Made a bad decision about going back to work and regretting it.

[Anonymous]

I have been a SAHM for a long time. All of my kids are in HS now and in a few years I will be an empty nester. My youngest two are twins and they will leave at the same time. For a long time, I was also the care taker for my ILs and my dad. They have passed away as well in the last few years. I have been very iucky to be home with the kids and I have a full life - friends, volunteering, neighbors, family etc. Over the years, I have also been taking random classes at the community college in subjects other than what I have degrees in- so I am pretty well informed about a lot of things.

I am incredibly happy being at home and I do not have to work for monetary reasons. Thinking ahead about how I will deal with having all my kids leave the nest - especially the twins - I started to wonder what I want to do next. My choices range from finding new hobbies (I already have some), volunteering (i do some already), traveling, working (I was in the corporate world before), or starting a business (can't think what though). Anyways, an opportunity came my way and I accepted it and started working just before kids school closed for summer. I thought that I won't have to worry about them during the break and they are grown up enough to deal with things in my absence.

Well, here is what I found out. I just hate my job. I have a gruelling 10 hour day (2 hours is commuting), and an hour to get up and get ready and I still have a lot of things pending once I get home. There is nothing in the job that is interesting or uplifting. It is stressful, repetitive, neverending, boring and the entire office seems to be working in a crisis mode, My work requires a lot of juggling and many moving parts and I pretty much do not move from my desk for the 8 hours I am there. I don't talk to anyone, I don't socialize, I don't take breaks, I don't browse - I just do not have the time. After each day is over, I regret missing out this summer with my kids, I regret putting my body through this, I regret wasting even a minute on this job, and I regret my decision to take this on. I know that I am privileged because I can afford to stay at home, but, this job - the time it sucks up, physical-emotional toll, stress, the utter meaninglessness of this job for me, and the time away from family, life and leisure that I am used to - is making me seriously miserable. I am useless physically, emotionally and mentally, when I get home and I have nothing to give to my family. I have actually had to stop everything else I was doing before starting to work - being there for kids and my mom, being a volunteer, spending time with my DH, cooking for my kids, vacation etc, because I am so tired and out of time.

Do I soldier on? They like me a lot at work, but I am just not happy working there. I also suspect that I am not cut out for a full time job at my age and after years of having a lot of flexibility in my day - the daily grind is not for me. I feel as if I am missing out on life, unnecessarily. The grass was certainly greener under my feet.

The job itself has the potential to offer some long term strategic opportunities. I can understand that and probably got swayed by that, but those are not necessarily opportunities I wanted and these are not really my dreams. Leaving this job will close a door for ever, Do I need to care about keeping this door open? Should I leave? Am I a fool for thinking of leaving? If money was not a reason for working, would you advise to stick it out?

[Anonymous]

sorry for the choppy writing. I am on my ipad and it is a pain to type and edit.

[Anonymous]

That sounds miserable! Don't stay in a job you hate. It's not all or nothing! You can find another job if you want one. I do have to work for a living but I just left a job like yours and I wonder why I waited so long.

[Anonymous]

You don't need the job, so leave.

Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Could you ask about cutting back to two to three days a week? Would you want that?

Would your husband be ok with you quitting?

If you want to quit, and have plenty of money. Maybe you should just quit.

[Anonymous]

Are you trying to climb the corporate ladder now or searching to fill some empty void/feeling you missed out career-wise? Why stay if you’re unhappy and don’t need the money? I’d leave and look for something else, especially if it didn’t matter if I ever found another job.

I’d also suggest walking away from this post. I don’t think you’ll get much sympathy. Most of us that work have grueling 10 hour days, don’t “love” the work, feel drained at the end of the day, and still have to do a bunch of other things for our families, and are sad we are missing out on time with our kids. But we aren’t lucky enough to have much of a choice about it, and I think your privilege (that you fairly acknowledge and we’d all love to have) might rub some people wrong.

[Anonymous]

What the ever loving hell? You hate it, it is lowering your quality of life and likely the quality of life of your whole family. Quit.

There are other jobs, lots of them, that wouldn't be like that. Lots.

[Anonymous]

Oh my God, Q-U-I-T. Yesterday!

[Anonymous]

I’d stay for one year and do your best- then use the updated resume to find a new job that will work better for you. You can afford to be more choosy because you don’t need the money. I would stick into out because you don’t know when another opportunity will arise, and you need recent experience on your resume.

That is, if you want to go to back to work. I assume that you do, but just want fewer hours etc. Maybe look for something part time. I think you will be glad that you did, in a few years when the kids are all at college..

In the meantime, hire out everything you can. And talk to the family about helping more and explain that this is hopefully temporary. Also put out lots of feelers (discreetly) about your career goals- if something comes up you can always interview etc! But I’d stay at least a year unless you have another job offer..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you trying to climb the corporate ladder now or searching to fill some empty void/feeling you missed out career-wise? Why stay if you’re unhappy and don’t need the money? I’d leave and look for something else, especially if it didn’t matter if I ever found another job.

I’d also suggest walking away from this post. I don’t think you’ll get much sympathy. Most of us that work have grueling 10 hour days, don’t “love” the work, feel drained at the end of the day, and still have to do a bunch of other things for our families, and are sad we are missing out on time with our kids. But we aren’t lucky enough to have much of a choice about it, and I think your privilege (that you fairly acknowledge and we’d all love to have) might rub some people wrong.

No, not really. I walked away willingly from a job I liked and was extremely good at, so I don't feel a void career-wise. I knew that a paycheck comes, in exchange for your time working. You cannot look at someone's career and their subsequent prosperity/social-standing/accolades and not appreciate that they have given time from their lives to get there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d stay for one year and do your best- then use the updated resume to find a new job that will work better for you. You can afford to be more choosy because you don’t need the money. I would stick into out because you don’t know when another opportunity will arise, and you need recent experience on your resume.

That is, if you want to go to back to work. I assume that you do, but just want fewer hours etc. Maybe look for something part time. I think you will be glad that you did, in a few years when the kids are all at college..

In the meantime, hire out everything you can. And talk to the family about helping more and explain that this is hopefully temporary. Also put out lots of feelers (discreetly) about your career goals- if something comes up you can always interview etc! But I’d stay at least a year unless you have another job offer..

Thank you. Good advice.

[Anonymous]

Please quit tomorrow.

[Anonymous]

Quit. Please quit. You are very clear about what you don’t like, you don’t need this job financially, and you have options. Quit. Please write back and tell us you did this. You had a wonderful situation that you were grateful for...go back. Be thankful and enjoy your life. Please quit.

[Anonymous]

If DH lost his job would you still be ok? If so, quit. No offense, but you aren't handling this well because you are out of the habit. If you aren't independently financially stable, and prepared, I'd give it a year on the resume and then quit.

Getting a new job is actually easier when you are already working so you could use that mojo to power into something else. You are probably young for your brain to go to mush, but maybe it already has. Sorry- I plan to keep working as this sounds like my worst nightmare-not being able to cut it anymore.

But if you didn't half-ass it as a mother, don't half ass it at work. It is bad for morale for those of us who actually do care about work and can sense you struggling.

[Anonymous]

If you are independently wealthy, you can quit. Otherwise, use this experience to launch into another job that suits you better. Maybe your reaction is colored by not having worked in a long time.