Husband won’t consider a vasectomy and I can’t get over it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:His body his choice, but it's also your choice if you want to have sex with him. I basically told my DH that birth control was his responsibility and left the method up to him. We used condoms for a year and then he made the appointment for a vasectomy. He said the procedure was no big deal and he had very minimal discomfort.

This! Condoms or vasectomy, he has two good options. Up to him which one is more appealing.

Unless, of course, he wants more kid and you don’t. Is that the case?

Or he just divorces her, and moves on to a more accommodating partner.

And if he fathers children with this new partner will he be a good dad and support the child? Now he has several children with different women. Don't we have enough of that kind of scenario in this world?

Are you really saying OP should shoulder the birth control burden because otherwise her husband will divorce her and turn into a deadbeat dad? And it would be her fault?

Oh wait until the “she should do it so he has the ability to have a new family if she dies or cheats on him” poster’s show up. The misogyny is real and insane about this issue. I don’t think anyone should be forced to have surgery they don’t want, but actions have consequences

[Anonymous]

This would annoy me too. I would say, ok, abstinence or condoms then. We used condoms in between pregnancies and it was okay. I would def not get a tubal ligation. You will be so (justifiably) resentful. Does your dh have friends who have had vasectomies? I arranged a bbq with friends whose husbands had just had them, and mentioned to my friend that I hoped her dh would bring it up, and dumb as it sounds, hearing them describe their experiences seemed to flip a switch in my dh to schedule it. (He went to the same doctor too). He is cautious and I think it normalized it for him and allayed his fear.

[Anonymous]

They have laser ones that are NOTHING. My husband had one at GW in April. Numb. Laser snips. It’s over. Recovery was nothing. Mildly sore 1 day.

A PAP smear sounds more invasive.

Techniques today with laser vasectomy are nothing like old days.

[Anonymous]

You have to have the “take one for the team” discussion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have to have the “take one for the team” discussion.

She has no right to tell him what to do with his body.

[Anonymous]

The men’s surgery is quick, outpatient and relatively painless. A woman’s surgery is invasive, painful and requires an overnight stay.

She’s already given birth. Time to man up and participate In your Family’s, family planning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to have the “take one for the team” discussion.

She has no right to tell him what to do with his body.

Yet he’s telling her. Get a life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They have laser ones that are NOTHING. My husband had one at GW in April. Numb. Laser snips. It’s over. Recovery was nothing. Mildly sore 1 day.

A PAP smear sounds more invasive.

Techniques today with laser vasectomy are nothing like old days.

Same thing for tubal ligations!

[Anonymous]

Agree with his body, his choice.


I said to my husband, I am at my parenting limit. I am going to get my tubes tied, I will schedule it at my appointment. He then volunteered to get a vasectomy, and immediately scheduled the appointment. Had he not, I would have absolutely taken it upon myself. My body, my choice; no more babies for me.

[Anonymous]

Women have multiple options - hysterectomy, tubal litigation, IUDs, birth control pills, condoms, abstinence.

If your pregnancies were so life-threatening, why not choose a permanent option then?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:His body his choice, but it's also your choice if you want to have sex with him. I basically told my DH that birth control was his responsibility and left the method up to him. We used condoms for a year and then he made the appointment for a vasectomy. He said the procedure was no big deal and he had very minimal discomfort.

This. Don’t have sex with him unless he uses a condom every time.

[Anonymous]

condoms

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t have a tubal ligation unless I specifically wanted one. I would not have surgery just to accommodate his desire not to have surgery. Instead we would be using condoms and only having sex during safer parts of my cycle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They have laser ones that are NOTHING. My husband had one at GW in April. Numb. Laser snips. It’s over. Recovery was nothing. Mildly sore 1 day.

A PAP smear sounds more invasive.

Techniques today with laser vasectomy are nothing like old days.

Same thing for tubal ligations!

Vasectomies are still less invasive and lower risk than tubals. Anyone who pretends otherwise is basically saying they think women have less inherent worth than men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m so angry and resentful and thinking this is the end of our marriage. I’ve tried to get passed it but it’s unbelievable that after two very difficult pregnancies he expects me to be the one to have surgery and take responsibility. I’ve had an IUD intermittently for 15 years and I’m done with hormones altogether. I don’t know how to get passed this...

His body, his choice. i'm a woman btw. I would never force my husband to do anything to his body, especially something that came with risks. He shouldn't be forcing you, either. There are options non-hormonal, non-surgical options -- condoms, diaphragm, the sponge (is that still a thing?), timing. And, eventually, you will go through menopause and it will be over.