Divorced parents - are you changing your custody schedule bc of Covid19?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People are being extreme. No expert has advocated that we need to separate children from their parents. Kids need their parents and their routines when so much else in their lives is disrupted.

I would lose all respect for anyone who uses this as an excuse to alienate the other parent or tries to separate their child from their parent.

That is nothing but ignorance and spite.

Kids need to be protected from this virus, and so do their parents. It would be exceptionally unfortunate for the kids to lose both parents thanks to the idiotic idea that kids should "preserve their routines" during a global pandemic.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Yes. My ex lives out of state (a few hours drive) and usually sees DD every week for a couple days. We agreed that he’d stay home and she’d stay with me until things change, if that ever happens.

Why not give him a week on week off?

We talked about it and agreed to respect the guidance to minimize contact with non-family as much as possible. He has two other kids and will be staying home with them in the state where they live. We felt that the drive to/from that city would expose him and DD to more non-family contact than we were comfortable with. They agreed to spend extra time on the phone, FaceTime, etc. and agreed to spend extra time together when the restrictions are lifted.

Believe it or not, not everyone has a sh*tty relationship with their ex. We just came up with a plan together that involved no travel for anyone at a time when travel is being discouraged. If schools remain closed through the end of the year but our families remain symptom-free, we agreed to make a plan for her to go to his place for an extended time, meeting halfway between so we didn’t have to stop anywhere.

If he is home, it makes sense for a visit. Driving back and forth is not going to give you the virus. You are denying visits.

I think your answer is in the section I bolded. She considers her child's father to be non-family.

And yet she has no issue taking money regularly.

1) the concern with contact was related to the trip - many people (including my ex and me) are not traveling unless necessary - we agreed that for the time being, he is going to not travel the 4ish hours here and she is not going to travel the 4ish hours there. Notice how I keep saying “we agreed”? Not actually a euphemism for “I decided” though I doubt you believe me.
2) he is very much my family despite us not being married anymore, but thanks for misinterpreting my words - says a lot more about you than me.
3) he doesn’t pay any child support, but thanks for assuming and implying that I’m taking his money and withholding access to his child. Could not be further from the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. My ex lives out of state (a few hours drive) and usually sees DD every week for a couple days. We agreed that he’d stay home and she’d stay with me until things change, if that ever happens.

Why not give him a week on week off?

We talked about it and agreed to respect the guidance to minimize contact with non-family as much as possible. He has two other kids and will be staying home with them in the state where they live. We felt that the drive to/from that city would expose him and DD to more non-family contact than we were comfortable with. They agreed to spend extra time on the phone, FaceTime, etc. and agreed to spend extra time together when the restrictions are lifted.

Believe it or not, not everyone has a sh*tty relationship with their ex. We just came up with a plan together that involved no travel for anyone at a time when travel is being discouraged. If schools remain closed through the end of the year but our families remain symptom-free, we agreed to make a plan for her to go to his place for an extended time, meeting halfway between so we didn’t have to stop anywhere.

If he is home, it makes sense for a visit. Driving back and forth is not going to give you the virus. You are denying visits.

I think your answer is in the section I bolded. She considers her child's father to be non-family.

And yet she has no issue taking money regularly.

1) the concern with contact was related to the trip - many people (including my ex and me) are not traveling unless necessary - we agreed that for the time being, he is going to not travel the 4ish hours here and she is not going to travel the 4ish hours there. Notice how I keep saying “we agreed”? Not actually a euphemism for “I decided” though I doubt you believe me.
2) he is very much my family despite us not being married anymore, but thanks for misinterpreting my words - says a lot more about you than me.
3) he doesn’t pay any child support, but thanks for assuming and implying that I’m taking his money and withholding access to his child. Could not be further from the truth.

A four hour trip in a car is doable. You pack food and only stop for bathroom, if a necessity. How is that risking anything. It sounds like an excuse for child not to see Dad. Its ok you don't want them to have more than a very limited relationship but don't blame a virus on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are amicable you can work it out. Any "extra" time with one parent can be made up in the future.

The key question is this - are both parents actually practicing social distancing?

If you leave your kids with DH, and then go to work where you are in contact with other people, and then get the kids back, and then return the kids to DH when it's his turn again, your failure to practice social distancing has defeated his social distancing as well as that of your kids.

If both parents are actually staying home and avoiding contact with third parties, then there is no reason not to drive them back and forth as per the usual schedule.

This is not an excuse to deny visitation.

Um. You realize that "denying visitation" to a parent who is not social distancing is a matter of life and death - for the other parent, and possibly the children? Sounds like a pretty damn good reason to deny visitation to me. If your XDH is too dumb or stubborn to do what's right, it's on you to protect yourself and your kids.

Social distancing is not meant for parents/kds and you are using it as an excuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Yes. My ex lives out of state (a few hours drive) and usually sees DD every week for a couple days. We agreed that he’d stay home and she’d stay with me until things change, if that ever happens.

Why not give him a week on week off?

We talked about it and agreed to respect the guidance to minimize contact with non-family as much as possible. He has two other kids and will be staying home with them in the state where they live. We felt that the drive to/from that city would expose him and DD to more non-family contact than we were comfortable with. They agreed to spend extra time on the phone, FaceTime, etc. and agreed to spend extra time together when the restrictions are lifted.

Believe it or not, not everyone has a sh*tty relationship with their ex. We just came up with a plan together that involved no travel for anyone at a time when travel is being discouraged. If schools remain closed through the end of the year but our families remain symptom-free, we agreed to make a plan for her to go to his place for an extended time, meeting halfway between so we didn’t have to stop anywhere.

If he is home, it makes sense for a visit. Driving back and forth is not going to give you the virus. You are denying visits.

I think your answer is in the section I bolded. She considers her child's father to be non-family.

And yet she has no issue taking money regularly.

1) the concern with contact was related to the trip - many people (including my ex and me) are not traveling unless necessary - we agreed that for the time being, he is going to not travel the 4ish hours here and she is not going to travel the 4ish hours there. Notice how I keep saying “we agreed”? Not actually a euphemism for “I decided” though I doubt you believe me.
2) he is very much my family despite us not being married anymore, but thanks for misinterpreting my words - says a lot more about you than me.
3) he doesn’t pay any child support, but thanks for assuming and implying that I’m taking his money and withholding access to his child. Could not be further from the truth.

PP I get it. My ex and I are trading weeks (which is not our normal schedule), but we also agreed that if anyone in either location gets sick, the kid will stay where they are until the threat passes. We don’t want to spread it, and are doing what we can to prevent that.

[Anonymous]

No, my ex is abusive. I will be watching the children and earning the income, while he gets fatter and more drunk. Wouldn’t have it any other way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. My ex lives out of state (a few hours drive) and usually sees DD every week for a couple days. We agreed that he’d stay home and she’d stay with me until things change, if that ever happens.

Why not give him a week on week off?

We talked about it and agreed to respect the guidance to minimize contact with non-family as much as possible. He has two other kids and will be staying home with them in the state where they live. We felt that the drive to/from that city would expose him and DD to more non-family contact than we were comfortable with. They agreed to spend extra time on the phone, FaceTime, etc. and agreed to spend extra time together when the restrictions are lifted.

Believe it or not, not everyone has a sh*tty relationship with their ex. We just came up with a plan together that involved no travel for anyone at a time when travel is being discouraged. If schools remain closed through the end of the year but our families remain symptom-free, we agreed to make a plan for her to go to his place for an extended time, meeting halfway between so we didn’t have to stop anywhere.

If he is home, it makes sense for a visit. Driving back and forth is not going to give you the virus. You are denying visits.

I think your answer is in the section I bolded. She considers her child's father to be non-family.

And yet she has no issue taking money regularly.

1) the concern with contact was related to the trip - many people (including my ex and me) are not traveling unless necessary - we agreed that for the time being, he is going to not travel the 4ish hours here and she is not going to travel the 4ish hours there. Notice how I keep saying “we agreed”? Not actually a euphemism for “I decided” though I doubt you believe me.
2) he is very much my family despite us not being married anymore, but thanks for misinterpreting my words - says a lot more about you than me.
3) he doesn’t pay any child support, but thanks for assuming and implying that I’m taking his money and withholding access to his child. Could not be further from the truth.

A four hour trip in a car is doable. You pack food and only stop for bathroom, if a necessity. How is that risking anything. It sounds like an excuse for child not to see Dad. Its ok you don't want them to have more than a very limited relationship but don't blame a virus on it.

JFC, PP. Believe whatever you want. You are entirely wrong about your assumptions here and it makes you sound pathetic. A question was asked and I answered it. Get some perspective and stop bringing your own baggage to other people's lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are keeping our usual schedule, but my ex showed up for the swap tonight and demanded to take my temperature before letting our child get into my car.

That’s actually reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are keeping our usual schedule, but my ex showed up for the swap tonight and demanded to take my temperature before letting our child get into my car.

That’s actually reasonable.

It's a reasonable request. Doesn't sound like it was phrased in a reasonable way.

[Anonymous]

For the OP I'm not sure if you need to change the schedule absent some compelling or unusual circumstance (i.e. one of the parents is a health care worker and is exposed to sick people). Practically it may make sense if one of the parents can more easily work from home or you guys can do what married folks do work in shifts if your employer lets you. Presumably the kids aren't being transferred via metro or other public transportation. Of course, if one of you gets sick I would not take the kids in that case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. My ex lives out of state (a few hours drive) and usually sees DD every week for a couple days. We agreed that he’d stay home and she’d stay with me until things change, if that ever happens.

Why not give him a week on week off?

We talked about it and agreed to respect the guidance to minimize contact with non-family as much as possible. He has two other kids and will be staying home with them in the state where they live. We felt that the drive to/from that city would expose him and DD to more non-family contact than we were comfortable with. They agreed to spend extra time on the phone, FaceTime, etc. and agreed to spend extra time together when the restrictions are lifted.

Believe it or not, not everyone has a sh*tty relationship with their ex. We just came up with a plan together that involved no travel for anyone at a time when travel is being discouraged. If schools remain closed through the end of the year but our families remain symptom-free, we agreed to make a plan for her to go to his place for an extended time, meeting halfway between so we didn’t have to stop anywhere.

If he is home, it makes sense for a visit. Driving back and forth is not going to give you the virus. You are denying visits.

I think your answer is in the section I bolded. She considers her child's father to be non-family.

And yet she has no issue taking money regularly.

1) the concern with contact was related to the trip - many people (including my ex and me) are not traveling unless necessary - we agreed that for the time being, he is going to not travel the 4ish hours here and she is not going to travel the 4ish hours there. Notice how I keep saying “we agreed”? Not actually a euphemism for “I decided” though I doubt you believe me.
2) he is very much my family despite us not being married anymore, but thanks for misinterpreting my words - says a lot more about you than me.
3) he doesn’t pay any child support, but thanks for assuming and implying that I’m taking his money and withholding access to his child. Could not be further from the truth.

A four hour trip in a car is doable. You pack food and only stop for bathroom, if a necessity. How is that risking anything. It sounds like an excuse for child not to see Dad. Its ok you don't want them to have more than a very limited relationship but don't blame a virus on it.

JFC, PP. Believe whatever you want. You are entirely wrong about your assumptions here and it makes you sound pathetic. A question was asked and I answered it. Get some perspective and stop bringing your own baggage to other people's lives.

Its pathetic that people use any excuse to not allow their kids to have a relationship with the other parent. Its pathetic to say a phone call means they have a relationship. Its pathetic when you complain Dad's aren't involved and have no understanding this is why. They aren't allowed to be involved. Kids need equal time with each parent. Seeing your Dad 4 days a month and a few hours here or there isn't him being a Dad. If the situation were reversed would you be ok seeing your kids 4 days a month at best?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. My ex lives out of state (a few hours drive) and usually sees DD every week for a couple days. We agreed that he’d stay home and she’d stay with me until things change, if that ever happens.

Why not give him a week on week off?

We talked about it and agreed to respect the guidance to minimize contact with non-family as much as possible. He has two other kids and will be staying home with them in the state where they live. We felt that the drive to/from that city would expose him and DD to more non-family contact than we were comfortable with. They agreed to spend extra time on the phone, FaceTime, etc. and agreed to spend extra time together when the restrictions are lifted.

Believe it or not, not everyone has a sh*tty relationship with their ex. We just came up with a plan together that involved no travel for anyone at a time when travel is being discouraged. If schools remain closed through the end of the year but our families remain symptom-free, we agreed to make a plan for her to go to his place for an extended time, meeting halfway between so we didn’t have to stop anywhere.

If he is home, it makes sense for a visit. Driving back and forth is not going to give you the virus. You are denying visits.

I think your answer is in the section I bolded. She considers her child's father to be non-family.

And yet she has no issue taking money regularly.

1) the concern with contact was related to the trip - many people (including my ex and me) are not traveling unless necessary - we agreed that for the time being, he is going to not travel the 4ish hours here and she is not going to travel the 4ish hours there. Notice how I keep saying “we agreed”? Not actually a euphemism for “I decided” though I doubt you believe me.
2) he is very much my family despite us not being married anymore, but thanks for misinterpreting my words - says a lot more about you than me.
3) he doesn’t pay any child support, but thanks for assuming and implying that I’m taking his money and withholding access to his child. Could not be further from the truth.

A four hour trip in a car is doable. You pack food and only stop for bathroom, if a necessity. How is that risking anything. It sounds like an excuse for child not to see Dad. Its ok you don't want them to have more than a very limited relationship but don't blame a virus on it.

JFC, PP. Believe whatever you want. You are entirely wrong about your assumptions here and it makes you sound pathetic. A question was asked and I answered it. Get some perspective and stop bringing your own baggage to other people's lives.

Its pathetic that people use any excuse to not allow their kids to have a relationship with the other parent. Its pathetic to say a phone call means they have a relationship. Its pathetic when you complain Dad's aren't involved and have no understanding this is why. They aren't allowed to be involved. Kids need equal time with each parent. Seeing your Dad 4 days a month and a few hours here or there isn't him being a Dad. If the situation were reversed would you be ok seeing your kids 4 days a month at best?

Wow PP. Bitter much? Maybe my XDH should have given that some thought about seeing his kids, etc when he was sticking his d* in some other women while still being married.

[Anonymous]

My DH has every other weekend and I'm curious to see if bio mom pulls some BS this weekend and cancels the visit. Wouldn't surprise me if she did. We live roughly 15-20 mins apart and do exchanges car-to-car.

[Anonymous]

17:51 here. I should add that my DH would LOVE for DS to spend extra time with us during the week while schools are closed and we're all WFH 100%, but that's a guaranteed no from bio mom.

[Anonymous]

I think the best thing is for the kids to stay with one, self-isolated parent while the non-isolated parent picks up groceries. prescriptions, etc. Truly isolate to the greatest degree possible.