PLEASE HELP! Urgent Situation With My Mom In California.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Simply I don't understand. She is already scheduled to come in June for two weeks?
Why are you not buying your mother a ticket right away, for today? To come live with you? Is she a drug addict? Violent? Abusive? Those would be the only reasons(something equally terrible counts too) that I would not have my mom who ended up homeless come live with me.
What is with contemplating buying her a car? Yes, I know there are people that live in their cars in CA. Yes, I know it is not that uncommon in the economy where people do not ear a living wage.
Why are you not having her come here today?

It sounds like OP is renting from a private owner in a housemate type situation. Right now it's her and two kids, they can't just move in another adult indefinitely, especially if all three of them are already sharing a single room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s a statewide moratorium on evictions in CA (currently) through May 31st. There may be more going on with your mom and her previous living situation (or it’s possible she was taken advantage of). Are you certain that she was living alone?

Are you certain she was working recently?

Regardless of the problems behind this situation I’m not sure a used car would be the best use of financial resources. I would look up resources for transient individuals in the city she’s located in currently in CA and see what resources exist. It may be possible to get a space at a shelter or a hostel. Aside from that it would seem better to spend the money on trying to get her to a city where a family member lives, now that she’s filed for early retirement.

She became homeless right before COVID. Yes she was living alone renting a mother in law type suite. Yes, positive she was working at the airport recently.

Shelters are full. As much as mom and I don't get along I think a move to VA would be in her best interest as a long term solution. I'm just trying to figure out how to help her today/tomorrow/immediately.

Flights from LAX to Dulles are $132 on American Airlines.

Buy the ticket. Get her on a plane today. Call a tow company and have them drop the truck at a salvage yard.

Problem solved.

+1 I understand OP's hesitancy to have her mom live with her FT, but this can be just a temporary arrangement until covid crisis passes (at least the worst of it). Your landlord won't kick you out for having an extra person stay with you for a few months.

Start looking for a 55+ apt for her right now. She needs to swallow her pride and just come here. Otherwise, she will end up on the streets permanently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re both single moms and you both have limited incomes. Buy her a ticket tonight to come to VA and use her SSI benefits to upgrade to a smaller rental for you, her and your kids.

Before COVID-19 hit my mom was already scheduled to come visit her grandchildren for two weeks at the beginning of June. So she's already scheduled to come in June (hopefully) if the airline doesn't cancel her flight. I'm going to try to pursuade her to stay when she comes to visit.

Don’r wait until June—pay a change fee and have her come asap.

This

So sorry, OP.
Was hard to read.
Best of luck to both of you.

[Anonymous]

is she on Facebook? have her look up solo women van dwelling and women van dwellers over 40. She'll get lots of support and ideas on living in a van. If you get her to VA, you guys can look for a van to convert into living space. That's the route I'd go.

[Anonymous]

If she's living in her car in CA and you are okay with that, she could come to VA and live in your car.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am going to disagree with everyone who says that she needs to move in with you. This will be hell on you if you two can't spend a few days without arguing. I live with my elderly mom because she also has no income and it's hell. I think you can buy her a ticket to come visit until Social Security kicks in but then she finds her own place. There is no need to disrupt your entire life op. She made her choices in life. I am not saying not to help her, but moving in with you is not a solution I would consider.

I agree. I have a similar situation somewhere between pp and op. Op may feel she is doing right by mom, but from what she’s described the situation will negatively affect her children. Who really knows what mom has been up to? Even if she’s not an alcoholic or drug addict, she’s likely to siphon off OP’s money that seems to be a shorts supply. Seems the thing to do is find an affordable senior place where mom can live in VA. There are some in noVA that are truly affordable on SS, but she needs to be physically able to care for herself. These places don’t have savings thresholds, and are for people who do not have savings. They are subsidized. Do this, and I guarantee your relationship may at least be tolerable. You need boundaries more than ever.

[Anonymous]

If she was homeless before COVID then she has been living in her truck for a couple months. She also had been paid until she lost her job without having to pay rent. Where did her paychecks go.

Given all the factors it sounds best for her to say in LA. Get her truck fixed, connect with the shelter and other senior support services, and make a plan.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like OP is scraping by herself, but has a good setup where she is. Again — stay where you are, and figure out something affordable senior living situation for mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she was homeless before COVID then she has been living in her truck for a couple months. She also had been paid until she lost her job without having to pay rent. Where did her paychecks go.

Given all the factors it sounds best for her to say in LA. Get her truck fixed, connect with the shelter and other senior support services, and make a plan.

OP, is it possible that there is a addiction issue and that's where the money is going? I would NOT have her come if that is the case. You have young children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s a statewide moratorium on evictions in CA (currently) through May 31st. There may be more going on with your mom and her previous living situation (or it’s possible she was taken advantage of). Are you certain that she was living alone?

Are you certain she was working recently?

Regardless of the problems behind this situation I’m not sure a used car would be the best use of financial resources. I would look up resources for transient individuals in the city she’s located in currently in CA and see what resources exist. It may be possible to get a space at a shelter or a hostel. Aside from that it would seem better to spend the money on trying to get her to a city where a family member lives, now that she’s filed for early retirement.

She became homeless right before COVID. Yes she was living alone renting a mother in law type suite. Yes, positive she was working at the airport recently.

Shelters are full. As much as mom and I don't get along I think a move to VA would be in her best interest as a long term solution. I'm just trying to figure out how to help her today/tomorrow/immediately.

Flights from LAX to Dulles are $132 on American Airlines.

Buy the ticket. Get her on a plane today. Call a tow company and have them drop the truck at a salvage yard.

Problem solved.

Make sure she signs over the title, you don't want the title in her name out in California.

[Anonymous]

What about the brother?

You mentioned him.

Can he help in any way?

[Anonymous]

There are 5 pages of ideas, and 5 pages of excuses. Why bother asking for help if all you will do is ignore it?

A train ticket is $250 and takes a few days, why not try that? It's cheap and gives you a few days to figure out this end

[Anonymous]

Op here. Not ignoring, promise. My head is spinning. I got no sleep last night and am here trying to work (my mgr is blowing me up, texting back and forth with mom, trying to help kids with their distance learning, food and other needs). I will be able to respond more later tonight after work is done and kids are in bed.

Some really great ideas are coming in. Getting an RV for her, a converted van, and also looking at the 55 +communities here in Va. I'm leaning towards this last option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am going to disagree with everyone who says that she needs to move in with you. This will be hell on you if you two can't spend a few days without arguing. I live with my elderly mom because she also has no income and it's hell. I think you can buy her a ticket to come visit until Social Security kicks in but then she finds her own place. There is no need to disrupt your entire life op. She made her choices in life. I am not saying not to help her, but moving in with you is not a solution I would consider.

I agree. I have a similar situation somewhere between pp and op. Op may feel she is doing right by mom, but from what she’s described the situation will negatively affect her children. Who really knows what mom has been up to? Even if she’s not an alcoholic or drug addict, she’s likely to siphon off OP’s money that seems to be a shorts supply. Seems the thing to do is find an affordable senior place where mom can live in VA. There are some in noVA that are truly affordable on SS, but she needs to be physically able to care for herself. These places don’t have savings thresholds, and are for people who do not have savings. They are subsidized. Do this, and I guarantee your relationship may at least be tolerable. You need boundaries more than ever.

Thanks pp, am leaning towards doing this. I'm in Woodbridge Va. I've been googling places but it seems that you may be familiar with some specific 55 + communities. Are there any you can recommend?

[Anonymous]

Fly her to Virginia and bring her into your home. She can pay you from her SS check. It's a win win. Good luck.