Made a bad decision about going back to work and regretting it.

[Anonymous]

Why take an office job if you don’t have to work? That’s the last thing I’d do. That makes no sense.

Quit and go do something more fun, like an ice cream maker, a florist, jewelry sales, docent. Do something for YOU. This is YOUR time.

You have taken care of so many others and now you’re struggling to figure out how to take care of yourself. Quit and take on a job that you get enjoyment from. It sounds like you jumped in too far too quickly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why take an office job if you don’t have to work? That’s the last thing I’d do. That makes no sense.

Quit and go do something more fun, like an ice cream maker, a florist, jewelry sales, docent. Do something for YOU. This is YOUR time.

You have taken care of so many others and now you’re struggling to figure out how to take care of yourself. Quit and take on a job that you get enjoyment from. It sounds like you jumped in too far too quickly.

What a list of hobby mom jobs. Good luck actually making a profit. I would just do you know actual hobbies

[Anonymous]

Quit and find an organization to volunteer for that needs your help for a cause close to your heart - there are so many. I am a cancer survivor and would love to have the time to volunteer to drive around people going through treatment that don’t have a support system nearby etc. There are orgs for that, or if you love animals then the humane society, or PTA of kids school, whatever. It sounds like you had a full life at home. Please go back to that and don’t be miserable for no real reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been a SAHM for a long time. All of my kids are in HS now and in a few years I will be an empty nester. My youngest two are twins and they will leave at the same time. For a long time, I was also the care taker for my ILs and my dad. They have passed away as well in the last few years. I have been very iucky to be home with the kids and I have a full life - friends, volunteering, neighbors, family etc. Over the years, I have also been taking random classes at the community college in subjects other than what I have degrees in- so I am pretty well informed about a lot of things.

I am incredibly happy being at home and I do not have to work for monetary reasons. Thinking ahead about how I will deal with having all my kids leave the nest - especially the twins - I started to wonder what I want to do next. My choices range from finding new hobbies (I already have some), volunteering (i do some already), traveling, working (I was in the corporate world before), or starting a business (can't think what though). Anyways, an opportunity came my way and I accepted it and started working just before kids school closed for summer. I thought that I won't have to worry about them during the break and they are grown up enough to deal with things in my absence.

Well, here is what I found out. I just hate my job. I have a gruelling 10 hour day (2 hours is commuting), and an hour to get up and get ready and I still have a lot of things pending once I get home. There is nothing in the job that is interesting or uplifting. It is stressful, repetitive, neverending, boring and the entire office seems to be working in a crisis mode, My work requires a lot of juggling and many moving parts and I pretty much do not move from my desk for the 8 hours I am there. I don't talk to anyone, I don't socialize, I don't take breaks, I don't browse - I just do not have the time. After each day is over, I regret missing out this summer with my kids, I regret putting my body through this, I regret wasting even a minute on this job, and I regret my decision to take this on. I know that I am privileged because I can afford to stay at home, but, this job - the time it sucks up, physical-emotional toll, stress, the utter meaninglessness of this job for me, and the time away from family, life and leisure that I am used to - is making me seriously miserable. I am useless physically, emotionally and mentally, when I get home and I have nothing to give to my family. I have actually had to stop everything else I was doing before starting to work - being there for kids and my mom, being a volunteer, spending time with my DH, cooking for my kids, vacation etc, because I am so tired and out of time.

Do I soldier on? They like me a lot at work, but I am just not happy working there. I also suspect that I am not cut out for a full time job at my age and after years of having a lot of flexibility in my day - the daily grind is not for me. I feel as if I am missing out on life, unnecessarily. The grass was certainly greener under my feet.

The job itself has the potential to offer some long term strategic opportunities. I can understand that and probably got swayed by that, but those are not necessarily opportunities I wanted and these are not really my dreams. Leaving this job will close a door for ever, Do I need to care about keeping this door open? Should I leave? Am I a fool for thinking of leaving? If money was not a reason for working, would you advise to stick it out?

I commend you for taking a chance and going back full force instead of part-time. The fact that you don't need to work to maintain your standard of living does not matter to me - I don't count other people's money. The problem is that you don't get much joy out of this job and perceive it as a "paying your dues" punishment for being out of the workforce for a while. Try and stick it out for a year. Maybe you can leave earlier to avoid some of the traffic, download enjoyable audiobooks, make a concerted effort to socialize with your coworkers and outsource more at home (more carry out and have your housecleaner come more frequently). When you get close to the 1 year mark look for another position with a better commute/atmosphere. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been a SAHM for a long time. All of my kids are in HS now and in a few years I will be an empty nester. My youngest two are twins and they will leave at the same time. For a long time, I was also the care taker for my ILs and my dad. They have passed away as well in the last few years. I have been very iucky to be home with the kids and I have a full life - friends, volunteering, neighbors, family etc. Over the years, I have also been taking random classes at the community college in subjects other than what I have degrees in- so I am pretty well informed about a lot of things.

I am incredibly happy being at home and I do not have to work for monetary reasons. Thinking ahead about how I will deal with having all my kids leave the nest - especially the twins - I started to wonder what I want to do next. My choices range from finding new hobbies (I already have some), volunteering (i do some already), traveling, working (I was in the corporate world before), or starting a business (can't think what though). Anyways, an opportunity came my way and I accepted it and started working just before kids school closed for summer. I thought that I won't have to worry about them during the break and they are grown up enough to deal with things in my absence.

Well, here is what I found out. I just hate my job. I have a gruelling 10 hour day (2 hours is commuting), and an hour to get up and get ready and I still have a lot of things pending once I get home. There is nothing in the job that is interesting or uplifting. It is stressful, repetitive, neverending, boring and the entire office seems to be working in a crisis mode, My work requires a lot of juggling and many moving parts and I pretty much do not move from my desk for the 8 hours I am there. I don't talk to anyone, I don't socialize, I don't take breaks, I don't browse - I just do not have the time. After each day is over, I regret missing out this summer with my kids, I regret putting my body through this, I regret wasting even a minute on this job, and I regret my decision to take this on. I know that I am privileged because I can afford to stay at home, but, this job - the time it sucks up, physical-emotional toll, stress, the utter meaninglessness of this job for me, and the time away from family, life and leisure that I am used to - is making me seriously miserable. I am useless physically, emotionally and mentally, when I get home and I have nothing to give to my family. I have actually had to stop everything else I was doing before starting to work - being there for kids and my mom, being a volunteer, spending time with my DH, cooking for my kids, vacation etc, because I am so tired and out of time.

Do I soldier on? They like me a lot at work, but I am just not happy working there. I also suspect that I am not cut out for a full time job at my age and after years of having a lot of flexibility in my day - the daily grind is not for me. I feel as if I am missing out on life, unnecessarily. The grass was certainly greener under my feet.

The job itself has the potential to offer some long term strategic opportunities. I can understand that and probably got swayed by that, but those are not necessarily opportunities I wanted and these are not really my dreams. Leaving this job will close a door for ever, Do I need to care about keeping this door open? Should I leave? Am I a fool for thinking of leaving? If money was not a reason for working, would you advise to stick it out?

I commend you for taking a chance and going back full force instead of part-time. The fact that you don't need to work to maintain your standard of living does not matter to me - I don't count other people's money. The problem is that you don't get much joy out of this job and perceive it as a "paying your dues" punishment for being out of the workforce for a while. Try and stick it out for a year. Maybe you can leave earlier to avoid some of the traffic, download enjoyable audiobooks, make a concerted effort to socialize with your coworkers and outsource more at home (more carry out and have your housecleaner come more frequently). When you get close to the 1 year mark look for another position with a better commute/atmosphere. Good luck!

This has been suggested before (it's what I would do!) but I think Op has decided that today matters, too, the job is too much of a sacrifice for her to make and she will be quitting.

I hope she doesn't regret doing that and I hope that she finds work that she genuinely loves doing but I don't know how easy that will be. Regardless, I'm sure she will make the best decision that she can for herself and her family. That's all she can do.

[Anonymous]

I would stay at the job a bit longer and look for a different job. More doors will be open to you because you are currently employed.

[Anonymous]

Eye roll sorry you’re describing about 70% of jobs people have to do, and they don’t have the privilege of quitting.

Oh getting ready for an hour, commuting, not browsing..oh the horror of this cruel, most cruel, job.

Stop writing novels to justify you’re not cut out to work and don’t have to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eye roll sorry you’re describing about 70% of jobs people have to do, and they don’t have the privilege of quitting.

Oh getting ready for an hour, commuting, not browsing..oh the horror of this cruel, most cruel, job.

Stop writing novels to justify you’re not cut out to work and don’t have to work.

Yes, her strict 8 hr workday job, at an air conditioned desk, is ‘grueling’

Go back to hang with the ladies at lunch, accept your mantle as housewife since you have aged out of SAHM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eye roll sorry you’re describing about 70% of jobs people have to do, and they don’t have the privilege of quitting.

Oh getting ready for an hour, commuting, not browsing..oh the horror of this cruel, most cruel, job.

Stop writing novels to justify you’re not cut out to work and don’t have to work.

Yes, her strict 8 hr workday job, at an air conditioned desk, is ‘grueling’

Go back to hang with the ladies at lunch, accept your mantle as housewife since you have aged out of SAHM.

And, this right here, is exactly why Op should stick it out for a year.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eye roll sorry you’re describing about 70% of jobs people have to do, and they don’t have the privilege of quitting.

Oh getting ready for an hour, commuting, not browsing..oh the horror of this cruel, most cruel, job.

Stop writing novels to justify you’re not cut out to work and don’t have to work.

Yes, her strict 8 hr workday job, at an air conditioned desk, is ‘grueling’

Go back to hang with the ladies at lunch, accept your mantle as housewife since you have aged out of SAHM.

And, this right here, is exactly why Op should stick it out for a year.....

I’m 99% sure OP has already quit.

And I really can’t fathom any high schooler wanting to spend their summer hanging with their mom, as her OP mentions.

Maybe they have a beach house or something? But even then the kids run off and hang with the townies... but yeah she needs a hobby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eye roll sorry you’re describing about 70% of jobs people have to do, and they don’t have the privilege of quitting.

Oh getting ready for an hour, commuting, not browsing..oh the horror of this cruel, most cruel, job.

Stop writing novels to justify you’re not cut out to work and don’t have to work.

Yes, her strict 8 hr workday job, at an air conditioned desk, is ‘grueling’

Go back to hang with the ladies at lunch, accept your mantle as housewife since you have aged out of SAHM.

And, this right here, is exactly why Op should stick it out for a year.....

I’m 99% sure OP has already quit.

And I really can’t fathom any high schooler wanting to spend their summer hanging with their mom, as her OP mentions.

Maybe they have a beach house or something? But even then the kids run off and hang with the townies... but yeah she needs a hobby.

I've been at home with my teenage sons over the summer and, while they are busy with lots going on, we have spent time together. We took a couple of day trips to see places we hadn't been before, we went on a family vacation, we've taken their grandma out and about, shopped for back to school stuff, taught my younger one how to drive and helped him to get some volunteer work in, etc.

If I was working full time we would have had a hard time doing it all. I do get what Op is saying and I totally understand why she was regretting going back to work. If she doesn't need the money and it's mostly about personal fulfillment than maybe she was better off quitting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eye roll sorry you’re describing about 70% of jobs people have to do, and they don’t have the privilege of quitting.

Oh getting ready for an hour, commuting, not browsing..oh the horror of this cruel, most cruel, job.

Stop writing novels to justify you’re not cut out to work and don’t have to work.

Yes, her strict 8 hr workday job, at an air conditioned desk, is ‘grueling’

Go back to hang with the ladies at lunch, accept your mantle as housewife since you have aged out of SAHM.

Wow, you all sound super jealous and mean spirited. OP acknowledged she is in a privileged position but was seeking advice from a personal and perhaps future job perspective.

OP - I like the advice that some others gave - stick it out for a year, then move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been a SAHM for a long time. All of my kids are in HS now and in a few years I will be an empty nester. My youngest two are twins and they will leave at the same time. For a long time, I was also the care taker for my ILs and my dad. They have passed away as well in the last few years. I have been very iucky to be home with the kids and I have a full life - friends, volunteering, neighbors, family etc. Over the years, I have also been taking random classes at the community college in subjects other than what I have degrees in- so I am pretty well informed about a lot of things.

I am incredibly happy being at home and I do not have to work for monetary reasons. Thinking ahead about how I will deal with having all my kids leave the nest - especially the twins - I started to wonder what I want to do next. My choices range from finding new hobbies (I already have some), volunteering (i do some already), traveling, working (I was in the corporate world before), or starting a business (can't think what though). Anyways, an opportunity came my way and I accepted it and started working just before kids school closed for summer. I thought that I won't have to worry about them during the break and they are grown up enough to deal with things in my absence.

Well, here is what I found out. I just hate my job. I have a gruelling 10 hour day (2 hours is commuting), and an hour to get up and get ready and I still have a lot of things pending once I get home. There is nothing in the job that is interesting or uplifting. It is stressful, repetitive, neverending, boring and the entire office seems to be working in a crisis mode, My work requires a lot of juggling and many moving parts and I pretty much do not move from my desk for the 8 hours I am there. I don't talk to anyone, I don't socialize, I don't take breaks, I don't browse - I just do not have the time. After each day is over, I regret missing out this summer with my kids, I regret putting my body through this, I regret wasting even a minute on this job, and I regret my decision to take this on. I know that I am privileged because I can afford to stay at home, but, this job - the time it sucks up, physical-emotional toll, stress, the utter meaninglessness of this job for me, and the time away from family, life and leisure that I am used to - is making me seriously miserable. I am useless physically, emotionally and mentally, when I get home and I have nothing to give to my family. I have actually had to stop everything else I was doing before starting to work - being there for kids and my mom, being a volunteer, spending time with my DH, cooking for my kids, vacation etc, because I am so tired and out of time.

Do I soldier on? They like me a lot at work, but I am just not happy working there. I also suspect that I am not cut out for a full time job at my age and after years of having a lot of flexibility in my day - the daily grind is not for me. I feel as if I am missing out on life, unnecessarily. The grass was certainly greener under my feet.

The job itself has the potential to offer some long term strategic opportunities. I can understand that and probably got swayed by that, but those are not necessarily opportunities I wanted and these are not really my dreams. Leaving this job will close a door for ever, Do I need to care about keeping this door open? Should I leave? Am I a fool for thinking of leaving? If money was not a reason for working, would you advise to stick it out?

You have a vagina.

So do what all the other women wish they could do. Quit and take care of your husband so he takes care of you financially

Wow. You’re the kind of person who has no inkling that women who choose to SAH do so not to “take care of their husbands” - but to take care of their CHILDREN. I realize that’s a foreign concept for you to grasp... but surely you could try.
-DP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eye roll sorry you’re describing about 70% of jobs people have to do, and they don’t have the privilege of quitting.

Oh getting ready for an hour, commuting, not browsing..oh the horror of this cruel, most cruel, job.

Stop writing novels to justify you’re not cut out to work and don’t have to work.

Yes, her strict 8 hr workday job, at an air conditioned desk, is ‘grueling’

Go back to hang with the ladies at lunch, accept your mantle as housewife since you have aged out of SAHM.

Wow, you all sound super jealous and mean spirited. OP acknowledged she is in a privileged position but was seeking advice from a personal and perhaps future job perspective.

OP - I like the advice that some others gave - stick it out for a year, then move on.

Sorry, but Op is pretty tone death to complain with such hyperbole about a normal office job and commute in a forum with a lot of working parents who don’t have the luxury of being a kept woman.

She is welcome to post for career advice on navigating to a part time job or a field she is interested in, but the gnashing of teeth and wistfully hanging with her teens makes it sound like she works in a mine with no weekends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been a SAHM for a long time. All of my kids are in HS now and in a few years I will be an empty nester. My youngest two are twins and they will leave at the same time. For a long time, I was also the care taker for my ILs and my dad. They have passed away as well in the last few years. I have been very iucky to be home with the kids and I have a full life - friends, volunteering, neighbors, family etc. Over the years, I have also been taking random classes at the community college in subjects other than what I have degrees in- so I am pretty well informed about a lot of things.

I am incredibly happy being at home and I do not have to work for monetary reasons. Thinking ahead about how I will deal with having all my kids leave the nest - especially the twins - I started to wonder what I want to do next. My choices range from finding new hobbies (I already have some), volunteering (i do some already), traveling, working (I was in the corporate world before), or starting a business (can't think what though). Anyways, an opportunity came my way and I accepted it and started working just before kids school closed for summer. I thought that I won't have to worry about them during the break and they are grown up enough to deal with things in my absence.

Well, here is what I found out. I just hate my job. I have a gruelling 10 hour day (2 hours is commuting), and an hour to get up and get ready and I still have a lot of things pending once I get home. There is nothing in the job that is interesting or uplifting. It is stressful, repetitive, neverending, boring and the entire office seems to be working in a crisis mode, My work requires a lot of juggling and many moving parts and I pretty much do not move from my desk for the 8 hours I am there. I don't talk to anyone, I don't socialize, I don't take breaks, I don't browse - I just do not have the time. After each day is over, I regret missing out this summer with my kids, I regret putting my body through this, I regret wasting even a minute on this job, and I regret my decision to take this on. I know that I am privileged because I can afford to stay at home, but, this job - the time it sucks up, physical-emotional toll, stress, the utter meaninglessness of this job for me, and the time away from family, life and leisure that I am used to - is making me seriously miserable. I am useless physically, emotionally and mentally, when I get home and I have nothing to give to my family. I have actually had to stop everything else I was doing before starting to work - being there for kids and my mom, being a volunteer, spending time with my DH, cooking for my kids, vacation etc, because I am so tired and out of time.

Do I soldier on? They like me a lot at work, but I am just not happy working there. I also suspect that I am not cut out for a full time job at my age and after years of having a lot of flexibility in my day - the daily grind is not for me. I feel as if I am missing out on life, unnecessarily. The grass was certainly greener under my feet.

The job itself has the potential to offer some long term strategic opportunities. I can understand that and probably got swayed by that, but those are not necessarily opportunities I wanted and these are not really my dreams. Leaving this job will close a door for ever, Do I need to care about keeping this door open? Should I leave? Am I a fool for thinking of leaving? If money was not a reason for working, would you advise to stick it out?

You have a vagina.

So do what all the other women wish they could do. Quit and take care of your husband so he takes care of you financially

Wow. You’re the kind of person who has no inkling that women who choose to SAH do so not to “take care of their husbands” - but to take care of their CHILDREN. I realize that’s a foreign concept for you to grasp... but surely you could try.
-DP

Please pay attention. Her kids are effectively adults and almost off to college. She is not quitting to take care of any children.