Parents wanting to leave $1M home to sibling

[Anonymous]

My parents are doing the same and I don’t have a problem with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My sister's lives overseas and makes a pretty good amount of money living as an expat. Housing is completely paid for, receives cost of living expense, free ticket home each year. She has a good life. She doesn't want to live in the States and that is why she hasn't purchased a home. Meanwhile, I work my ass off, save money to provide a nice life for my family. I have 2 kids. I wouldn't choose one over the other and I would divide my assets equally regardless of who has what.

I would respect their decision, but I would be hurt. Since it was brought up, I felt that they should know how I feel and to know that just because I own a house, I also own a mortgage and I am not rich. I am for an equal solution. Not one over the other. I want to give them an alternate solution where we can own it equally.

It's in a vacation destination and neither one of us will live there but we would visit.

I agree with this part - they brought it up so you should be able to express your feelings about it. If they weren’t open to your opinion, they should e kept their plans to themselves.

However, do start writing your estate plan based on property you don’t own. Simply express that you think it would be unfair for xyz reasons. And that you had hoped the home would stay in the family.

Prepare to buy out your sister. If you don’t have $500k, you have no say. You can’t cheat your sister out of her inheritance simply because you think the home shoulsobe sold outside the family. She should bend to your wishes.

[Anonymous]

Have you talked to your sister about this?

A good sister who loves you would tell your parents not to do this and that she doesn't want the house left to her alone.

Or she would accept it but promise to share with you after they pass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you talked to your sister about this?

A good sister who loves you would tell your parents not to do this and that she doesn't want the house left to her alone.

Or she would accept it but promise to share with you after they pass.

This. I am the one who split everything my mom gave me (she only gave to me).

[Anonymous]

PP are being too hard on you OP.

It's not your decision to make but that doesn't mean their decision isn't totally wrong and unfair and destined to create bad feelings between you and your sister!

When my parents wanted to do something similar (buy him a house) they told me about it first then altered their will to subtract that money from his portion of any inheritance they leave us.

I even told them not to bother (because I'm fortunate enough not to need their money and I feel bad for my brother and his circumstances) but they still did it anyway because that's the fair thing to do and they love us equally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My grandmother left her house to her youngest three children because she felt the oldest three "didn't need anything." It ruined relationships NOT because the older three needed 1/6 of a house but because they felt as if grandma loved those children more than them. It especially hurt my parent who had spent a good decade caring for my grandmother on a daily basis and making sure she was able to stay in said house until she passed away.

TL;DR Don't do this to your kids

+1

I would like to think that the older generation knows better than to leave their legacy as a rift between the people that outlive them. Why anyone would do this is beyond me. Either divide it equally, or sell it while you are alive and split the proceeds equally - but your kids are not here to settle some score for you, parents. The sibling should not be held accountable for her sibling's bad choices.

I could see MIL doing this, because SIL has been given everything, and still can't get out of her own way - as if that is everyone's else's fault and responsibility. I don't think so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP are being too hard on you OP.

It's not your decision to make but that doesn't mean their decision isn't totally wrong and unfair and destined to create bad feelings between you and your sister!

When my parents wanted to do something similar (buy him a house) they told me about it first then altered their will to subtract that money from his portion of any inheritance they leave us.

I even told them not to bother (because I'm fortunate enough not to need their money and I feel bad for my brother and his circumstances) but they still did it anyway because that's the fair thing to do and they love us equally.

+1

Actions speak louder than words.

[Anonymous]

I agree that people are being too hard on OP.

Older people frequently do not manage money very well and often have compromised critical thinking skills. Something like special carveouts are always worth discussing and it is especially helpful if siblings are on the same page. We have worked through things like this on both sides with aging parents, always making sure they know it is their decision, but asking them to consider our thoughts. On my parents' side they wanted to be fair but my siblings and I asked that they help out the one sibling who is almost all of the care taking (by providing some college money for her kids that the rest of us don't need).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you talked to your sister about this?

A good sister who loves you would tell your parents not to do this and that she doesn't want the house left to her alone.

Or she would accept it but promise to share with you after they pass.

No. I think my parents were feeling it out. I don't want to say anything to my sister until it's something my folks decide. If I say something now, she'll guilt them into giving it to her. She's not the type to share.

[Anonymous]

OP it's crappy. All kids should be treated the same, this is what divides family. When parents pit or play children against each other it's horrible. My sil's kids are now in a feud. Long story, but the ex left the wife and kids for a AP. Before he died he got mad at one son because he got on him for his excessive drinking. The AP died years earlier, and then when the dad died he only left it to one son. The other son and daughter were beyond hurt and shocked.

Now the son that inherited the house should sell it, give his siblings a equal share. That's the right thing to do, but he has no intention of doing that. I don't even think he gave them anything from inside the home. It's really changed their relationships.

The parents obviously should give everyone a equal share. Better to sell the home, not use it as a vacation home because that will incur a lot of problems down the road.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you talked to your sister about this?

A good sister who loves you would tell your parents not to do this and that she doesn't want the house left to her alone.

Or she would accept it but promise to share with you after they pass.

No. I think my parents were feeling it out. I don't want to say anything to my sister until it's something my folks decide. If I say something now, she'll guilt them into giving it to her. She's not the type to share.

You need to talk to your parents. A better idea is to sell the home with the proceeds being divided equally. Otherwise there will be arguments when taxes are due, when one wants to keep living in it for free, maintenance...just a horde or problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My sister's lives overseas and makes a pretty good amount of money living as an expat. Housing is completely paid for, receives cost of living expense, free ticket home each year. She has a good life. She doesn't want to live in the States and that is why she hasn't purchased a home. Meanwhile, I work my ass off, save money to provide a nice life for my family. I have 2 kids. I wouldn't choose one over the other and I would divide my assets equally regardless of who has what.

I would respect their decision, but I would be hurt. Since it was brought up, I felt that they should know how I feel and to know that just because I own a house, I also own a mortgage and I am not rich. I am for an equal solution. Not one over the other. I want to give them an alternate solution where we can own it equally.

It's in a vacation destination and neither one of us will live there but we would visit.

I would at least tell your parents how it would make you feel. I think that's fair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP it's crappy. All kids should be treated the same, this is what divides family. When parents pit or play children against each other it's horrible. My sil's kids are now in a feud. Long story, but the ex left the wife and kids for a AP. Before he died he got mad at one son because he got on him for his excessive drinking. The AP died years earlier, and then when the dad died he only left it to one son. The other son and daughter were beyond hurt and shocked.

Now the son that inherited the house should sell it, give his siblings a equal share. That's the right thing to do, but he has no intention of doing that. I don't even think he gave them anything from inside the home. It's really changed their relationships.

The parents obviously should give everyone a equal share. Better to sell the home, not use it as a vacation home because that will incur a lot of problems down the road.

Well for that you would need to ensure the kids took on equal burdens with their parents. This is generally not the case.

[Anonymous]

It's terrible when parents favor one child over the others. With the exception of a trust for a special needs child, I believe parents should always split assets equally between all children.

You should indeed talk to them about how you feel, all the while adding that they are free to decide.

It makes perfect sense that this home be sold if people are not going to use it often, by the way. It's gets really hard to share a home when multiple generations are involved and people are scattered everywhere. Who is responsible for maintenance? Who pays what? How do you solve disagreements about the shared house? Been there, done that.

[Anonymous]

Well maybe your parents are stupid, so I think you should spend some time explaining your feelings—maybe this will clear it all up.

But, if what you’re saying is all true, and they still make this choice—you should feel free to act accordingly and direct them to their favorite child when they need anything.