Third Child or Advanced Degree?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We don’t have separate finances but I like to be realistic that anything can happen and I will be the sole provider. I do not want to quit my job ( I did go PT for 1 year with each kid) because anything can happen and I want to be able to contribute financially. My husband is not comfortable with a SAHM and wants me to work.

Do you really want to go to school or is it your husband pushing you to go? He won’t let you be a SAHM? He sounds like a jerk. He makes more than enough to allow you to stay home. I wouldn’t quit my job because I can see divorce in your future.

She needs to make her own money. Of course he doesn't want her to be dependent on him.

Ok. But she really isn’t contributing much to their finances. She makes $80k/yr. He makes enough that everything she makes is taxed at 35%. Plus state and local taxes and social security. So she brings home maybe $45k/yr. And then she pays for childcare while she is working. Let’s say she only has her nanny part time and pays $20/hr for 25 hours/wk. That’s $500/wk x 52 weeks/yr = $26k/yr. So after taxes and childcare, she brings home roughly $1500/month. Meanwhile he brings home roughly $20-25k/month.

I just don’t see how it’s really even worth it for her to work. Particularly if she doesn’t like her job.

NP. This thread is odd. I make $30k/yr and DH makes $120k/yr. Is this a point of contention for couples ?!?

It would be for me.
I think it’s odd to expect your spouse to work full time if they want to be at home with the kids and it doesn’t make any difference to your finances.
Does your DH have a thing about you not being dependent on him too?

I think it's odd that you assume OP WANTS to be at home with the kids. She has a job that she wants to get an advanced degree in. Most people who don't want to work would take that path. So it sounds like she doesn't want to stay home with her kids. It's also not demonic that her husband doesn't want a SAHM. I know men like that and they're not jerks, they just don't like the SAH dynamic. I wouldn't want a SAHD, to be honest. It's one thing if you're talking when the kids are young, but she said she stayed home with each of them for the first year. There's more to working than the paycheck, which some people can't seem to comprehend.

I don’t know. If you don’t want to married to a SAHM, then don’t marry a nanny when you make $350k/yr.

PP here. Fair enough.

Although it's possible she was on the nursing by the time they got married.

It looks like she started nursing right around when her oldest child was born (she was 35, she’s 38 now, the child is 3).
I understand continuing to work even if you aren’t contributing much financially because you love your job or it’s part of your identity, but she just started when her kids were born, and has mostly been working part time. I also understand doing it if you are a you lose a lot if yor are in a career where you take a big hit if you take time off, but nursing isn’t really like that. People take years away or just do PRN work all of the time. This whole thing seems odd to me.

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't know why people are being so nasty to you. I think you just have to decide what kind of life you want. Three kids is more work than two. If you have three, it is much less likely that you will go back for the NP degree, and more likely you will scale out of nursing completely, or work a day or two a week. You will be busy managing your kids' lives. If you have two kids and get the NP, your life will ultimately be calmer -- fewer kids to care for, more $$, and more prestige/ability to make demands about your work schedule. If you really want that third kid, do it! But do it knowing the career control/advancement might not come. If you want to work as an NP, have extra $$ for some help with kids, etc., and go to only 2 soccer games on Saturdays instead of 3, go get the degree and be sure your birth control is reliable.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I was really busy and didn't get the chance to reply. I will reply to all of the assumptions now.

I posted because I wanted feedback from moms who have maybe been in similar situations. I didn't put my HHI on here to brag. I know most would ask which is why I did it.

I love being a nurse. I am a former nanny but I was in nursing school when I met my husband. I was working a medical job and had already left being a nanny. I don't feel I wasted my time as nanny as one poster had suggested. I loved being a nanny and chose that career but ultimately left due to the stability and wanting a long-term career. Some may look down on nannies and say it's not a " real" job, but I have a great respect for them and all that they do.

My marriage and relationship is great. My husband was upfront that he never wanted to marry a woman who wanted to be a SAHM. He meant SAHM's who stay home even when kids are all in school. He has no problem with me taking off a couple of years because I wanted to establish my career. It would have made sense for me to stay at home after I just got my nursing degree. I worked part-time for the first year with both of my kids.

I would love to go back to school for my nursing degree because it would open more doors for me. It's more money but I would love to be able to work in a clinic and have regular hours. You have to build up as an RN for seniority to get normal hours.

My husband is a great guy. We are not getting divorced. He is a very loving and generous man. He didn't care that he made more money than I did when we met. He valued my other attributes more. He wanted someone who could run a household and be a great mother. He loved that I enjoyed taking care of people and that I was kind and nurturing. It works for us. I also hate that some people have said we are absentee parents because we have a nanny. Most people have to work and have childcare. We have nanny while we work but we spend the time we aren't working with them.

[Anonymous]

OP - I say have the third. You can go per diem at work and there are many online NP programs that you can balance when your older kids are in school full time (fingers crossed) and you have the baby/toddler at home.

I have three and am due with my fourth. I like to joke that with three kids, one is always your favorite if the two others are bonkers that day (or month).

Maybe my perspective appears laughably naive because I don't live in the DMV, but I never based my family's size on the perspective of whether their college funds were fully funded. Looks like $1M college costs might be another casualty of corona blowing up many old models of commerce and education.

sounds like you have a very happy marriage with more love to give.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find your perspective troubling. There’s nothing wrong with having money but have some perspective about your privilege. You sound really tone deaf. The median HHI in the US is 61k. Your family makes more than 7 times that! The top 1 percent of earners in the US make over 350K. That means your household, and yes, this makes you wealthy.

This is the first thing I thought when she said that.

[Anonymous]

I recognize OP and her story; the late in life nurse, former nanny, with rich DH. Her DHs income always manages to come up in her "questions" or "problems" and they are usually non issues or ridiculous.

But anyhow, since you asked..

You already make a good amount of money as an RN and could make more. From a schedule stand point, you can find a job as an RN with 9-5 hrs or PRN hrs to fit your family's schedule. Being an NP isn't going to give you much of an income boost. NPs aren't exactly rolling in dough. I don't see it as something that will change your financial standing or quality of life at all. If you really want to pursue it, have the third child ASAP and do it once all three children are in school- or don't have the third child and still wait until youngest is in school. Don't use up your non-work hrs that you have with your little children now doing school work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 38 and have two kids ( an almost 3 year old and and an almost 1.5 year old). They are amazing! I’m a nurse and have been thinking of going back to school for my MSN for NP. It’s always something I wanted to do but I went to nursing school later in life ( finished at 35) and didn’t want to put off having kids. My husband and I are contemplating having a third. We will start trying at the end of the year if we decide to. We are not 100% sure we want a third as our boys are a handful and we are 38 and 42. My MSN will take 3 years ( PT) and I will be working PT too. We don’t need the extra money but there are many advantages to getting my masters. Would you have a third child first or get an advanced degree first?

If you want the third child, do it now. Time is not on your side. There is no biological clock on the advanced degree. I had my third child at 39, went back for a masters afterwards (earned at 50) and am now embarking on my second career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always think it’s a little odd when a couple with very mismatched salaries tries to give each career equal weight. It makes the lower earning spouse seem insecure and competitive.
You were a nanny and you married a high earning guy. So you went back to school and got an RN, and now you want to be an NP. Why? All through your twenties, your career wasn’t a priority. When you were dating, you weren’t super into your career. And now that you are 38 and you have all of these other responsibilities as wife and mother your career is suddenly important to you? What is that about?

Hmm. Good points. Are you getting too old for your husband? I hope your current nanny is a Mrs. Doubtfire lookalike, for the sake of your marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recognize OP and her story; the late in life nurse, former nanny, with rich DH. Her DHs income always manages to come up in her "questions" or "problems" and they are usually non issues or ridiculous.

But anyhow, since you asked..

You already make a good amount of money as an RN and could make more. From a schedule stand point, you can find a job as an RN with 9-5 hrs or PRN hrs to fit your family's schedule. Being an NP isn't going to give you much of an income boost. NPs aren't exactly rolling in dough. I don't see it as something that will change your financial standing or quality of life at all. If you really want to pursue it, have the third child ASAP and do it once all three children are in school- or don't have the third child and still wait until youngest is in school. Don't use up your non-work hrs that you have with your little children now doing school work.

+1

[Anonymous]

I wonder what planet will be like in 2040. Nice or not? That’s how I would decide

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 38 and have two kids ( an almost 3 year old and and an almost 1.5 year old). They are amazing! I’m a nurse and have been thinking of going back to school for my MSN for NP. It’s always something I wanted to do but I went to nursing school later in life ( finished at 35) and didn’t want to put off having kids. My husband and I are contemplating having a third. We will start trying at the end of the year if we decide to. We are not 100% sure we want a third as our boys are a handful and we are 38 and 42. My MSN will take 3 years ( PT) and I will be working PT too. We don’t need the extra money but there are many advantages to getting my masters. Would you have a third child first or get an advanced degree first?

Degree hands down.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who was a CNM and went back school for her DNP while working full time and was pregnant and gave birth to her 4th child during that period too. I’m not really sure how she managed but she did, no family close- though she is the bread winner in her family so I’m sure that was a very strong motivator.

[Anonymous]

Go to grad school, a lot of advance nursing degrees are online anyhow.

If you want have the kid while in school. After school, your options are limitless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go to grad school, a lot of advance nursing degrees are online anyhow.

If you want have the kid while in school. After school, your options are limitless.

I don't know that they are limitless.

She has to work near wherever her husband has a job. They aren't going to move for her job. She wants to set work regular hours, so shift work in an ICU or ER is out, as is surgery. It doesn't sound like she has been doing the pre-requisites to apply to CNA school. She wants to be able to go part time for a few months if she wants to, so she can't really establish a large panel of outpatients.
It sounds like her options are kind of limited. She will probably be doing something like see nursing home patients or doing H&P's on psych inpatients. And those jobs are fine, but I don't know that they are amazing enough to decide against having another child in order to do them. But maybe they are. Who knows?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 38 and have two kids ( an almost 3 year old and and an almost 1.5 year old). They are amazing! I’m a nurse and have been thinking of going back to school for my MSN for NP. It’s always something I wanted to do but I went to nursing school later in life ( finished at 35) and didn’t want to put off having kids. My husband and I are contemplating having a third. We will start trying at the end of the year if we decide to. We are not 100% sure we want a third as our boys are a handful and we are 38 and 42. My MSN will take 3 years ( PT) and I will be working PT too. We don’t need the extra money but there are many advantages to getting my masters. Would you have a third child first or get an advanced degree first?

I think you need to give yourself permission to get the advanced degree, or you will regret it.