My High Schooler is Going to Lose Her Mind If It's All Distance Learning

[Anonymous]

I say this gently - I agree with the posters suggesting that we do a better job teaching resilience. Most of the people posting likely have secure housing and plenty of food. We aren’t being invaded by zombies or suffering from the effects of war. This sucks for all of us. Your children will likely follow your lead. If you can remain optimistic and calm during this storm, they will as well.

If it’s a true mental health issue, then of course, call a psychiatrist. Otherwise, encourage your kids to learn independently. My youngest is a senior. He is working on his EMT certification. That’s keeping him engaged and providing him the opportunity to give back to his community. He is also practicing yoga and hiking. My older kids are feeling the effects as well. Some handle it better than others. But all of them see their parents remaining calm and centered. That’s the most important piece.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP- these are suggestions I would make (and she can invite a friend or 2 to these, meeting there and be pretty low risk)- find outdoor yoga classes (lots of studios are offering now to stay afloat) and do those every other day, or any outdoor fitness if that's more her speed. Are you near water? Potomac, Reston, etc- I'd buy my kid a huge punch card for kayaking, something about being on water is great for the mind, IMO. And you can go with a friend in your own kayaks for an hour or 2 and be distant and chat on the water. I'd do that at least 2-3 days a week too. It kind of gives one thing a day to look forward to and I think those would be helpful for a kid to sort of 'zen out'

Combining a couple of your ideas. . . yoga on a stand up paddleboard https://www.potomacpaddlesports.com/stand-up-paddle-yoga/landing-stand-up-paddle-yoga-dc-md-va.aspx#:~:text=Potomac%20Paddlesports%20is%20pleased%20to%20announce%20America%27s%20first,creating%20a%20new%20environment%20and%20challenge%20for%20practice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She needs to learn how to make friends.

How would you suggest she make new friends in the current environment? Give me a break. Absent those possibilities, you need to focus on a job or other safe activities that change her scenery and put her around from a safe distance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say this gently - I agree with the posters suggesting that we do a better job teaching resilience. Most of the people posting likely have secure housing and plenty of food. We aren’t being invaded by zombies or suffering from the effects of war. This sucks for all of us. Your children will likely follow your lead. If you can remain optimistic and calm during this storm, they will as well.

If it’s a true mental health issue, then of course, call a psychiatrist. Otherwise, encourage your kids to learn independently. My youngest is a senior. He is working on his EMT certification. That’s keeping him engaged and providing him the opportunity to give back to his community. He is also practicing yoga and hiking. My older kids are feeling the effects as well. Some handle it better than others. But all of them see their parents remaining calm and centered. That’s the most important piece.

jerk

Truly curious. How does my response make me a “jerk”? This is hard on all of us. Some are suffering more than others. Panic, despair, and anger don’t help us solve problems. Many of the kids I see having the toughest time with this are the ones whose parents are angry, defensive, and scared. This is the time to pause, breathe, and solve problems from a place of calm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say this gently - I agree with the posters suggesting that we do a better job teaching resilience. Most of the people posting likely have secure housing and plenty of food. We aren’t being invaded by zombies or suffering from the effects of war. This sucks for all of us. Your children will likely follow your lead. If you can remain optimistic and calm during this storm, they will as well.

If it’s a true mental health issue, then of course, call a psychiatrist. Otherwise, encourage your kids to learn independently. My youngest is a senior. He is working on his EMT certification. That’s keeping him engaged and providing him the opportunity to give back to his community. He is also practicing yoga and hiking. My older kids are feeling the effects as well. Some handle it better than others. But all of them see their parents remaining calm and centered. That’s the most important piece.

jerk

Truly curious. How does my response make me a “jerk”? This is hard on all of us. Some are suffering more than others. Panic, despair, and anger don’t help us solve problems. Many of the kids I see having the toughest time with this are the ones whose parents are angry, defensive, and scared. This is the time to pause, breathe, and solve problems from a place of calm.

“Calm” doesn’t solve the mental distress that some (most?) teens have during this. As I’ve said before, “suck it up” is not a treatment for anxiety and never will be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I say this gently - I agree with the posters suggesting that we do a better job teaching resilience. Most of the people posting likely have secure housing and plenty of food. We aren’t being invaded by zombies or suffering from the effects of war. This sucks for all of us. Your children will likely follow your lead. If you can remain optimistic and calm during this storm, they will as well.

If it’s a true mental health issue, then of course, call a psychiatrist. Otherwise, encourage your kids to learn independently. My youngest is a senior. He is working on his EMT certification. That’s keeping him engaged and providing him the opportunity to give back to his community. He is also practicing yoga and hiking. My older kids are feeling the effects as well. Some handle it better than others. But all of them see their parents remaining calm and centered. That’s the most important piece.

Saying it gently doesn't make it less of a jerk thing to say.

I have actual war refugees in my family who witnessed terrible things, and front-line medical providers who are treating covid patients and they are all very worried about the impact of social isolation on kids. Because they have compassion, unlike you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say this gently - I agree with the posters suggesting that we do a better job teaching resilience. Most of the people posting likely have secure housing and plenty of food. We aren’t being invaded by zombies or suffering from the effects of war. This sucks for all of us. Your children will likely follow your lead. If you can remain optimistic and calm during this storm, they will as well.

If it’s a true mental health issue, then of course, call a psychiatrist. Otherwise, encourage your kids to learn independently. My youngest is a senior. He is working on his EMT certification. That’s keeping him engaged and providing him the opportunity to give back to his community. He is also practicing yoga and hiking. My older kids are feeling the effects as well. Some handle it better than others. But all of them see their parents remaining calm and centered. That’s the most important piece.

jerk

Truly curious. How does my response make me a “jerk”? This is hard on all of us. Some are suffering more than others. Panic, despair, and anger don’t help us solve problems. Many of the kids I see having the toughest time with this are the ones whose parents are angry, defensive, and scared. This is the time to pause, breathe, and solve problems from a place of calm.

“Calm” doesn’t solve the mental distress that some (most?) teens have during this. As I’ve said before, “suck it up” is not a treatment for anxiety and never will be.

+1

That PP is an example of why kids hide mental illness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say this gently - I agree with the posters suggesting that we do a better job teaching resilience. Most of the people posting likely have secure housing and plenty of food. We aren’t being invaded by zombies or suffering from the effects of war. This sucks for all of us. Your children will likely follow your lead. If you can remain optimistic and calm during this storm, they will as well.

If it’s a true mental health issue, then of course, call a psychiatrist. Otherwise, encourage your kids to learn independently. My youngest is a senior. He is working on his EMT certification. That’s keeping him engaged and providing him the opportunity to give back to his community. He is also practicing yoga and hiking. My older kids are feeling the effects as well. Some handle it better than others. But all of them see their parents remaining calm and centered. That’s the most important piece.

jerk

Truly curious. How does my response make me a “jerk”? This is hard on all of us. Some are suffering more than others. Panic, despair, and anger don’t help us solve problems. Many of the kids I see having the toughest time with this are the ones whose parents are angry, defensive, and scared. This is the time to pause, breathe, and solve problems from a place of calm.

“Calm” doesn’t solve the mental distress that some (most?) teens have during this. As I’ve said before, “suck it up” is not a treatment for anxiety and never will be.

Calm solves a lot. A calm, peaceful home with parents who are not reacting in fear most certainly helps teens. I did not suggest only calm. I gave an example of what my youngest is doing - EMT training. My older children are most certainly feeling anxiety. I can help them most by encouraging them to remain in the calm center of this crazy storm. I think my 26 year old is struggling the most. She is a special ed teacher worried about her kids. She has no idea what the school year will look like. When she calls me upset and stressed, the best thing I can do is encourage her to breathe, meditate, practice self-care. And trust that this will end. I’m not a “jerk”. I just refuse to get pulled into the storm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say this gently - I agree with the posters suggesting that we do a better job teaching resilience. Most of the people posting likely have secure housing and plenty of food. We aren’t being invaded by zombies or suffering from the effects of war. This sucks for all of us. Your children will likely follow your lead. If you can remain optimistic and calm during this storm, they will as well.

If it’s a true mental health issue, then of course, call a psychiatrist. Otherwise, encourage your kids to learn independently. My youngest is a senior. He is working on his EMT certification. That’s keeping him engaged and providing him the opportunity to give back to his community. He is also practicing yoga and hiking. My older kids are feeling the effects as well. Some handle it better than others. But all of them see their parents remaining calm and centered. That’s the most important piece.

jerk

Truly curious. How does my response make me a “jerk”? This is hard on all of us. Some are suffering more than others. Panic, despair, and anger don’t help us solve problems. Many of the kids I see having the toughest time with this are the ones whose parents are angry, defensive, and scared. This is the time to pause, breathe, and solve problems from a place of calm.

“Calm” doesn’t solve the mental distress that some (most?) teens have during this. As I’ve said before, “suck it up” is not a treatment for anxiety and never will be.

Calm solves a lot. A calm, peaceful home with parents who are not reacting in fear most certainly helps teens. I did not suggest only calm. I gave an example of what my youngest is doing - EMT training. My older children are most certainly feeling anxiety. I can help them most by encouraging them to remain in the calm center of this crazy storm. I think my 26 year old is struggling the most. She is a special ed teacher worried about her kids. She has no idea what the school year will look like. When she calls me upset and stressed, the best thing I can do is encourage her to breathe, meditate, practice self-care. And trust that this will end. I’m not a “jerk”. I just refuse to get pulled into the storm.

OMG.

I sincerely hope your child has someone else she can turn to other than you if she experiences mental health struggles.

You are awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say this gently - I agree with the posters suggesting that we do a better job teaching resilience. Most of the people posting likely have secure housing and plenty of food. We aren’t being invaded by zombies or suffering from the effects of war. This sucks for all of us. Your children will likely follow your lead. If you can remain optimistic and calm during this storm, they will as well.

If it’s a true mental health issue, then of course, call a psychiatrist. Otherwise, encourage your kids to learn independently. My youngest is a senior. He is working on his EMT certification. That’s keeping him engaged and providing him the opportunity to give back to his community. He is also practicing yoga and hiking. My older kids are feeling the effects as well. Some handle it better than others. But all of them see their parents remaining calm and centered. That’s the most important piece.

jerk

Truly curious. How does my response make me a “jerk”? This is hard on all of us. Some are suffering more than others. Panic, despair, and anger don’t help us solve problems. Many of the kids I see having the toughest time with this are the ones whose parents are angry, defensive, and scared. This is the time to pause, breathe, and solve problems from a place of calm.

“Calm” doesn’t solve the mental distress that some (most?) teens have during this. As I’ve said before, “suck it up” is not a treatment for anxiety and never will be.

Calm solves a lot. A calm, peaceful home with parents who are not reacting in fear most certainly helps teens. I did not suggest only calm. I gave an example of what my youngest is doing - EMT training. My older children are most certainly feeling anxiety. I can help them most by encouraging them to remain in the calm center of this crazy storm. I think my 26 year old is struggling the most. She is a special ed teacher worried about her kids. She has no idea what the school year will look like. When she calls me upset and stressed, the best thing I can do is encourage her to breathe, meditate, practice self-care. And trust that this will end. I’m not a “jerk”. I just refuse to get pulled into the storm.

OMG.

I sincerely hope your child has someone else she can turn to other than you if she experiences mental health struggles.

You are awful.

I think you would like me if you knew me. Most people do. I’m not “awful”. I’m sure you are not either. Wishing you a peaceful, productive day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say this gently - I agree with the posters suggesting that we do a better job teaching resilience. Most of the people posting likely have secure housing and plenty of food. We aren’t being invaded by zombies or suffering from the effects of war. This sucks for all of us. Your children will likely follow your lead. If you can remain optimistic and calm during this storm, they will as well.

If it’s a true mental health issue, then of course, call a psychiatrist. Otherwise, encourage your kids to learn independently. My youngest is a senior. He is working on his EMT certification. That’s keeping him engaged and providing him the opportunity to give back to his community. He is also practicing yoga and hiking. My older kids are feeling the effects as well. Some handle it better than others. But all of them see their parents remaining calm and centered. That’s the most important piece.

jerk

Truly curious. How does my response make me a “jerk”? This is hard on all of us. Some are suffering more than others. Panic, despair, and anger don’t help us solve problems. Many of the kids I see having the toughest time with this are the ones whose parents are angry, defensive, and scared. This is the time to pause, breathe, and solve problems from a place of calm.

“Calm” doesn’t solve the mental distress that some (most?) teens have during this. As I’ve said before, “suck it up” is not a treatment for anxiety and never will be.

Calm solves a lot. A calm, peaceful home with parents who are not reacting in fear most certainly helps teens. I did not suggest only calm. I gave an example of what my youngest is doing - EMT training. My older children are most certainly feeling anxiety. I can help them most by encouraging them to remain in the calm center of this crazy storm. I think my 26 year old is struggling the most. She is a special ed teacher worried about her kids. She has no idea what the school year will look like. When she calls me upset and stressed, the best thing I can do is encourage her to breathe, meditate, practice self-care. And trust that this will end. I’m not a “jerk”. I just refuse to get pulled into the storm.

OMG.

I sincerely hope your child has someone else she can turn to other than you if she experiences mental health struggles.

You are awful.

I think you would like me if you knew me. Most people do. I’m not “awful”. I’m sure you are not either. Wishing you a peaceful, productive day.

That didn't read to me like a jerk response. PP, I have no issue with what you wrote. You acknowledged that mental health care might be warranted, but that kids will follow our lead in demonstrating calm. I'm ok with that and what you suggested did not seem to lack compassion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so worried about my 16 yr old DD. Do you have ideas for helping teens emotionally handle being stuck at home? She is getting less and less interactive and involved already, despite our best efforts to engage her and lift her mood. What ideas do you have for helping teens in the fall when the reality will truly hit that the positive things about high school are completely gone? She needs things to look forward to. (I'm not looking for general tips about the benefits of chores, volunteering, etc. And she will not want to try to join a pod.) Thanks.

Sorry to hear this. We had put my son in a mental health treatment facility. Was very hard to find a place they are all overwhelmed right now. At intake they said they have never before seen such a rush of kids with no known prior mental health issues.

My goodness!! I am so sorry. This must be so heartbreaking.

The moms on this board are fools for thinking they can isolate their children endlessly without mental repercussions. They bring up wars and other tragedies and ignore the fact that people who went through those things were often scarred by them for life.

I know many teens suffering right now.

Yes, it is very ignorant. I'm guessing that at this time even getting a child into a care facility is nearly impossible. People are severly minimizing and underestimating how incredibly emotionally damaging this is.

No, the point is some people can cope with adversity and some can't. It is not universally emotionally damaging. Be clear -- your kids can't function during this crisis. it is not a tragedy "for children."

You have a huge impact on your child's experience of life -- on how they see themselves and the world and on how they respond and how they feel. HUGE. We all know people who just bring us down. There are posts on DCUM all the time about deciding to dump negative friends and how to not be affected by negative coworkers. To say "DL has been a tragedy for children" and similar statements has a huge affect on kids. You're influencing your kids by thinking and expressing thoughts like that, instead of being stronger than this and trying to figure out how to make it work.

My kids are fine. But I've seen kids in our community absolutely shine during this pandemic -- organizing BLM protests, starting a food bank, tutoring. They are rising to the occasion. Why don't you help your kids do the same?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say this gently - I agree with the posters suggesting that we do a better job teaching resilience. Most of the people posting likely have secure housing and plenty of food. We aren’t being invaded by zombies or suffering from the effects of war. This sucks for all of us. Your children will likely follow your lead. If you can remain optimistic and calm during this storm, they will as well.

If it’s a true mental health issue, then of course, call a psychiatrist. Otherwise, encourage your kids to learn independently. My youngest is a senior. He is working on his EMT certification. That’s keeping him engaged and providing him the opportunity to give back to his community. He is also practicing yoga and hiking. My older kids are feeling the effects as well. Some handle it better than others. But all of them see their parents remaining calm and centered. That’s the most important piece.

jerk

Truly curious. How does my response make me a “jerk”? This is hard on all of us. Some are suffering more than others. Panic, despair, and anger don’t help us solve problems. Many of the kids I see having the toughest time with this are the ones whose parents are angry, defensive, and scared. This is the time to pause, breathe, and solve problems from a place of calm.

“Calm” doesn’t solve the mental distress that some (most?) teens have during this. As I’ve said before, “suck it up” is not a treatment for anxiety and never will be.

Calm solves a lot. A calm, peaceful home with parents who are not reacting in fear most certainly helps teens. I did not suggest only calm. I gave an example of what my youngest is doing - EMT training. My older children are most certainly feeling anxiety. I can help them most by encouraging them to remain in the calm center of this crazy storm. I think my 26 year old is struggling the most. She is a special ed teacher worried about her kids. She has no idea what the school year will look like. When she calls me upset and stressed, the best thing I can do is encourage her to breathe, meditate, practice self-care. And trust that this will end. I’m not a “jerk”. I just refuse to get pulled into the storm.

OMG.

I sincerely hope your child has someone else she can turn to other than you if she experiences mental health struggles.

You are awful.

I think you would like me if you knew me. Most people do. I’m not “awful”. I’m sure you are not either. Wishing you a peaceful, productive day.

Are you the poster with 5+ kids? Just curious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My high schooler is SO RELIEVED and HAPPY that it's going to be all distance learning.

My elementary schooler as well, come to think of it.

They both did very well with distance learning this spring.

That seems to be rather irrelevant information.

Seriously, not constructive at all.

I am making the point that distance learning works for some kids. And not very subtly, I am making the point to please get over yourselves! We are in a pandemic. DCUM can continue to wring its hands, vituperate against schools, etc, but we'll still have distance learning anyway.

So... why not make the best of it? If you go in certain that the school year is going to be terrible, it will be, particularly with a teen. If you do your best to find something positive about it, it won't be that bad.

If OP is concerned about her teen's mental health, there are videoconferences available with a pediatrician, then a psychologist or therapist.

I sound mean, but please remember we're not sending our kids to be killed in Vietnam, we're not experiencing wartime starvation, we're not migrants, we get to sit at home with our internet and online deliveries. Get a grip.

I agree with this. I also can't understand why some kids seem to be crushed by this experience. Help them see that it's going to be okay. Help them make the most of it. Come up with a better plan than the one you've got going if it's not working. I guess that's what the OP is asking for help with, but I balk at the idea that DL is causing such anguish. It's attitude and personality. Resilience, grit, fortitude, perseverance -- all those things we keep talking about. This is it, folks. Explain to your kids that this is just the type of occasion you were talking about all those years when you said they needed to have these qualities in their back pocket.

I come from a family of exiled war refugees and I think both these PPs sound like dim, nasty idiots with weak emotional connections to their kids.

OP, it is really hard to get good mental health help right now. I know this is unconventional and a lot more work for you, but I would consider getting a pet and having the pet be the responsibility of your child. Get a screening too but understand that for borderline depression the video sessions often don't do much.

Same. One side of my family were practically starved to death, shot at with machine guns and watched friends and relatives die. I'm not a dim, nasty idiot. I have strong connections to my kids -- which is why they're doing fine during this crisis.

It's a crisis. Stop complaining about how hard it is for your DC to not hang out with friends and get life their way right now. It's a stupid and spoiled response to a crisis, and it's adversely affecting your children's ability to weather this successfully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say this gently - I agree with the posters suggesting that we do a better job teaching resilience. Most of the people posting likely have secure housing and plenty of food. We aren’t being invaded by zombies or suffering from the effects of war. This sucks for all of us. Your children will likely follow your lead. If you can remain optimistic and calm during this storm, they will as well.

If it’s a true mental health issue, then of course, call a psychiatrist. Otherwise, encourage your kids to learn independently. My youngest is a senior. He is working on his EMT certification. That’s keeping him engaged and providing him the opportunity to give back to his community. He is also practicing yoga and hiking. My older kids are feeling the effects as well. Some handle it better than others. But all of them see their parents remaining calm and centered. That’s the most important piece.

jerk

Truly curious. How does my response make me a “jerk”? This is hard on all of us. Some are suffering more than others. Panic, despair, and anger don’t help us solve problems. Many of the kids I see having the toughest time with this are the ones whose parents are angry, defensive, and scared. This is the time to pause, breathe, and solve problems from a place of calm.

“Calm” doesn’t solve the mental distress that some (most?) teens have during this. As I’ve said before, “suck it up” is not a treatment for anxiety and never will be.

Calm solves a lot. A calm, peaceful home with parents who are not reacting in fear most certainly helps teens. I did not suggest only calm. I gave an example of what my youngest is doing - EMT training. My older children are most certainly feeling anxiety. I can help them most by encouraging them to remain in the calm center of this crazy storm. I think my 26 year old is struggling the most. She is a special ed teacher worried about her kids. She has no idea what the school year will look like. When she calls me upset and stressed, the best thing I can do is encourage her to breathe, meditate, practice self-care. And trust that this will end. I’m not a “jerk”. I just refuse to get pulled into the storm.

OMG.

I sincerely hope your child has someone else she can turn to other than you if she experiences mental health struggles.

You are awful.

I think you would like me if you knew me. Most people do. I’m not “awful”. I’m sure you are not either. Wishing you a peaceful, productive day.

Are you the poster with 5+ kids? Just curious.

I have three.