Husband won’t consider a vasectomy and I can’t get over it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:His body his choice, but it's also your choice if you want to have sex with him. I basically told my DH that birth control was his responsibility and left the method up to him. We used condoms for a year and then he made the appointment for a vasectomy. He said the procedure was no big deal and he had very minimal discomfort.

This! Condoms or vasectomy, he has two good options. Up to him which one is more appealing.

Unless, of course, he wants more kid and you don’t. Is that the case?

Or he just divorces her, and moves on to a more accommodating partner.

Let him go. He obviously is extremely selfish.

[Anonymous]

What is his reason for refusing?

[Anonymous]

This is what happens when we condition our daughters and sons that the women are responsible for birth control and that they need to be accomodating.

To be honest this needs to be part of the vetting process if a man assumes he has no responsibility in this he's out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so angry and resentful and thinking this is the end of our marriage. I’ve tried to get passed it but it’s unbelievable that after two very difficult pregnancies he expects me to be the one to have surgery and take responsibility. I’ve had an IUD intermittently for 15 years and I’m done with hormones altogether. I don’t know how to get passed this...

His body, his choice. i'm a woman btw. I would never force my husband to do anything to his body, especially something that came with risks. He shouldn't be forcing you, either. There are options non-hormonal, non-surgical options -- condoms, diaphragm, the sponge (is that still a thing?), timing. And, eventually, you will go through menopause and it will be over.

The sponge and diaphragms both have spermicide, which is absolutely terrible for a woman’s health. Not a safe option.

OP, what does he think is the solution? Has he actually had the balls (hah) to suggest that you have surgery or go on hormonal birth control because he doesn’t want to be bothered? I’m really curious as to what he thinks the solution is, and why he is comfortable pushing all the responsibility on you.

I completely agree that no one should be forced to have any surgical procedure, and then includes vasectomy. His body, his choice. But it’s time for him to take responsibility and wear condoms faithfully then. Otherwise he’s just spoiled man child who wants you to take the hit for his convenience and pleasure.

[Anonymous]

Get a Paragard and a divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:His body his choice, but it's also your choice if you want to have sex with him. I basically told my DH that birth control was his responsibility and left the method up to him. We used condoms for a year and then he made the appointment for a vasectomy. He said the procedure was no big deal and he had very minimal discomfort.

This! Condoms or vasectomy, he has two good options. Up to him which one is more appealing.

Unless, of course, he wants more kid and you don’t. Is that the case?

Or he just divorces her, and moves on to a more accommodating partner.

Doesn’t sound like much of a loss, honestly. I really wonder what else he’s willing to let his wife suffer for so he doesn’t have to be inconvenienced. I suspect this isn’t the only thing. That’s just not how a decent marriage works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:His body his choice, but it's also your choice if you want to have sex with him. I basically told my DH that birth control was his responsibility and left the method up to him. We used condoms for a year and then he made the appointment for a vasectomy. He said the procedure was no big deal and he had very minimal discomfort.

This! Condoms or vasectomy, he has two good options. Up to him which one is more appealing.

Unless, of course, he wants more kid and you don’t. Is that the case?

Or he just divorces her, and moves on to a more accommodating partner.

If my husband had chosen that path, I would have packed his bags and waved him goodbye. Be her problem now.

Fortunately my husband is secure enough in his masculinity that he didn’t feel threatened by a vasectomy. But I get some men are weaker.

[Anonymous]

Who are you "his body, his choice ninnies!" ninnies/ She is not holding him down forcing him to have a vasectomy.

Anyway, OP, I too would be annoyed, that he has decided to abdicate his responsibility in preventing pregnancy, and wants to leave it all to you.

I'd tell him he's now responsible for birth control he has several viable options. You are officially taking that off your list of responsibilities.

No sex until that's resolved.

[Anonymous]

Tell him then it’s condoms only, and only when you’re not ovulating.

Every man I’ve slept with over the age of 40 can’t keep it up with a condom on. A few weeks of that and he’ll change his mind.

[Anonymous]

Sure it's his body, his choice but he's had years of being able to punt the responsibility into his partner. If you choose not to use birth control other than a condom then he will have to make a decision

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have to have the “take one for the team” discussion.

And he will say the same right back at her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to have the “take one for the team” discussion.

And he will say the same right back at her.

OP has probably been doing so for years. When does he think he should take a turn?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell him then it’s condoms only, and only when you’re not ovulating.

Every man I’ve slept with over the age of 40 can’t keep it up with a condom on. A few weeks of that and he’ll change his mind.

Interesting. We use condoms/pull out method now in our mid 30s and DH wants a third but says he won’t get snipped even after that. I wonder if he will change his mind in our 40s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who are you "his body, his choice ninnies!" ninnies/ She is not holding him down forcing him to have a vasectomy.

Anyway, OP, I too would be annoyed, that he has decided to abdicate his responsibility in preventing pregnancy, and wants to leave it all to you.

I'd tell him he's now responsible for birth control he has several viable options. You are officially taking that off your list of responsibilities.

No sex until that's resolved.

I’m a woman who really enjoys sex and doesn’t want any more kids. So I make the decision for myself. I protect myself from unwanted children.

Every adult gets to make their own choices, including spouses and sexual partners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are you "his body, his choice ninnies!" ninnies/ She is not holding him down forcing him to have a vasectomy.

Anyway, OP, I too would be annoyed, that he has decided to abdicate his responsibility in preventing pregnancy, and wants to leave it all to you.

I'd tell him he's now responsible for birth control he has several viable options. You are officially taking that off your list of responsibilities.

No sex until that's resolved.

I’m a woman who really enjoys sex and doesn’t want any more kids. So I make the decision for myself. I protect myself from unwanted children.

Every adult gets to make their own choices, including spouses and sexual partners.

That's charming and has the depth of someone who forms all their opinnions based on Tumblr memes and Twitter trends.