Third Child or Advanced Degree?

[Anonymous]

OP here. We don’t have separate finances but I like to be realistic that anything can happen and I will be the sole provider. I do not want to quit my job ( I did go PT for 1 year with each kid) because anything can happen and I want to be able to contribute financially. My husband is not comfortable with a SAHM and wants me to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have a third, just keep in mind that their lives are fairly self-contained when they are 1 and 3. Later on there might be sports, instruments, swimming, dance, play dates, etc. For two kids of school age you need multiple people to drive them around plus someone to help with the youngest. So with your income it’s not undoable, but it will definitely feel different than it does now. You will be more split and each one of them will be literally talking to you at the same time about wanting to do different things. Right now the 1 year old is kind of ore verbal and the 3 year old probably doesn’t have a lot going on in terms of activities. Think 5, 6 years down the line, how the activity will work with you being in school and everyone staying up later. It will just be more to juggle off you are a hands on parent.

I agree. Littles are mostly self contained especially if you have childcare coming to the house. The juggling act really happens once they get older and are in different schools and activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We don’t have separate finances but I like to be realistic that anything can happen and I will be the sole provider. I do not want to quit my job ( I did go PT for 1 year with each kid) because anything can happen and I want to be able to contribute financially. My husband is not comfortable with a SAHM and wants me to work.

Do you really want to go to school or is it your husband pushing you to go? He won’t let you be a SAHM? He sounds like a jerk. He makes more than enough to allow you to stay home. I wouldn’t quit my job because I can see divorce in your future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This whole post seems like a humblebrag about easy kids and a high HHI.

Yes and her insistence that she’s not rich I find incredibly grating. She seems like someone who isn’t content or grateful with what she has. Like, you have a spouse who brings in enough money that you’re wealthy and don’t need to work, your income is not needed for your family’s survival so you basically just get to work part-time without the pressure of bringing in a set dollar amount, making the mortgage (I’m sure she has at least a $1 million house), providing the benefits, and being the breadwinner, you have kids who are easy (I’m sorry but who gets lucky enough to get two easy kids let alone one?) and who sleep (again, these sound like unicorn kids), you can afford a nanny and night nurse (unlike 99 percent of the world), you have family who helps you, you are both in good health, etc. etc. These are all blessings you should count, instead of feeling inadequate because you aren’t a nurse practitioner.

And I’ll sorry but I’m really of the mindset that women can’t have it all, all the time, and that certain times in our lives require us to prioritize our family’s needs and other times when our family’s needs are lesser we can prioritize career jumps. So why the drive for another degree if you just finished school and your two kids are young and need you? As a nurse you have so much flexibility with different types of nursing, jobs, hours, etc. Have you really exhausted those options because it sounds like you haven’t? I know plenty of nurses who work in clinics and have regular hours who are RNs. Is OP like a lot of nurses who have an inferiority complex with physicians and practicing under them that they hope will be solved by becoming an NP? If your partner brings in so much money, why even work at all? Just go back to school full time if that’s what matters but then don’t work. Or if you do really want that third kid, just go for it but then prioritize your family and put your degree on the back burner until your kids are older and school age. You can go back to school Whenever but your kids are young once and you’re only fertile once so 38 isn’t the time I would be putting off childbearing. These just don’t seem like difficult decisions and this thread continues to baffle me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have a third, just keep in mind that their lives are fairly self-contained when they are 1 and 3. Later on there might be sports, instruments, swimming, dance, play dates, etc. For two kids of school age you need multiple people to drive them around plus someone to help with the youngest. So with your income it’s not undoable, but it will definitely feel different than it does now. You will be more split and each one of them will be literally talking to you at the same time about wanting to do different things. Right now the 1 year old is kind of ore verbal and the 3 year old probably doesn’t have a lot going on in terms of activities. Think 5, 6 years down the line, how the activity will work with you being in school and everyone staying up later. It will just be more to juggle off you are a hands on parent.

I agree. Littles are mostly self contained especially if you have childcare coming to the house. The juggling act really happens once they get older and are in different schools and activities.

(Unless you do the driver and then boarding school route so popular with absent rich parents.)

[Anonymous]

I take it back OP. You should definitely have #3, the sooner the better!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We don’t have separate finances but I like to be realistic that anything can happen and I will be the sole provider. I do not want to quit my job ( I did go PT for 1 year with each kid) because anything can happen and I want to be able to contribute financially. My husband is not comfortable with a SAHM and wants me to work.

Why is he against a SAHW if he makes that kind of money and your kids are being raised by a nanny? How much does he parent? He sounds selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have a third, just keep in mind that their lives are fairly self-contained when they are 1 and 3. Later on there might be sports, instruments, swimming, dance, play dates, etc. For two kids of school age you need multiple people to drive them around plus someone to help with the youngest. So with your income it’s not undoable, but it will definitely feel different than it does now. You will be more split and each one of them will be literally talking to you at the same time about wanting to do different things. Right now the 1 year old is kind of ore verbal and the 3 year old probably doesn’t have a lot going on in terms of activities. Think 5, 6 years down the line, how the activity will work with you being in school and everyone staying up later. It will just be more to juggle off you are a hands on parent.

I agree. Littles are mostly self contained especially if you have childcare coming to the house. The juggling act really happens once they get older and are in different schools and activities.

(Unless you do the driver and then boarding school route so popular with absent rich parents.)

OP has a nanny and relatives to raise her kids so the question is are the relatives and nanny ok with three kids.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I’m not an absent parent. We have a nanny and my MIL to help if the nanny calls off when we work. I spend every waking moment out of work with them. I didn’t have a nanny for almost the first year of each of their lives. We only have ever had a nanny when we work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP your post annoys everyone for a plethora of reasons. Most obviously because you hid your HHI. That is a huge factor in most people’s calculus. So we are left to wonder about your straightforwardness and/or your judgement. In various circumstances, the advanced degree could be financially critical and wise or instead selfish and clueless in terms of your family. [/quote


Nailed it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We don’t have separate finances but I like to be realistic that anything can happen and I will be the sole provider. I do not want to quit my job ( I did go PT for 1 year with each kid) because anything can happen and I want to be able to contribute financially. My husband is not comfortable with a SAHM and wants me to work.

Why is he against a SAHW if he makes that kind of money and your kids are being raised by a nanny? How much does he parent? He sounds selfish.

I agree he sounds selfish but op shouldn’t be a SAHW if he is so selfish because of the possibility of divorce.

[Anonymous]

The inheritance, income and family childcare are his and if he’s
So selfish op is best served by positioning herself to provide for kids in the event of divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP your post annoys everyone for a plethora of reasons. Most obviously because you hid your HHI. That is a huge factor in most people’s calculus. So we are left to wonder about your straightforwardness and/or your judgement. In various circumstances, the advanced degree could be financially critical and wise or instead selfish and clueless in terms of your family. [/quote


Nailed it.

Oh and your dribble about nanny and MIL ... you lack clarity, honesty and judgement in your posts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We don’t have separate finances but I like to be realistic that anything can happen and I will be the sole provider. I do not want to quit my job ( I did go PT for 1 year with each kid) because anything can happen and I want to be able to contribute financially. My husband is not comfortable with a SAHM and wants me to work.

In that case you should pursue the advanced degree first to provide security for your existing kids.

[Anonymous]

Are you white middle class and is he some type of indo Asian upper class? Are you at odds with MIL? If so—protect yourself already.