Parents wanting to leave $1M home to sibling

[Anonymous]

Who pays for maintenance, upkeep and property taxes. Sometimes people are unwilling to have short term costs for long term benefits

[Anonymous]

Op, this is really unfair. Your parents should split equally among the children or there will be hurt feelings and strained relationships that may not recover.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My sister's lives overseas and makes a pretty good amount of money living as an expat. Housing is completely paid for, receives cost of living expense, free ticket home each year. She has a good life. She doesn't want to live in the States and that is why she hasn't purchased a home. Meanwhile, I work my ass off, save money to provide a nice life for my family. I have 2 kids. I wouldn't choose one over the other and I would divide my assets equally regardless of who has what.

I would respect their decision, but I would be hurt. Since it was brought up, I felt that they should know how I feel and to know that just because I own a house, I also own a mortgage and I am not rich. I am for an equal solution. Not one over the other. I want to give them an alternate solution where we can own it equally.

It's in a vacation destination and neither one of us will live there but we would visit.

You have a right to your feelings and you even have a right to express your feelings to your parents.

But in the end, it’s their decision. Know that you will sound like a spoiled child when you run to your parents with “it’s not fair”.

Agree with the bold. Don't agree with the rest.

It is ok to calmly express your opinion and ask for reasoning (perhaps, they are planning to leave you an equal sum in $; they may feel leaving the house to sister will create a tie to the U.S. for her?). It is not acting like a spoiled child - it is understanding the reasoning for what seems like a very controversial and potentially alienating move.

It is absolutely the parents' decision to whom to leave the house. And it's your right to draw conclusions and act accordingly.

If I were OP, I would have that calm talk with the parents. And if no new details came out (i.e. they just want to leave a $1m house to my sister and a token $100 to me and they understand that I am not better of financially than my sister and that we both have children), I would tell my parents that I am offended by such proposition, that I hope they reconsider, but I understand they have a right to do what they want, but I am offended - thank you for understanding.

[Anonymous]

My parents did the same and they are deceased so my brother and his family are living there now. My other brother and I don’t care. We have done very well financially while our brother has not so it’s nice that our parents could help him directly. Also, neither of us live anywhere near there and have no desire to have the house.

[Anonymous]

If they don't have any other reason other than "your sister doesn't have a house" then let them know that you are hurt by their decision.
My brother has a learning issue and hasn't done well financially. I fully expect and support my parents leaving everything to him. It's not a lot, but he really needs it, and has done as well as he can in life with his limitations. It's not favoritism.
If this is favoritism, start spending holidays with your ILs and your free time doing what you want to do with your family. Don't prioritize your parents if they brazenly favor your sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents did the same and they are deceased so my brother and his family are living there now. My other brother and I don’t care. We have done very well financially while our brother has not so it’s nice that our parents could help him directly. Also, neither of us live anywhere near there and have no desire to have the house.

Just to clarify, your brother that lives in the house got "everything" -- you and your other sub didn't get an equivalent amount of money or other assets or help with a DP or something along the way? 'Cause it would take a lot of doing "very well financially" to not be a little hurt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents did the same and they are deceased so my brother and his family are living there now. My other brother and I don’t care. We have done very well financially while our brother has not so it’s nice that our parents could help him directly. Also, neither of us live anywhere near there and have no desire to have the house.

Just to clarify, your brother that lives in the house got "everything" -- you and your other sub didn't get an equivalent amount of money or other assets or help with a DP or something along the way? 'Cause it would take a lot of doing "very well financially" to not be a little hurt.

DP but I would have been okay if this had happened in our family. Alas, we had to sell our parents' home and my grandparents' land to care for my parents in the end. I understand why they did not offer for my brother to build a house on the land when he was in the market, but do think that may have increased the chances we could've kept the property. They were very focused on "equal equal," which I think is a good thing in the abstract, but doesn't always work well in practice.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My parents did the same and they are deceased so my brother and his family are living there now. My other brother and I don’t care. We have done very well financially while our brother has not so it’s nice that our parents could help him directly. Also, neither of us live anywhere near there and have no desire to have the house. [/quote]


Just to clarify, your brother that lives in the house got "everything" -- you and your other sub didn't get an equivalent amount of money or other assets or help with a DP or something along the way? 'Cause it would take a lot of doing "very well financially" to not be a little hurt. [/quote]

Yes, my brother got everything.... and yes, both my other brother and I were fine with getting nothing. Ok, I suppose I could have got a Lambo and more luxury vacations but I don’t need a Lambo or more vacations while having the house helps my brother, his wife and my nephews and niece a lot more.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s entirely different when the inequality is discussed beforehand AND the other siblings are ok with it. For instance, my ILs have discussed leaving more to my BIL (whose family they already half support). This BIL has some issues, although I think the mollycoddling by the parents made it worse. We are very well off and they will never be close, so we are ok with it. But a part of the reason is I suspect if everything was divided equally, down the road we’d end up helping them out of our own money. This way, hopefully that won’t happen. And I don’t think we’re talking big bucks either. But if there had been no discussion and my DH was blindsided, I think he’d be hurt, even if he understood the reasons long term,

This of course doesn’t apply in OP’s case, where her sister is perfectly solvent on her own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents did the same and they are deceased so my brother and his family are living there now. My other brother and I don’t care. We have done very well financially while our brother has not so it’s nice that our parents could help him directly. Also, neither of us live anywhere near there and have no desire to have the house.

Just to clarify, your brother that lives in the house got "everything" -- you and your other sub didn't get an equivalent amount of money or other assets or help with a DP or something along the way? 'Cause it would take a lot of doing "very well financially" to not be a little hurt.

Meh. If the parents only had a house that was worth 200k in flyover country and I was doing well, I wouldn’t care if my parents left it to my deadbeat brother.

I would feel very differently if they left a million dollar asset to my IBanker brother who lives in London and makes at least twice my salary.

[Anonymous]

It's important to distinguish between a sibling that has problems that are entirely out of her or his control, like being disabled, and siblings that are just flakes who never managed to pull it together. I completely understand parents leaving more to the disabled sibling to ensure that person's well-being in their absence. But leaving more to the flake is just rewarding bad behavior and creating a disincentive for one's offspring to succeed financially. Oftentimes, these individuals already used more parental resources while the parents were alive (via "loans" that are never paid back or multiple education and training costs for careers that never got off the ground), so the big windfall inheritance is exacerbating the inequity.

[Anonymous]

Not fair.

[Anonymous]

Unless you are way out of the danger zone in terms of wealth and savings for you, your spouse and your children, you would not likely be Ok with one non-handicapped sibling receiving $1M home asset.

$1M is a lot of after tax income savings gifted at no tax basis.

[Anonymous]

No one owes adult children anything.

[Anonymous]

Going through something similar OP. Three siblings, two of us live close to parents, one far. Parents transferring $1M rental property to one sibling in addition to other significant help. Parents have some additional assets to support themselves in retirement but no where near enough. They let me know after it was a done deal, and have refused to discuss their plans and estate planning with me. In any case, the drama is ramping up as I have started to direct them to my sibling for their needs. My parents are very angry and creating unnecessary tension that impacts my children and DH. So I would say be prepared for a scenario like this, and move away if you can.