Husband won’t consider a vasectomy and I can’t get over it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m so angry and resentful and thinking this is the end of our marriage. I’ve tried to get passed it but it’s unbelievable that after two very difficult pregnancies he expects me to be the one to have surgery and take responsibility. I’ve had an IUD intermittently for 15 years and I’m done with hormones altogether. I don’t know how to get passed this...

Get your tubes tied

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are you "his body, his choice ninnies!" ninnies/ She is not holding him down forcing him to have a vasectomy.

Anyway, OP, I too would be annoyed, that he has decided to abdicate his responsibility in preventing pregnancy, and wants to leave it all to you.

I'd tell him he's now responsible for birth control he has several viable options. You are officially taking that off your list of responsibilities.

No sex until that's resolved.

I’m a woman who really enjoys sex and doesn’t want any more kids. So I make the decision for myself. I protect myself from unwanted children.

Every adult gets to make their own choices, including spouses and sexual partners.

You liking sex, and screaming by body my choice/his choice literally has zero to do with the discussion.

OP is not forcing her husband to get a vasectomy ( she literally cannot do that), she is requring him to take on responsibility in the area of birth control. Since you are a liberated woman, and clearly believe in equal rights for men and women, please explain why her husband or any husband should not be required to be responsible for birth control, vasectomy is not the only option?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell him then it’s condoms only, and only when you’re not ovulating.

Every man I’ve slept with over the age of 40 can’t keep it up with a condom on. A few weeks of that and he’ll change his mind.

Interesting. We use condoms/pull out method now in our mid 30s and DH wants a third but says he won’t get snipped even after that. I wonder if he will change his mind in our 40s.

If it were condoms only he'd probably get the vasectomy now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are you "his body, his choice ninnies!" ninnies/ She is not holding him down forcing him to have a vasectomy.

Anyway, OP, I too would be annoyed, that he has decided to abdicate his responsibility in preventing pregnancy, and wants to leave it all to you.

I'd tell him he's now responsible for birth control he has several viable options. You are officially taking that off your list of responsibilities.

No sex until that's resolved.

I’m a woman who really enjoys sex and doesn’t want any more kids. So I make the decision for myself. I protect myself from unwanted children.

Every adult gets to make their own choices, including spouses and sexual partners.

You liking sex, and screaming by body my choice/his choice literally has zero to do with the discussion.

OP is not forcing her husband to get a vasectomy ( she literally cannot do that), she is requring him to take on responsibility in the area of birth control. Since you are a liberated woman, and clearly believe in equal rights for men and women, please explain why her husband or any husband should not be required to be responsible for birth control, vasectomy is not the only option?

I don’t know her husband or his reasonings. But if my husband said, let’s use condoms each time, well that doesn’t work for me. I would get (and have gotten both) an IUD or tubal (if looking for permanent).

Maybe he wants more kids. Maybe he’s just a shit husband.

I simply know controlling my own body and future is important to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are you "his body, his choice ninnies!" ninnies/ She is not holding him down forcing him to have a vasectomy.

Anyway, OP, I too would be annoyed, that he has decided to abdicate his responsibility in preventing pregnancy, and wants to leave it all to you.

I'd tell him he's now responsible for birth control he has several viable options. You are officially taking that off your list of responsibilities.

No sex until that's resolved.

I’m a woman who really enjoys sex and doesn’t want any more kids. So I make the decision for myself. I protect myself from unwanted children.

Every adult gets to make their own choices, including spouses and sexual partners.

You liking sex, and screaming by body my choice/his choice literally has zero to do with the discussion.

OP is not forcing her husband to get a vasectomy ( she literally cannot do that), she is requring him to take on responsibility in the area of birth control. Since you are a liberated woman, and clearly believe in equal rights for men and women, please explain why her husband or any husband should not be required to be responsible for birth control, vasectomy is not the only option?

I don’t know her husband or his reasonings. But if my husband said, let’s use condoms each time, well that doesn’t work for me. I would get (and have gotten both) an IUD or tubal (if looking for permanent).

Maybe he wants more kids. Maybe he’s just a shit husband.

I simply know controlling my own body and future is important to me.

You did not answer my question. Why should your husband ( or any husband) not be required to be responsible for birth control.?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are you "his body, his choice ninnies!" ninnies/ She is not holding him down forcing him to have a vasectomy.

Anyway, OP, I too would be annoyed, that he has decided to abdicate his responsibility in preventing pregnancy, and wants to leave it all to you.

I'd tell him he's now responsible for birth control he has several viable options. You are officially taking that off your list of responsibilities.

No sex until that's resolved.

I’m a woman who really enjoys sex and doesn’t want any more kids. So I make the decision for myself. I protect myself from unwanted children.

Every adult gets to make their own choices, including spouses and sexual partners.

You liking sex, and screaming by body my choice/his choice literally has zero to do with the discussion.

OP is not forcing her husband to get a vasectomy ( she literally cannot do that), she is requring him to take on responsibility in the area of birth control. Since you are a liberated woman, and clearly believe in equal rights for men and women, please explain why her husband or any husband should not be required to be responsible for birth control, vasectomy is not the only option?

I don’t know her husband or his reasonings. But if my husband said, let’s use condoms each time, well that doesn’t work for me. I would get (and have gotten both) an IUD or tubal (if looking for permanent).

Maybe he wants more kids. Maybe he’s just a shit husband.

I simply know controlling my own body and future is important to me.

You did not answer my question. Why should your husband ( or any husband) not be required to be responsible for birth control.?

BECAUSE I DO NOT WANT MORE KIDS.

I. ME. It’s my body that gets pregnant.

If you want your husband to be responsible for your body, that’s your choice.

[Anonymous]

Condoms abstinence or divorce.

When Dh and I first discussed at 30, he completely balked. He thought it was more invasive, painful, and would mess with his sex drive (the way hysterectomies do for women). He thought he wouldn’t come anymore even. 10 years later he’s more knowledgeable, saw the pain of pregnancy and childbirth, hated condoms and hated the effects of birth control on me (he’s anti pills in general). He also had a lot of friends get snipped at 40 and they shared their happy, painless experience. 40 was our limit for leaving the door open for more kids, so that’s when he’s getting snipped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so angry and resentful and thinking this is the end of our marriage. I’ve tried to get passed it but it’s unbelievable that after two very difficult pregnancies he expects me to be the one to have surgery and take responsibility. I’ve had an IUD intermittently for 15 years and I’m done with hormones altogether. I don’t know how to get passed this...

get a tubal ligation. problem solved.

The person who doesn't want kids needs to take care of it.

TL is much more invasive, more expensive, and has a longer recovery than a vasectomy.

Men should also take some responsibility for birth control. Enough of them certainly don't take care of their children (deadbeat dads).

Make him wear a condom then. And OP should also wear a female condom. See how the man likes that. I find most men don't like condoms.

Or he can just move on from a drama queen.

Sounds like she's ready to move on so it won't be a devastating blow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are you "his body, his choice ninnies!" ninnies/ She is not holding him down forcing him to have a vasectomy.

Anyway, OP, I too would be annoyed, that he has decided to abdicate his responsibility in preventing pregnancy, and wants to leave it all to you.

I'd tell him he's now responsible for birth control he has several viable options. You are officially taking that off your list of responsibilities.

No sex until that's resolved.

I’m a woman who really enjoys sex and doesn’t want any more kids. So I make the decision for myself. I protect myself from unwanted children.

Every adult gets to make their own choices, including spouses and sexual partners.

You liking sex, and screaming by body my choice/his choice literally has zero to do with the discussion.

OP is not forcing her husband to get a vasectomy ( she literally cannot do that), she is requring him to take on responsibility in the area of birth control. Since you are a liberated woman, and clearly believe in equal rights for men and women, please explain why her husband or any husband should not be required to be responsible for birth control, vasectomy is not the only option?

I don’t know her husband or his reasonings. But if my husband said, let’s use condoms each time, well that doesn’t work for me. I would get (and have gotten both) an IUD or tubal (if looking for permanent).

Maybe he wants more kids. Maybe he’s just a shit husband.

I simply know controlling my own body and future is important to me.

You did not answer my question. Why should your husband ( or any husband) not be required to be responsible for birth control.?

BECAUSE I DO NOT WANT MORE KIDS.

I. ME. It’s my body that gets pregnant.

If you want your husband to be responsible for your body, that’s your choice.

So her choice might be that there's no more intercourse. Her body, her choice!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are you "his body, his choice ninnies!" ninnies/ She is not holding him down forcing him to have a vasectomy.

Anyway, OP, I too would be annoyed, that he has decided to abdicate his responsibility in preventing pregnancy, and wants to leave it all to you.

I'd tell him he's now responsible for birth control he has several viable options. You are officially taking that off your list of responsibilities.

No sex until that's resolved.

I’m a woman who really enjoys sex and doesn’t want any more kids. So I make the decision for myself. I protect myself from unwanted children.

Every adult gets to make their own choices, including spouses and sexual partners.

You liking sex, and screaming by body my choice/his choice literally has zero to do with the discussion.

OP is not forcing her husband to get a vasectomy ( she literally cannot do that), she is requring him to take on responsibility in the area of birth control. Since you are a liberated woman, and clearly believe in equal rights for men and women, please explain why her husband or any husband should not be required to be responsible for birth control, vasectomy is not the only option?

I don’t know her husband or his reasonings. But if my husband said, let’s use condoms each time, well that doesn’t work for me. I would get (and have gotten both) an IUD or tubal (if looking for permanent).

Maybe he wants more kids. Maybe he’s just a shit husband.

I simply know controlling my own body and future is important to me.

You did not answer my question. Why should your husband ( or any husband) not be required to be responsible for birth control.?

BECAUSE I DO NOT WANT MORE KIDS.

I. ME. It’s my body that gets pregnant.

If you want your husband to be responsible for your body, that’s your choice.

So her choice might be that there's no more intercourse. Her body, her choice!

Exactly! Agreed.

However, for me, I enjoy frequent sex, so abstinence is not an option.

I didn’t ask my husband if he wanted more kids. I told him I was not having any more, and took the next step. He had the same option if he no longer wanted more kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are you "his body, his choice ninnies!" ninnies/ She is not holding him down forcing him to have a vasectomy.

Anyway, OP, I too would be annoyed, that he has decided to abdicate his responsibility in preventing pregnancy, and wants to leave it all to you.

I'd tell him he's now responsible for birth control he has several viable options. You are officially taking that off your list of responsibilities.

No sex until that's resolved.

I’m a woman who really enjoys sex and doesn’t want any more kids. So I make the decision for myself. I protect myself from unwanted children.

Every adult gets to make their own choices, including spouses and sexual partners.

You liking sex, and screaming by body my choice/his choice literally has zero to do with the discussion.

OP is not forcing her husband to get a vasectomy ( she literally cannot do that), she is requring him to take on responsibility in the area of birth control. Since you are a liberated woman, and clearly believe in equal rights for men and women, please explain why her husband or any husband should not be required to be responsible for birth control, vasectomy is not the only option?

I don’t know her husband or his reasonings. But if my husband said, let’s use condoms each time, well that doesn’t work for me. I would get (and have gotten both) an IUD or tubal (if looking for permanent).

Maybe he wants more kids. Maybe he’s just a shit husband.

I simply know controlling my own body and future is important to me.

You did not answer my question. Why should your husband ( or any husband) not be required to be responsible for birth control.?

BECAUSE I DO NOT WANT MORE KIDS.

I. ME. It’s my body that gets pregnant.

If you want your husband to be responsible for your body, that’s your choice.

So her choice might be that there's no more intercourse. Her body, her choice!

Exactly! Agreed.

However, for me, I enjoy frequent sex, so abstinence is not an option.

I didn’t ask my husband if he wanted more kids. I told him I was not having any more, and took the next step. He had the same option if he no longer wanted more kids.

It’s weird to me that this “take it or leave it” attitude where each party does whatever he wants is being help up as an example of good decision making as a couple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are you "his body, his choice ninnies!" ninnies/ She is not holding him down forcing him to have a vasectomy.

Anyway, OP, I too would be annoyed, that he has decided to abdicate his responsibility in preventing pregnancy, and wants to leave it all to you.

I'd tell him he's now responsible for birth control he has several viable options. You are officially taking that off your list of responsibilities.

No sex until that's resolved.

I’m a woman who really enjoys sex and doesn’t want any more kids. So I make the decision for myself. I protect myself from unwanted children.

Every adult gets to make their own choices, including spouses and sexual partners.

You liking sex, and screaming by body my choice/his choice literally has zero to do with the discussion.

OP is not forcing her husband to get a vasectomy ( she literally cannot do that), she is requring him to take on responsibility in the area of birth control. Since you are a liberated woman, and clearly believe in equal rights for men and women, please explain why her husband or any husband should not be required to be responsible for birth control, vasectomy is not the only option?

I don’t know her husband or his reasonings. But if my husband said, let’s use condoms each time, well that doesn’t work for me. I would get (and have gotten both) an IUD or tubal (if looking for permanent).

Maybe he wants more kids. Maybe he’s just a shit husband.

I simply know controlling my own body and future is important to me.

You did not answer my question. Why should your husband ( or any husband) not be required to be responsible for birth control.?

BECAUSE I DO NOT WANT MORE KIDS.

I. ME. It’s my body that gets pregnant.

If you want your husband to be responsible for your body, that’s your choice.

It’s more like expecting him to be responsible for his own body. She can’t get pregnant unless he puts his sperm inside her body. It’s up to him to decide how he’s going to avoid putting his sperm inside of her - vasectomy, condoms or abstinence.

[Anonymous]

I really cant relate to this dilemma, my husband had a vasectomy without me asking when our 2nd was 6 months old. I do have a few friends who have wanted their husbands to get vasectomies, but the men are too squeamish/entitled to possibly consider doing anything to their body (because that's what women are for, right?) Well F that. Sex strike. I wouldn't even want to have sex with someone who continued to think it was STILL MY JOB to manipulate my body after having been on birth control, pregnant multiple times, and given birth. Men can be freaking cowards, only if you tolerate it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This would annoy me too. I would say, ok, abstinence or condoms then. We used condoms in between pregnancies and it was okay. I would def not get a tubal ligation. You will be so (justifiably) resentful. Does your dh have friends who have had vasectomies? I arranged a bbq with friends whose husbands had just had them, and mentioned to my friend that I hoped her dh would bring it up, and dumb as it sounds, hearing them describe their experiences seemed to flip a switch in my dh to schedule it. (He went to the same doctor too). He is cautious and I think it normalized it for him and allayed his fear.

+1

[Anonymous]

OP I would feel the exact same. I'm pregnant with our second. First pregnancy included HG for the entire 40 weeks, placenta previa which required full pelvic rest (no sex, working out, or orgasms), a car accident at 38 weeks that led to 16 weeks of PT while postpartum, 45 hour labor and delivery with back and neck pain from the accident. They stitched me up incorrectly and I couldn't have sex for 6 months post partum until I finally got an episiotomy and repair. Diastisis recti which required 12 weeks of PT. EBF for 13 months.

Now here I am in the first trimester with number 2 and I swear to God if he doesn't get snipped after this we are having major marital issues.