My High Schooler is Going to Lose Her Mind If It's All Distance Learning

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Thanks for the suggestions. I like the idea of walks with a Starbucks bribe...wish me luck. Regarding asking friends to do things, she always refuses when I suggest she do something with a pal. I think she feels embarrassed being the one to ask. I;d been clinging to the fact that I just had to get her through the summer and then she'd perk up at least on her two school days but now that is unlikely.

She pleaded with us to do hybrid and will be so upset when she finds out that will be gone.

My rising college freshman doesn’t like her high school friend group for many reasons and is doing a slow fade. It sounds like something similar may be going on here.

I was wondering the same thing. Kids are on line with their friends practically 24-7, and while not being in person is annoying, they certainly aren't'isolated. So OP, do you think maybe something else is going on?

DP. My kid’s friends aren’t interested in zooming or FaceTiming for some reason. So social interaction with friends is a lot of work for my kid. Def not online 24/7.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine was doing conditioning classes and some rec league for her sport. Until she blew her knee out last week.

What rec league is open? What classes? Can you recommend any?

I don't know of any rec leagues, but my sons travel lacrosse team has been practicing since phase 2. They do us private fields. We have also had a few tournaments. It has really been great to have 3as a week practice and a few weekends jam packed with games. Huge lifesaver.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so worried about my 16 yr old DD. Do you have ideas for helping teens emotionally handle being stuck at home? She is getting less and less interactive and involved already, despite our best efforts to engage her and lift her mood. What ideas do you have for helping teens in the fall when the reality will truly hit that the positive things about high school are completely gone? She needs things to look forward to. (I'm not looking for general tips about the benefits of chores, volunteering, etc. And she will not want to try to join a pod.) Thanks.

Sorry to hear this. We had put my son in a mental health treatment facility. Was very hard to find a place they are all overwhelmed right now. At intake they said they have never before seen such a rush of kids with no known prior mental health issues.

My goodness!! I am so sorry. This must be so heartbreaking.

The moms on this board are fools for thinking they can isolate their children endlessly without mental repercussions. They bring up wars and other tragedies and ignore the fact that people who went through those things were often scarred by them for life.

I know many teens suffering right now.

[Anonymous]

Also PP I hope your child gets the help they need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so worried about my 16 yr old DD. Do you have ideas for helping teens emotionally handle being stuck at home? She is getting less and less interactive and involved already, despite our best efforts to engage her and lift her mood. What ideas do you have for helping teens in the fall when the reality will truly hit that the positive things about high school are completely gone? She needs things to look forward to. (I'm not looking for general tips about the benefits of chores, volunteering, etc. And she will not want to try to join a pod.) Thanks.

Sorry to hear this. We had put my son in a mental health treatment facility. Was very hard to find a place they are all overwhelmed right now. At intake they said they have never before seen such a rush of kids with no known prior mental health issues.

My goodness!! I am so sorry. This must be so heartbreaking.

The moms on this board are fools for thinking they can isolate their children endlessly without mental repercussions. They bring up wars and other tragedies and ignore the fact that people who went through those things were often scarred by them for life.

I know many teens suffering right now.

Yes, it is very ignorant. I'm guessing that at this time even getting a child into a care facility is nearly impossible. People are severly minimizing and underestimating how incredibly emotionally damaging this is.

[Anonymous]

I think one of the aspects that the bootstrappers ignore in the messaging about resilience, etc. is that the pandemic is not an isolated crisis. Our teens are so much more aware and hooked into societal and environmental issues, because of the 24/7 news cycle and the immediate availability of news on our screens. The pandemic comes on top of this generation growing up with routine gun massacres in schools, the climate crisis and the fact that they are living on a planet that is growing less hospitable to humans, the huge competition for college spots and the extraordinary costs of higher education, pervasive racial injustice in this nation....on and on and on. The pandemic is the icing on the cake, but many in our kids' generation is overwhelmed with how bad it really is out there. Add that to any preexisting tendencies to depression and/or anxiety and it's not surprising that "normal" coping and resilience skills simply aren't up to the task.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so worried about my 16 yr old DD. Do you have ideas for helping teens emotionally handle being stuck at home? She is getting less and less interactive and involved already, despite our best efforts to engage her and lift her mood. What ideas do you have for helping teens in the fall when the reality will truly hit that the positive things about high school are completely gone? She needs things to look forward to. (I'm not looking for general tips about the benefits of chores, volunteering, etc. And she will not want to try to join a pod.) Thanks.

Sorry to hear this. We had put my son in a mental health treatment facility. Was very hard to find a place they are all overwhelmed right now. At intake they said they have never before seen such a rush of kids with no known prior mental health issues.

My goodness!! I am so sorry. This must be so heartbreaking.

The moms on this board are fools for thinking they can isolate their children endlessly without mental repercussions. They bring up wars and other tragedies and ignore the fact that people who went through those things were often scarred by them for life.

I know many teens suffering right now.

Yes, it is very ignorant. I'm guessing that at this time even getting a child into a care facility is nearly impossible. People are severly minimizing and underestimating how incredibly emotionally damaging this is.

People are not being ignorant. They are pointing out that it is not universally damaging, so that means if you kid is struggling, you need to get help. That isn't ignorant; it's helpful. It would be ignorant to assume that every person is reacting to the situation exactly the same way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so worried about my 16 yr old DD. Do you have ideas for helping teens emotionally handle being stuck at home? She is getting less and less interactive and involved already, despite our best efforts to engage her and lift her mood. What ideas do you have for helping teens in the fall when the reality will truly hit that the positive things about high school are completely gone? She needs things to look forward to. (I'm not looking for general tips about the benefits of chores, volunteering, etc. And she will not want to try to join a pod.) Thanks.

Sorry to hear this. We had put my son in a mental health treatment facility. Was very hard to find a place they are all overwhelmed right now. At intake they said they have never before seen such a rush of kids with no known prior mental health issues.

NP.

We are working on this same issue. Mental health treatments are so expensive, and I'm having a hard time finding providers who take insurance and have availability. I thought maybe doing an inpatient stay might get us further with getting the ball rolling.

For now we are doing virtual therapy, but it's apparent my son needs more. He is struggling so much that it's debilitating. Anytime we suggest trying to get a job he shuts down about how he can't handle it right now, even though he needs to get out and have a focus. He is absolutely crushed to learn that school will be DL in the fall. He's a rising senior.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps you could contact her school guidance counselor to discuss this and then her counselor could FaceTime with her to discuss “exciting” things that will be happening with her class in the fall, despite DL. The counselor can tell her he/she is checking in with some students over the summer. I know they are working part-time this summer because my DD’s 9th grade counselor has called her to welcome her to high school and discuss the fall. Perhaps there is a school club that she’d be interested in that will meet remotely.

[Anonymous]

OP-- I am sorry that so many people are responding with negativity. My D was similar. We did the following and it really helped

-let her have one friend that she could see not socially distanced. We spoke with the family and believe they are being pretty safe.
-she got a babysitting job with a family where the parents are working from home. Lots of families are looking for august and the school year because of closed schools and camps. This was not what she wanted to do, but having a job/schedule/getting out of the house has made a world of difference in her attitude.
-encouraging her to see friends socially distanced and outside.

We know there is some risk to these, but we have decided the minimal risk is worth the trade off for her mental health. good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My high schooler is SO RELIEVED and HAPPY that it's going to be all distance learning.

My elementary schooler as well, come to think of it.

They both did very well with distance learning this spring.

That seems to be rather irrelevant information.

Seriously, not constructive at all.

I am making the point that distance learning works for some kids. And not very subtly, I am making the point to please get over yourselves! We are in a pandemic. DCUM can continue to wring its hands, vituperate against schools, etc, but we'll still have distance learning anyway.

So... why not make the best of it? If you go in certain that the school year is going to be terrible, it will be, particularly with a teen. If you do your best to find something positive about it, it won't be that bad.

If OP is concerned about her teen's mental health, there are videoconferences available with a pediatrician, then a psychologist or therapist.

I sound mean, but please remember we're not sending our kids to be killed in Vietnam, we're not experiencing wartime starvation, we're not migrants, we get to sit at home with our internet and online deliveries. Get a grip.

I agree with this. I also can't understand why some kids seem to be crushed by this experience. Help them see that it's going to be okay. Help them make the most of it. Come up with a better plan than the one you've got going if it's not working. I guess that's what the OP is asking for help with, but I balk at the idea that DL is causing such anguish. It's attitude and personality. Resilience, grit, fortitude, perseverance -- all those things we keep talking about. This is it, folks. Explain to your kids that this is just the type of occasion you were talking about all those years when you said they needed to have these qualities in their back pocket.

I come from a family of exiled war refugees and I think both these PPs sound like dim, nasty idiots with weak emotional connections to their kids.

OP, it is really hard to get good mental health help right now. I know this is unconventional and a lot more work for you, but I would consider getting a pet and having the pet be the responsibility of your child. Get a screening too but understand that for borderline depression the video sessions often don't do much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you typically hire a housekeeper, could you teach dd all of those tasks and pay her a little bit?

That will cheer her up. 😳

[Anonymous]

She needs to learn how to make friends.

[Anonymous]

OP- these are suggestions I would make (and she can invite a friend or 2 to these, meeting there and be pretty low risk)- find outdoor yoga classes (lots of studios are offering now to stay afloat) and do those every other day, or any outdoor fitness if that's more her speed. Are you near water? Potomac, Reston, etc- I'd buy my kid a huge punch card for kayaking, something about being on water is great for the mind, IMO. And you can go with a friend in your own kayaks for an hour or 2 and be distant and chat on the water. I'd do that at least 2-3 days a week too. It kind of gives one thing a day to look forward to and I think those would be helpful for a kid to sort of 'zen out'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP-- I am sorry that so many people are responding with negativity. My D was similar. We did the following and it really helped

-let her have one friend that she could see not socially distanced. We spoke with the family and believe they are being pretty safe.
-she got a babysitting job with a family where the parents are working from home. Lots of families are looking for august and the school year because of closed schools and camps. This was not what she wanted to do, but having a job/schedule/getting out of the house has made a world of difference in her attitude.
-encouraging her to see friends socially distanced and outside.

We know there is some risk to these, but we have decided the minimal risk is worth the trade off for her mental health. good luck.

I agree. Early on in the summer, I sat my family down and we had a "lemonade" planning session. It might be time to have one for the school year. Lots might stinck, but what can you do to make some lemonade out of these lemons. Brainstorm. I just mentioned to my HS senior that she and her pals could have a socially distanced lunch on my patio any day they want in the fall. She resonded "yeah and we have every Wednesday off." We took some extra family vacation time this summer to Deep Creek lake for hiking and kayaking. A change of scenery was excellent. Even family hikes or trips to local state parks can be rejuvinating. I'm already thinking if my kids' activities don't keep them busy this winter, skiing might be safe so perhaps we get an annual pass to liberrty. I realize not everyone has resources to thrown $ at these problems, but we are spending a lot less on lunches downtowna and metro fare and parking for our commute, so in our case its a matter of re-allocation.