PLEASE HELP! Urgent Situation With My Mom In California.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re both single moms and you both have limited incomes. Buy her a ticket tonight to come to VA and use her SSI benefits to upgrade to a smaller rental for you, her and your kids.

+1. This is what I would do. I live in LA and rent is prohibitively expensive. She will be better off pooling her resources with yours in VA.

We have a strained relationship and will probably be at odds with each other daily but ultimately I believe this to be the best long term solution. Right now I'm trying to figure out a short term solution which I believe is to get her into a working vehicle asap but I'm trying to figure out the whole registration/insurance situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re both single moms and you both have limited incomes. Buy her a ticket tonight to come to VA and use her SSI benefits to upgrade to a smaller rental for you, her and your kids.

+1. This is what I would do. I live in LA and rent is prohibitively expensive. She will be better off pooling her resources with yours in VA.

We have a strained relationship and will probably be at odds with each other daily but ultimately I believe this to be the best long term solution. Right now I'm trying to figure out a short term solution which I believe is to get her into a working vehicle asap but I'm trying to figure out the whole registration/insurance situation.

Your mom has nowhere to shower.

A vehicle is the least of your concerns.

Just get her a flight and tell her you guys can figure it out after she gets to your house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry for your mom‘s distress. There is no asset testing on social security income - it’s based on your age and history of earnings/work. There is no discussion of what you own or finances you have. What kind of vehicle she has does not affect SS qualification or income, just depends on what she’s paid into SS from her prior employment over the years. Has she applied for some other sort of compensation instead of SS that does means testing? Taking SS before her full age will cost her money over the rest of her life, may not be best short term decision if she’s close to full benefits age. Could you fly her out to stay with you for awhile until things can get sorted out? Sounds like there is more to this story, for her to be homeless with nobody around to help her there. Perhaps there are homeless shelters that can help her get back on her feet and offer housing and food?

When she lost her job she applied for everything...unemployment, food stamps, govt financial assistance, social security retirement. She said that she hasn't heard back from anyone except the social security folks. At first I thought she might have been confusing the asset testing with another one of these programs but it doesn't seem likely since she hasn't heard from back from anyone else.

She can stay with me for up to two consecutive weeks each year. To get her here with me permanently would require me to break the lease where I'm at and look for a place that's suitable for us all which will take time and effort. I'm barely staying afloat as is trying to keep up with working from home during COVID-19 with no childcare plus homeschooling and feeding my children daily. It's a lot to have to do all this while trying to help mom. I'm prepared to do the best I can but I cannot jeopardize my own living/financial situation at this point.

She was originally living in CA with her husband and stayed once their marriage broke down. We have no other family in CA.

The homeless shelters near her are all at capacity even more so due to all of the financial hardships in the midst of COVID-19.

I'm also looking into senior community type places in VA to see if I can get her into a reduced rent 1 BR or studio for seniors that are 55+.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re both single moms and you both have limited incomes. Buy her a ticket tonight to come to VA and use her SSI benefits to upgrade to a smaller rental for you, her and your kids.

+1. This is what I would do. I live in LA and rent is prohibitively expensive. She will be better off pooling her resources with yours in VA.

We have a strained relationship and will probably be at odds with each other daily but ultimately I believe this to be the best long term solution. Right now I'm trying to figure out a short term solution which I believe is to get her into a working vehicle asap but I'm trying to figure out the whole registration/insurance situation.

Your mom has nowhere to shower.

A vehicle is the least of your concerns.

Just get her a flight and tell her you guys can figure it out after she gets to your house.

This.

She doesn’t need a car OP.

It’s a depreciating asset that will cost repairs, gas money, and general maintainence in addition to the monthly car payment.

She’s already at retirement age and has nothing holding her in CA.

Just pay the change fee or buy a cheap ticket and process from there. I promise this is the easiest and cheapest solution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry for your mom‘s distress. There is no asset testing on social security income - it’s based on your age and history of earnings/work. There is no discussion of what you own or finances you have. What kind of vehicle she has does not affect SS qualification or income, just depends on what she’s paid into SS from her prior employment over the years. Has she applied for some other sort of compensation instead of SS that does means testing? Taking SS before her full age will cost her money over the rest of her life, may not be best short term decision if she’s close to full benefits age. Could you fly her out to stay with you for awhile until things can get sorted out? Sounds like there is more to this story, for her to be homeless with nobody around to help her there. Perhaps there are homeless shelters that can help her get back on her feet and offer housing and food?

When she lost her job she applied for everything...unemployment, food stamps, govt financial assistance, social security retirement. She said that she hasn't heard back from anyone except the social security folks. At first I thought she might have been confusing the asset testing with another one of these programs but it doesn't seem likely since she hasn't heard from back from anyone else.

She can stay with me for up to two consecutive weeks each year. To get her here with me permanently would require me to break the lease where I'm at and look for a place that's suitable for us all which will take time and effort. I'm barely staying afloat as is trying to keep up with working from home during COVID-19 with no childcare plus homeschooling and feeding my children daily. It's a lot to have to do all this while trying to help mom. I'm prepared to do the best I can but I cannot jeopardize my own living/financial situation at this point.

She was originally living in CA with her husband and stayed once their marriage broke down. We have no other family in CA.

The homeless shelters near her are all at capacity even more so due to all of the financial hardships in the midst of COVID-19.

I'm also looking into senior community type places in VA to see if I can get her into a reduced rent 1 BR or studio for seniors that are 55+.

Have you ever considered this could be the solution you’re looking for?

Even if her SSI is only $500/mo that will cover a larger place for your family and her.

You might not even have to break your lease if you move within the building. Plus she could provide childcare which you just said you need.

Unless she was a drug addict or something, why are you so resistant to her moving in?

[Anonymous]

Why are you focused on getting her car? That makes no sense. That’s expensive and she doesn’t have anywhere to drive to anyway. Buy her ticket to come fly to you and make her quarantine in a bedroom alone for 14 days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s a statewide moratorium on evictions in CA (currently) through May 31st. There may be more going on with your mom and her previous living situation (or it’s possible she was taken advantage of). Are you certain that she was living alone?

Are you certain she was working recently?

Regardless of the problems behind this situation I’m not sure a used car would be the best use of financial resources. I would look up resources for transient individuals in the city she’s located in currently in CA and see what resources exist. It may be possible to get a space at a shelter or a hostel. Aside from that it would seem better to spend the money on trying to get her to a city where a family member lives, now that she’s filed for early retirement.

She became homeless right before COVID. Yes she was living alone renting a mother in law type suite. Yes, positive she was working at the airport recently.

Shelters are full. As much as mom and I don't get along I think a move to VA would be in her best interest as a long term solution. I'm just trying to figure out how to help her today/tomorrow/immediately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you are confusing Social Security with SSI. Your mom qualifies for Social Security Retirement at 65 and there isn’t an asset maximum.

That was my understanding too. I'm just going by what she's telling me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s a statewide moratorium on evictions in CA (currently) through May 31st. There may be more going on with your mom and her previous living situation (or it’s possible she was taken advantage of). Are you certain that she was living alone?

Are you certain she was working recently?

Regardless of the problems behind this situation I’m not sure a used car would be the best use of financial resources. I would look up resources for transient individuals in the city she’s located in currently in CA and see what resources exist. It may be possible to get a space at a shelter or a hostel. Aside from that it would seem better to spend the money on trying to get her to a city where a family member lives, now that she’s filed for early retirement.

She became homeless right before COVID. Yes she was living alone renting a mother in law type suite. Yes, positive she was working at the airport recently.

Shelters are full. As much as mom and I don't get along I think a move to VA would be in her best interest as a long term solution. I'm just trying to figure out how to help her today/tomorrow/immediately.

Flights from LAX to Dulles are $132 on American Airlines.

Buy the ticket. Get her on a plane today. Call a tow company and have them drop the truck at a salvage yard.

Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry for your mom‘s distress. There is no asset testing on social security income - it’s based on your age and history of earnings/work. There is no discussion of what you own or finances you have. What kind of vehicle she has does not affect SS qualification or income, just depends on what she’s paid into SS from her prior employment over the years. Has she applied for some other sort of compensation instead of SS that does means testing? Taking SS before her full age will cost her money over the rest of her life, may not be best short term decision if she’s close to full benefits age. Could you fly her out to stay with you for awhile until things can get sorted out? Sounds like there is more to this story, for her to be homeless with nobody around to help her there. Perhaps there are homeless shelters that can help her get back on her feet and offer housing and food?

When she lost her job she applied for everything...unemployment, food stamps, govt financial assistance, social security retirement. She said that she hasn't heard back from anyone except the social security folks. At first I thought she might have been confusing the asset testing with another one of these programs but it doesn't seem likely since she hasn't heard from back from anyone else.

She can stay with me for up to two consecutive weeks each year. To get her here with me permanently would require me to break the lease where I'm at and look for a place that's suitable for us all which will take time and effort. I'm barely staying afloat as is trying to keep up with working from home during COVID-19 with no childcare plus homeschooling and feeding my children daily. It's a lot to have to do all this while trying to help mom. I'm prepared to do the best I can but I cannot jeopardize my own living/financial situation at this point.

She was originally living in CA with her husband and stayed once their marriage broke down. We have no other family in CA.

The homeless shelters near her are all at capacity even more so due to all of the financial hardships in the midst of COVID-19.

I'm also looking into senior community type places in VA to see if I can get her into a reduced rent 1 BR or studio for seniors that are 55+.

Have you ever considered this could be the solution you’re looking for?

Even if her SSI is only $500/mo that will cover a larger place for your family and her.

You might not even have to break your lease if you move within the building. Plus she could provide childcare which you just said you need.

Unless she was a drug addict or something, why are you so resistant to her moving in?

I'm renting space from a private owner. We would need to find a new place alltogether.

Mom and I haven't lived together since I was 14. She tries to visit each year since my children (6 & 8) were born and we end up arguing after a day or two each time. The last fight was so bad that she didn't come to visit last year so I haven't seen her in two years and am trying (against my better judgement) to repair our relationship. There's lots of history which I cannot go into here that happened during childhood that has caused us to be distant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re both single moms and you both have limited incomes. Buy her a ticket tonight to come to VA and use her SSI benefits to upgrade to a smaller rental for you, her and your kids.

+1. This is what I would do. I live in LA and rent is prohibitively expensive. She will be better off pooling her resources with yours in VA.

We have a strained relationship and will probably be at odds with each other daily but ultimately I believe this to be the best long term solution. Right now I'm trying to figure out a short term solution which I believe is to get her into a working vehicle asap but I'm trying to figure out the whole registration/insurance situation.

Your mom has nowhere to shower.

A vehicle is the least of your concerns.

Just get her a flight and tell her you guys can figure it out after she gets to your house.

She also has no where to sleep. This is why I have been focusing on restoring her access to a working vehicle so that at least she can stay in the vehicle instead of on a street corner. She has been sleeping in her truck. Imagine a tornado or hurricane damaging your house and it becomes uninhabitable. Her vehicle at this point is inoperable in a shopping center parking lot and is now uninhabitable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry for your mom‘s distress. There is no asset testing on social security income - it’s based on your age and history of earnings/work. There is no discussion of what you own or finances you have. What kind of vehicle she has does not affect SS qualification or income, just depends on what she’s paid into SS from her prior employment over the years. Has she applied for some other sort of compensation instead of SS that does means testing? Taking SS before her full age will cost her money over the rest of her life, may not be best short term decision if she’s close to full benefits age. Could you fly her out to stay with you for awhile until things can get sorted out? Sounds like there is more to this story, for her to be homeless with nobody around to help her there. Perhaps there are homeless shelters that can help her get back on her feet and offer housing and food?

When she lost her job she applied for everything...unemployment, food stamps, govt financial assistance, social security retirement. She said that she hasn't heard back from anyone except the social security folks. At first I thought she might have been confusing the asset testing with another one of these programs but it doesn't seem likely since she hasn't heard from back from anyone else.

She can stay with me for up to two consecutive weeks each year. To get her here with me permanently would require me to break the lease where I'm at and look for a place that's suitable for us all which will take time and effort. I'm barely staying afloat as is trying to keep up with working from home during COVID-19 with no childcare plus homeschooling and feeding my children daily. It's a lot to have to do all this while trying to help mom. I'm prepared to do the best I can but I cannot jeopardize my own living/financial situation at this point.

She was originally living in CA with her husband and stayed once their marriage broke down. We have no other family in CA.

The homeless shelters near her are all at capacity even more so due to all of the financial hardships in the midst of COVID-19.

I'm also looking into senior community type places in VA to see if I can get her into a reduced rent 1 BR or studio for seniors that are 55+.

Would it be possible for you to move into a larger unit within your current complex? I know most apartment buildings will let you do this as a way to break the lease without penalties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you focused on getting her car? That makes no sense. That’s expensive and she doesn’t have anywhere to drive to anyway. Buy her ticket to come fly to you and make her quarantine in a bedroom alone for 14 days.

Her car is her home at this point. It's not about her being able to drive places but about her being able to move her vehicle daily for safety reasons she can't sleep in an inoperable vehicle that stays in one spot.

I don't have a whole bedroom for her to quarantine in and per my lease she can't stay here more more that two consecutive weeks each year.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you have a very complicated and painful history, and that your mother either can't or won't give you accurate information about what is going on with her situation, and that your mother cannot follow through accurately on plans you make (because of mental health issues? a personality disorder? substance abuse?).

OP, I really hate to say this, but I think it's going to be crappy and not work out well, no matter what you say or do, and no matter how perfectly you do it. Even with a perfect plan, it's unlikely things will go as planned, or even well.

I say that not to discourage you, but to encourage you to think about this before you start sacrificing more pieces of your life and peace of mind. This may not have any great outcomes, and it's worth making sure you are okay with that before you get started. Draw your boundaries now. Know where your limits are.

It's okay to make a her choices more clear for her, and then let her make them. You are NOT responsible for her. She si not letting you be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry for your mom‘s distress. There is no asset testing on social security income - it’s based on your age and history of earnings/work. There is no discussion of what you own or finances you have. What kind of vehicle she has does not affect SS qualification or income, just depends on what she’s paid into SS from her prior employment over the years. Has she applied for some other sort of compensation instead of SS that does means testing? Taking SS before her full age will cost her money over the rest of her life, may not be best short term decision if she’s close to full benefits age. Could you fly her out to stay with you for awhile until things can get sorted out? Sounds like there is more to this story, for her to be homeless with nobody around to help her there. Perhaps there are homeless shelters that can help her get back on her feet and offer housing and food?

When she lost her job she applied for everything...unemployment, food stamps, govt financial assistance, social security retirement. She said that she hasn't heard back from anyone except the social security folks. At first I thought she might have been confusing the asset testing with another one of these programs but it doesn't seem likely since she hasn't heard from back from anyone else.

She can stay with me for up to two consecutive weeks each year. To get her here with me permanently would require me to break the lease where I'm at and look for a place that's suitable for us all which will take time and effort. I'm barely staying afloat as is trying to keep up with working from home during COVID-19 with no childcare plus homeschooling and feeding my children daily. It's a lot to have to do all this while trying to help mom. I'm prepared to do the best I can but I cannot jeopardize my own living/financial situation at this point.

She was originally living in CA with her husband and stayed once their marriage broke down. We have no other family in CA.

The homeless shelters near her are all at capacity even more so due to all of the financial hardships in the midst of COVID-19.

I'm also looking into senior community type places in VA to see if I can get her into a reduced rent 1 BR or studio for seniors that are 55+.

Would it be possible for you to move into a larger unit within your current complex? I know most apartment buildings will let you do this as a way to break the lease without penalties.

I'm renting space from a private owner. To get her here with me for more than two weeks we'd have to move out to a different location.