Why don't you pay mom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a nanny and worked for a family like this through their divorce. Dad felt that mom was wasting his money and wouldn’t pay because he believed it was all unnecessary.

Doctor bills: mom preferred a more expensive holistic doctor to treat the kid’s chronic asthma, so dad refused to pay. Dad did not seek alternatives that were less expensive, did not make any appointments or manage any treatments, and in fact did not even give them meds during overnights, leading to at least one asthma attack.

The kid was diagnosed with autism. Dad didn’t believe that autism is real, so he refused to pay for any therapy, tutoring, medication, etc.

Dad didn’t care about extracurriculars so he didn’t pay for them.

How is this not child neglect?

This is definitely child neglect and I am in a similar situation with my ex-DH. It's absolutely *horrible*.

[Anonymous]

My son's father is mad at me so he doesn't pay or see his child. Very logical, I know.

I am mad at him too, but I still have to do homework, drs appt, school apts, buy food, clothes, birthday presents.

Screw anyone who is not mature enough to see that hating your ex should never interfere with how you take care of your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry you both have to bear the brunt of this. But this is my exact issue, WHY? Why are men not stepping up? How do you consider yourself a decent human when you're cheating another person?

Moms cheat, take the kids and refuse dad contact too

Kids still need to eat and wear clothes. Asshat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son's father is mad at me so he doesn't pay or see his child. Very logical, I know.

I am mad at him too, but I still have to do homework, drs appt, school apts, buy food, clothes, birthday presents.

Screw anyone who is not mature enough to see that hating your ex should never interfere with how you take care of your child.

The real question is why is he mad? Do you give him open access or are there tons of restrictions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry you both have to bear the brunt of this. But this is my exact issue, WHY? Why are men not stepping up? How do you consider yourself a decent human when you're cheating another person?

Moms cheat, take the kids and refuse dad contact too

Kids still need to eat and wear clothes. Asshat

Ok, and many Dad's pay child support and that is supposed to go to food and clothing and Mom is supposed to pay a portion. If you cannot handle it, let the kids live with Dad.

But, the entire point is Mom's cheat and withhold the kids. If they are withholding the kids, why should Dad's do anything extra above child support as Mom has basically terminated their rights.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry you both have to bear the brunt of this. But this is my exact issue, WHY? Why are men not stepping up? How do you consider yourself a decent human when you're cheating another person?

Moms cheat, take the kids and refuse dad contact too

No $ht. My question was: if you share custody, and you have a legal obligation to pay 50% of your kid's expenses, and your kid needs glasses, or braces, or allergy shots, why are you not paying. Everything else can have its own thread.

Actually you don't have a legal obligation to pay 50/50. Child support goes by income. If its 50/50 custody each parent provides for the child in their home and extra's can be paid for via the child support if one parent is paying that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a nanny and worked for a family like this through their divorce. Dad felt that mom was wasting his money and wouldn’t pay because he believed it was all unnecessary.

Doctor bills: mom preferred a more expensive holistic doctor to treat the kid’s chronic asthma, so dad refused to pay. Dad did not seek alternatives that were less expensive, did not make any appointments or manage any treatments, and in fact did not even give them meds during overnights, leading to at least one asthma attack.

The kid was diagnosed with autism. Dad didn’t believe that autism is real, so he refused to pay for any therapy, tutoring, medication, etc.

Dad didn’t care about extracurriculars so he didn’t pay for them.

Not parents were neglectful. Mom should have taken child to a regular doctor. It doesn't sound like child had real medications and you cannot blame Dad for not giving holistic medications. Dad may have not been allowed to do the appointments or anything else per the court order. If Dad only had 1 over night a week there may not have been time. The real issue is why didn't you take the child to the doctor appointments and schedule them as needed if you were caring for the child.

If mom got child support, most of that should be included.

[Anonymous]

Actually you are not paying Mom, you are providing child support for the child. The issue is many moms think it is a payment to them and anything extra Dad pays for is for the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a nanny and worked for a family like this through their divorce. Dad felt that mom was wasting his money and wouldn’t pay because he believed it was all unnecessary.

Doctor bills: mom preferred a more expensive holistic doctor to treat the kid’s chronic asthma, so dad refused to pay. Dad did not seek alternatives that were less expensive, did not make any appointments or manage any treatments, and in fact did not even give them meds during overnights, leading to at least one asthma attack.

The kid was diagnosed with autism. Dad didn’t believe that autism is real, so he refused to pay for any therapy, tutoring, medication, etc.

Dad didn’t care about extracurriculars so he didn’t pay for them.

Not parents were neglectful. Mom should have taken child to a regular doctor. It doesn't sound like child had real medications and you cannot blame Dad for not giving holistic medications. Dad may have not been allowed to do the appointments or anything else per the court order. If Dad only had 1 over night a week there may not have been time. The real issue is why didn't you take the child to the doctor appointments and schedule them as needed if you were caring for the child.

If mom got child support, most of that should be included.

Both parents and nanny were neglectful.

[Anonymous]

My ex knows that our DD won’t suffer because I will just take from my own basic needs if necessary. I have a medical issue now because I could not afford to miss work for treatment when he missed a couple months of CS. He can rest easy that his gf of the month got the concert outing she wanted (thanks to him) AND his child was fed (thanks to me)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a nanny and worked for a family like this through their divorce. Dad felt that mom was wasting his money and wouldn’t pay because he believed it was all unnecessary.

Doctor bills: mom preferred a more expensive holistic doctor to treat the kid’s chronic asthma, so dad refused to pay. Dad did not seek alternatives that were less expensive, did not make any appointments or manage any treatments, and in fact did not even give them meds during overnights, leading to at least one asthma attack.

The kid was diagnosed with autism. Dad didn’t believe that autism is real, so he refused to pay for any therapy, tutoring, medication, etc.

Dad didn’t care about extracurriculars so he didn’t pay for them.

Not parents were neglectful. Mom should have taken child to a regular doctor. It doesn't sound like child had real medications and you cannot blame Dad for not giving holistic medications. Dad may have not been allowed to do the appointments or anything else per the court order. If Dad only had 1 over night a week there may not have been time. The real issue is why didn't you take the child to the doctor appointments and schedule them as needed if you were caring for the child.

If mom got child support, most of that should be included.

What are you crazy? The child had asthma attack. If you don't like mom's medication, get the child checked out on your time and get them medication you believe in. Most dads now get 50/50 if they want it. If the dad gets only 1 overnight, that's on him.

[Anonymous]

My college roommate's tuition was due and her dad said he just could not afford to pay it; his new (4th!) wife needed a motorcycle to match his, and that's where the money went. She did not speak to him for many years; very hard for a 20 year old kid to make that decision. She did not invite him to her graduation.

He provided a little support here and there, but mostly it was up to her mom and grandparents to come up with rent and food. She never did trust men -- she lived with her boyfriend for 10 years but refused to marry him, then we lost touch. Irresponsible dads leave a lasting mark on the children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a nanny and worked for a family like this through their divorce. Dad felt that mom was wasting his money and wouldn’t pay because he believed it was all unnecessary.

Doctor bills: mom preferred a more expensive holistic doctor to treat the kid’s chronic asthma, so dad refused to pay. Dad did not seek alternatives that were less expensive, did not make any appointments or manage any treatments, and in fact did not even give them meds during overnights, leading to at least one asthma attack.

The kid was diagnosed with autism. Dad didn’t believe that autism is real, so he refused to pay for any therapy, tutoring, medication, etc.

Dad didn’t care about extracurriculars so he didn’t pay for them.

Not parents were neglectful. Mom should have taken child to a regular doctor. It doesn't sound like child had real medications and you cannot blame Dad for not giving holistic medications. Dad may have not been allowed to do the appointments or anything else per the court order. If Dad only had 1 over night a week there may not have been time. The real issue is why didn't you take the child to the doctor appointments and schedule them as needed if you were caring for the child.

If mom got child support, most of that should be included.

The holistic doctor prescribed real meds. She just also suggested things like supplements that dad disagreed with, which is fine, but again he had the time and the legal right to seek other medical care but his preferred plan was for his child to not need anything so he just refused to acknowledge any needs. Dad was entitled to 3 nights per week, he just never actually took them. Week after week he canceled time with his kid or just no-showed. As for it being my responsibility to seek a cheaper doctor for the children, a) it’s not my money and b) I have no legal right to disagree with mom. Dad disapproved of her chosen course of action, did nothing to find alternatives and refused to contribute even a nominal amount to the kid’s doctor bills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a nanny and worked for a family like this through their divorce. Dad felt that mom was wasting his money and wouldn’t pay because he believed it was all unnecessary.

Doctor bills: mom preferred a more expensive holistic doctor to treat the kid’s chronic asthma, so dad refused to pay. Dad did not seek alternatives that were less expensive, did not make any appointments or manage any treatments, and in fact did not even give them meds during overnights, leading to at least one asthma attack.

The kid was diagnosed with autism. Dad didn’t believe that autism is real, so he refused to pay for any therapy, tutoring, medication, etc.

Dad didn’t care about extracurriculars so he didn’t pay for them.

Not parents were neglectful. Mom should have taken child to a regular doctor. It doesn't sound like child had real medications and you cannot blame Dad for not giving holistic medications. Dad may have not been allowed to do the appointments or anything else per the court order. If Dad only had 1 over night a week there may not have been time. The real issue is why didn't you take the child to the doctor appointments and schedule them as needed if you were caring for the child.

If mom got child support, most of that should be included.

The holistic doctor prescribed real meds. She just also suggested things like supplements that dad disagreed with, which is fine, but again he had the time and the legal right to seek other medical care but his preferred plan was for his child to not need anything so he just refused to acknowledge any needs. Dad was entitled to 3 nights per week, he just never actually took them. Week after week he canceled time with his kid or just no-showed. As for it being my responsibility to seek a cheaper doctor for the children, a) it’s not my money and b) I have no legal right to disagree with mom. Dad disapproved of her chosen course of action, did nothing to find alternatives and refused to contribute even a nominal amount to the kid’s doctor bills.

Cheaper doctor - no, you take the child to the doctor that takes the insurance. Dad was probably not allowed to seek other options as he was not the custodial parent and only had visitation. If Dad paid child support, he was contributing. Mom had custody so she was neglectful. Dad should not have to give fake medicine to a child if he is not comfortable. Mom clearly had enough money if she could afford housing, car, and nanny and pay out of pocket for holistic medicine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My college roommate's tuition was due and her dad said he just could not afford to pay it; his new (4th!) wife needed a motorcycle to match his, and that's where the money went. She did not speak to him for many years; very hard for a 20 year old kid to make that decision. She did not invite him to her graduation.

He provided a little support here and there, but mostly it was up to her mom and grandparents to come up with rent and food. She never did trust men -- she lived with her boyfriend for 10 years but refused to marry him, then we lost touch. Irresponsible dads leave a lasting mark on the children.

In most states, fathers or mothers are not required to pay for college. Married parents are not required either. 20 is an adult. Its the right thing to do but not a requirement.