Third Child or Advanced Degree?

[Anonymous]

I was you OP. I’m not a nurse but I’m in a similar medical field. I had my first at 37 and second at 39. We didn’t plan to have a third but we had an oops pregnancy at 40. We don’t have an inheritance but I make good money and my husband is a doctor. We heavily used childcare help while our kids were young. I stayed home with them PT for years. They are now all school aged and I can’t imagine not having my third. I would normally say advanced degree, but you’re financially sound. I think you should have a third and then reevaluate a couple of years from now if you want to get your masters. It doesn’t sound like you need the money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My guess is you are a NP and your DH is a doctor.

I think you should ask yourselves very honestly if you want three very closely-spaced kids and the stresses that come with that. I don't think your age is a concern if you are in good health, it's more having three kids closely together.

OP here. I’m an RN but would like to become an NP. My husband is in finance. We are both in good health and take very good care of ourselves. We have childcare options ( night nurse if needed) and family help. It will be a transition though since our boys are already on a schedule and both STTN. Age and the worry our third may be difficult is what gives me hesitation.

[Anonymous]

Go for the 3rd first. I thought adding the 3rd was the easiest transition (vs having 1st and adding 2nd). I love having 3 kids, and am even contemplating a 4th.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know about the third baby, but I would wait on the NP.

As I am sure many women on here will attest to, it’s very difficult to focus on parenting and building a career at the same time. I can’t think of why you would put yourself and your family through it if you didn’t have to. Wait five years. School will still be there.

[Anonymous]

What are the advantages to getting your MSN or NP other than income? Is there something in particular that you want to do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t have a third kid. It complicates family dynamics and makes everything more difficult. Go back to school and invest in yourself.

This.

You’re not sure you want a third really means you don’t want a third.

OP here. We are 75% sure we want a third. The main thing is our ages and me being me more high risk because of it. We would have a third if we were younger without hesitation. We have two very easy kids though so that does add into our choice. I think we would be done with two if it was harder but both kids are great sleepers and super easy. We also have childcare and family help.

Your kids are 3 and 1. You have absolutely no idea if they are going to be easy kids or not. They are easy babies. First time parents are so cute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly at your age I would do neither, but I guess if I had to choose, then advanced degree. You are basically going to be paying for college right before you are trying to retire, so you need to be doing some serious serious saving on both fronts.

OP here. My husband and I both have no debt and save very well. We are not rich but he has an inheritance and makes very good money. We have a HHI or $450k but majority of that is from his salary. We both want to work until 60-65. We will have a college fund for all our children whether it’s for college or trade school.

I’m sorry but your HHI is 450K and your husband has an inheritance and you don’t have debt. You are delusional. Yes, you are rich and better off than 99.9 percent of the world. Get a clue.

[Anonymous]

Why are you posting, OP? What do you want to hear?

[Anonymous]

I find your perspective troubling. There’s nothing wrong with having money but have some perspective about your privilege. You sound really tone deaf. The median HHI in the US is 61k. Your family makes more than 7 times that! The top 1 percent of earners in the US make over 350K. That means your household, and yes, this makes you wealthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go for a 3rd now and start the program. Be prepared for hell on wheels with #3.

I agree with all of this. I see no reason you can't do both. I think you can have your cake and eat it to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are the advantages to getting your MSN or NP other than income? Is there something in particular that you want to do?

OP here. I would love become an np and work in a clinic vs a hospital. It’s a more traditional schedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t have a third kid. It complicates family dynamics and makes everything more difficult. Go back to school and invest in yourself.

This.

You’re not sure you want a third really means you don’t want a third.

OP here. We are 75% sure we want a third. The main thing is our ages and me being me more high risk because of it. We would have a third if we were younger without hesitation. We have two very easy kids though so that does add into our choice. I think we would be done with two if it was harder but both kids are great sleepers and super easy. We also have childcare and family help.

Your kids are 3 and 1. You have absolutely no idea if they are going to be easy kids or not. They are easy babies. First time parents are so cute.

OP here. A 3 year old isn’t a baby nor is my 1 year old. I know they may not always be easy but they have been up to this point. I’m a first time parent but I was a nanny for younger children for 10 years in my twenties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find your perspective troubling. There’s nothing wrong with having money but have some perspective about your privilege. You sound really tone deaf. The median HHI in the US is 61k. Your family makes more than 7 times that! The top 1 percent of earners in the US make over 350K. That means your household, and yes, this makes you wealthy.

OP here. We do make great money but we are not rich in terms of making millions a year. I only make $80k/year. Most of our money is from my husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find your perspective troubling. There’s nothing wrong with having money but have some perspective about your privilege. You sound really tone deaf. The median HHI in the US is 61k. Your family makes more than 7 times that! The top 1 percent of earners in the US make over 350K. That means your household, and yes, this makes you wealthy.

OP here. We do make great money but we are not rich in terms of making millions a year. I only make $80k/year. Most of our money is from my husband.

Are you really going to say that as a top 1 percent of earning households in the US that you are not rich? Do you and your husband not share your money? And somehow you expect us to talk about your husband’s inheritance and your night nurse and pretend like you’re just solidly middle class? Please. Also, as a nurse you also know that could be making a lot more moneu - you are simply choosing not to based on what you describe as your work schedule. And plenty of DCUMers don’t even start families til their 40s so 38 for your third is not exactly old in this area. Frankly with all that is on your side to do this (rich husband who brings in the bulk of the income, high HHI, east kids, child care, and local family help) I don’t even know why this is a question for you. Plenty of people go to grad school with many more challenges and a lot less support and financial security.

[Anonymous]

Your kids need you and your time.