Divorced parents - are you changing your custody schedule bc of Covid19?

[Anonymous]

ExDH and I share 50/50 custody. We live in separate communities. Kids are elementary aged. We’ve talked about it and are on the same page as far as social distancing. In VA so schools closed thru mid April. How is your divorced family sharing custody during the Covid-19 outbreak? Ex suggested he keep kids as school closure happened on his time. I’d assumed we’d keep to the usual schedule. Am second guessing now that personal accounts are coming out from WA state and Italy. Isolation seems to be necessary to “flatten the curve”. Should kids stay in one household instead of both during this time? Any medical providers or health professionals who want to chime in, please do. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

XH and I live about 20 min apart in good traffic. We have 60 (me) and 40 (him) on paper, but it’s really more 70/30 or even 80/20 depending on how unstable he is at the moment. He’s currently unemployed and schools are out so he’s available but has not made any preparations for self-isolation, quarantine, or a lockdown. My fear is that DC is there for an overnight and we go into lockdown. Then DC is stuck there with little food and no meds for however long.

[Anonymous]

Yes. My ex lives out of state (a few hours drive) and usually sees DD every week for a couple days. We agreed that he’d stay home and she’d stay with me until things change, if that ever happens.

[Anonymous]

If your ex is at all unstable you need to get and keep your child. Not like they would be able to find court dates on this anyway.

[Anonymous]

Ha yes! I WFH full time but he does not. Our new schedule is that the kids are with me during the day and he picks them up at 5. He will drop them off around 7:30 each morning. I'm still going to feed them Bkfst and Dinner. He is also taking them every weekend until they go back to school.


The kids will see much more of dad now and I will need the break by the evening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your ex is at all unstable you need to get and keep your child. Not like they would be able to find court dates on this anyway.

DC is here now, but if I refused pickup, there would be phone harassment and possibly a huge scene outside my home. I kinda wish he’d just buy a lot of weed and hunker down like he does in blizzards. When there was 5 feet of snow, we didn’t hear a peep from him.

[Anonymous]

If you are amicable you can work it out. Any "extra" time with one parent can be made up in the future.

The key question is this - are both parents actually practicing social distancing?

If you leave your kids with DH, and then go to work where you are in contact with other people, and then get the kids back, and then return the kids to DH when it's his turn again, your failure to practice social distancing has defeated his social distancing as well as that of your kids.

If both parents are actually staying home and avoiding contact with third parties, then there is no reason not to drive them back and forth as per the usual schedule.

[Anonymous]

Yes--we normally do about a 60/40 wish split but I have more weeknights. So normally he has alternate weekends Friday night through Tuesday morning and an overnight on the off week. We're now splitting the work week (one has Monday through Wednesday lunchtime, the other Wednesday afternoon through Friday night) and keeping the alternate weekends.
It really only means they have 1 extra night a week with him, but the split workday is critical since we both work from home and both need dedicated work time. I realize it's a slightly higher risk to have them in 2 different homes, but we're both teleworking and doing social distancing so I feel like it's a minimal increase of risk.

[Anonymous]

You are all lucky you agree on social distancing. My exDH thinks he’s invincible and refuses to engage in “the ridiculous panic”. He wants to take DD out to eat, to stores etc. I’m at my wits end.

[Anonymous]

My ex lives out of state and our current plan is to alternate weeks with our child until it’s over. Usually I have 80% custody and he has 20% (because kid goes to school where I live).

If someone gets sick, kid will stay where he is until the threat of spreading the virus further has passed.

[Anonymous]

We are doing our normal 50/50. Usually I pick up after school on Wed, but now we will alternate weeks of me getting the kid before work hours wed or after work hours wed. We can both work from home. I've been won over by the social distancing info and my ex has a tiny social circle so I'm comfortable with her carrying on. Like the pp, if anyone gets sick, kid will stay where she is (only exception would be if the kid was with adults who were too sick to provide care) as much as my ex is not my favorite person, I am incredibly thankful that we were able to work this out with ease.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your ex is at all unstable you need to get and keep your child. Not like they would be able to find court dates on this anyway.

Why would you encourage stopping visitation? You are probably the one complaint Dad's aren't involved. This is why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are amicable you can work it out. Any "extra" time with one parent can be made up in the future.

The key question is this - are both parents actually practicing social distancing?

If you leave your kids with DH, and then go to work where you are in contact with other people, and then get the kids back, and then return the kids to DH when it's his turn again, your failure to practice social distancing has defeated his social distancing as well as that of your kids.

If both parents are actually staying home and avoiding contact with third parties, then there is no reason not to drive them back and forth as per the usual schedule.

This is not an excuse to deny visitation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. My ex lives out of state (a few hours drive) and usually sees DD every week for a couple days. We agreed that he’d stay home and she’d stay with me until things change, if that ever happens.

Why not give him a week on week off?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:XH and I live about 20 min apart in good traffic. We have 60 (me) and 40 (him) on paper, but it’s really more 70/30 or even 80/20 depending on how unstable he is at the moment. He’s currently unemployed and schools are out so he’s available but has not made any preparations for self-isolation, quarantine, or a lockdown. My fear is that DC is there for an overnight and we go into lockdown. Then DC is stuck there with little food and no meds for however long.

If we go on lockdown, grocery stores and pharmacy's will still b open. You are being dramatic and 20 minutes away. Just say you don't want your child there and deny visits then making excuses.