Parents wanting to leave $1M home to sibling
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Anonymous
| My parents have a home that is worth about $1M in a vacation destination, no mortgage. They mentioned leaving it my older sister because she doesn't have a house and we already have one. My house still has a mortgage and won't be paid off for another 20 years. I think it's unfair that they would just give it to her outright and leave nothing for me. I would like it left to both of us. How can this be done with the least amount of trouble for our families? Like after we die, could it be divided equally to our children? She has 2 and I have 2. Also, I don't wouldn't want anyone to sell it and if it could be kept in the family as a vacation home or rental I think it would be nice for generations to enjoy. If it were left to my sister, I suspect she would just sell the home and use the money to purchase elsewhere. How could it be done, where it's kept in the family and everyone owns it equally? Anyone have good/bad stories about their experiences? |
Anonymous
| Not for you to decide. |
Anonymous
| Please stop. My guess is that you’re parents are nowhere near being close to dying. It’s their choice to decide where they want their possessions to go upon their death. It must be hard to hear that they are announcing this and that you are left out. The solution is not to engage in this. There are only hurt feelings that will result. |
Anonymous
| Your parents are trying to provide for your sister. Sorry its not fair but its their choice. |
Anonymous
| It isn't your decision. They want to provide for a sister who they feel has had a harder road. She probably did. Let them do this and be glad they can. |
Anonymous
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OP here. My sister's lives overseas and makes a pretty good amount of money living as an expat. Housing is completely paid for, receives cost of living expense, free ticket home each year. She has a good life. She doesn't want to live in the States and that is why she hasn't purchased a home. Meanwhile, I work my ass off, save money to provide a nice life for my family. I have 2 kids. I wouldn't choose one over the other and I would divide my assets equally regardless of who has what.
I would respect their decision, but I would be hurt. Since it was brought up, I felt that they should know how I feel and to know that just because I own a house, I also own a mortgage and I am not rich. I am for an equal solution. Not one over the other. I want to give them an alternate solution where we can own it equally. It's in a vacation destination and neither one of us will live there but we would visit. |
Anonymous
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My mother and her three sisters received a mountain lake vacation home when their parents died. They came up with a summer schedule so that all 4 families could enjoy it equally. It was awesome for years. As the sisters got older and their children grew up, three of the sisters realized that there was no way to leave the house fairly to all of the various cousins, and wanted to sell the house outside the family. Fourth sister steadfastly refused, and her lawyer son got involved. The fourth sister ended up buying it from the other sisters, the process causing a family rift that never healed. She passed the house on to her children when she died. The relatives who didn’t receive any rights to the house that they spent large parts of their childhood in could never really get closure on that loss because the house was still in the extended family, with cousins sharing stories, photos, etc. of the wonderful times they were still having there.
Fast forward 25 years, and the SAME EXACT THING happened with her children/ my cousins. There was inequity and disagreement over use and sale of the house, the same lawyer cousin being in the center of it all and causing a rift with his siblings. In my experience, sharing real estate with adult siblings sounds awesome, and can be awesome, until it turns so ugly that the fallout is remembered for generations. |
Anonymous
You have a right to your feelings and you even have a right to express your feelings to your parents. But in the end, it’s their decision. Know that you will sound like a spoiled child when you run to your parents with “it’s not fair”. |
Anonymous
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My grandmother left her house to her youngest three children because she felt the oldest three "didn't need anything." It ruined relationships NOT because the older three needed 1/6 of a house but because they felt as if grandma loved those children more than them. It especially hurt my parent who had spent a good decade caring for my grandmother on a daily basis and making sure she was able to stay in said house until she passed away.
TL;DR Don't do this to your kids |
Anonymous
| Do they have other assets? Do they plan to split things evenly, and she just gets hers in the form of the house? |
Anonymous
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OP, I get that this seems really unfair to you. But honestly, why does it bother you? If they decided to donate it to a charity they loved, would that bother you as much? Is it because you think that parents should treat children similarly?
I get that, but I think still, it is their decision. You can tell them you were hurt by this. I think that's ok too. But make sure they know it's not an issue of the property but of wanting to treat everyone similarly. BTW, my mom left me way more than my sisters. It's because I sent my mom money every month for decades. And because I loved her so much and did the most for her. In the end, i took what she gave me and split it between the three of us (in my mind, my mom owed me nothing). Maybe your sister will do the same. |
Anonymous
| Omg op... omg... |
Anonymous
| I think you can tell them how you feel about that idea, and then make your peace with it being their asset to do what they want with. |
Anonymous
| If they had 1mil mortgage (and the house is not worth that much) and tells you they plan to dump it on your sister, would you feel the same? |
Anonymous
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Should an opportunity present itself, you can mention your mortgage. Along the lines of mentioning a raise, and saying you will put the extra towards the mortgage so you can pay it off faster than the 20+ years remaining.
Not getting the house does not mean they will leave you nothing. |