Why don't you pay mom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stepmom PP, the fact that your DH’s ex is a bad person does not mean deadbeats are not. Yes there are terrible moms but that’s not an excuse to defend the deadbeat dads.
My ex refused to pay 50% on many occasions because he thinks he already pays a ton. And because he doesn’t think it’s necessary. Can’t wait for the ortho treatment to begin, yay.

He should only pay 50% if he was court ordered. He isn't a deadbeat if he is paying what is court ordered.

Any man or woman who needs a stranger or a court order to tell them to pay half (or proportionate to income) of their kid's expenses is a deadbeat and a loser. This is your kid, you had him without a court order, pay without one. But those who have court orders and don't pay, those people are special. And don't get me started on how differently society and the judicial system view parents of color vs. white parents in these circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stepmom PP, the fact that your DH’s ex is a bad person does not mean deadbeats are not. Yes there are terrible moms but that’s not an excuse to defend the deadbeat dads.
My ex refused to pay 50% on many occasions because he thinks he already pays a ton. And because he doesn’t think it’s necessary. Can’t wait for the ortho treatment to begin, yay.

He should only pay 50% if he was court ordered. He isn't a deadbeat if he is paying what is court ordered.

Any man or woman who needs a stranger or a court order to tell them to pay half (or proportionate to income) of their kid's expenses is a deadbeat and a loser. This is your kid, you had him without a court order, pay without one. But those who have court orders and don't pay, those people are special. And don't get me started on how differently society and the judicial system view parents of color vs. white parents in these circumstances.

You either pay half equally or one pays child support. Usually it is the women taking it to court. If he is court ordered it goes by the court order. You sound like a man hating racist.

[Anonymous]

Lots of men are done with the kids when they're no longer in love with the woman. They may be around at first, but then they move on and start a new family, and the kids from the first marriage are an inconvenient reminder of their ex. They want to focus their attention and yes, their money, on their current family with the current woman. I have two men like that in my own extended family... my relative doesn't even know her father had a wife and son before he married her mother. So hard to stay out of it and not tell her she has a half brother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I would never pay someone to raise my child, especially someone without kids.

She probably didn't invite him to any of the appointment and meets and behind the scenes did things like tell him to to come.

LOL so I take it you quit your job and stayed home with your child on your custody days?

My kids live with me and yes I did quit. When my step kids visited we switched off and used leave. We both do appointments. One physical, two dental, eye exam yearly plus anything else. My husband has a very flexible job so it’s a nonissue.

How did you use leave if you quit? Get your story straight already. If you did quit, congrats but not everyone's husband makes enough to underwrite a SAH spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When children ceased being virtually inevitable due to birth control, many (not all) men started to deeply believe, probably in ways they cannot fully articulate, that children should be women's problems at the end of the day, including the very basic, traditionally masculine role of providing for them. Children are optional and when couples "opt" for them and the couple part doesn't work out, many men believe that the mother should bear the brunt.

I once took a class from an economics professor who did research on economics within family life. He did some study that demonstrated that men support whoever they are currently sleeping with and her children to an extent equal or greater than their own biological offspring. In other words, at least financially, they treated their step children better than their biological children.

This is fascinating.

And probably true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I would never pay someone to raise my child, especially someone without kids.

She probably didn't invite him to any of the appointment and meets and behind the scenes did things like tell him to to come.

LOL so I take it you quit your job and stayed home with your child on your custody days?

My kids live with me and yes I did quit. When my step kids visited we switched off and used leave. We both do appointments. One physical, two dental, eye exam yearly plus anything else. My husband has a very flexible job so it’s a nonissue.

How did you use leave if you quit? Get your story straight already. If you did quit, congrats but not everyone's husband makes enough to underwrite a SAH spouse.

I quit when my child was born. I worked prior to that. My kids were born after the youngest turned 18. How is it that hard. My husband got his degree and we live within our means... how is that so hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of men are done with the kids when they're no longer in love with the woman. They may be around at first, but then they move on and start a new family, and the kids from the first marriage are an inconvenient reminder of their ex. They want to focus their attention and yes, their money, on their current family with the current woman. I have two men like that in my own extended family... my relative doesn't even know her father had a wife and son before he married her mother. So hard to stay out of it and not tell her she has a half brother.

I know lots of men pushed out of the kids lives and the mom will spin it differently to make her look good. If the woman divorces the husband for her AP, should Dad's not be allowed to remarry and have a family or only Mom gets that privilege. Your relative can pick up the phone and call Dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of men are done with the kids when they're no longer in love with the woman. They may be around at first, but then they move on and start a new family, and the kids from the first marriage are an inconvenient reminder of their ex. They want to focus their attention and yes, their money, on their current family with the current woman. I have two men like that in my own extended family... my relative doesn't even know her father had a wife and son before he married her mother. So hard to stay out of it and not tell her she has a half brother.

I know lots of men pushed out of the kids lives and the mom will spin it differently to make her look good. If the woman divorces the husband for her AP, should Dad's not be allowed to remarry and have a family or only Mom gets that privilege. Your relative can pick up the phone and call Dad.

Good lord you are immature. Can you not understand that both women AND men can be sh***y humans and parents? Every situation is different. This thread is about a scenario that does not apply to you and you are offering absolutely nothing to the conversation - please reread the original post! Yet you continue to derail this thread. Start your own thread if you want, but please get off of this one. Damn.

And your incorrect use of apostrophes is annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I would never pay someone to raise my child, especially someone without kids.

She probably didn't invite him to any of the appointment and meets and behind the scenes did things like tell him to to come.

LOL so I take it you quit your job and stayed home with your child on your custody days?

My kids live with me and yes I did quit. When my step kids visited we switched off and used leave. We both do appointments. One physical, two dental, eye exam yearly plus anything else. My husband has a very flexible job so it’s a nonissue.

How did you use leave if you quit? Get your story straight already. If you did quit, congrats but not everyone's husband makes enough to underwrite a SAH spouse.

I quit when my child was born. I worked prior to that. My kids were born after the youngest turned 18. How is it that hard. My husband got his degree and we live within our means... how is that so hard.

Your husband got a degree after his youngest turned 18? So you married someone old AND uneducated?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When children ceased being virtually inevitable due to birth control, many (not all) men started to deeply believe, probably in ways they cannot fully articulate, that children should be women's problems at the end of the day, including the very basic, traditionally masculine role of providing for them. Children are optional and when couples "opt" for them and the couple part doesn't work out, many men believe that the mother should bear the brunt.

I once took a class from an economics professor who did research on economics within family life. He did some study that demonstrated that men support whoever they are currently sleeping with and her children to an extent equal or greater than their own biological offspring. In other words, at least financially, they treated their step children better than their biological children.

This is fascinating.

NP - it is! I've never hear it explained this way. I've definitely seen this in real life, but...never thought about the "children are optional" angle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I would never pay someone to raise my child, especially someone without kids.

She probably didn't invite him to any of the appointment and meets and behind the scenes did things like tell him to to come.

LOL so I take it you quit your job and stayed home with your child on your custody days?

My kids live with me and yes I did quit. When my step kids visited we switched off and used leave. We both do appointments. One physical, two dental, eye exam yearly plus anything else. My husband has a very flexible job so it’s a nonissue.

How did you use leave if you quit? Get your story straight already. If you did quit, congrats but not everyone's husband makes enough to underwrite a SAH spouse.

I quit when my child was born. I worked prior to that. My kids were born after the youngest turned 18. How is it that hard. My husband got his degree and we live within our means... how is that so hard.

Your husband got a degree after his youngest turned 18? So you married someone old AND uneducated?

Yes, he did get his degree his degree right when we married. It took him a while to start a new career, but done well. She made a huge mistake leaving for her AP, whom she's very unhappy with but stuck now as she doesn't work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stepmom PP, the fact that your DH’s ex is a bad person does not mean deadbeats are not. Yes there are terrible moms but that’s not an excuse to defend the deadbeat dads.
My ex refused to pay 50% on many occasions because he thinks he already pays a ton. And because he doesn’t think it’s necessary. Can’t wait for the ortho treatment to begin, yay.

He should only pay 50% if he was court ordered. He isn't a deadbeat if he is paying what is court ordered.

Any man or woman who needs a stranger or a court order to tell them to pay half (or proportionate to income) of their kid's expenses is a deadbeat and a loser. This is your kid, you had him without a court order, pay without one. But those who have court orders and don't pay, those people are special. And don't get me started on how differently society and the judicial system view parents of color vs. white parents in these circumstances.

I am the very first PP. my ex is is not a deadbeat. But he doesn’t think his child needs a vacation or some afterschool sport or club.
I stopped asking him to contribute beyond child support.
He earns 3x I do but we have enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stepmom PP, the fact that your DH’s ex is a bad person does not mean deadbeats are not. Yes there are terrible moms but that’s not an excuse to defend the deadbeat dads.
My ex refused to pay 50% on many occasions because he thinks he already pays a ton. And because he doesn’t think it’s necessary. Can’t wait for the ortho treatment to begin, yay.

He should only pay 50% if he was court ordered. He isn't a deadbeat if he is paying what is court ordered.

Any man or woman who needs a stranger or a court order to tell them to pay half (or proportionate to income) of their kid's expenses is a deadbeat and a loser. This is your kid, you had him without a court order, pay without one. But those who have court orders and don't pay, those people are special. And don't get me started on how differently society and the judicial system view parents of color vs. white parents in these circumstances.

I am the very first PP. my ex is is not a deadbeat. But he doesn’t think his child needs a vacation or some afterschool sport or club.
I stopped asking him to contribute beyond child support.
He earns 3x I do but we have enough.

In what way is he not a dead beat? I'm sure he takes vacations and has hobbies himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stepmom PP, the fact that your DH’s ex is a bad person does not mean deadbeats are not. Yes there are terrible moms but that’s not an excuse to defend the deadbeat dads.
My ex refused to pay 50% on many occasions because he thinks he already pays a ton. And because he doesn’t think it’s necessary. Can’t wait for the ortho treatment to begin, yay.

He should only pay 50% if he was court ordered. He isn't a deadbeat if he is paying what is court ordered.

Any man or woman who needs a stranger or a court order to tell them to pay half (or proportionate to income) of their kid's expenses is a deadbeat and a loser. This is your kid, you had him without a court order, pay without one. But those who have court orders and don't pay, those people are special. And don't get me started on how differently society and the judicial system view parents of color vs. white parents in these circumstances.

I am the very first PP. my ex is is not a deadbeat. But he doesn’t think his child needs a vacation or some afterschool sport or club.
I stopped asking him to contribute beyond child support.
He earns 3x I do but we have enough.

In what way is he not a dead beat? I'm sure he takes vacations and has hobbies himself.

He pays me monthly and in his mind it covers all the needs of the child.
I mean, it could be worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stepmom PP, the fact that your DH’s ex is a bad person does not mean deadbeats are not. Yes there are terrible moms but that’s not an excuse to defend the deadbeat dads.
My ex refused to pay 50% on many occasions because he thinks he already pays a ton. And because he doesn’t think it’s necessary. Can’t wait for the ortho treatment to begin, yay.

He should only pay 50% if he was court ordered. He isn't a deadbeat if he is paying what is court ordered.

Any man or woman who needs a stranger or a court order to tell them to pay half (or proportionate to income) of their kid's expenses is a deadbeat and a loser. This is your kid, you had him without a court order, pay without one. But those who have court orders and don't pay, those people are special. And don't get me started on how differently society and the judicial system view parents of color vs. white parents in these circumstances.

I am the very first PP. my ex is is not a deadbeat. But he doesn’t think his child needs a vacation or some afterschool sport or club.
I stopped asking him to contribute beyond child support.
He earns 3x I do but we have enough.

In what way is he not a dead beat? I'm sure he takes vacations and has hobbies himself.

He pays me monthly and in his mind it covers all the needs of the child.
I mean, it could be worse.

It is not supposed to cover everything. It is supposed to cover his share as determined by the court. He is still entitled to have money to live. If he pays per the court order, he is not a deadbeat. A dead beat is someone who doesn't pay the full amount of the court order as ordered regardless of if it is $5 or $50,000K a month. He isn't a dead beat because he does not pay all the expenses or not paying anything extra you demand.