she makes is taxed at 35%. Plus state and local taxes and social security. So she brings home maybe $45k/yr. And then she pays for childcare while she is working. Let’s say she only has her nanny part time and pays $20/hr for 25 hours/wk. That’s $500/wk x 52 weeks/yr = $26k/yr. So after taxes and childcare, she brings home roughly $1500/month. Meanwhile he brings home roughly $20-25k/month.

I just don’t see how it’s really even worth it for her to work. Particularly if she doesn’t like her job.

Early on in my career my husband corrected me on this point. We pay for childcare, not me. To assume that childcare comes out of the woman’s salary is sexist. The children belong to both parents, and if he’s working he also needs it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We don’t have separate finances but I like to be realistic that anything can happen and I will be the sole provider. I do not want to quit my job ( I did go PT for 1 year with each kid) because anything can happen and I want to be able to contribute financially. My husband is not comfortable with a SAHM and wants me to work.

Do you really want to go to school or is it your husband pushing you to go? He won’t let you be a SAHM? He sounds like a jerk. He makes more than enough to allow you to stay home. I wouldn’t quit my job because I can see divorce in your future.

She needs to make her own money. Of course he doesn't want her to be dependent on him.

Ok. But she really isn’t contributing much to their finances. She makes $80k/yr. He makes enough that everything she makes is taxed at 35%. Plus state and local taxes and social security. So she brings home maybe $45k/yr. And then she pays for childcare while she is working. Let’s say she only has her nanny part time and pays $20/hr for 25 hours/wk. That’s $500/wk x 52 weeks/yr = $26k/yr. So after taxes and childcare, she brings home roughly $1500/month. Meanwhile he brings home roughly $20-25k/month.

I just don’t see how it’s really even worth it for her to work. Particularly if she doesn’t like her job.

Early on in my career my husband corrected me on this point. We pay for childcare, not me. To assume that childcare comes out of the woman’s salary is sexist. The children belong to both parents, and if he’s working he also needs it.

This makes sense only if you would pay for childcare even if one of you were to SAH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We don’t have separate finances but I like to be realistic that anything can happen and I will be the sole provider. I do not want to quit my job ( I did go PT for 1 year with each kid) because anything can happen and I want to be able to contribute financially. My husband is not comfortable with a SAHM and wants me to work.

Do you really want to go to school or is it your husband pushing you to go? He won’t let you be a SAHM? He sounds like a jerk. He makes more than enough to allow you to stay home. I wouldn’t quit my job because I can see divorce in your future.

She needs to make her own money. Of course he doesn't want her to be dependent on him.

Ok. But she really isn’t contributing much to their finances. She makes $80k/yr. He makes enough that everything she makes is taxed at 35%. Plus state and local taxes and social security. So she brings home maybe $45k/yr. And then she pays for childcare while she is working. Let’s say she only has her nanny part time and pays $20/hr for 25 hours/wk. That’s $500/wk x 52 weeks/yr = $26k/yr. So after taxes and childcare, she brings home roughly $1500/month. Meanwhile he brings home roughly $20-25k/month.

I just don’t see how it’s really even worth it for her to work. Particularly if she doesn’t like her job.

NP. This thread is odd. I make $30k/yr and DH makes $120k/yr. Is this a point of contention for couples ?!?

It would be for me.
I think it’s odd to expect your spouse to work full time if they want to be at home with the kids and it doesn’t make any difference to your finances.
Does your DH have a thing about you not being dependent on him too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We don’t have separate finances but I like to be realistic that anything can happen and I will be the sole provider. I do not want to quit my job ( I did go PT for 1 year with each kid) because anything can happen and I want to be able to contribute financially. My husband is not comfortable with a SAHM and wants me to work.

Do you really want to go to school or is it your husband pushing you to go? He won’t let you be a SAHM? He sounds like a jerk. He makes more than enough to allow you to stay home. I wouldn’t quit my job because I can see divorce in your future.

She needs to make her own money. Of course he doesn't want her to be dependent on him.

Ok. But she really isn’t contributing much to their finances. She makes $80k/yr. He makes enough that everything she makes is taxed at 35%. Plus state and local taxes and social security. So she brings home maybe $45k/yr. And then she pays for childcare while she is working. Let’s say she only has her nanny part time and pays $20/hr for 25 hours/wk. That’s $500/wk x 52 weeks/yr = $26k/yr. So after taxes and childcare, she brings home roughly $1500/month. Meanwhile he brings home roughly $20-25k/month.

I just don’t see how it’s really even worth it for her to work. Particularly if she doesn’t like her job.

Once she has the degree, maybe she will like the new job better.

Maybe. She said that she wanted the degree to have better hours though, not because she thinks she will like it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP your post annoys everyone for a plethora of reasons. Most obviously because you hid your HHI. That is a huge factor in most people’s calculus. So we are left to wonder about your straightforwardness and/or your judgement. In various circumstances, the advanced degree could be financially critical and wise or instead selfish and clueless in terms of your family.

NP. I am not annoyed by her thread? And she didn't hide her HHI. If she had we wouldn't know it. Get your facts straight before you start through shade.

That said, she wants a sounding board. What's wrong with that? Nothing.

[Anonymous]

Have the baby. They're a lot more important long term. Look at it as a valuable component of your retirement - spreads around the burden of finding a doctor, explaining for the eleventh time how your cell phone works, bringing the grandchildren by for a visit...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We don’t have separate finances but I like to be realistic that anything can happen and I will be the sole provider. I do not want to quit my job ( I did go PT for 1 year with each kid) because anything can happen and I want to be able to contribute financially. My husband is not comfortable with a SAHM and wants me to work.

Do you really want to go to school or is it your husband pushing you to go? He won’t let you be a SAHM? He sounds like a jerk. He makes more than enough to allow you to stay home. I wouldn’t quit my job because I can see divorce in your future.

She needs to make her own money. Of course he doesn't want her to be dependent on him.

Ok. But she really isn’t contributing much to their finances. She makes $80k/yr. He makes enough that everything she makes is taxed at 35%. Plus state and local taxes and social security. So she brings home maybe $45k/yr. And then she pays for childcare while she is working. Let’s say she only has her nanny part time and pays $20/hr for 25 hours/wk. That’s $500/wk x 52 weeks/yr = $26k/yr. So after taxes and childcare, she brings home roughly $1500/month. Meanwhile he brings home roughly $20-25k/month.

I just don’t see how it’s really even worth it for her to work. Particularly if she doesn’t like her job.

NP. This thread is odd. I make $30k/yr and DH makes $120k/yr. Is this a point of contention for couples ?!?

It would be for me.
I think it’s odd to expect your spouse to work full time if they want to be at home with the kids and it doesn’t make any difference to your finances.
Does your DH have a thing about you not being dependent on him too?

I think it's odd that you assume OP WANTS to be at home with the kids. She has a job that she wants to get an advanced degree in. Most people who don't want to work would take that path. So it sounds like she doesn't want to stay home with her kids. It's also not demonic that her husband doesn't want a SAHM. I know men like that and they're not jerks, they just don't like the SAH dynamic. I wouldn't want a SAHD, to be honest. It's one thing if you're talking when the kids are young, but she said she stayed home with each of them for the first year. There's more to working than the paycheck, which some people can't seem to comprehend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP your post annoys everyone for a plethora of reasons. Most obviously because you hid your HHI. That is a huge factor in most people’s calculus. So we are left to wonder about your straightforwardness and/or your judgement. In various circumstances, the advanced degree could be financially critical and wise or instead selfish and clueless in terms of your family.

NP. I am not annoyed by her thread? And she didn't hide her HHI. If she had we wouldn't know it. Get your facts straight before you start through shade.

That said, she wants a sounding board. What's wrong with that? Nothing.

THIS. OP, the reason everyone is hating on you is because they're jealous about your HHI. Honestly, if you had lied and said your HHI was $150K, you would have gotten much less hostile questions. I mean, honestly first PP - you're let to wonder about OP's judgment? What on earth are you talking about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We don’t have separate finances but I like to be realistic that anything can happen and I will be the sole provider. I do not want to quit my job ( I did go PT for 1 year with each kid) because anything can happen and I want to be able to contribute financially. My husband is not comfortable with a SAHM and wants me to work.

Do you really want to go to school or is it your husband pushing you to go? He won’t let you be a SAHM? He sounds like a jerk. He makes more than enough to allow you to stay home. I wouldn’t quit my job because I can see divorce in your future.

She needs to make her own money. Of course he doesn't want her to be dependent on him.

Ok. But she really isn’t contributing much to their finances. She makes $80k/yr. He makes enough that everything she makes is taxed at 35%. Plus state and local taxes and social security. So she brings home maybe $45k/yr. And then she pays for childcare while she is working. Let’s say she only has her nanny part time and pays $20/hr for 25 hours/wk. That’s $500/wk x 52 weeks/yr = $26k/yr. So after taxes and childcare, she brings home roughly $1500/month. Meanwhile he brings home roughly $20-25k/month.

I just don’t see how it’s really even worth it for her to work. Particularly if she doesn’t like her job.

NP. This thread is odd. I make $30k/yr and DH makes $120k/yr. Is this a point of contention for couples ?!?

It would be for me.
I think it’s odd to expect your spouse to work full time if they want to be at home with the kids and it doesn’t make any difference to your finances.
Does your DH have a thing about you not being dependent on him too?

I think it's odd that you assume OP WANTS to be at home with the kids. She has a job that she wants to get an advanced degree in. Most people who don't want to work would take that path. So it sounds like she doesn't want to stay home with her kids. It's also not demonic that her husband doesn't want a SAHM. I know men like that and they're not jerks, they just don't like the SAH dynamic. I wouldn't want a SAHD, to be honest. It's one thing if you're talking when the kids are young, but she said she stayed home with each of them for the first year. There's more to working than the paycheck, which some people can't seem to comprehend.

I don’t know. If you don’t want to married to a SAHM, then don’t marry a nanny when you make $350k/yr.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We don’t have separate finances but I like to be realistic that anything can happen and I will be the sole provider. I do not want to quit my job ( I did go PT for 1 year with each kid) because anything can happen and I want to be able to contribute financially. My husband is not comfortable with a SAHM and wants me to work.

Do you really want to go to school or is it your husband pushing you to go? He won’t let you be a SAHM? He sounds like a jerk. He makes more than enough to allow you to stay home. I wouldn’t quit my job because I can see divorce in your future.

She needs to make her own money. Of course he doesn't want her to be dependent on him.

Ok. But she really isn’t contributing much to their finances. She makes $80k/yr. He makes enough that everything she makes is taxed at 35%. Plus state and local taxes and social security. So she brings home maybe $45k/yr. And then she pays for childcare while she is working. Let’s say she only has her nanny part time and pays $20/hr for 25 hours/wk. That’s $500/wk x 52 weeks/yr = $26k/yr. So after taxes and childcare, she brings home roughly $1500/month. Meanwhile he brings home roughly $20-25k/month.

I just don’t see how it’s really even worth it for her to work. Particularly if she doesn’t like her job.

NP. This thread is odd. I make $30k/yr and DH makes $120k/yr. Is this a point of contention for couples ?!?

It would be for me.
I think it’s odd to expect your spouse to work full time if they want to be at home with the kids and it doesn’t make any difference to your finances.
Does your DH have a thing about you not being dependent on him too?

I think it's odd that you assume OP WANTS to be at home with the kids. She has a job that she wants to get an advanced degree in. Most people who don't want to work would take that path. So it sounds like she doesn't want to stay home with her kids. It's also not demonic that her husband doesn't want a SAHM. I know men like that and they're not jerks, they just don't like the SAH dynamic. I wouldn't want a SAHD, to be honest. It's one thing if you're talking when the kids are young, but she said she stayed home with each of them for the first year. There's more to working than the paycheck, which some people can't seem to comprehend.

I don’t know. If you don’t want to married to a SAHM, then don’t marry a nanny when you make $350k/yr.

PP here. Fair enough.

Although it's possible she was on the nursing by the time they got married.