Divorced parents - are you changing your custody schedule bc of Covid19?

[Anonymous]

Just a reminder to parents to keep a copy of those court orders. Ideally you keep a copy in with your grab bag for evacuation situations. This is a bit different of course, but it bothers me that people don’t have proof to show authorities who may encounter you and your child in an emergency situation. Especially if your name differs from that of your child.

[Anonymous]

Here's some guidance from the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts:
https://www.afccnet.org/Coronavirus/fbclid/IwAR1hckIj--QN9i_BPnx-caD4hKJswhIU7k3Y7PspWeR-dJVNrX_bMltk8Do

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex went on vacation in FL last week. He wanted to see DC as soon as he flew back in. We could not agree on that and ultimately I just had to say no, he'll see you in 2 weeks. There is little he can do about it now (except tell DC that I'm being unreasonable).

Actually he can take you to court if its court ordered and if its not court ordered he can file for a new visitation agreement. You could be reasonable and offer daily phone/video calls at a minimum and make up the time after two weeks. You are being unreasonable. You aren't offering any compromise or make up time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s kind of stupid to stop seeing your own child. Social distancing doesn’t mean you ditch your kid.

It does if you aren’t the sole provider and you’re still catching flights and running through hospitals making sales calls. Why risk it for a weekend dad day that will make the rest of the house sick while working from home and homeschooling during a 1 month closure? Yeah, no.

Why have any contact with that attitude? Just stop all visits and collect child support. That is all some here think is necessary.

Because the Court ordered it.

Courts will not do much if you don't allow visitation. They only care if child support is paid. That's why we have offices to help get child support for free but no offices to help with visitation issues for free. So, you can easily stop it and probably nothing will happen.

I think its sad its not about the kids.

If people don’t pay child support, the state ends up covering that gap on the child’s needs. Which increases your taxes. Which I bet burns your biscuits and makes you vote for anti-woman, anti-child policies. But if John doesn’t see Johnny and Julie because he’s busy with his new family, it doesn’t impact your wallet. That’s why there are child support enforcement offices.

BTW, NCP who really need free help to get custody or visitation can go to Legal Aid clinics located right at the courthouse in many districts.

The state does not cover that gap. What are you talking about? They will have consequences and enforcement for child support, but there is nothing for visitaiton via the child support office. Legal aid doesn't help with NCP visitation and custody in most situations. Have you ever tried to get help from them and you have to be very low income to get help. We got it for a family member in one situation but when we went back for more help we were declined due to it they just didn't have enough staff.

Kids need both parents. Having an involved father is not anti-woman or anti-kids and women have affairs, break up the marriages, abuse kids and spouses, etc. Majority of cases in child welfare are female headed households.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s kind of stupid to stop seeing your own child. Social distancing doesn’t mean you ditch your kid.

It does if you aren’t the sole provider and you’re still catching flights and running through hospitals making sales calls. Why risk it for a weekend dad day that will make the rest of the house sick while working from home and homeschooling during a 1 month closure? Yeah, no.

Why have any contact with that attitude? Just stop all visits and collect child support. That is all some here think is necessary.

Because the Court ordered it.

Courts will not do much if you don't allow visitation. They only care if child support is paid. That's why we have offices to help get child support for free but no offices to help with visitation issues for free. So, you can easily stop it and probably nothing will happen.

I think its sad its not about the kids.

If people don’t pay child support, the state ends up covering that gap on the child’s needs. Which increases your taxes. Which I bet burns your biscuits and makes you vote for anti-woman, anti-child policies. But if John doesn’t see Johnny and Julie because he’s busy with his new family, it doesn’t impact your wallet. That’s why there are child support enforcement offices.

BTW, NCP who really need free help to get custody or visitation can go to Legal Aid clinics located right at the courthouse in many districts.

The state does not cover that gap. What are you talking about? They will have consequences and enforcement for child support, but there is nothing for visitaiton via the child support office. Legal aid doesn't help with NCP visitation and custody in most situations. Have you ever tried to get help from them and you have to be very low income to get help. We got it for a family member in one situation but when we went back for more help we were declined due to it they just didn't have enough staff.

Kids need both parents. Having an involved father is not anti-woman or anti-kids and women have affairs, break up the marriages, abuse kids and spouses, etc. Majority of cases in child welfare are female headed households.

The state covers that gap through welfare other other social programs. Which is why they aggressively try to collect child support from the NCP when the CP goes on welfare. As you acknowledge, that’s usually women applying and men the state wants to pay.
Montgomery County’s legal aid has a big staff of volunteers, but they are very strict about income limits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s kind of stupid to stop seeing your own child. Social distancing doesn’t mean you ditch your kid.

It does if you aren’t the sole provider and you’re still catching flights and running through hospitals making sales calls. Why risk it for a weekend dad day that will make the rest of the house sick while working from home and homeschooling during a 1 month closure? Yeah, no.

Why have any contact with that attitude? Just stop all visits and collect child support. That is all some here think is necessary.

Because the Court ordered it.

Courts will not do much if you don't allow visitation. They only care if child support is paid. That's why we have offices to help get child support for free but no offices to help with visitation issues for free. So, you can easily stop it and probably nothing will happen.

I think its sad its not about the kids.

If people don’t pay child support, the state ends up covering that gap on the child’s needs. Which increases your taxes. Which I bet burns your biscuits and makes you vote for anti-woman, anti-child policies. But if John doesn’t see Johnny and Julie because he’s busy with his new family, it doesn’t impact your wallet. That’s why there are child support enforcement offices.

BTW, NCP who really need free help to get custody or visitation can go to Legal Aid clinics located right at the courthouse in many districts.

The state does not cover that gap. What are you talking about? They will have consequences and enforcement for child support, but there is nothing for visitaiton via the child support office. Legal aid doesn't help with NCP visitation and custody in most situations. Have you ever tried to get help from them and you have to be very low income to get help. We got it for a family member in one situation but when we went back for more help we were declined due to it they just didn't have enough staff.

Kids need both parents. Having an involved father is not anti-woman or anti-kids and women have affairs, break up the marriages, abuse kids and spouses, etc. Majority of cases in child welfare are female headed households.

The state covers that gap through welfare other other social programs. Which is why they aggressively try to collect child support from the NCP when the CP goes on welfare. As you acknowledge, that’s usually women applying and men the state wants to pay.
Montgomery County’s legal aid has a big staff of volunteers, but they are very strict about income limits.

No, they don't. Those social programs are available to all families. You have to be very very low income to get them and if you get child support you aren't going to get those programs generally. MC legal aid only has limited staff. They may have lots of volunteers but the need is too great and they only take limited cases. They aren't going to represent a NCP in child support or visitation issues. If it becomes a criminal case, maybe but the court would assign an attorney through them then. You don't have a good understanding of how it works. Plus the income limit. They aren't deducting for paying child support and alimony so even if they would help most NCP's wouldn't qualify. If father doesn't have custody of the kids, he'd have to make under $30K. If a Dad included his two kids, he could make $48K but if he made more but paid a large chunk to child support and alimony it wouldn't count. So, exactly where is the help? If you need child support, you can go to the office of child support for free. If you need help with visitation/custody or even phone calls, you have to file in court and represent yourself or get an attorney.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex went on vacation in FL last week. He wanted to see DC as soon as he flew back in. We could not agree on that and ultimately I just had to say no, he'll see you in 2 weeks. There is little he can do about it now (except tell DC that I'm being unreasonable).

Actually he can take you to court if its court ordered and if its not court ordered he can file for a new visitation agreement. You could be reasonable and offer daily phone/video calls at a minimum and make up the time after two weeks. You are being unreasonable. You aren't offering any compromise or make up time.

First of all, you don't know if I offered any compromise or make up time (I have). He can do as many calls or video calls as he wants (which is almost none). DC is totally available to him this way.

I realize he could take me to court, but the point is, even if he tried ASAP it will take longer than two weeks. This is not an emergency. And one reason he didn't and ended up giving up quickly is that he chose to travel on a beach vacation during a pandemic. In order to comply with the current CDC advice, he shouldn't have contact in person with our (immune-compromised, by the way) child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex went on vacation in FL last week. He wanted to see DC as soon as he flew back in. We could not agree on that and ultimately I just had to say no, he'll see you in 2 weeks. There is little he can do about it now (except tell DC that I'm being unreasonable).

Actually he can take you to court if its court ordered and if its not court ordered he can file for a new visitation agreement. You could be reasonable and offer daily phone/video calls at a minimum and make up the time after two weeks. You are being unreasonable. You aren't offering any compromise or make up time.

First of all, you don't know if I offered any compromise or make up time (I have). He can do as many calls or video calls as he wants (which is almost none). DC is totally available to him this way.

I realize he could take me to court, but the point is, even if he tried ASAP it will take longer than two weeks. This is not an emergency. And one reason he didn't and ended up giving up quickly is that he chose to travel on a beach vacation during a pandemic. In order to comply with the current CDC advice, he shouldn't have contact in person with our (immune-compromised, by the way) child.

Safety first. Period. That’s your argument, protect your child. You know if you’re doing the right thing. Florida is going to have a huge surge after not forcing all the beach goers into their homes. The risk isn’t perceived, its real. You’re also following local guidance. A judge, should it come to that, will be reasonable. But I would rather have a legal disagreement than a child clamoring for a ventilator if I’m wrong. Eff that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s kind of stupid to stop seeing your own child. Social distancing doesn’t mean you ditch your kid.

It does if you aren’t the sole provider and you’re still catching flights and running through hospitals making sales calls. Why risk it for a weekend dad day that will make the rest of the house sick while working from home and homeschooling during a 1 month closure? Yeah, no.

Why have any contact with that attitude? Just stop all visits and collect child support. That is all some here think is necessary.

Because the Court ordered it.

Courts will not do much if you don't allow visitation. They only care if child support is paid. That's why we have offices to help get child support for free but no offices to help with visitation issues for free. So, you can easily stop it and probably nothing will happen.

I think its sad its not about the kids.

If people don’t pay child support, the state ends up covering that gap on the child’s needs. Which increases your taxes. Which I bet burns your biscuits and makes you vote for anti-woman, anti-child policies. But if John doesn’t see Johnny and Julie because he’s busy with his new family, it doesn’t impact your wallet. That’s why there are child support enforcement offices.

BTW, NCP who really need free help to get custody or visitation can go to Legal Aid clinics located right at the courthouse in many districts.

The state does not cover that gap. What are you talking about? They will have consequences and enforcement for child support, but there is nothing for visitaiton via the child support office. Legal aid doesn't help with NCP visitation and custody in most situations. Have you ever tried to get help from them and you have to be very low income to get help. We got it for a family member in one situation but when we went back for more help we were declined due to it they just didn't have enough staff.

Kids need both parents. Having an involved father is not anti-woman or anti-kids and women have affairs, break up the marriages, abuse kids and spouses, etc. Majority of cases in child welfare are female headed households.

The state covers that gap through welfare other other social programs. Which is why they aggressively try to collect child support from the NCP when the CP goes on welfare. As you acknowledge, that’s usually women applying and men the state wants to pay.
Montgomery County’s legal aid has a big staff of volunteers, but they are very strict about income limits.

How many CP's do you think are on welfare and other social programs? Very few. They aren't aggressive about it. They try, but they have too many cases and not enough staff to be on top of it. Legal aid's do not help fathers with child support and visitation. Tried that. You can say there is a lot of help, but there is none. Most Dads who fight it either have the cash or go heavily into debt and if the CP doesn't comply, there are no consequences. You can say there are but there aren't which is why a lot of Dad's have given up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s kind of stupid to stop seeing your own child. Social distancing doesn’t mean you ditch your kid.

It does if you aren’t the sole provider and you’re still catching flights and running through hospitals making sales calls. Why risk it for a weekend dad day that will make the rest of the house sick while working from home and homeschooling during a 1 month closure? Yeah, no.

Why have any contact with that attitude? Just stop all visits and collect child support. That is all some here think is necessary.

Because the Court ordered it.

Courts will not do much if you don't allow visitation. They only care if child support is paid. That's why we have offices to help get child support for free but no offices to help with visitation issues for free. So, you can easily stop it and probably nothing will happen.

I think its sad its not about the kids.

If people don’t pay child support, the state ends up covering that gap on the child’s needs. Which increases your taxes. Which I bet burns your biscuits and makes you vote for anti-woman, anti-child policies. But if John doesn’t see Johnny and Julie because he’s busy with his new family, it doesn’t impact your wallet. That’s why there are child support enforcement offices.

BTW, NCP who really need free help to get custody or visitation can go to Legal Aid clinics located right at the courthouse in many districts.

The state does not cover that gap. What are you talking about? They will have consequences and enforcement for child support, but there is nothing for visitaiton via the child support office. Legal aid doesn't help with NCP visitation and custody in most situations. Have you ever tried to get help from them and you have to be very low income to get help. We got it for a family member in one situation but when we went back for more help we were declined due to it they just didn't have enough staff.

Kids need both parents. Having an involved father is not anti-woman or anti-kids and women have affairs, break up the marriages, abuse kids and spouses, etc. Majority of cases in child welfare are female headed households.

The state covers that gap through welfare other other social programs. Which is why they aggressively try to collect child support from the NCP when the CP goes on welfare. As you acknowledge, that’s usually women applying and men the state wants to pay.
Montgomery County’s legal aid has a big staff of volunteers, but they are very strict about income limits.

How many CP's do you think are on welfare and other social programs? Very few. They aren't aggressive about it. They try, but they have too many cases and not enough staff to be on top of it. Legal aid's do not help fathers with child support and visitation. Tried that. You can say there is a lot of help, but there is none. Most Dads who fight it either have the cash or go heavily into debt and if the CP doesn't comply, there are no consequences. You can say there are but there aren't which is why a lot of Dad's have given up.

In 2007, almost 35% of custodial mothers. By 2013, almost 47%. https://www.census.gov/content/dam/Census/library/publications/2016/demo/P60-255.pdf

[Anonymous]

In the past week, my ex has had his siblings (who do not live with him) over to his home twice, and took them to a barbecue at their parents' home (with all the siblings). I feel completely helpless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In the past week, my ex has had his siblings (who do not live with him) over to his home twice, and took them to a barbecue at their parents' home (with all the siblings). I feel completely helpless.

Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In the past week, my ex has had his siblings (who do not live with him) over to his home twice, and took them to a barbecue at their parents' home (with all the siblings). I feel completely helpless.

Sorry.

+1

[Anonymous]

And now six + months into this, we are still struggling with worrying about what exposure DS had when he’s with the Ex... I’m so tired of worrying sigh....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And now six + months into this, we are still struggling with worrying about what exposure DS had when he’s with the Ex... I’m so tired of worrying sigh....

Right there with you. My husband’s ex is working in a risky job and going to the gym and the store whenever she wants. Meanwhile I have an underlying condition. It sucks.