Found nude pics on DHs phone

[Anonymous]

Seems like you now have two important pieces of info: (1) DH had nudes on his phone; and (2) DH told you a ridiculous and bald-faced lie instead of just copping to it. Now you just have to decide what to do with this information. I share the sentiment that investigating is pointless--I think you know everything you need to know. From the two pieces of information you have, I think it's pretty clear that he is cheating on you and has no plans to stop/reconcile. If you want to divorce, consult a divorce lawyer to confirm this, but I don't think having evidence of adultery will help get you a better deal. If you want to stay with him, even though he is having an affair and is a liar, then stay with him and forget what you saw. If you want him to deal with this through counseling, etc., you are out of luck, as he has taken that option off the table. Good luck--I know that none of the choices facing you are very appealing, and that this must be devastating, but you will find your way through it. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems like you now have two important pieces of info: (1) DH had nudes on his phone; and (2) DH told you a ridiculous and bald-faced lie instead of just copping to it. Now you just have to decide what to do with this information. I share the sentiment that investigating is pointless--I think you know everything you need to know. From the two pieces of information you have, I think it's pretty clear that he is cheating on you and has no plans to stop/reconcile. If you want to divorce, consult a divorce lawyer to confirm this, but I don't think having evidence of adultery will help get you a better deal. If you want to stay with him, even though he is having an affair and is a liar, then stay with him and forget what you saw. If you want him to deal with this through counseling, etc., you are out of luck, as he has taken that option off the table. Good luck--I know that none of the choices facing you are very appealing, and that this must be devastating, but you will find your way through it. Hang in there.

I’ll disagree that she knows he’s cheating. Technically it’s possible that he’s only exchanging naughty images. But do agree that she KNOWS he’s lying. Let him prove himself innocent (after she puts the fear of god in him by demanding she take the kids or else he sleep elsewhere) rather than trying to become an ameteur private eye.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems like you now have two important pieces of info: (1) DH had nudes on his phone; and (2) DH told you a ridiculous and bald-faced lie instead of just copping to it. Now you just have to decide what to do with this information. I share the sentiment that investigating is pointless--I think you know everything you need to know. From the two pieces of information you have, I think it's pretty clear that he is cheating on you and has no plans to stop/reconcile. If you want to divorce, consult a divorce lawyer to confirm this, but I don't think having evidence of adultery will help get you a better deal. If you want to stay with him, even though he is having an affair and is a liar, then stay with him and forget what you saw. If you want him to deal with this through counseling, etc., you are out of luck, as he has taken that option off the table. Good luck--I know that none of the choices facing you are very appealing, and that this must be devastating, but you will find your way through it. Hang in there.

I’ll disagree that she knows he’s cheating. Technically it’s possible that he’s only exchanging naughty images. But do agree that she KNOWS he’s lying. Let him prove himself innocent (after she puts the fear of god in him by demanding she take the kids or else he sleep elsewhere) rather than trying to become an ameteur private eye.

NP. Either way he's lying, to his wife, and gaslighting and emotionally abusing her by making her doubt her own memory.

Not a great look, and an indicator that he's not a reliable or trustworthy partner.

[Anonymous]

I would get the facts first then confront him. OP doesn't know what's going on except he's lying about a nude photo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would get the facts first then confront him. OP doesn't know what's going on except he's lying about a nude photo.

But why is it so important to know where he put his dick exactly? The above is plenty. If he actually got the picture on the internet or from a male friend he can easily prove it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems like you now have two important pieces of info: (1) DH had nudes on his phone; and (2) DH told you a ridiculous and bald-faced lie instead of just copping to it. Now you just have to decide what to do with this information. I share the sentiment that investigating is pointless--I think you know everything you need to know. From the two pieces of information you have, I think it's pretty clear that he is cheating on you and has no plans to stop/reconcile. If you want to divorce, consult a divorce lawyer to confirm this, but I don't think having evidence of adultery will help get you a better deal. If you want to stay with him, even though he is having an affair and is a liar, then stay with him and forget what you saw. If you want him to deal with this through counseling, etc., you are out of luck, as he has taken that option off the table. Good luck--I know that none of the choices facing you are very appealing, and that this must be devastating, but you will find your way through it. Hang in there.

I’ll disagree that she knows he’s cheating. Technically it’s possible that he’s only exchanging naughty images. But do agree that she KNOWS he’s lying. Let him prove himself innocent (after she puts the fear of god in him by demanding she take the kids or else he sleep elsewhere) rather than trying to become an ameteur private eye.

And what will that do? He'll get some peace and quiet and continue to lie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems like you now have two important pieces of info: (1) DH had nudes on his phone; and (2) DH told you a ridiculous and bald-faced lie instead of just copping to it. Now you just have to decide what to do with this information. I share the sentiment that investigating is pointless--I think you know everything you need to know. From the two pieces of information you have, I think it's pretty clear that he is cheating on you and has no plans to stop/reconcile. If you want to divorce, consult a divorce lawyer to confirm this, but I don't think having evidence of adultery will help get you a better deal. If you want to stay with him, even though he is having an affair and is a liar, then stay with him and forget what you saw. If you want him to deal with this through counseling, etc., you are out of luck, as he has taken that option off the table. Good luck--I know that none of the choices facing you are very appealing, and that this must be devastating, but you will find your way through it. Hang in there.

I’ll disagree that she knows he’s cheating. Technically it’s possible that he’s only exchanging naughty images. But do agree that she KNOWS he’s lying. Let him prove himself innocent (after she puts the fear of god in him by demanding she take the kids or else he sleep elsewhere) rather than trying to become an ameteur private eye.

And what will that do? He'll get some peace and quiet and continue to lie.

Why does it matter if he continues to lie? There are no extra divorce points for proving the other party bumped uglies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would get the facts first then confront him. OP doesn't know what's going on except he's lying about a nude photo.

But why is it so important to know where he put his dick exactly? The above is plenty. If he actually got the picture on the internet or from a male friend he can easily prove it.

Imo she doesn't know enough to convict him. I'm not going to divorce over a photo, but I would over him cheating. Especially with his boss. If I found out his boss was sleeping with my husband I'm going to confront her at work in front of everyone. I have no problem with that. Then my next appointment will be with the lawyer. I would need evidence and closure before I move forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would get the facts first then confront him. OP doesn't know what's going on except he's lying about a nude photo.

But why is it so important to know where he put his dick exactly? The above is plenty. If he actually got the picture on the internet or from a male friend he can easily prove it.

Imo she doesn't know enough to convict him. I'm not going to divorce over a photo, but I would over him cheating. Especially with his boss. If I found out his boss was sleeping with my husband I'm going to confront her at work in front of everyone. I have no problem with that. Then my next appointment will be with the lawyer. I would need evidence and closure before I move forward.

But it’s not her job to prove he didn’t get it somewhere innocent. If he wants to save the relationship he will prove it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH here. ladies.

men will send other men (their freinds) pics of women. sometimes men will save pics on their phone of these women. because Damn. some women are very appealing to look at.

It doesn't mean that we don't find our wives attractive or desirable. Its just a a different woman to look at.

It's like going to a restaurant. Just because we like to look at the desert menu doesn't mean we will ever order food from it.

And if your wife send nude pictures of you to her friends you'd be okay with that? You're just a different man to look at.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH here. ladies.

men will send other men (their freinds) pics of women. sometimes men will save pics on their phone of these women. because Damn. some women are very appealing to look at.

It doesn't mean that we don't find our wives attractive or desirable. Its just a a different woman to look at.

It's like going to a restaurant. Just because we like to look at the desert menu doesn't mean we will ever order food from it.

And if your wife send nude pictures of you to her friends you'd be okay with that? You're just a different man to look at.

But would you lie about it and gaslight your wife if she saw them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems like you now have two important pieces of info: (1) DH had nudes on his phone; and (2) DH told you a ridiculous and bald-faced lie instead of just copping to it. Now you just have to decide what to do with this information. I share the sentiment that investigating is pointless--I think you know everything you need to know. From the two pieces of information you have, I think it's pretty clear that he is cheating on you and has no plans to stop/reconcile. If you want to divorce, consult a divorce lawyer to confirm this, but I don't think having evidence of adultery will help get you a better deal. If you want to stay with him, even though he is having an affair and is a liar, then stay with him and forget what you saw. If you want him to deal with this through counseling, etc., you are out of luck, as he has taken that option off the table. Good luck--I know that none of the choices facing you are very appealing, and that this must be devastating, but you will find your way through it. Hang in there.

I’ll disagree that she knows he’s cheating. Technically it’s possible that he’s only exchanging naughty images. But do agree that she KNOWS he’s lying. Let him prove himself innocent (after she puts the fear of god in him by demanding she take the kids or else he sleep elsewhere) rather than trying to become an ameteur private eye.

And what will that do? He'll get some peace and quiet and continue to lie.

Why does it matter if he continues to lie? There are no extra divorce points for proving the other party bumped uglies.

He could be lying because he's embarrassed, but didn't cheated. A lot of things, that's why I would want proof before I convicted the guy. After the proof then I can move on instead of wasting time "wondering". I'm not a wonder type. Doesn't sound like OP is either.

My sil was babysitting for her daughter, but they kept noticing her husband was often a hour to 1.5 hours late from work. My sil was cheated on so she suspected he was seeing someone. Sil decided to follow him one night after work. He was going to a local casino/resort for a drink and to play a machine, lol. That was it. Again I don't think you should convict someone until you get the proof.

[Anonymous]

I have to agree that his choice to lie and gaslight you is your answer. At the very least you are married to a lying gaslighter who has nude pics of other women on his phone. At worst, he's cheating.

I like the answer given above "your choice to lie says it all, please sleep elsewhere while I figure out what to do".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems like you now have two important pieces of info: (1) DH had nudes on his phone; and (2) DH told you a ridiculous and bald-faced lie instead of just copping to it. Now you just have to decide what to do with this information. I share the sentiment that investigating is pointless--I think you know everything you need to know. From the two pieces of information you have, I think it's pretty clear that he is cheating on you and has no plans to stop/reconcile. If you want to divorce, consult a divorce lawyer to confirm this, but I don't think having evidence of adultery will help get you a better deal. If you want to stay with him, even though he is having an affair and is a liar, then stay with him and forget what you saw. If you want him to deal with this through counseling, etc., you are out of luck, as he has taken that option off the table. Good luck--I know that none of the choices facing you are very appealing, and that this must be devastating, but you will find your way through it. Hang in there.

I’ll disagree that she knows he’s cheating. Technically it’s possible that he’s only exchanging naughty images. But do agree that she KNOWS he’s lying. Let him prove himself innocent (after she puts the fear of god in him by demanding she take the kids or else he sleep elsewhere) rather than trying to become an ameteur private eye.

And what will that do? He'll get some peace and quiet and continue to lie.

Why does it matter if he continues to lie? There are no extra divorce points for proving the other party bumped uglies.

He could be lying because he's embarrassed, but didn't cheated. A lot of things, that's why I would want proof before I convicted the guy. After the proof then I can move on instead of wasting time "wondering". I'm not a wonder type. Doesn't sound like OP is either.

My sil was babysitting for her daughter, but they kept noticing her husband was often a hour to 1.5 hours late from work. My sil was cheated on so she suspected he was seeing someone. Sil decided to follow him one night after work. He was going to a local casino/resort for a drink and to play a machine, lol. That was it. Again I don't think you should convict someone until you get the proof.

So he was still chronically lying to her? I don’t think your story proves what you think it does.

[Anonymous]

Stop jumping at the bit to convict the guy when you're not even sure a crime has been committed.