PLEASE HELP! Urgent Situation With My Mom In California.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you focused on getting her car? That makes no sense. That’s expensive and she doesn’t have anywhere to drive to anyway. Buy her ticket to come fly to you and make her quarantine in a bedroom alone for 14 days.

Her car is her home at this point. It's not about her being able to drive places but about her being able to move her vehicle daily for safety reasons she can't sleep in an inoperable vehicle that stays in one spot.

I don't have a whole bedroom for her to quarantine in and per my lease she can't stay here more more that two consecutive weeks each year.

So break the lease. Explain that you’re affected by COVID-19 at the end of May and I’m sure the owners will understand. I don’t know where I’m VA you live but it wouldn’t be that hard to find a 3-bedroom place for around $2K as long as you stay away from the metro line. Until then she sleeps on the couch.

Jesus. A place ticket for $132 or a car for $5,000. Don’t make a stupid choice you can’t afford OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you have a very complicated and painful history, and that your mother either can't or won't give you accurate information about what is going on with her situation, and that your mother cannot follow through accurately on plans you make (because of mental health issues? a personality disorder? substance abuse?).

OP, I really hate to say this, but I think it's going to be crappy and not work out well, no matter what you say or do, and no matter how perfectly you do it. Even with a perfect plan, it's unlikely things will go as planned, or even well.

I say that not to discourage you, but to encourage you to think about this before you start sacrificing more pieces of your life and peace of mind. This may not have any great outcomes, and it's worth making sure you are okay with that before you get started. Draw your boundaries now. Know where your limits are.

It's okay to make a her choices more clear for her, and then let her make them. You are NOT responsible for her. She si not letting you be.

You have hit the nail on the head. This is the exact predicament that I'm all the way down to the very painful and complicated past. We have not been close since I was 14 when I learned that I had to start putting myself first in order to have any chance at survival. Even with this said I literally can't sleep knowing that my mom right now at this very moment is sitting in her broke down truck in a shopping center parking lot 4K miles away. I need to find a way to help while still having boundaries. This is why I was so focused on getting her a reliable used vehicle so at least she can be somewhat self sufficient.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you have a very complicated and painful history, and that your mother either can't or won't give you accurate information about what is going on with her situation, and that your mother cannot follow through accurately on plans you make (because of mental health issues? a personality disorder? substance abuse?).

OP, I really hate to say this, but I think it's going to be crappy and not work out well, no matter what you say or do, and no matter how perfectly you do it. Even with a perfect plan, it's unlikely things will go as planned, or even well.

I say that not to discourage you, but to encourage you to think about this before you start sacrificing more pieces of your life and peace of mind. This may not have any great outcomes, and it's worth making sure you are okay with that before you get started. Draw your boundaries now. Know where your limits are.

It's okay to make a her choices more clear for her, and then let her make them. You are NOT responsible for her. She si not letting you be.

You have hit the nail on the head. This is the exact predicament that I'm all the way down to the very painful and complicated past. We have not been close since I was 14 when I learned that I had to start putting myself first in order to have any chance at survival. Even with this said I literally can't sleep knowing that my mom right now at this very moment is sitting in her broke down truck in a shopping center parking lot 4K miles away. I need to find a way to help while still having boundaries. This is why I was so focused on getting her a reliable used vehicle so at least she can be somewhat self sufficient.

I understand you want to get her a vehicle, but do you understand that doesn’t make sense? Do you want your mom sleeping in her car? If you don’t care about her sleeping in a car, that’s fine but let’s not pretend that buyii in my a car makes sense.

[Anonymous]

Landlord would probably modify your lease (I would at least right now) to allow her to stay with you and keep getting your rent money. I had my mother move in, but we have a good relationship so I get my privilege- but you need childcare help, she needs a home. If you can tolerate it having her move in is a good solution and cheaper than a car

[Anonymous]

OP, you're fixated on the car as a solution and it's not. It won't improve anything other than that she will be sleeping in a cat that starts vs one that won't. She is already sleeping in a car, buying another won't help. Also, it will entangle you with her in ways that might end up bad for you.

Bring her here for 2 weeks and then figure out what to do. Pray for a solution. You're not alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Landlord would probably modify your lease (I would at least right now) to allow her to stay with you and keep getting your rent money. I had my mother move in, but we have a good relationship so I get my privilege- but you need childcare help, she needs a home. If you can tolerate it having her move in is a good solution and cheaper than a car

I think people are missing out on the part where OP wants to help mom but really really really doesn't want mom to come stay with her. The "renting from a private owner" thing is giving her an easy out so far.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Landlord would probably modify your lease (I would at least right now) to allow her to stay with you and keep getting your rent money. I had my mother move in, but we have a good relationship so I get my privilege- but you need childcare help, she needs a home. If you can tolerate it having her move in is a good solution and cheaper than a car

I think people are missing out on the part where OP wants to help mom but really really really doesn't want mom to come stay with her. The "renting from a private owner" thing is giving her an easy out so far.

We get it, we are just challenging it. Her plan to put her mom in a different car doesn't improve the situation. It just changes the particular car she is sleeping in. She will still be homeless and unable to shower.

Here's an alternative idea: find somewhere close and cheap that she can Uber to. Like a trailer park or a little s-- town a couple hours outside of LA. Or in Tijuana. Rent a room for $300/month.

[Anonymous]

Like this: https://tijuana.craigslist.org/apa/d/renta-casa-dllars-rosarito-sur/7108377861.html?lang=en&cc=us

[Anonymous]

Can her brother help?

[Anonymous]

You can’t get evicted right now for violating your lease by having her stay longer.

Can you apply for low income housing here for her? She could work for a grocery store that’s walking distance? They are ALL hiring. Can she get a job in the parking lot shopping center where her car is broken down?

[Anonymous]

Maybe buy her a van so she can sleep more comfortably. I am being serious OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re both single moms and you both have limited incomes. Buy her a ticket tonight to come to VA and use her SSI benefits to upgrade to a smaller rental for you, her and your kids.

Before COVID-19 hit my mom was already scheduled to come visit her grandchildren for two weeks at the beginning of June. So she's already scheduled to come in June (hopefully) if the airline doesn't cancel her flight. I'm going to try to pursuade her to stay when she comes to visit.

Don’r wait until June—pay a change fee and have her come asap.

Seriously an airline change fee - or even a brand new flight will be cheaper than buying her a new car.

I think airlines are waiving change fees now. I would definitely call and explain this situation - I bet they waive it. Good luck to you both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Like this: https://tijuana.craigslist.org/apa/d/renta-casa-dllars-rosarito-sur/7108377861.html?lang=en&cc=us

A move to Mexico is not a bad idea actually. She is close and can be there today. She easily can live off her $2,000 until her SS checks begin to arrive. Lots of older Americans do it. Certainly better than sleeping in a car. Is this an option for her OP?

[Anonymous]

To me it sounds like there is something else going on- mental illness etc. Not normal to ride on public transit for something to do during a pandemic and it's odd she's not using her 2k to get her out of this obvious emergency.

[Anonymous]

I’m in Los Angeles, where is your Mom? I’m a nanny and don’t have much but if she needs food I can bring her something to eat! I don’t have money to spare to give her but I can bag up supplies for her. I’m in the valley. I’m working today but could come bring your mom food tonight after 8pm? It’s so hot here right now. Sleeping in a car feels very dangerous!!