Third Child or Advanced Degree?

[Anonymous]

Degree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We don’t have separate finances but I like to be realistic that anything can happen and I will be the sole provider. I do not want to quit my job ( I did go PT for 1 year with each kid) because anything can happen and I want to be able to contribute financially. My husband is not comfortable with a SAHM and wants me to work.

Do you really want to go to school or is it your husband pushing you to go? He won’t let you be a SAHM? He sounds like a jerk. He makes more than enough to allow you to stay home. I wouldn’t quit my job because I can see divorce in your future.

She needs to make her own money. Of course he doesn't want her to be dependent on him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you white middle class and is he some type of indo Asian upper class? Are you at odds with MIL? If so—protect yourself already.

OP here. We are both white. I’m very close with my MIL.

[Anonymous]

I vote degree all the way. Child will drain you physically, financially, emotionally, tax the marriage, change the day to day life of everyone in the house, make more work. Degree can only mean good things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you white middle class and is he some type of indo Asian upper class? Are you at odds with MIL? If so—protect yourself already.

I don’t know if her husband is non white or white, but the inheritance, mil, etc suggest he is from a wealthier background than her (going to nursing school in her 30s) and yes she should be careful in the event of a divorce .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you white middle class and is he some type of indo Asian upper class? Are you at odds with MIL? If so—protect yourself already.

+1 . OP come back and be straight if you want good advice.

[Anonymous]

Get the degree op and protect the kids you have, unless you also have your own inheritance and family wealth/support to fall back on which it doesn’t sound like you have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP your post annoys everyone for a plethora of reasons. Most obviously because you hid your HHI. That is a huge factor in most people’s calculus. So we are left to wonder about your straightforwardness and/or your judgement. In various circumstances, the advanced degree could be financially critical and wise or instead selfish and clueless in terms of your family. [/quote


Nailed it.

Yes! I’m confused OP.

[Anonymous]

I always think it’s a little odd when a couple with very mismatched salaries tries to give each career equal weight. It makes the lower earning spouse seem insecure and competitive.
You were a nanny and you married a high earning guy. So you went back to school and got an RN, and now you want to be an NP. Why? All through your twenties, your career wasn’t a priority. When you were dating, you weren’t super into your career. And now that you are 38 and you have all of these other responsibilities as wife and mother your career is suddenly important to you? What is that about?

[Anonymous]

Get the degree unless you can get a postnuptial agreement that gives you some security. I'm watching a friend who doesnt have much of an income of her own get divorced in her 50s, not her choice, because she took care of the three children and sacrificed her career. It's an old story and it's never pretty.

[Anonymous]

Neither.

[Anonymous]

Ops husband is looking for a younger nanny to marry. Get the degree and protect yourself and your kids.

[Anonymous]

Basically it comes down to 2 questions for you,
1. Which one is more important for you? Third kid or advanced degree?
2. Can you live without the less important one with no/little regret?

The better odd/chance is to have the third kid now and purse the degree later to have both. There's no guarantee that you will have time and energy with 3 kids to pursue the degree, but at least in this option, you more likely to be in control, to have a choice of whether to get the degree.
If you go for the degree first, 3 years from now, at 41, your chance of conceiving would be low and out of your hands.
Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Neither

[Anonymous]

I would get the degree and not have a third. I do think it’s weird your husband makes your decisions for you. As in do you want to be a sahm? It’s not a gig that lasts forever btw. I did it for 8 years and now I’m back at work. But I tell you this as a well off person with my own money and inheritance who doesn’t give a shit if my husband thinks I should work if not-that’s not really about who I am. Be your own person. Geez. Definitely improve your income levels and education so if you get tired of being controlled you have the option to leave.