PLEASE HELP! Urgent Situation With My Mom In California.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Simply I don't understand. She is already scheduled to come in June for two weeks?
Why are you not buying your mother a ticket right away, for today? To come live with you? Is she a drug addict? Violent? Abusive? Those would be the only reasons(something equally terrible counts too) that I would not have my mom who ended up homeless come live with me.
What is with contemplating buying her a car? Yes, I know there are people that live in their cars in CA. Yes, I know it is not that uncommon in the economy where people do not ear a living wage.
Why are you not having her come here today?

It sounds like OP is renting from a private owner in a housemate type situation. Right now it's her and two kids, they can't just move in another adult indefinitely, especially if all three of them are already sharing a single room.

yes, this is correct.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fly her to Virginia and bring her into your home. She can pay you from her SS check. It's a win win. Good luck.

Read the thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fly her to Virginia and bring her into your home. She can pay you from her SS check. It's a win win. Good luck.

OP is a financially strapped single mom, who is renting a single room in someone's home - with her two kids. There's no "bringing mom into your home" - they would need to go get an apartment. OP's mom appears to be unstable with mental illness and addiction issues - she cannot be counted on to pay OP or to be a safe and stable presence long-term around small children. OP, I really feel for you.

[Anonymous]

I still like the Mexico idea. What about that one, OP?

[Anonymous]

I'm with the move the Mexico poster, or to a part of CA that's cheaper. See if you can find her an RV or something.

It doesn't sound like OP's mom particularly wants to live with OP either. It's great that OP wants to help her mom but a co-living situation doesn't sound like it's in the best interest of anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am going to disagree with everyone who says that she needs to move in with you. This will be hell on you if you two can't spend a few days without arguing. I live with my elderly mom because she also has no income and it's hell. I think you can buy her a ticket to come visit until Social Security kicks in but then she finds her own place. There is no need to disrupt your entire life op. She made her choices in life. I am not saying not to help her, but moving in with you is not a solution I would consider.

I agree. I have a similar situation somewhere between pp and op. Op may feel she is doing right by mom, but from what she’s described the situation will negatively affect her children. Who really knows what mom has been up to? Even if she’s not an alcoholic or drug addict, she’s likely to siphon off OP’s money that seems to be a shorts supply. Seems the thing to do is find an affordable senior place where mom can live in VA. There are some in noVA that are truly affordable on SS, but she needs to be physically able to care for herself. These places don’t have savings thresholds, and are for people who do not have savings. They are subsidized. Do this, and I guarantee your relationship may at least be tolerable. You need boundaries more than ever.

Thanks pp, am leaning towards doing this. I'm in Woodbridge Va. I've been googling places but it seems that you may be familiar with some specific 55 + communities. Are there any you can recommend?

I’m in a different part of VA, but our county has affordable senior living that parents of county residents are eligible to apply for. Some have longer waiting lists than others. One of my other concerns about your mom is, why did she really lose her apartment and seriously how long ago? She cites recent job loss and thus an inability to pay rent for her ouster from her apartment. Was she a lousy tenet? That is, did her mental health issues factor into getting booted?

Please don’t put what meager funds you have into her problems. It will likely put you on the same path. So many DCUMers seem flush with cash. You are not. You need to climb out of your own situation. My mom tends to make even her avoidable problems mine. You have to love her from arms length. I’m seriously afraid for you and your kids. In dealing with her problems, you may not be able to deal with your own at work and with kids.

[Anonymous]

First of all, I just wanted to let you know OP that you are in this situation.
It must be so stressful on top of all of your other daily stressors.

I live in CA & do not recommend living across the border.
Living in Mexico (especially not knowing the language or anyone there) could prove very dangerous for her.
The crime rate is very high plus it is a pain, especially now (!) to cross the border.

[Anonymous]

* that I am sorry

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re both single moms and you both have limited incomes. Buy her a ticket tonight to come to VA and use her SSI benefits to upgrade to a smaller rental for you, her and your kids.

Boom. This is it.

Go get mom, get her here. Tag team it in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fly her to Virginia and bring her into your home. She can pay you from her SS check. It's a win win. Good luck.

Is mom is stable maybe. Otherwise, she may claim OP is stealing her money. You people with money think everything is easy. Clearly there are relationship issues, for which there must be reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First of all, I just wanted to let you know OP that you are in this situation.
It must be so stressful on top of all of your other daily stressors.

I live in CA & do not recommend living across the border.
Living in Mexico (especially not knowing the language or anyone there) could prove very dangerous for her.
The crime rate is very high plus it is a pain, especially now (!) to cross the border.

US citizens can still cross unimpeded. Millions of older Americans live safely in Mexico. It’s a lot better than living in a car! This really is your best choice, OP. Has she ever been there?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re both single moms and you both have limited incomes. Buy her a ticket tonight to come to VA and use her SSI benefits to upgrade to a smaller rental for you, her and your kids.

Boom. This is it.

Go get mom, get her here. Tag team it in life.

OMG. NO!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re both single moms and you both have limited incomes. Buy her a ticket tonight to come to VA and use her SSI benefits to upgrade to a smaller rental for you, her and your kids.

Boom. This is it.

Go get mom, get her here. Tag team it in life.

OP's mom has mental illness and addiction issues. Of course OP knows her mom best, but from the limited amount of info she's posted, it doesn't seem like mom can be trusted to hand over the money and/or remain stable around OP's kids long term.

[Anonymous]

This may feel urgent to you OP because you just heard about it but has been your mom's life for a couple months.

What does your mom want to do?

Does she want to move across the country? Does she want to get connected to services where she is? Does she just want to get her truck fixed and carry on for now?

[Anonymous]

And getting into a low-income apartment takes years being on a waiting list!

Affordable housing in CA is very difficult to come by, especially now w/the pandemic.
And yes, homeless shelters are not only crowded but they also could be a good place for catching the Corona. ;(

If she receives $2,000/mo., then she may be able to rent a cheap room whether in a hotel or in a private home.
She can also possibly receive SNAP = Food Stamps to assist w/food expenses.

If you do choose her flying out to VA - ask yourself how it would truly be having her live w/you, even temporarily.

Could you ask your landlord if she can reside w/you until this pandemic ends??
You may have to stay w/her a little bit while playing the waiting game.