Made a bad decision about going back to work and regretting it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would quit tomorrow and not even out this on your resume. Just pretend like it was bad dream, stay home with your kids, then start over from the beginning when/if you want at a later time. Pretty soon your kids may only come home twice per year, so get in those last precious years of them being home under your roof.

+1

[Anonymous]

Honestly your job just sounds like a regular job. And I tell you what - if I did not *need* to be working a regular job I sure as h*ll would not do it!

There's work I love doing - and I have been very fortunate to sometimes have that work also be my paying day job. But the job I have now, at a nonprofit whose work and mission I 100% believe in, I would quit like there's no tomorrow if I had the means to do so. (I'd join their board and donate, and maybe do some volunteer work, But sit at the computer doing stressful and pretty uninteresting work 8-10 hours a day? No way!)

I think the advice to try to stick it out for a year is good - if you think you are going to want to get back into the workforce at any time in your life. But if you're ok not working again? Give them a few week's notice. Go enjoy yourself.

[Anonymous]

Leave. Two weeks notice. Where do you live and what is your current salary?

[Anonymous]

OMG just quit if you don't actually need the job. Life's too short.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG just quit if you don't actually need the job. Life's too short.

OP, let me elaborate. I say this as someone who was a single mom for a decade. I actually like my job...sort of....but I have other passions. I have side gigs on top of my main job right now to build a cushion so I can leave and DO WHAT I WANT.

Life is finite. Don't do a thing you don't want to do if you don't have to do it.

[Anonymous]

I didn't read the whole thread, I just wanted to point out that you you didn't make a bad decision going back to work. You made a bad decision taking that job. There's a difference!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been a SAHM for a long time. All of my kids are in HS now and in a few years I will be an empty nester. My youngest two are twins and they will leave at the same time. For a long time, I was also the care taker for my ILs and my dad. They have passed away as well in the last few years. I have been very iucky to be home with the kids and I have a full life - friends, volunteering, neighbors, family etc. Over the years, I have also been taking random classes at the community college in subjects other than what I have degrees in- so I am pretty well informed about a lot of things.

I am incredibly happy being at home and I do not have to work for monetary reasons. Thinking ahead about how I will deal with having all my kids leave the nest - especially the twins - I started to wonder what I want to do next. My choices range from finding new hobbies (I already have some), volunteering (i do some already), traveling, working (I was in the corporate world before), or starting a business (can't think what though). Anyways, an opportunity came my way and I accepted it and started working just before kids school closed for summer. I thought that I won't have to worry about them during the break and they are grown up enough to deal with things in my absence.

Well, here is what I found out. I just hate my job. I have a gruelling 10 hour day (2 hours is commuting), and an hour to get up and get ready and I still have a lot of things pending once I get home. There is nothing in the job that is interesting or uplifting. It is stressful, repetitive, neverending, boring and the entire office seems to be working in a crisis mode, My work requires a lot of juggling and many moving parts and I pretty much do not move from my desk for the 8 hours I am there. I don't talk to anyone, I don't socialize, I don't take breaks, I don't browse - I just do not have the time. After each day is over, I regret missing out this summer with my kids, I regret putting my body through this, I regret wasting even a minute on this job, and I regret my decision to take this on. I know that I am privileged because I can afford to stay at home, but, this job - the time it sucks up, physical-emotional toll, stress, the utter meaninglessness of this job for me, and the time away from family, life and leisure that I am used to - is making me seriously miserable. I am useless physically, emotionally and mentally, when I get home and I have nothing to give to my family. I have actually had to stop everything else I was doing before starting to work - being there for kids and my mom, being a volunteer, spending time with my DH, cooking for my kids, vacation etc, because I am so tired and out of time.

Do I soldier on? They like me a lot at work, but I am just not happy working there. I also suspect that I am not cut out for a full time job at my age and after years of having a lot of flexibility in my day - the daily grind is not for me. I feel as if I am missing out on life, unnecessarily. The grass was certainly greener under my feet.

The job itself has the potential to offer some long term strategic opportunities. I can understand that and probably got swayed by that, but those are not necessarily opportunities I wanted and these are not really my dreams. Leaving this job will close a door for ever, Do I need to care about keeping this door open? Should I leave? Am I a fool for thinking of leaving? If money was not a reason for working, would you advise to stick it out?

You have a vagina.

So do what all the other women wish they could do. Quit and take care of your husband so he takes care of you financially

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been a SAHM for a long time. All of my kids are in HS now and in a few years I will be an empty nester. My youngest two are twins and they will leave at the same time. For a long time, I was also the care taker for my ILs and my dad. They have passed away as well in the last few years. I have been very iucky to be home with the kids and I have a full life - friends, volunteering, neighbors, family etc. Over the years, I have also been taking random classes at the community college in subjects other than what I have degrees in- so I am pretty well informed about a lot of things.

I am incredibly happy being at home and I do not have to work for monetary reasons. Thinking ahead about how I will deal with having all my kids leave the nest - especially the twins - I started to wonder what I want to do next. My choices range from finding new hobbies (I already have some), volunteering (i do some already), traveling, working (I was in the corporate world before), or starting a business (can't think what though). Anyways, an opportunity came my way and I accepted it and started working just before kids school closed for summer. I thought that I won't have to worry about them during the break and they are grown up enough to deal with things in my absence.

Well, here is what I found out. I just hate my job. I have a gruelling 10 hour day (2 hours is commuting), and an hour to get up and get ready and I still have a lot of things pending once I get home. There is nothing in the job that is interesting or uplifting. It is stressful, repetitive, neverending, boring and the entire office seems to be working in a crisis mode, My work requires a lot of juggling and many moving parts and I pretty much do not move from my desk for the 8 hours I am there. I don't talk to anyone, I don't socialize, I don't take breaks, I don't browse - I just do not have the time. After each day is over, I regret missing out this summer with my kids, I regret putting my body through this, I regret wasting even a minute on this job, and I regret my decision to take this on. I know that I am privileged because I can afford to stay at home, but, this job - the time it sucks up, physical-emotional toll, stress, the utter meaninglessness of this job for me, and the time away from family, life and leisure that I am used to - is making me seriously miserable. I am useless physically, emotionally and mentally, when I get home and I have nothing to give to my family. I have actually had to stop everything else I was doing before starting to work - being there for kids and my mom, being a volunteer, spending time with my DH, cooking for my kids, vacation etc, because I am so tired and out of time.

Do I soldier on? They like me a lot at work, but I am just not happy working there. I also suspect that I am not cut out for a full time job at my age and after years of having a lot of flexibility in my day - the daily grind is not for me. I feel as if I am missing out on life, unnecessarily. The grass was certainly greener under my feet.

The job itself has the potential to offer some long term strategic opportunities. I can understand that and probably got swayed by that, but those are not necessarily opportunities I wanted and these are not really my dreams. Leaving this job will close a door for ever, Do I need to care about keeping this door open? Should I leave? Am I a fool for thinking of leaving? If money was not a reason for working, would you advise to stick it out?

You have a vagina.

So do what all the other women wish they could do. Quit and take care of your husband so he takes care of you financially

Please don't say "all the other women" wish they could "quit and take care" of their husbands. Of course some women do, but not even close to "all". I'm one of those who could afford to stay home but chooses to work. I love being a mom but I also get a lot of satisfaction from my job. OP, however, seems miserable, and she should definitely quit and then take her sweet time to find something else that she actually enjoys doing.

[Anonymous]

I haven't read the whole thread either, but I wanted to point out two things. First, you sound like a very thoughtful person. (Maybe an overthinker?) And, I think you've actually gotten some good advice, which is great, because when I started reading, I thought people were going to tear you to shreds.

I went back to work when my kids were in junior high. We are probably a little less financially comfortable than you. I DO like my job, although I dislike some things about it.

If I were you, I would stick it out for a while. For one thing, the school year is starting. Although your kids will need you, they'll also be busier and out of the house, and you may find a better rhythm.

Also, I would encourage you to start setting more boundaries at work. One thing I found after I came back to the work force is that I was so grateful to have a decent job that I would sometimes overcompensate or bend over backward to please people. Can you walk out 15 minutes earlier? Would that make your commute any better? (Actually, is there ANY way to make your commute better?) If you're working from home, give yourself a hard stop. Some little changes could make your days a lot better.

[Anonymous]

The trouble with being out of the workforce for so long is it is slim pickins' coming back in and you are stuck with a long commute and no WFH days and maybe not the most interesting or stimulating job.

I've been spoiled with generous telecommuting and flex scheduling, and I'll never go back!

In that situation I would probably quit too. The longer you stick it out though, the more flex you have as you'll be able to pick jobs closer to home, with good policies, , and a company that does interesting work. But yea, commuting in five days a week with no flex and a job you don't love is a slog.

[Anonymous]

Ugh just quit already. WTF. Most of us HAVE to work and have to put up with jobs we hate so we can provide for ourselves and our families. Think of it this way - you don't need this job, but I guarantee you that if you quit, the vast majority of people that apply to fill the position actually do.

[Anonymous]

I havent read all the Pp's but I came here to say - think long term. Base your decisions on what you foresee happening five years from now, not on this precise moment, or you may have regrets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't read the whole thread, I just wanted to point out that you you didn't make a bad decision going back to work. You made a bad decision taking that job. There's a difference!

It’s obvious you didn’t read enough. She did make a bad decision going back to work; the job she has is hardly some brutal sweatshop, it’s a normal office job probably a little easier than most. And it rankles her. She just doesn’t need to work and is unwilling to work in a job with normal demands. She should just volunteer and dictate her terms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The trouble with being out of the workforce for so long is it is slim pickins' coming back in and you are stuck with a long commute and no WFH days and maybe not the most interesting or stimulating job.

I've been spoiled with generous telecommuting and flex scheduling, and I'll never go back!

In that situation I would probably quit too. The longer you stick it out though, the more flex you have as you'll be able to pick jobs closer to home, with good policies, , and a company that does interesting work. But yea, commuting in five days a week with no flex and a job you don't love is a slog.

This is ultimately the problem.

[Anonymous]

Do you have an update, Op? How are things going?