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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't. My dad spanked me once and he says immediately he saw a complete 180 in my personality. I basically withdrew from everyone and stopped talking to people permanently. I still have an avoidant attachment style. To this day, he'll cry if it gets brought up.

I took a TON of parenting classes and read so many books because I wanted to be an effective, kind, caring parent. I've never needed to resort to spanking (or really any kind of punishment).

I also did a lot of reflection on what I wanted out of parenting, and decided strict obedience isn't really a trait I care about. I had children to enrich my life, so I prefer happy times rather than the stress of getting another person to comply.

We live in an area that relies heavily on punishment for raising kids, and my kids are always the most well-behaved. It's actually very frustrating for me - the kids we play with that are punished the most are the ones who hurt my kids the most. My 5 yo DD has a couple friends who are ALWAYS getting spanked, and they have huge problems with hitting other kids. These same parents are always commenting on how calm my kids and me all are, and I've tried explaining better parenting techniques, but they don't listen.

[/quote]

So you’re still not talking to people? But in all seriousness, your attachment style didn’t arise from just one spanking. That’s just not how it works.[/quote]

Actually, yes. I've always struggled with extreme distrust of people. It wasn't until my 30s (and after years of therapy) that I was able to maintain somewhat normal friendships. Up until then I just kept to myself, even though I wanted relationships with people.

And yes, there were other factors at play in creating my attachment style, but it all boils down to my parents were not safe for me to be around.

I understand that I'm an extreme case, but for me the risks far outweigh the benefits. It's not a parenting technique that is needed at all, there are far more effective ways.

I'm also not a fan of the "they'll turn out fine!" argument. Our standards for our children should be way higher than just "fine".[/quote]

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