PLEASE HELP! Urgent Situation With My Mom In California.

[Anonymous]

SSI has an asset max (it's $2000, not $5000, and one car is excluded). Low-income people can get it based on age at 65.

Social Security retirement benefits have no asset limits.

She may qualify for a small amount of retirement benefits (it's based on how much she paid in FICA taxes through the years) but still be low enough income for SSI. SSA may have taken applications for both programs.

As for what you should do, OP, I don't know. Medicaid and SSI may be more generous in CA than VA (CA has an SSI state supplement). But being able to supervise her from closer by may be worth it. There are trailer parks in VA that are pretty affordable. Don't assume you'll be able to get her into affordable housing anywhere--waitlists are long. What does she want to do? Is she willing to come to VA? Is there any chance she can get a job (home health? grocery store?) in CA or VA? Does she have any savings (life insurance policy, retirement account) that she could cash in?

Since she's in LA, you might want to contact the Inner City Law Center and see if they can help her with benefits.

[Anonymous]

What about the other relatives? Is there another person in the family she can stay with for a month or two while you figure out a plan? I don't think sinking your savings into a car for her that she will be living in is a good use of limited resources.

[Anonymous]

If you think you guys can tolerate each other, then you may have to just give it your best shot.

Everyone is now making huge sacrifices in their lives & this just may be one you must make.

Whatever happens, I wish only the very best possible outcome for both you, your Mother + your two children.
Hugs to everyone!

[Anonymous]

How did you just find out about this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First of all, I just wanted to let you know OP that you are in this situation.
It must be so stressful on top of all of your other daily stressors.

I live in CA & do not recommend living across the border.
Living in Mexico (especially not knowing the language or anyone there) could prove very dangerous for her.
The crime rate is very high plus it is a pain, especially now (!) to cross the border.

US citizens can still cross unimpeded. Millions of older Americans live safely in Mexico. It’s a lot better than living in a car! This really is your best choice, OP. Has she ever been there?

I live in S.CA about a thirty-minute drive from the border.
I would rather sleep in a car here in the U.S. vs. living in Tijuana, MX.

The police corruption + the drug cartels make it very dangerous to even visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First of all, I just wanted to let you know OP that you are in this situation.
It must be so stressful on top of all of your other daily stressors.

I live in CA & do not recommend living across the border.
Living in Mexico (especially not knowing the language or anyone there) could prove very dangerous for her.
The crime rate is very high plus it is a pain, especially now (!) to cross the border.

US citizens can still cross unimpeded. Millions of older Americans live safely in Mexico. It’s a lot better than living in a car! This really is your best choice, OP. Has she ever been there?

I live in S.CA about a thirty-minute drive from the border.
I would rather sleep in a car here in the U.S. vs. living in Tijuana, MX.

The police corruption + the drug cartels make it very dangerous to even visit.

Not true. Again, many older Americans live safely and happily in Mexico. The drug cartels have no interest in older Americans. Please don’t spread misinformation. This is seriously the best option, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This may feel urgent to you OP because you just heard about it but has been your mom's life for a couple months.

What does your mom want to do?

Does she want to move across the country? Does she want to get connected to services where she is? Does she just want to get her truck fixed and carry on for now?

I agree. I’m the PP who talked about some things not adding up and having been in similar circumstances. No judgment, but I’m not sure there will be an easy happy ending.

I don’t think you should have her move in based on the information you’ve given us, for two weeks or otherwise.

My advice when dealing with something like this is to independently verify every piece of information you’re given. That will help you assess whether or not your emotional energy and attention to the issue is in proportion to what the other person is willing to do.

I believe it could be very difficult to get services in some places, or it might be that the person isn’t ready or able to comply to the terms of receiving those circumstances.

It seems likely that substance use is involved here. I’m really sorry. But you do need to protect your school age children first. Otherwise I wouldn’t speculate. It seems like she has some resources, and this is a situation she has been involved in for a little while. Dropping the information on you could be a few things and your gut will probably tell you what it is in context. It could be extending an olive branch and a willingness to turn things around, it could be emotional vampire stuff, it could be an effort to secure more immediate resources (money). Addiction can be a terrible disease but there is a point where it’s reasonable for you to protect yourself.

[Anonymous]

Call the Los Angeles Salvation Army. This is why I donate to them.

[Anonymous]

Can she rent a room in a private home somewhere in the DC area? This would probably be her cheapest option.

[Anonymous]

Has she asked you for help? I think that's my fundamental question. If she doesn't want your help or won't accept it, there isn't much you can do. I would try contacting the local police or a human services agency to do a welfare check.

[Anonymous]

She will need an address to collect any sort of unemployment benefit or food stamps, etc.

[Anonymous]

Isn’t airfare like $80 bucks. Fly her here. Put the masks on and voila our new normal.

Op I empathize but I’m so desensitized now. I feel like we are all screwed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Isn’t airfare like $80 bucks. Fly her here. Put the masks on and voila our new normal.

Op I empathize but I’m so desensitized now. I feel like we are all screwed.

Oops just saw the substance concerns. Self care OP.
Just like on a flight. Put your mask on, then help your child or an adult behaving like a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop picking this poor woman apart and send her some cash, DCUMs!!!!

You can afford it, FFS! Take some of that HHI you constantly brag about and do something worthwhile With it for a change.

C’mon, help this woman out!!!!!


I’d do it myself, but I’ve been laid off since the first week of March and I’m almost broke myself. But I know there’s plenty of people here who are working from home and still making their regular salary.

What a poor attempt at trolling. Throwing money at OP's mom will do nothing to solve the situation. She became homeless before being laid off - there are clearly some issues at play and OP is looking for advice to help her mom achieve some stability.

She’s asking for some cash. Not your best attempts at an “Ask Amy” column.

Either send her some money, or STFU and keep your advice to yourself. She doesn’t need advice. She needs cash. And some of you here are perfectly able to help her.

So will you?

First, I suggest you learn to read. OP's post literally says, "Can anyone offer advice or suggestions?"

Where does it say anyone is asking for cash? Even the mom isn't asking OP for cash.

So please do point it out, won't you? Come on, where is it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please help. I need urgent advice.

I (single mom of 2) live here in VA. My mom (65 yrs old single woman) lives in CA. She used to work at the airport but lost her job at the beginning of this month due to COVID-19. She immediately filed for unemployment but the unemployment system is overwhelmed and she has not heard anything back.

My uncle in a different state (mom's brother) suggested that she file for early retirement social security benefits, which she did. I believe the age is 66 to get full benefits but since she's 65 she can file now and take a reduced payment.

My mom has been corresponding with the social security retirement benefits fits people over the phone and they have indicated that her first payout will start in May.

In the meantime my mom has lost her apartment and she is currently homeless. She has been sleeping out of her pickup truck but it broke down yesterday. She rented a UHAUL and slept in the UHAUL while the truck was getting fixed at the shop. She picked the truck up from the shop today and drove it for a few hours before it stopped working again this evening.

She is currently sitting in a shopping center parking lot inside of her disabled vehicle. When I pressed her for details about her truck mom says it's a 2010 GM Canyon with 253K miles on it. WTF!!? When I asked about vehicle history mom said that the truck has started to break down alot over the past couple years and that she's put approximately $5K worth of repairs into it. When I strongly suggested to my mom that she purchase a more reliable used vehicle cle with less mileage she responded that a) she has no job and no place to live at the moment and b) in order to collect her full social security retirement benefits she cannot have more than $5k in assets(ie bank accounts, cars etc.)

My mom is literally homeless and living out of a broke down truck right now and I'm freaking out. I'm trying to see how I can help her but it's hard being all the way over here in VA with limited financial resources.

I drive an older model paid off car bc I didn't want a car payment but right now I'm thinking the best thing I can do for mom is to buy her a used vehicle and make the monthly payments for her so at least she has a reliable vehicle to sleep in. What I'm trying to figure out is if I buy the car online and have it delivered to her in California will she have trouble registering the car in CA and obtaining insurance since the title will be in the banks name until I can pay it off and then ultimately in my name since she can't own assets over $5K?

I literally can not sleep from the stress of this situation and to make matters worse my mom told me that she's been riding the LA public transit buses to pass time since she has no where else to go. I asked her to please stay away from the public buses as they could be breeding grounds for her to catch COVID-19. This whole situation is a mess and I'm trying to figure out the best thing to do to help my with limited financial resources s while being all the way over here in VA.

Can anyone offer advice or suggestions?

Get her a plane ticket !