Parents wanting to leave $1M home to sibling

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The real problem is your jealousy, OP. Your parents do not need your approval of how they wish to divvy up their estate.

OP's not saying she is entitled to give approval. But the parents have to know that this extremely unequal distribution of assets will cause resentment. I love my parents and sibling but if they decided to leave me zilch and leave the sibling a million dollars, all else being equal, I would be pretty hurt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fair doesn't always mean equal.

This is such a shitty response. We all know that when its 2 dresses vs. 4 pairs of shoes or whatever. Not when a million dollars is concerned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The real problem is your jealousy, OP. Your parents do not need your approval of how they wish to divvy up their estate.

OP's not saying she is entitled to give approval. But the parents have to know that this extremely unequal distribution of assets will cause resentment. I love my parents and sibling but if they decided to leave me zilch and leave the sibling a million dollars, all else being equal, I would be pretty hurt.

+1

[Anonymous]

I disagree with OP's parents. These are the kinds of actions that tear families apart and it's incredibly selfish. Unless OP has been truly evil to them they need to divide things equally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The real problem is your jealousy, OP. Your parents do not need your approval of how they wish to divvy up their estate.

But in turn, the parents can not expect OP to feel happy about something she feels is not equitable. They can do what they want with their property but not with other people's feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you can tell them how you feel about that idea, and then make your peace with it being their asset to do what they want with.

This. I think it's fine to speak up -- once on your own, and then after that only if asked. They can't take your feelings into account if they don't know.

+1

Speak up, but once. (Mostly for your own mental health; I wouldn't recommend expecting them to change)

[Anonymous]

Is it possible that your parents are dangling this carrot in front of you? We'll leave it to you if you take care of us? This could have been their opening move.

In any case, if this is the bulk of their estate, it will all be gone by the time both of them pass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fair doesn't always mean equal.

Actually fair literally does mean equal. The sister makes MORE money than OP, just chooses not to buy property with that money. The parents are gifting her with a one million dollar asset that she’ll just sell and turn into cash. So now the higher earning sister has a whole boatload of cash, while OP is left with nothing.

These parents sound like total assholes, or total morons at best.

They sound like both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP it's crappy. All kids should be treated the same, this is what divides family. When parents pit or play children against each other it's horrible. My sil's kids are now in a feud. Long story, but the ex left the wife and kids for a AP. Before he died he got mad at one son because he got on him for his excessive drinking. The AP died years earlier, and then when the dad died he only left it to one son. The other son and daughter were beyond hurt and shocked.

Now the son that inherited the house should sell it, give his siblings a equal share. That's the right thing to do, but he has no intention of doing that. I don't even think he gave them anything from inside the home. It's really changed their relationships.

The parents obviously should give everyone a equal share. Better to sell the home, not use it as a vacation home because that will incur a lot of problems down the road.

Well for that you would need to ensure the kids took on equal burdens with their parents. This is generally not the case.

So you want a chalk board to keep score? No you treat all your kids the same, that's what decent parents do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP it's crappy. All kids should be treated the same, this is what divides family. When parents pit or play children against each other it's horrible. My sil's kids are now in a feud. Long story, but the ex left the wife and kids for a AP. Before he died he got mad at one son because he got on him for his excessive drinking. The AP died years earlier, and then when the dad died he only left it to one son. The other son and daughter were beyond hurt and shocked.

Now the son that inherited the house should sell it, give his siblings a equal share. That's the right thing to do, but he has no intention of doing that. I don't even think he gave them anything from inside the home. It's really changed their relationships.

The parents obviously should give everyone a equal share. Better to sell the home, not use it as a vacation home because that will incur a lot of problems down the road.

Well for that you would need to ensure the kids took on equal burdens with their parents. This is generally not the case.

So you want a chalk board to keep score? No you treat all your kids the same, that's what decent parents do.

Np. I think that if one child takes on the bulk of elderly care responsibilities then it's fair for them to inherit a large portion of the estate. Usually it's quite obvious when this is the case, they live close to the parent or take them in their home.

[Anonymous]

Your parents probably just like your sibling way more then you.

[Anonymous]

I'm really surprised that there are people who are being hard on the OP. If I were the OP, I would feel hurt and angry too-justifiably so. Yeah, technically it's the parents' right to decide how assets are allocated but I think pulling a stunt like that is a huge mistake and bad parenting.

Of course the OP is jealous (and hurt)! Who wouldn't be? I think the vast majority of people would be in that situation. Jealousy, hurt, anger...all of those emotions seem very normal to me given the circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Nothing you can do. It sucks when inheritance is unfair but, your parents can do what they want with their money.

[Anonymous]

Their idea sucks and your idea sucks. It should be sold and the money divided 50/50. Their idea is inequitable and cruel and your idea is dopey/enmeshes future generations finances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
It's terrible when parents favor one child over the others. With the exception of a trust for a special needs child, I believe parents should always split assets equally between all children.

+1
I've told my kids, regardless of thier life choices (ie low vs high paying careers), it is 50/50.
I know families who left more for the "bum in need", leaving the other sibling feeling berated, when they did nothing wrong but worked harder.