Parents wanting to leave $1M home to sibling

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fair doesn't always mean equal.

This is such a shitty response. We all know that when its 2 dresses vs. 4 pairs of shoes or whatever. Not when a million dollars is concerned.

Why? My parents don't have a $1 million vacation home, so this is all hypothetical to me, but why should a parent leave equal amounts to kids who have different standards of living? My SIL is poorer than DH and I, and I have no objection if my ILs leave her/her kids more money than they leave my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The real problem is your jealousy, OP. Your parents do not need your approval of how they wish to divvy up their estate.

It still does not mean the parents are doing the right thing.

[Anonymous]

#FirstWorldProblems. OP, be thankful you don't have to choose between your kid's college education and paying for eldercare because your parents are rich.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fair doesn't always mean equal.

This is such a shitty response. We all know that when its 2 dresses vs. 4 pairs of shoes or whatever. Not when a million dollars is concerned.

Why? My parents don't have a $1 million vacation home, so this is all hypothetical to me, but why should a parent leave equal amounts to kids who have different standards of living? My SIL is poorer than DH and I, and I have no objection if my ILs leave her/her kids more money than they leave my kids.

So what happens if your DH loses his job, and because of his age can’t get an even remotely similar one? Or one of you gets cancer that eats through your savings. Or a costly divorce? Or he gets hit by a bus tomorrow? Things change. If your life stays as graced as it apparently has been, then you can use your share to help pay for college for your nieces/nephews or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Op I am so sorry, what a painful thing to hear. I understand other posters who say it's not OP's money and she has no right to it, it's up to her parents to decide who they want their inheritance to go to.

All I can say is how hurtful is this. How extremely hurtful. In your situation I would feel I was the less favoured and I would be a little bit bitter that I was nearby and would probably have to help with eldercare whilst the sister overseas who does nothing gets everything.

I would tell your parents how you feel. If they still choose to do this I would honestly not be there as much for their eldercare. I would let the other sister sort it all out.

It's beyond hurtful and I wouldn't play that game with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fair doesn't always mean equal.

This is such a shitty response. We all know that when its 2 dresses vs. 4 pairs of shoes or whatever. Not when a million dollars is concerned.

Why? My parents don't have a $1 million vacation home, so this is all hypothetical to me, but why should a parent leave equal amounts to kids who have different standards of living? My SIL is poorer than DH and I, and I have no objection if my ILs leave her/her kids more money than they leave my kids.

So what happens if your DH loses his job, and because of his age can’t get an even remotely similar one? Or one of you gets cancer that eats through your savings. Or a costly divorce? Or he gets hit by a bus tomorrow? Things change. If your life stays as graced as it apparently has been, then you can use your share to help pay for college for your nieces/nephews or whatever.

I suppose one could dig up any excuse for not engaging in philanthropy or being compassionate. My family is luckier than my SIL's family now (inshallah), and we have good savings in the case of a catastrophic event. I would never begrudge having my IL's having peace of mind knowing that they've helped her to the best of their abilities.

[Anonymous]

OP it's sad that you can't see your life is graced because you had such wealthy parents, but only are feeling harmed that you couldn't extract even more out of them. Perhaps a Buddhist retreat would help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The real problem is your jealousy, OP. Your parents do not need your approval of how they wish to divvy up their estate.

OP's not saying she is entitled to give approval. But the parents have to know that this extremely unequal distribution of assets will cause resentment. I love my parents and sibling but if they decided to leave me zilch and leave the sibling a million dollars, all else being equal, I would be pretty hurt.

Exactly - and the reasoning is so skewed - her sister doesn't own property b/c she's an expat and gets her living expenses paid for. The parents perceive the sister as disadvantaged when she might actually be better off than OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP it's sad that you can't see your life is graced because you had such wealthy parents, but only are feeling harmed that you couldn't extract even more out of them. Perhaps a Buddhist retreat would help.

Perhaps this PP also needs a Buddhist retreat. The truly enlightened don’t shame others. You have a long way to go on your own journey.

Signed, someone who knows she’s not enlightened and calls others out on their spiritual superiority.

[Anonymous]

Sure along with the parents and sister, lots of issues here, not just hers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP it's sad that you can't see your life is graced because you had such wealthy parents, but only are feeling harmed that you couldn't extract even more out of them. Perhaps a Buddhist retreat would help.

Perhaps this PP also needs a Buddhist retreat. The truly enlightened don’t shame others. You have a long way to go on your own journey.

Signed, someone who knows she’s not enlightened and calls others out on their spiritual superiority.

Awesome response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:#FirstWorldProblems. OP, be thankful you don't have to choose between your kid's college education and paying for eldercare because your parents are rich.

Uh, I'm sure OP is aware of that. This site is full of 'first world problems.' Gtfoh.

[Anonymous]

I have a situation somewhat similar to this in my family. My mother has preferenced my niece over my son in terms of paying for college. My niece is exceedingly bright and my son has learning disabilities (although he is successfully attending college). My mother seems to think it is OK to discuss with me all the extra help she is giving my niece. Her attitude is - of course I would understand because my niece is so bright. There are no financial reasons for doing what she is doing - we all have money to pay for college.

My way of handling this is two fold:

1. My niece and her parents are wonderful people. I am not letting this weird behavior on my mother’s part affect my relationship with them.

2. I have told my mother that this behavior on her part is hurtful to me. I have told her in no uncertain terms that I don’t want to hear anymore about it (and she has pretty much honored that request).

[Anonymous]

NP - I would be absolutely livid and tell my parents all about it and often. I have 3 kids and I would never do this unless one behaved cruelly towards me or another was a billionaire (and even then I would ask for their buy-in).

[Anonymous]

I've never understood the idea that kids should have zero say in how their parents leave their money. Some kids work extremely hard in high school and win scholarships that save the family significant amounts of money. Sometimes the kid would much rather attend a more expensive school but sacrifices and goes to another school that will be much cheaper. Other kids, equally as talented and given the same parental resources, choose to coast through high school and their parents have to spend lots of money to put them through college. Why would you financially reward the lazy child with an equal amount of inheritance? You're basically giving that lazy sibling half the funds that were earmarked for the hard-working kid's college costs.

Or later in life, some children spend lots of money and time providing care giving for a parent, while the other sibling does hardly anything. To not account for the expenditures is a slap in the face.

It's one thing to spend more on one child because that child needs more resources in order to be on equal ground with her siblings, like a kid with special learning needs who would drown if she went to the big public school her siblings attended so instead attends an expensive private school. But if one kid wants to be a Ninja Warrior and never makes it big, while the other became an accountant and set aside her dream to be a rock and roll singer in order to be practical, they should get the same amount of inheritance. Neither is starving. They just made different choices.

And as others have pointed out, nobody knows whether their children's financial situations will remain the same relative to one another over time. All kinds of things can happen. Divorce, disability, job loss, or winning the lottery. I know several people in DC and Silicon Valley who are sitting on incredible equity in their houses that resulted from plain old good luck.