My High Schooler is Going to Lose Her Mind If It's All Distance Learning

[Anonymous]

I'm so worried about my 16 yr old DD. Do you have ideas for helping teens emotionally handle being stuck at home? She is getting less and less interactive and involved already, despite our best efforts to engage her and lift her mood. What ideas do you have for helping teens in the fall when the reality will truly hit that the positive things about high school are completely gone? She needs things to look forward to. (I'm not looking for general tips about the benefits of chores, volunteering, etc. And she will not want to try to join a pod.) Thanks.

[Anonymous]

MY DS has been working a food service job throughout the pandemic. He's actually worked there since August 2019. He has his driver's license too. He feels much better when he's working and earning money.
He's read some inward-looking books by Eckhart Tolle too. It's worked for him.

[Anonymous]

my son has a summer job and it's been great for him to get out of the house and be around others while also having tangible money to save in his bank account. I know there is risk to him and the rest of our family but it's worth it for his mental health. HS kids really need the ability to socialize.

[Anonymous]

If you are comfortable with her going to school, I assume you would be comfortable with her working? That may give her a sense of purpose. I'd also start allowing a handful of friends to socialize in a way that is comfortable for you, whether that's outside, masked, or whatever. The mental health toll is real.

[Anonymous]

Move somewhere where school will be in session?

[Anonymous]

Getting a job was the thing that made a difference for us. I am hoping my son can continue working when school starts again.

[Anonymous]

Working gives my kid something to do and peers to socialize with. It's been a huge boost mentally and, IMO, worth a slightly elevated health risk.

[Anonymous]

OP here. The job she had lined up was cancelled. Seems late to find one for the summer. She refuses to initiate stuff like zoom calls or backyard visits with her friends. We have an elderly family member living with us until September so we do need to be careful.

What have you found that helps get your child outdoors or energized? We do things like let her pick the movie for family movie night with any snack she wants and she says no. We said she could pick take out dinner from any restaurant if we all eat it as a picnic and she said no. We offer to boost her chore money every time she bikes outside and she won't.

[Anonymous]

One of the things I've been telling myself is that at least in the fall (assuming things don't escalate) at least they are not barred from social interaction. My kids struggled a lot when they weren't seeing anyone. But now that they are each seeing a couple of friends, their mental states are much better. They're still being safe, mostly outdoors, but it made a lot of difference.

Also, a job.

[Anonymous]

But at least teachers are still getting their paychecks, who cares if kids go crazy or don't learn anything!

[Anonymous]

I make my teen go on walks with me ever other day—neighborhood or parks—switch it up I include a trip thru a Drivethru Starbucks . She walks at her own pace but comes home in a better mood. Outdoors/Nature has been a gift to us through this pandemic.

[Anonymous]

Oh, our messages crossed.

I agree that you need to be careful, but I wonder if you can find one friend whose family is also being very cautious and have that be her "person." I truly believe that they all need SOMEONE or something. She could limit the contact with your elderly relative ... might be worth it in the balance.

[Anonymous]

Sign her up for an outdoor fitness group. She could be an expert rock climber or runner in a year.

Maybe horseback riding if you can afford the stable fees.

[Anonymous]

Mine was doing conditioning classes and some rec league for her sport. Until she blew her knee out last week.

[Anonymous]

Mine is virtually tutoring an elementary school kid a few times a week. They both enjoy it, and it helps to have a little something to look forward to.