Husband won’t consider a vasectomy and I can’t get over it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This would annoy me too. I would say, ok, abstinence or condoms then. We used condoms in between pregnancies and it was okay. I would def not get a tubal ligation. You will be so (justifiably) resentful. Does your dh have friends who have had vasectomies? I arranged a bbq with friends whose husbands had just had them, and mentioned to my friend that I hoped her dh would bring it up, and dumb as it sounds, hearing them describe their experiences seemed to flip a switch in my dh to schedule it. (He went to the same doctor too). He is cautious and I think it normalized it for him and allayed his fear.

Lol, your husband is a dope.

“Well, geez, Jim did it! Sign me up!!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so angry and resentful and thinking this is the end of our marriage. I’ve tried to get passed it but it’s unbelievable that after two very difficult pregnancies he expects me to be the one to have surgery and take responsibility. I’ve had an IUD intermittently for 15 years and I’m done with hormones altogether. I don’t know how to get passed this...

get a tubal ligation. problem solved.

The person who doesn't want kids needs to take care of it.

TL is much more invasive, more expensive, and has a longer recovery than a vasectomy.

Men should also take some responsibility for birth control. Enough of them certainly don't take care of their children (deadbeat dads).

Make him wear a condom then. And OP should also wear a female condom. See how the man likes that. I find most men don't like condoms.

Or he can just move on from a drama queen.

OP doesn't want an invasive procedure. Her DH doesn't want a less invasive procedure, but she's the drama queen? Ok.

You have to be a troll or an MRA. Either way, you are making men come across as aholes.

Luckily, plenty of men are willing to get themselves snipped and take on the birth control responsibility. My DH was willing to do this because I told him that after #2 DC, I was going to stop taking the pill (which made me have health issues), and that now it was his turn, after many years of me taking care of birth control. He could use a condom or get a v.

In the end, I gt a TL because I had a csection. But, he was willing to do it, unlike some ahole men.

+1

That PP sounds like a pathetic incel - the last person who should be giving relationship advice.

[Anonymous]

It’s more like expecting him to be responsible for his own body. She can’t get pregnant unless he puts his sperm inside her body. It’s up to him to decide how he’s going to avoid putting his sperm inside of her - vasectomy, condoms or abstinence.

Exactly. Finally somebody with some sense!

+1 million

He is 100% responsible for his own ejaculations.

[Anonymous]

Memory loss from a snip?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It’s more like expecting him to be responsible for his own body. She can’t get pregnant unless he puts his sperm inside her body. It’s up to him to decide how he’s going to avoid putting his sperm inside of her - vasectomy, condoms or abstinence.

Exactly. Finally somebody with some sense!

+1 million

He is 100% responsible for his own ejaculations.

Not really. If she lets him ejaculate inside her, she has 100% responsibility for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It’s more like expecting him to be responsible for his own body. She can’t get pregnant unless he puts his sperm inside her body. It’s up to him to decide how he’s going to avoid putting his sperm inside of her - vasectomy, condoms or abstinence.

Exactly. Finally somebody with some sense!

+1 million

He is 100% responsible for his own ejaculations.

Not really. If she lets him ejaculate inside her, she has 100% responsibility for that.

Um, you missed the point. If she is not willing to let him ejaculate sperm inside of her, he needs to figure how to prevent the sperm or choose abstinence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It’s more like expecting him to be responsible for his own body. She can’t get pregnant unless he puts his sperm inside her body. It’s up to him to decide how he’s going to avoid putting his sperm inside of her - vasectomy, condoms or abstinence.

Exactly. Finally somebody with some sense!

+1 million

He is 100% responsible for his own ejaculations.

Not really. If she lets him ejaculate inside her, she has 100% responsibility for that.

Legally he's responsible for that too if it develops into a child. But you missed the point which is husband is now responsible for making sure his ejaculations don't turn into a child instead of his wife

[Anonymous]

Vasectomy is significantly more risky than most people understand. About 1-2% of the tine, the man will get Post Vasectomy Pain Syndrome. This disease causes constant groin pain, which gets worse during sex. Understandably, this can cause a lot of resentment and ruin marriages.

Check out https://www.reddit.com/r/postvasectomypain/wiki/partner-stories for examples of what it is like for women when their partner gets PVPS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You body, your choice. His body, his choice. Just like it’s your choice to say no unprotected sex so you both need to find a middle ground. Condoms? Not sex ever again?

This.

You get to murder your baby at will but, sorry, you can't take your husband's decisions.

It's his body.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Vasectomy is significantly more risky than most people understand. About 1-2% of the tine, the man will get Post Vasectomy Pain Syndrome. This disease causes constant groin pain, which gets worse during sex. Understandably, this can cause a lot of resentment and ruin marriages.

Check out https://www.reddit.com/r/postvasectomypain/wiki/partner-stories for examples of what it is like for women when their partner gets PVPS

OK. How does that compare to the risks for tubal ligation? Or a lifetime of hormonal birth control? I bet you have absolutely no idea, because you don’t care.

[Anonymous]

>How does that compare to the risks for tubal ligation? Or a lifetime of hormonal birth control? I bet you have absolutely no idea, because you don’t care.

Vasectomy is less risky than tubal and oral BCP. Vasectomy is more risky than Paraguard and Nexplanon, in my opinion.

You are correct that vasectomy risks are more salient to me than tubal risks. I think that is probably because of the constant pain I have from nerve damage from my vasectomy in 2017. It hurts from my left foot up to my solar plexus and back to my kidneys. Mostly it hurts in the scrotum and inguinal canal. This kind of pain will permanently change your personality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:>How does that compare to the risks for tubal ligation? Or a lifetime of hormonal birth control? I bet you have absolutely no idea, because you don’t care.

Vasectomy is less risky than tubal and oral BCP. Vasectomy is more risky than Paraguard and Nexplanon, in my opinion.

You are correct that vasectomy risks are more salient to me than tubal risks. I think that is probably because of the constant pain I have from nerve damage from my vasectomy in 2017. It hurts from my left foot up to my solar plexus and back to my kidneys. Mostly it hurts in the scrotum and inguinal canal. This kind of pain will permanently change your personality.

I am so sorry to hear this.

Thanks for sharing the very real risks of vasectomies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Vasectomy is significantly more risky than most people understand. About 1-2% of the tine, the man will get Post Vasectomy Pain Syndrome. This disease causes constant groin pain, which gets worse during sex. Understandably, this can cause a lot of resentment and ruin marriages.

Check out https://www.reddit.com/r/postvasectomypain/wiki/partner-stories for examples of what it is like for women when their partner gets PVPS

I thought this was an interesting article on complications and risks. Although major complications are rare for tubal ligation, they are not non-existent and some small number of women die from complications of the procedure. There are no major complications reported for vasectomy. The section on "regret" is also interesting. Many more women regret a tubal than men regret a vasectomy:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2492586/#:~:text=Although%20serious%20surgical%20complications%20are,%25%E2%80%932%25)%20are%20reported.


I am sorry to the poster with the vasectomy pain. I don't know of any instances of that IRL among the men I know who have had vasectomies. I wonder if certain doctors have worse outcomes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:>How does that compare to the risks for tubal ligation? Or a lifetime of hormonal birth control? I bet you have absolutely no idea, because you don’t care.

Vasectomy is less risky than tubal and oral BCP. Vasectomy is more risky than Paraguard and Nexplanon, in my opinion.

You are correct that vasectomy risks are more salient to me than tubal risks. I think that is probably because of the constant pain I have from nerve damage from my vasectomy in 2017. It hurts from my left foot up to my solar plexus and back to my kidneys. Mostly it hurts in the scrotum and inguinal canal. This kind of pain will permanently change your personality.

I’m sorry that happened to you, I really a.m. But please recognize that what you’re doing is asking the woman to take all of the risk and responsibility in order to spare the man any risk.

Take a gander at this:
https://www.askapatient.com/viewrating.asp?drug=21529&name=IMPLANON

And the makers of Paragard are literally being sued right now for causing injury:
https://www.natlawreview.com/article/simple-guide-to-paragard-lawsuits-and-settlements

Nothing is risk-free except condoms. Nothing. The question is who is assuming the risk. OP has assumed the risk for many years, and now it’s his turn.

[Anonymous]

>But please recognize that what you’re doing is asking the woman to take all of the risk and responsibility in order to spare the man any risk.

I am not asking the woman to do anything except to recognize that vasectomy has significant risks. I think that is a reasonable thing to expect.

>Take a gander at this:
https://www.askapatient.com/viewrating.asp?drug=21529&name=IMPLANON

The difference is that you can (almost always) remove Implanon if it goes badly. Fixing a bad vasectomy is far more difficult and expensive. Often it is not possible.

>And the makers of Paragard are literally being sued right now for causing injury:
https://www.natlawreview.com/article/simple-guide-...agard-lawsuits-and-settlements

Urologists are regularly sued over chronic pain caused by vasectomy:

https://pmj.bmj.com/content/77/912/656


>Nothing is risk-free except condoms. Nothing. The question is who is assuming the risk. OP has assumed the risk for many years, and now it’s his turn.

It is his choice. If he chooses not to get a vasectomy, that is acceptable. We all have a right to decide what we do to our own bodies and not be hounded about our choice. She can have sex on whatever terms she chooses, but she cannot justifiably pressure or emotionally blackmail him into getting a surgery that has the potential to leave him with chronic genital pain.