Reply to PLEASE HELP! Urgent Situation With My Mom In California.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am going to disagree with everyone who says that she needs to move in with you.  This will be hell on you if you two can't spend a few days without arguing.  I live with my elderly mom because she also has no income and it's hell.  I think you can buy her a ticket to come visit until Social Security kicks in but then she finds her own place.  There is no need to disrupt your entire life op.  She made her choices in life.  I am not saying not to help her, but moving in with you is not a solution I would consider.[/quote]

I agree.  I have a similar situation somewhere between pp and op.  Op may feel she is doing right by mom, but from what she’s described the situation will negatively affect her children.  Who really knows what mom has been up to?  Even if she’s not an alcoholic or drug addict, she’s likely to siphon off OP’s money that seems to be a shorts supply.[b]  Seems the thing to do is find an affordable senior place where mom can live in VA.  There are some in noVA that are truly affordable on SS, but she needs to be physically able to care for herself.  These places don’t have savings thresholds, and are for people who do not have savings.  They are subsidized.[/b]  Do this, and I guarantee your relationship may at least be tolerable.  You need boundaries more than ever.[/quote] Thanks pp, am leaning towards doing this. I'm in Woodbridge Va. I've been googling places but it seems that you may be familiar with  some specific 55 + communities. Are there any you can recommend? [/quote]

I’m in a different part of VA, but our county has affordable senior living that parents of county residents are eligible to apply for.  Some have longer waiting lists than others.  One of my other concerns about your mom is, why did she really lose her apartment and seriously how long ago?  She cites recent job loss and thus an inability to pay rent for her ouster from her apartment.  Was she a lousy tenet?  That is, did her mental health issues factor into getting booted?

Please don’t put what meager funds you have into her problems.  It will likely put you on the same path.  So many DCUMers seem flush with cash.  You are not.  You need to climb out of your own situation.  My mom tends to make even her avoidable problems mine.  You have to love her from arms length.  I’m seriously afraid for you and your kids.  In dealing with her problems, you may not be able to deal with your own at work and with kids.  [/quote]

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