Husband won’t consider a vasectomy and I can’t get over it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are you "his body, his choice ninnies!" ninnies/ She is not holding him down forcing him to have a vasectomy.

Anyway, OP, I too would be annoyed, that he has decided to abdicate his responsibility in preventing pregnancy, and wants to leave it all to you.

I'd tell him he's now responsible for birth control he has several viable options. You are officially taking that off your list of responsibilities.

No sex until that's resolved.

I’m a woman who really enjoys sex and doesn’t want any more kids. So I make the decision for myself. I protect myself from unwanted children.

Every adult gets to make their own choices, including spouses and sexual partners.

You liking sex, and screaming by body my choice/his choice literally has zero to do with the discussion.

OP is not forcing her husband to get a vasectomy ( she literally cannot do that), she is requring him to take on responsibility in the area of birth control. Since you are a liberated woman, and clearly believe in equal rights for men and women, please explain why her husband or any husband should not be required to be responsible for birth control, vasectomy is not the only option?

I don’t know her husband or his reasonings. But if my husband said, let’s use condoms each time, well that doesn’t work for me. I would get (and have gotten both) an IUD or tubal (if looking for permanent).

Maybe he wants more kids. Maybe he’s just a shit husband.

I simply know controlling my own body and future is important to me.

You did not answer my question. Why should your husband ( or any husband) not be required to be responsible for birth control.?

BECAUSE I DO NOT WANT MORE KIDS.

I. ME. It’s my body that gets pregnant.

If you want your husband to be responsible for your body, that’s your choice.

It’s more like expecting him to be responsible for his own body. She can’t get pregnant unless he puts his sperm inside her body. It’s up to him to decide how he’s going to avoid putting his sperm inside of her - vasectomy, condoms or abstinence.

Exactly. Finally somebody with some sense!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really cant relate to this dilemma, my husband had a vasectomy without me asking when our 2nd was 6 months old. I do have a few friends who have wanted their husbands to get vasectomies, but the men are too squeamish/entitled to possibly consider doing anything to their body (because that's what women are for, right?) Well F that. Sex strike. I wouldn't even want to have sex with someone who continued to think it was STILL MY JOB to manipulate my body after having been on birth control, pregnant multiple times, and given birth. Men can be freaking cowards, only if you tolerate it.

Preach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I would feel the exact same. I'm pregnant with our second. First pregnancy included HG for the entire 40 weeks, placenta previa which required full pelvic rest (no sex, working out, or orgasms), a car accident at 38 weeks that led to 16 weeks of PT while postpartum, 45 hour labor and delivery with back and neck pain from the accident. They stitched me up incorrectly and I couldn't have sex for 6 months post partum until I finally got an episiotomy and repair. Diastisis recti which required 12 weeks of PT. EBF for 13 months.

Now here I am in the first trimester with number 2 and I swear to God if he doesn't get snipped after this we are having major marital issues.

To hell with after you give birth-he can jolly well get snipped right now.

[Anonymous]

What is his reasoning?

Sounds selfish.

Do you think he wants to keep his options open in case of divorce? Go to a counselor or mediator to resolve.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I’m so angry and resentful and thinking this is the end of our marriage. I’ve tried to get passed it but it’s unbelievable that after two very difficult pregnancies he expects me to be the one to have surgery and take responsibility. I’ve had an IUD intermittently for 15 years and I’m done with hormones altogether. I don’t know how to get passed this...

get a tubal ligation. problem solved.

The person who doesn't want kids needs to take care of it.

TL is much more invasive, more expensive, and has a longer recovery than a vasectomy.

Men should also take some responsibility for birth control. Enough of them certainly don't take care of their children (deadbeat dads).

Make him wear a condom then. And OP should also wear a female condom. See how the man likes that. I find most men don't like condoms.

Or he can just move on from a drama queen.

OP doesn't want an invasive procedure. Her DH doesn't want a less invasive procedure, but she's the drama queen? Ok.

You have to be a troll or an MRA. Either way, you are making men come across as aholes.

Luckily, plenty of men are willing to get themselves snipped and take on the birth control responsibility. My DH was willing to do this because I told him that after #2 DC, I was going to stop taking the pill (which made me have health issues), and that now it was his turn, after many years of me taking care of birth control. He could use a condom or get a v.

In the end, I gt a TL because I had a csection. But, he was willing to do it, unlike some ahole men.

[Anonymous]

Man here, he is a baby. Mine took about 10 minutes from pants down to pants up. It's no big deal.

[Anonymous]

I suspect my ex H was always on the lookout for wife #2. She might want a kid.

[Anonymous]

I would be upset too.
Not so much at the refusal of the vasectomy, but his refusal to discuss it or other options, at his insistence that I should be responsible for all birth control in the relationship, that he's okay with me subjecting my body for" the greater good", but he shouldn't have to do a thing other than figure out where to stick it in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to have the “take one for the team” discussion.

And he will say the same right back at her.

This would be the appropriate time for a swift kick to the nuts!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man here, he is a baby. Mine took about 10 minutes from pants down to pants up. It's no big deal.

+1

[Anonymous]

People do divorce.
Not every vasectomy can be reversed.
What if he will remarry and wont ne able to have kids?
Some men experience permanent memory loss.
In Covid times any procedure can cost him life.
Every procedure carries risks.

Your body your choice.. his body... his choice.

Equal rights.

[Anonymous]

My DH is a huuuuuge baby when it comes to medical procedures and illness. Huge big fat whining complaining baby. He laid up on the couch for THREE DAYS after his vasectomy like he was gonna die. But he did it, that’s how much he hates condoms. I’d have a problem too OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH is a huuuuuge baby when it comes to medical procedures and illness. Huge big fat whining complaining baby. He laid up on the couch for THREE DAYS after his vasectomy like he was gonna die. But he did it, that’s how much he hates condoms. I’d have a problem too OP.

Wait few years PP, his problems are far from over. More to come, You need to educate yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is a huuuuuge baby when it comes to medical procedures and illness. Huge big fat whining complaining baby. He laid up on the couch for THREE DAYS after his vasectomy like he was gonna die. But he did it, that’s how much he hates condoms. I’d have a problem too OP.

Wait few years PP, his problems are far from over. More to come, You need to educate yourself.

Me? Because he’s a whiny “man flu” baby? Please enlighten me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People do divorce.
Not every vasectomy can be reversed.
What if he will remarry and wont ne able to have kids?
Some men experience permanent memory loss.
In Covid times any procedure can cost him life.
Every procedure carries risks.

Your body your choice.. his body... his choice.

Equal rights.

Fine. She’ll divorce, and take half.