Parents wanting to leave $1M home to sibling

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the comments, good & bad. Just to clarify, typical working class family. Mother stayed home, father worked in an office. A family member sold the home to my mother for a fraction of what it's worth. It's an old home. Parents retired a few years ago. Sold their home and moved into this. It was a very old home and parents renovated it with money from the sale of their home. This home is 10 minutes drive to the beach in Florida. The value of it now is approximately $1M. They don't have a large amount of money in savings and this is by far their biggest asset.

I know it is their decision, but I want them to make it with some facts. I think it would make a nice rental or vacation rental. Profits could be placed in a fund for taxes, insurances, maintenance and repairs. After that, we could use the profits for our kid's college, etc. But hearing some of the stories of problems generations later, I think maybe selling it and splitting the profits would be the best way to keep the peace. I hope my parents would agree too.

Who rents a house in Florida 10 minutes' drive to the beach when there are so many places right on the beach. I'm surprised its worth that much.

[Anonymous]

If you told your parents you planned to sell your house and rent in the next few years I wonder if they would change their plans and split the house between the siblings.

[Anonymous]

OP, this is tough in many ways. there is a family cottage in DH's family. Only he and his cousin use it in addition to both sets of parents The other cousin and SIL never go there. on more than one occasion, SIL, within ear shot of me, has asked FIL to leave cottage to DH and give her the equivalent in $. He always sidesteps the question and changes subject. When FIlL asked DH, he indicated it is their decision, then said if the cottage were left jointly, he would either buy out his sister's share or join her in request to sell it (the other 2 cousins can afford to buy outright). he told their dad he would not leave her with an asset that does not have worth for her. my guess is that fil will go that route. FWIW, there are books on family vacation property. i think one is called "saving the family cottage." may want to check out as a reference.

[Anonymous]

My parents plan to leave more to my sibling because of a perceived disparity in need, and I have no problem with it. Partly because I think they're right. But even more importantly, because I always felt loved by both my parents and by my sibling and never felt disfavored. Even if I thought they mis-assessed my mortgage or whatever, I would never question how much they love me.

Usually when inheritance disparities cause a major falling out it's because some fault lines and insecurities were already there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the comments, good & bad. Just to clarify, typical working class family. Mother stayed home, father worked in an office. A family member sold the home to my mother for a fraction of what it's worth. It's an old home. Parents retired a few years ago. Sold their home and moved into this. It was a very old home and parents renovated it with money from the sale of their home. This home is 10 minutes drive to the beach in Florida. The value of it now is approximately $1M. They don't have a large amount of money in savings and this is by far their biggest asset.

I know it is their decision, but I want them to make it with some facts. I think it would make a nice rental or vacation rental. Profits could be placed in a fund for taxes, insurances, maintenance and repairs. After that, we could use the profits for our kid's college, etc. But hearing some of the stories of problems generations later, I think maybe selling it and splitting the profits would be the best way to keep the peace. I hope my parents would agree too.

Who rents a house in Florida 10 minutes' drive to the beach when there are so many places right on the beach. I'm surprised its worth that much.

my ILs do every year. they do not need nor want to be on beach - just want proximity for when g/kids visit.

[Anonymous]

I didn't read all the responses, but I agree that people have been harsh on OP as well. I would also be hurt if my parents did something like this.

[Anonymous]

Fair doesn't always mean equal.

[Anonymous]

There seems to be a foregone conclusion that there will be money to leave. Don't underestimate the cost as your parents age. If the $1,000,000 house is the bulk of their assets, they can run through that really fast. My DH parents pay $ 225,000/year for round the clock caregiver (not a nurse) in their home. I would assume that much of the money will be used for their care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There seems to be a foregone conclusion that there will be money to leave. Don't underestimate the cost as your parents age. If the $1,000,000 house is the bulk of their assets, they can run through that really fast. My DH parents pay $ 225,000/year for round the clock caregiver (not a nurse) in their home. I would assume that much of the money will be used for their care.

OP, this is true. That house could be lost before they die to medical bills. Elder care is not cheap.

I would still say something to my parents, and let them know that you feel their plans are not equitable.

With you living in the states and your sister living abroad, who is the one expected to care for them as they age?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fair doesn't always mean equal.

Sure it does - in this case. You want your kids to hate you?

[Anonymous]

The real problem is your jealousy, OP. Your parents do not need your approval of how they wish to divvy up their estate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you can tell them how you feel about that idea, and then make your peace with it being their asset to do what they want with.

This. I think it's fine to speak up -- once on your own, and then after that only if asked. They can't take your feelings into account if they don't know.

[Anonymous]

I can’t imagine doing this to my kids. Why would you want to create hurt feelings and have one or more of your kids feel that you love them differently/less than others? I don’t think it’s about money, I think it’s about fairness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The real problem is your jealousy, OP. Your parents do not need your approval of how they wish to divvy up their estate.

Nothing about OP’s post conveyed jealousy. If the parents didn’t want a reaction from OP at all, it was up to them to keep their mouths shut about their intentions with the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fair doesn't always mean equal.

Actually fair literally does mean equal. The sister makes MORE money than OP, just chooses not to buy property with that money. The parents are gifting her with a one million dollar asset that she’ll just sell and turn into cash. So now the higher earning sister has a whole boatload of cash, while OP is left with nothing.

These parents sound like total assholes, or total morons at best.