Why don't you pay mom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a nanny and worked for a family like this through their divorce. Dad felt that mom was wasting his money and wouldn’t pay because he believed it was all unnecessary.

Doctor bills: mom preferred a more expensive holistic doctor to treat the kid’s chronic asthma, so dad refused to pay. Dad did not seek alternatives that were less expensive, did not make any appointments or manage any treatments, and in fact did not even give them meds during overnights, leading to at least one asthma attack.

The kid was diagnosed with autism. Dad didn’t believe that autism is real, so he refused to pay for any therapy, tutoring, medication, etc.

Dad didn’t care about extracurriculars so he didn’t pay for them.

How is this not child neglect?

Tons of child neglect out there all around.

We should start to focus on how to best stop the tragedy of divorce of our children. How to help them become people who will work hard to stay married? How to help them learn to get along with people they’re mad at? How to pick girlfriends/boyfriends of good moral character? And eventually of spouse of good moral character?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a nanny and worked for a family like this through their divorce. Dad felt that mom was wasting his money and wouldn’t pay because he believed it was all unnecessary.

Doctor bills: mom preferred a more expensive holistic doctor to treat the kid’s chronic asthma, so dad refused to pay. Dad did not seek alternatives that were less expensive, did not make any appointments or manage any treatments, and in fact did not even give them meds during overnights, leading to at least one asthma attack.

The kid was diagnosed with autism. Dad didn’t believe that autism is real, so he refused to pay for any therapy, tutoring, medication, etc.

Dad didn’t care about extracurriculars so he didn’t pay for them.

How is this not child neglect?

Tons of child neglect out there all around.

We should start to focus on how to best stop the tragedy of divorce of our children. How to help them become people who will work hard to stay married? How to help them learn to get along with people they’re mad at? How to pick girlfriends/boyfriends of good moral character? And eventually of spouse of good moral character?

Uh okay...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a nanny and worked for a family like this through their divorce. Dad felt that mom was wasting his money and wouldn’t pay because he believed it was all unnecessary.

Doctor bills: mom preferred a more expensive holistic doctor to treat the kid’s chronic asthma, so dad refused to pay. Dad did not seek alternatives that were less expensive, did not make any appointments or manage any treatments, and in fact did not even give them meds during overnights, leading to at least one asthma attack.

The kid was diagnosed with autism. Dad didn’t believe that autism is real, so he refused to pay for any therapy, tutoring, medication, etc.

Dad didn’t care about extracurriculars so he didn’t pay for them.

How is this not child neglect?

Tons of child neglect out there all around.

We should start to focus on how to best stop the tragedy of divorce of our children. How to help them become people who will work hard to stay married? How to help them learn to get along with people they’re mad at? How to pick girlfriends/boyfriends of good moral character? And eventually of spouse of good moral character?

Do you even understand what neglect is? That is not neglect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stepmom PP, the fact that your DH’s ex is a bad person does not mean deadbeats are not. Yes there are terrible moms but that’s not an excuse to defend the deadbeat dads.
My ex refused to pay 50% on many occasions because he thinks he already pays a ton. And because he doesn’t think it’s necessary. Can’t wait for the ortho treatment to begin, yay.

He should only pay 50% if he was court ordered. He isn't a deadbeat if he is paying what is court ordered.

Any man or woman who needs a stranger or a court order to tell them to pay half (or proportionate to income) of their kid's expenses is a deadbeat and a loser. This is your kid, you had him without a court order, pay without one. But those who have court orders and don't pay, those people are special. And don't get me started on how differently society and the judicial system view parents of color vs. white parents in these circumstances.

I am the very first PP. my ex is is not a deadbeat. But he doesn’t think his child needs a vacation or some afterschool sport or club.
I stopped asking him to contribute beyond child support.
He earns 3x I do but we have enough.

In what way is he not a dead beat? I'm sure he takes vacations and has hobbies himself.

He pays me monthly and in his mind it covers all the needs of the child.
I mean, it could be worse.

It is not supposed to cover everything. It is supposed to cover his share as determined by the court. He is still entitled to have money to live. If he pays per the court order, he is not a deadbeat. A dead beat is someone who doesn't pay the full amount of the court order as ordered regardless of if it is $5 or $50,000K a month. He isn't a dead beat because he does not pay all the expenses or not paying anything extra you demand.

I don’t demand and I don’t call him a deadbeat. Or are you talking to someone else??

[Anonymous]

Aren't there legal options, like taking the CS out of his paycheck (court ordered?)

[Anonymous]

Is there recourse if never married couple has a child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there recourse if never married couple has a child?

Marriage has zero bearings on child support. You make the child, you pay for the child.

[Anonymous]

^ I agree, PP. that part of the solution should be trying to study how to foster intact marriages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Aren't there legal options, like taking the CS out of his paycheck (court ordered?)

Yes, but many of these men either refuse to work or work under the table.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a nanny and worked for a family like this through their divorce. Dad felt that mom was wasting his money and wouldn’t pay because he believed it was all unnecessary.

Doctor bills: mom preferred a more expensive holistic doctor to treat the kid’s chronic asthma, so dad refused to pay. Dad did not seek alternatives that were less expensive, did not make any appointments or manage any treatments, and in fact did not even give them meds during overnights, leading to at least one asthma attack.

The kid was diagnosed with autism. Dad didn’t believe that autism is real, so he refused to pay for any therapy, tutoring, medication, etc.

Dad didn’t care about extracurriculars so he didn’t pay for them.

How is this not child neglect?

Tons of child neglect out there all around.

We should start to focus on how to best stop the tragedy of divorce of our children. How to help them become people who will work hard to stay married? How to help them learn to get along with people they’re mad at? How to pick girlfriends/boyfriends of good moral character? And eventually of spouse of good moral character?

Bitch bye

[Anonymous]

Non-custodial dad paying alimony and child support. 2/3 of my paycheck.
Also buy all the new clothes and shoes and jackets. Stuff the child support should cover.
Ex doesn’t use in network doctors, doesn’t get referrals, and screams when I don’t immediately pay half of the bill. No heads up that she decided to forego the 5 min pain of getting a referral.
But I pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Non-custodial dad paying alimony and child support. 2/3 of my paycheck.
Also buy all the new clothes and shoes and jackets. Stuff the child support should cover.
Ex doesn’t use in network doctors, doesn’t get referrals, and screams when I don’t immediately pay half of the bill. No heads up that she decided to forego the 5 min pain of getting a referral.
But I pay.

No one wants to hear the reality of that. We got a stop put to the medical bills in court as ex wouldn't use in-network and it was getting absurd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a nanny and worked for a family like this through their divorce. Dad felt that mom was wasting his money and wouldn’t pay because he believed it was all unnecessary.

Doctor bills: mom preferred a more expensive holistic doctor to treat the kid’s chronic asthma, so dad refused to pay. Dad did not seek alternatives that were less expensive, did not make any appointments or manage any treatments, and in fact did not even give them meds during overnights, leading to at least one asthma attack.

The kid was diagnosed with autism. Dad didn’t believe that autism is real, so he refused to pay for any therapy, tutoring, medication, etc.

Dad didn’t care about extracurriculars so he didn’t pay for them.

How is this not child neglect?

Tons of child neglect out there all around.

We should start to focus on how to best stop the tragedy of divorce of our children. How to help them become people who will work hard to stay married? How to help them learn to get along with people they’re mad at? How to pick girlfriends/boyfriends of good moral character? And eventually of spouse of good moral character?

Bitch bye

There is a reason you are divorced and have a bad relationship with your ex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a nanny and worked for a family like this through their divorce. Dad felt that mom was wasting his money and wouldn’t pay because he believed it was all unnecessary.

Doctor bills: mom preferred a more expensive holistic doctor to treat the kid’s chronic asthma, so dad refused to pay. Dad did not seek alternatives that were less expensive, did not make any appointments or manage any treatments, and in fact did not even give them meds during overnights, leading to at least one asthma attack.

The kid was diagnosed with autism. Dad didn’t believe that autism is real, so he refused to pay for any therapy, tutoring, medication, etc.

Dad didn’t care about extracurriculars so he didn’t pay for them.

How is this not child neglect?

Tons of child neglect out there all around.

We should start to focus on how to best stop the tragedy of divorce of our children. How to help them become people who will work hard to stay married? How to help them learn to get along with people they’re mad at? How to pick girlfriends/boyfriends of good moral character? And eventually of spouse of good moral character?

Bitch bye

There is a reason you are divorced and have a bad relationship with your ex.

Why are you on special concerns? Troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Non-custodial dad paying alimony and child support. 2/3 of my paycheck.
Also buy all the new clothes and shoes and jackets. Stuff the child support should cover.
Ex doesn’t use in network doctors, doesn’t get referrals, and screams when I don’t immediately pay half of the bill. No heads up that she decided to forego the 5 min pain of getting a referral.
But I pay.

You sound like a great dad. I'm sorry this is happening to you.